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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28680720">Out of the Shadows, Into the Sun</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The8gates/pseuds/The8gates'>The8gates</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Shadow Series [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Action, Angst, Character Death, Death, Drama, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Introspection, Long, Mental Health Issues, Other, Post-Naruto Time Skip | Naruto Shippuden, Trauma, help girl idk how to tag</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:26:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>153,877</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28680720</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The8gates/pseuds/The8gates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Atsuko Kamiyama, a Jonin Rank Shinobi and a former trainer for Itachi Uchiha, was assigned the mission of caring for Sasuke Uchiha after the Uchiha Massacre. During her time raising and training the young boy, she met Kakashi Hatake and had been well on her way to cementing the family she always craved. </p>
<p>However, all of that seemed to slip through her fingers when Sasuke left the village in pursuit of power. Two years later, she finds herself as one of Lady Tsunade's advisors, struggling to heal and carve out a life of semi-normalcy. But, when word about Sasuke's whereabouts and the Akatsuki's movements start to spread, she will find herself being dragged under by the current yet again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hatake Kakashi/Original Female Character(s), Yamato | Tenzou/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Shadow Series [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2102148</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Changes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs that Inspired this Chapter: </p><p>Broken Clocks - SZA</p><p>Carry On - fun.</p><p>Humility - Gorillaz</p><p>Island in the Sun - Weezer</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Okay… how about we have some Chunin proctor this years exams? Considering the Jonin are stretched so thin.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko recommended from her spot in the chair across from Lady Tsunade. The blonde woman leaned her elbows on the desk between them and hummed in thought.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not standard procedure… but ever since the attack by the Hidden Sand Village, the Jonin ranks just haven’t been the same. We lost too many in the attack and not enough Chunin have been promoted. It could work.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade agreed, nodding slowly before Atsuko could continue.</p><p> </p><p>“Additionally, maybe we could request that each village who sends their Genin to participate, also send a few Jonin to assist with proctoring? It may show our hand, but I feel like it would be a sign of good faith. Might boost morale between villages.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko suggested, shrugging a little to show she wasn’t too attached to the idea. This was the way things had gone for 2 and a half years. Shikaku, being the Jonin Commander and representative for the villages Shinobi, would advise Lady Tsunade on what was best for the Jonin and Atsuko would take up the position of providing an outside perspective. However, it wasn’t often that the two crossed paths.</p><p> </p><p>When she’d first started this job, she didn’t quite understand why Tsunade had selected her. But, over the years, she came to realize that she viewed things differently from quite a few of the people in the upper ranks and that her opinion or suggestions were often outside of the box. She didn’t care for tradition or societal rules, considering things from a more emotional and compassionate perspective.</p><p> </p><p>After 3 months in this position, Atsuko had asked Tsunade why she’d been chosen in the first place. She’d made an ass of herself at a meeting with the villages councilors and had almost been fired as a result. Tsunade had let out an all suffering sigh, burying her face in her hands before grumbling, “<em>Honestly, Atsuko. I don’t know.</em>”.</p><p> </p><p>It had stung at the time but Atusko had shown up for work the next day anyway. She worked all day, running errands and sending out communications to neighboring towns, filing mission reports and presenting the more delicate ones to Lady Tsunade for review. By the end of the day, the older woman pulled her aside.</p><p> </p><p><em>“I chose you for this position because you’re likable, Atsuko. I need someone who can improve relations between the council and the people of the village. Not only that, but you have a big heart and a propensity for compassion. Understanding. You see the way people act and it helps you understand their motivations. I need someone like that here. Who can read and wiggle in between the lines.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>So, that’s what Atsuko had being doing for 2 and a half years. She almost acted as a liaison between Tsunade and the people of the village. When Lady Hokage herself wasn’t able to tend to something minor in the village, Atsuko would go in her place. A representative of sorts. She would travel with Tsunade to her meetings with the Feudal Lord and sit in on any meeting the woman had, just to monitor the expressions of the person she was speaking with. Fine tuning her people reading skills, she could tell when someone was lying or if there was an ulterior motive to some of the things they were saying. It worked well, and Atsuko was able to pick out these discretions with near 100% accuracy by this point in her career.</p><p> </p><p>Other days, she and Shizune would assist with paperwork and the other mundane parts of Tsunade’s job. But today, they were discussing the upcoming Chunin exams and how to proceed considering they were still low on Jonin.</p><p> </p><p>“That actually isn’t a bad idea, Atsuko… I’m sure Gaara would send some of his people. We could send a letter to each of the four Kage. Draft up the letters later today and bring them to me for approval. Make sure they don’t sound like requests for assistance.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade instructed, and Atsuko nodded, jotting down it down on the To-Do List she had resting on her lap.</p><p> </p><p>“Also, if we are definitely going to employ some of the villages Chunin as proctors, I would like to suggest Shikamaru Nara.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko tossed out her final suggestion, not pulling her eyes away from the paper in her lap as she wrote down some additional notes.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course. He was the only student from the previous exams to be promoted to Chunin. He would be perfect for the first stage. We should be able to spare a few Jonin for general safety and monitoring as well. Izumo, Kotetsu, and, since his team is temporarily dissolved, Kakashi Hatake.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade answered and Atsuko nodded in response, jotting down the names. Not that she would forget, but she found it comforting to list out the events of her day. Journaling had become a big part of her life in the past couple years. She found it easier to process everything if she broke it down, hour by hour. At the mention of Kakashi, her breathing stuttered slightly, but she kept it under control. This wouldn’t be the first time she’d have to see him and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.</p><p> </p><p>“I can speak with all of them today if you’d like.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko offered and Tsunade confirmed.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, great. I’ll have the letters drafted and on your desk this evening. As well as the paperwork for the proctors of the Chunin exams.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, swiftly standing from her chair and tucking her black day journal under her arm. Tsunade smiled in a way that Atsuko couldn’t help but admire. While Atsuko strived to maintain a professional distance with the older woman during working hours, they had grown rather close over the past couple years. Jiraiya being Atsuko’s father had greased the wheels for that relationship, Tsunade pretty quickly taking on the role of the fun Aunt.</p><p> </p><p>Late evenings in the office turned into drinks and easy conversation between Shizune, Atsuko, and Tsunade. Though, Shizune was often left to play the designated sober friend as the other two women drank more than their fair share of sake. Being able to hold her liquor had certainly earned her some brownie points in the beginning and Atsuko soon found that those little reprieves from life, locked away in the Hokage’s office, were like chicken soup for the soul. Lighthearted conversations mixed with in depth emotional ones left her feeling warm and content when everything else in her life had been so unsure.</p><p> </p><p>“I think it’s a good evening for drinks.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade piped up, leaning back in her chair with a smile on her face. Atsuko couldn’t stop the chuckle that bubbled up from her throat.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s always a good evening for drinks. I’ll bring dinner?”</p><p> </p><p>She suggested, and the blonde woman nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Perfect. Thank you, Atsuko. I will see you then.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade finished and Atsuko took that as her cue to leave. She excused herself from the office and began to make her way out of the Hokage Tower in search of Shikamaru, Kakashi, and the other Jonin on her list. Deciding it would be best to stop by her house first. Just to check the mail first. Definitely not because she wanted to freshen up before she saw Kakashi.</p><p> </p><p>On the walk home, she found her mind wandering. But not in the way it used to. Aside from her job and the requirements that came along with it, she’d spent the majority of her free time in the last couple years alone. Over the last year or so, she’d found some peace within herself. It hadn’t been easy but she’d started by confronting some of her darker thoughts. Processing them and her emotions in the privacy of her home.</p><p> </p><p>She spent a lot of time revitalizing the garden in her backyard and slowly redesigning the interior of the house. It gave her something productive to do that had visible results. With the new rose bushes planted in the backyard, she allowed her hurt regarding Kakashi to leave her. Burying her apologies in the warm dirt and accepting that, while she had been the deciding factor in the end of their relationship, she would always love him.</p><p> </p><p>As she finished the last strokes of sage green paint on her kitchen cabinets, she came to terms with Sasuke’s loss. She still worried about him from time to time, and as the deadline for Orochimaru’s transfer into his body neared, she found it happened more often. However, she knew that what he was doing was necessary. She’d promised to support him no matter what, so she took solace in that never-ending pride and love.</p><p> </p><p>Her entire home had been renovated over the course of 6 months and she found that every room held a healing energy she couldn’t quite describe. The kitchen reminded her of Sasuke, the backyard was dedicated to Kakashi. Her bedroom renovation had allowed her to confront some of her darkest fears and thoughts, so when she crawled into bed now, she felt free. Weightless and able to sleep peacefully, consistently, for the first time in several, several, years.</p><p> </p><p>She’d even kicked the habit of picking at her finger nails. Granted, she realized that some things would never leave her. She still had bad days, occasionally, and sometimes her worries would rise without provocation. But she felt better equipped to handle those things now that she wasn’t seeking refuge in other people. Atsuko had come to terms with who she was and, in all honesty, had become her own best friend.</p><p> </p><p>So, as she strolled home with the sun on her chest and face, she hummed under her breath, the music rattling around in her mouth and mixing with the sounds of the village. Today would be a good day because she had decided it would be.</p><p> </p><p>When she finally arrived home, she deposited her journal and keys on the kitchen table, thumbing through the mail as she moved to the bedroom to change her shirt. It was warmer than she’d been expecting this morning and her typical long sleeve shirt was suffocating her. As she peeled off the sweaty material, she spotted an envelope with her name written in confident block letters on the back and a smile spread across her face. Jiraiya. She quickly tugged on a short sleeved shirt and zipped her Jonin vest back on over top of it before sitting on the edge of the bed and tearing into the envelope. As she did so, Yami entered the bedroom, announcing her presence with a soft ‘meow’ before hopping onto the bed and making herself at home in the blankets.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko had found some peace in the last couple years, but it hadn’t been easy in the beginning. After Kakashi had packed up the last of his things, she’d turned back to drinking and self isolation for a while. Spending all of her down time curled up in bed with a bottle. Tenzo had tried to stop by on a few occasions to talk to her, but she’d shunned pretty much everyone in her life at that point. Not putting any effort into personal relationships. She’d sent him away several times, letting him know he needed to focus on himself and allow her some space to think. But the one person who had managed to get through those defenses was the person she’d least expected.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She had started this night just like any other. After coming home from a long day, Atsuko forced herself to shower before pulling on a pair of old sweatpants and an even older t-shirt. She got settled on the couch with a bottle of whiskey and clicked the TV on, content to drink until she passed out while whatever program was on filled the silence. The blue light from the screen filled the dark room and the volume was entirely too loud, so there wouldn’t be an opportunity for a clear thought. Just noise and light until the alcohol forced her under. This would be how she spent the entirety of her weekend.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>This had been her routine for several weeks now. She would fight a hangover the next morning and force herself through a day of work, only to return home and start the cycle all over again. She took a pull from the bottle, holding the glass neck in a clenched fist as her eyes focused on the television. Or rather, focused on the flashes of color. She didn’t have the energy to even pay attention to the show that was on, just staring for the sake of overloading her senses.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just as she was about to take another swig, a sharp knock on the front door caused her to rip the bottle away from her mouth. She tried to ignore it, settling deeper into the cushions of the couch in defiance, but the knock came again, louder this time. With a groan, she pulled herself up and muted the TV.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Who is it?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She shouted, hoping she could just tell whoever it was to go away for now. She figured it was likely Tenzo. He would show up every couple days to try and get her to talk to him, but she’d been consistently sending him away. Telling him she would talk to him when she was ready. But he was persistent. So, the last time he’d knocked on her door she’d been rather rude in an attempt to keep him from coming around. She’d told him to ‘leave her alone’ and ‘get a life’ before slamming the door in his face.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It was harsh, but she really just couldn’t stand the idea of being coddled at this point. He would coo and pet her hair and tell her everything was going to be okay. But that’s not what she needed. She felt like she needed to suffer in silence and pay for her sins. Additionally, the stunt he’d pulled in the hospital had left her with a bad taste in her mouth. Cuddling into her lap and holding her like that… with Kakashi out of the picture, she didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. Or make another emotional mistake by sleeping with him in a moment of vulnerability. It was just best that he stay away for now.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s Jiraiya!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The voice from the other side called back and Atsuko’s eyes widened at that. He was not at all who she was expecting.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“C’mon! I thought I’d come and collect on that meal you promised.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He shouted again, not giving her much time to think. At that request, she scoffed at the memory of the family dinner she’d planned, right before her family fell apart. Just as she was about to tell him to leave, a small voice in the back of her head rang out.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Well, not your entire family… he’s here, isn’t he?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She found herself moving from the couch before she had time to fully consider the action, shuffling around to the front door and turning the lock. She pulled it open just enough to see the man on her porch. Jiraiya was grinning wildly at her, like a giant kid with his eyes scrunched shut.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hey, kiddo. Long time, no see…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He introduced, and immediately Atsuko regretted opening the door.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ah… Hey Jiraiya. Look, I’m really not in the mo-!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But before she could finish her sentence, the large man was pushing the door open and stepping into her home. She was so shocked, she didn’t even try to push back, just gripping the doorknob as she swung around along with the door, wide eyed and sputtering slightly.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You know, it’s not good manners to invite someone over and then stand them up.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya continued as he slipped his sandals off next to the door. He moved past the foyer into the living room and it took Atsuko a second to snap out of it and follow him, allowing the front door to swing shut. When she followed him into the living room, he was already making himself at home, sitting down on the couch and kicking his feet up on the coffee table. She watched in mildastonishment as he had the nerve to wrinkle his nose in disgust at the liquor bottle and trash on the table, using his big toe to poke at the glass bottle. His eyes scanned the room and he spoke without looking at her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Damn, you’ve really let the place go, huh? Akari would have your head if she could see this mess.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya commented, snatching the remote from the couch and turning the TV off, leaving them in just the darkness of her living room. Not a single light was on. Atsuko was still so stunned by his boldness that she hadn’t moved from her position next to the couch, staring down at him in wide eyed horror. No one had been in the house since Kakashi had packed the rest of his things and now that someone else had entered her space and commented on the state it was in, she felt her stomach churning at the site. He was right. The coffee table was covered in empty soda cans and liquor bottles. There were water ring stains on the wood and an ashtray that was overflowing with cigarette butts. Dirty clothes and trash littered the floor around the room and when she turned slightly to look at the kitchen, it wasn’t in much better shape. The sink was brimming with several weeks worth of dirty dishes. So much so that the mess of pots and plates had spread to the counter because she’d ran out of room in the sink.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The kitchen table was covered in trash as well. Grocery bags and junk mail and empty take out containers galore. She’d been living in it for so long, she hadn’t realized how disgusting it was. She swallowed against the growing lump in her throat and turned her attention back to the man on the couch.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeah… sorry, I wasn’t expecting guests.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She huffed, more than a little irritated at his presence. She turned the living room light on, wincing slightly at the brightness and at how it brought even more grime into view. She snatched the still open liquor bottle from the coffee table and took a long drink.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That shit’ll kill ya. Maybe go a little easier on it.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya commented and Atsuko scoffed as she pulled the bottle away from her lips, fixing him with a condescending smirk.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Gee. Thanks, dad. Any other fatherly advice you want to impart on me before I kick you out?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko snapped, locking eyes with the older man for a tense moment. Anger is a secondary emotion, her brain reminded her and she turned away from him with a sigh, walking over to the kitchen table and setting her bottle down. She kept her back to him, trying her hardest to calm down. The sound of the couch creaking was overwhelming loud in the quiet house as Jiraiya stood behind her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“If you really want me to head out, I will. Just figured you’d like to spend some time with your dear old dad before I have to leave for a while.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He replied, the last sentence sarcastic and teasing as she heard him shuffle towards the foyer. Of course he was leaving. She turned on her heel, fixing him with an exasperated expression, trying her best to hide the disappointment in her question.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re leaving the village?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, and he took a step closer, arms crossing over his wide chest as he gave her a nod.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Mmm-hmm. I’m taking Naruto too. We need to keep him on the move to avoid the Akatsuki for the time being.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He replied and Atsuko had to stifle another scoff. Of course. She’d just found out he was her father and now he was leaving for some undetermined amount of time with Naruto. Bitter jealousy gnawed at her stomach and she crossed her arms as well, turning her gaze to the floor.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I know about what happened, Atsuko. I wanted to come and talk to you afterwards, but Tsunade said you needed some space. Time. Whatever. I know it’s kind of late now but… I don’t know, I’m still not sure what I’m supposed to be doing here. I just wanted to check on you. Based on the mess, seems like you needed someone to.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya finished, looking around the room again with concern, his eyebrows furrowed. Atsuko let out a defeated sigh at his words. They were genuine. She knew he was just trying his hand at whatever dad’s were supposed to do when their daughters were upset, and she’d rudely thrown that back in his face. Honestly, his presence was welcome. She was ashamed that he, or anyone, had to see her this way, but he was right. She probably did need someone to just push their way through the barriers she’d erected.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She pulled her head back up and nodded, dropping her arms as she moved to turn on the kitchen light as well. She wrinkled her nose in disgust of the dishes and garbage.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay… I’ll make dinner. But it may be a minute… I have to clean a little first.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>After Atsuko had cleaned and made dinner, Jiraiya had decided to stay the night on her couch. So, that had forced her to clean the living room as well. The next day, the older man had encouraged her to get out of the house for a bit. He treated her to lunch and brought her to Naruto’s training. The young blonde had been ecstatic to see her and she’d actually gotten the chance to properly thank him for all he’d done to help Sasuke. She still remembered the grin he’d given her and his promise that he was going to get stronger and bring Sasuke back to the village. Back to her and Sakura. She’d had to excuse herself to cry.</p><p> </p><p>After that weekend, Jiraiya and Naruto had set off on their journey. Her father promised to write her as often as he could while they were gone. And he’d stuck true to that promise. Just about every week, there’d be a new letter waiting for her when she got home. Even if it was just a few lines letting her know that he was thinking of her, she relished in them and stashed every single letter in her own keepsake box.</p><p> </p><p>As she peeled this one open, a photo caught her eye first. This was the third one he’d sent over the last couple years. It wasn’t often that they had time to take pictures during their travels, he’d explained in a letter, but he always made sure that when they did he had an additional copy made to send her. Their bond grew over these written communications and she couldn’t wait to see him when he and Naruto finally returned to the village. The photo was one of Jiraiya and Naruto, grinning wide with their eyes scrunched shut. Jiraiya looked the same as ever, his mane of wild white hair framing his face and sporting a blinding smile that somehow managed to give the older man an almost boyish quality. Next to him, Naruto was giving the camera a thumbs up and her eyes widened when she saw him. Just from the picture she could tell how much he’d grown. He was taller and more mature looking, but that smile of his was the same as ever. Unwavering and confident. She wondered if that energetic nature of his had calmed any during his time away.</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya had told her through letters that Naruto was so fixated on catching up to Sasuke, it pushed him to new heights every day. That information had warmed her heart. She’d witnessed their bond morph into something beautiful during the time Team 7 was still intact and she knew that Naruto had provided Sasuke with some much needed sunshine. To think that the young blonde was so dedicated to his friend that just seeing him again inspired so much strength… it also gave her hope. She remembered something she’d told Sasuke once. It felt like a lifetime since then, but the words rang out in her head like it had just happened yesterday.</p><p> </p><p><em>“I’m going to live my life in service of that love… And I’m not the only one. There are other people who would do the same for you if you gave them the chance. So, please, don’t turn your back on us</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Though Sasuke had left the village in pursuit of his own goals and attempted to sever his bond with Naruto, she was glad to see she’d been right all along. Sasuke was loved deeply, and that fact filled her with an indescribable warmth.</p><p> </p><p>She set the photo aside and carefully opened the letter. It was one of the shorter ones, fitting on a single page.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hey, Atsuko,</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I hope you’re still doing well and that Tsunade isn’t running you ragged. She can be pretty demanding, trust me I know. I wanted to send you this quick letter and let you know that Naruto and I should be returning to the Hidden Leaf a week or so from when you get this.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>In your last letter you said that you wanted to know how Naruto was doing, so I included this picture for you. Figured it couldn’t hurt to have another one of your dear old dad, either. You know, last time I told you that the kid has come a long way, and I mean it. He’s even starting to look like a man!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Miss you like crazy, kiddo, and I can’t wait to see you. I’m hoping you’ll greet me with open arms and an open kitchen… these food stands we’ve been hitting recently just don’t compare to a home cooked meal. I promise I’ll bring the booze and the good stories.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dad</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko grinned as she read over the letter. He’d started referring to himself as ‘Dad’ in a serious way about six months ago and, while she hadn’t really adjusted to calling him that, it made her smile when she read it. The promise to return in a week was huge. They’d been communicating through letters alone for the last two years and she was excited to finally be able to see him and Naruto again. She’d also need to inform Tsunade of this update, considering Naruto was still being pursued by the Akatsuki as far as they knew. Though Jiraiya had mentioned a few letters back that they hadn’t had any run-ins with the group.</p><p> </p><p>When she rose from the bed to ready herself to leave the house again, Yami let out a disapproving meow as her sleeping spot was disturbed. Atsuko chuckled, reaching back to the scratch the black cat behind her ears. Immediately, she stretched out and rolled over to lay in a ray of sunlight that was shining in from the window.</p><p> </p><p>“Tch. Lazy cat.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko scoffed before leaving the bedroom entirely in favor of checking her appearance in the bathroom before she left to speak with Kakashi. The white streak in her hair had spread over the years, peppering her dark hair with white pieces throughout. It had also managed to claim her eyebrows, now totally white in color, matching her father. She hadn’t minded the changes. In fact, she’d found it pretty cool when the little white hairs had started to sprout up.</p><p> </p><p>Other than that, not much had changed. Her honey toned eyes were wide and sharp as ever, lips maintaining their circular fullness and the shape of her face following suit. Though, she’d found it difficult to regain the weight she’d lost on her mission to find Sasuke. With her job being so demanding and with no obligations to feed anyone other than herself, sometimes she just forgot to eat. It wasn’t the healthiest, but she’d work on it down the road. She maintained a curvier shape, but a lot of the meat on her bones had melted away. Though, honestly, the more she came to terms with her inner feelings, the less she cared about her appearance. As long as she was clean and dressed decently, she didn’t concern herself with much else.</p><p> </p><p>Even now as she stood in the mirror, trying to freshen up before she saw Kakashi, she couldn’t really bring herself to find any faults. She looked happy and healthy, that was all that mattered. She pulled her hair into a half up bun, leaving a few salt and pepper strands to frame her face. Then, she reapplied some deodorant and gave herself a couple spritz of homemade rose water before collecting her journal and keys, leaving the house.</p><p> </p><p>————————-</p><p> </p><p>On her way to talk to Shikamaru, she’d actually run into Izumo and Kotetsu on their way to the training grounds. She’d quickly advised them of Tsunade’s request to assist with the upcoming Chunin Exams and both had agreed. Though it wasn’t like they could actually deny an order from the Hokage. Still, Atsuko checked them off the list in her black notebook before continuing on to find Shikamaru. She figured he’d be with Asuma, playing Shogi or just following the older man around leisurely.</p><p> </p><p>Sure enough, she found them in their typical Shogi spot, the board positioned on the floor between them as they sat crossed legged. She crossed the garden to where they were seated, waving as Asuma noticed her presence. The gruff looking man had a lit cigarette in his mouth and he smiled as she drew closer, immediately reaching into his vest pocket to produce a pack of cigarettes. When she finally reached them, he held the carton out to her and Atsuko gratefully accepted, slipping one of the cigarettes from the pack and leaning down so Asuma could light it.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Atsuko.”</p><p> </p><p>Asuma and Shikamaru both commented at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>“What brings you out here? Tsunade need something from me?”</p><p> </p><p>Asuma questioned as she took her first drag, Atsuko shook her head as she let the puff of smoke go with an easy exhale. She propped the lit object between her lips and fumbled to pull her notebook out from under her arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope. I’m actually here to see the boy genius.”</p><p> </p><p>She responded, smiling around the cigarette filter at Shikamaru. He’d grown over the years too. Honestly, it was a little scary how much all of the kids had changed. Shikamaru, specifically, was starting to look like a grown man. He was a couple inches taller than her now, eyes more narrow and cheekbones more prominent as his face lost some of its childlike roundness. He gave her a skeptical look as she flipped through her notebook, removing the cigarette and teetering it between her fingers at the bottom of the page, carefully not to burn the book.</p><p> </p><p>“Lady Tsunade has requested that you assist in proctoring the Chunin Exams this year. She’d like you to handle the first stage.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko advised and Shikamaru immediately dropped his head back with a groan.</p><p> </p><p>“God, what a drag.”</p><p> </p><p>He moaned, causing Atsuko to chuckle as she took another drag from her cigarette, flicking the ashes to the ground beside her. Asuma jumped in soon after.</p><p> </p><p>“Drag or not, Shikamaru, if the Hokage is requesting you to handle something personally, you don’t have a choice. It also speaks to what she thinks of you.”</p><p> </p><p>Asuma advised and Atsuko nodded in agreement, raising an eyebrow at the teenager.</p><p> </p><p>“You should know that when we were discussing having Chunin assist in this years exams, your name was the first one we both thought of. It means that Lady Hokage herself sees your potential. She wikes you…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko cooed the last words, reaching out to jokingly pinch Shikamaru’s cheek. He groaned again, swatting her hand away before leaning back with his palms planted on the ground behind him. Asuma chuckled from his spot next to Atsuko as a faint blush covered Shikamaru’s cheeks and he stared up at the sky, rolling his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, fine. I’ll do it. But I just want it to go on record that I wish I wasn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>He conceded and Atsuko chuckled again.</p><p> </p><p>“Noted. Mentally. I’ll write down that you enthusiastically agreed.”</p><p> </p><p>She hummed, balancing her cigarette back between her lips as she jotted down his response. Shikamaru turned his head slightly to look at her through squinted eyes, the sun shinning down in them.</p><p> </p><p>“Who else is helping?"</p><p> </p><p>He asked, face already scrunched up like he expected to dislike the answer. Atsuko clicked her pen, slipping it back into her vest pocket and tucking her journal back under her arm as she took another drag from the cigarette, hands now totally free so she could properly enjoy it.</p><p> </p><p>“Kotetsu and Izumo. I’ve already spoken with them. You, of course. I’m supposed to go see Kakashi as well. But we’re gonna send some letters to the other Kage, see if they have anyone of their own they’d like to include in the process. So, if this goes the way I expect, it’ll probably just be a few Sand Ninja.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, and Asuma hummed slightly, responding before Shikamaru had the chance to.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s probably a good idea. Strengthening morale between villages and all. And speaking of Kakashi, how is he? I haven’t seen him around in a while.”</p><p> </p><p>Asuma asked, only to be met with a shrug from Atsuko, the question making her heart flutter a little. Everyone knew what had happened between her and Kakashi. They both had eventually had to tell people that they were no longer together. Afterwards, in Atsuko’s experience, the same question always came. ‘<em>But why? You were so good together?’</em>. She didn’t feel right airing their dirty laundry, so she’d always replied the same way. ‘<em>I screwed up and things just kind of fell apart.’</em></p><p> </p><p>However, Asuma seemed to make it a point to ask about Kakashi like they were still together. She couldn’t tell if it was some kind of manipulation tactic or if he just genuinely never cared to change his language. Still, she’d grown used to it.</p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t seen him in a while either. The last time was… oh, jeez, a couple months ago I believe. And it was only in passing after Tsunade had assigned him a mission. Was kinda hoping you guys might know where he is so I don’t have to turn the whole village upside down looking for him.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, flicking her cigarette to the ground and stomping it out with her sandal. Asuma and Shikamaru both shook their heads in unison.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope. Sorry we couldn’t be of more help. But when you do find him, could you give him a message for me?”</p><p> </p><p>Asuma asked and Atsuko nodded, he extended his hands and she understood immediately, slipping him her notebook. He skipped to a back page and tore it out, pulling a pen from his own pocket and scribbling something down on the note before folding it up and handing it to her.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s private though. So, no prying eyes.”</p><p> </p><p>He warned, throwing her a good natured wink. Atsuko only laughed and nodded, sliding the folded up note under the front cover.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I don’t wanna know what it is you all talk about, anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>She quipped, earning her a chuckle from the gruff man.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I’m off. Thanks for the smoke, Asuma. And Shikamaru, you’ll want to stop by the Hokage’s office bright and early tomorrow to start discussing the first phase.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko advised as she exited the garden, her back turning just in time to hear Shikamaru let out another suffering groan.</p><p> </p><p>——————————</p><p> </p><p>She spent the next couple hours trying to track down Kakashi, growing steadily more irritated by the minute. He wasn’t at his apartment. Nor the training grounds, and she’d searched almost the entire plot of land. From there, she’d gone to check some of the restaurants and bars she knew he frequented, only to find his typical seats empty. She sighed as she stepped back out on the the busy street after checking the barbecue place he liked. There was only one other place she could think of and she really preferred not to bother him there if that’s where he was. However, she didn’t know where he’d go after that and she really didn’t feel like doing this song and dance again.</p><p> </p><p>So, she set off in the direction of the Memorial Stone. By this point, the sun was beating down from it position high in the sky. The heat of the summer day was merciless and she was covered in a thin sheen of sweat that never seemed to dissipate. She stopped in a small corner store, buying herself a cold bottle of water, and another for Kakashi when she finally ran into him.</p><p> </p><p>By the time she pushed through the trees to the clearing that housed the Memorial Stone, the majority of her bottle was gone. But she could see him in the distance, sitting on the ground and leaning against the smooth slate. He seemed to be relaxing and not mourning, so she approached with a little more confidence.</p><p> </p><p>The sight of Kakashi still managed to take her breath away. He was wearing a similar outfit to her, a short sleeved navy shirt with his Jonin vest zipped up over the top. His long legs were sprawled out on the ground in front of him and his head was tipped back towards the sky. He hadn’t aged at all over the last 2 years and she found it unfair to say the least. Not a single new wrinkle or the sprouting of crows feet around his eyes. He looked just as young and beautiful as the day he’d packed the last of his belongings. He still wore his mask, the black fabric showing off the sharp line of his jaw as he relaxed, seemingly trying to enjoy the sunlight instead of fighting the heat it produced.</p><p> </p><p>His silver hair was a little shorter now and not so… voluminous. But when he jerked his head up as he heard her approach, it was like seeing him for the first time all over again. Her heart skipped a beat and she gave him a nervous smile as she drew closer. He didn’t move to stand, but he did return her soft smile, his visible eye shutting in the process.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.”</p><p> </p><p>He greeted and she nodded,</p><p> </p><p>“Hey… I figured this is where I’d find you… Here.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko returned, handing him the cold water bottle as she drew close enough to pass it to him. He reached out gratefully, taking the object from her hands and immediately pulling down his mask to take several, thirsty, swigs. She couldn’t tell if it was the heat of the day or the way a few beads of water escaped his mouth and ran down his strong chin, but her cheeks warmed as she tore her eyes away from his face. She looked at the Memorial Stone over his shoulder, chewing the inside of her cheek as he drained the bottle.</p><p> </p><p>Seeing him was always so strange after everything that had happened. When they’d parted ways, it didn’t feel like she thought a break up should. There was no screaming or hurling ugly words. It was almost like any time they spent apart was nothing but a bookmark. Reminding them that they could resume at any point. At first, it had just felt like a break. Maybe they could reconcile soon. But as the months turned to years, Atsuko was left in some weird limbo. She didn’t feel quite right when he wasn’t around, but she didn’t feel like things could ever go back to the way they used to be.</p><p> </p><p>So, she’d pushed the idea of getting back together with him to the back of her mind. He still managed to elicit some reactions from her when they ran into one another, so she tried to avoid it as much as possible. Especially considering her current position. It just wouldn’t be right to entertain those ideas any more.</p><p> </p><p>As she waited for him to finish his drink, the image of the water dripping down his chin brought back a memory. A few days after the initial ‘break-up’ Kakashi had come back by the house to collect the rest of his things.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sitting at the kitchen table, clutching a hot cup of coffee between shaking hands, Atsuko was trying her hardest to maintain her cool. It had only been a few days since she’d asked Kakashi to leave but she knew he was on his way back today to speak with her and gather the rest of his belongings. She’d tried to go through some things last night, separating his clothes from hers and looking around for his books and other items, but she’d just ended up making a mess of things. There was a mountain of clothing on her bed and other things strewn across the floor because she couldn’t tell what was his or hers anymore. They’d only been living together for a year, but they’d managed to blend every aspect of their separate lives into a massive shared one.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She had spent the last couple days in bed. Crying and refusing to move, even if no one was there to tell her to do so. Still, none of this made any sense. Atsuko couldn’t seem to figure out why she wanted him to leave so badly. She thought about what he’d said that night and it did make sense, but she couldn’t bring herself to work with the logical side of her brain. Deep down, she just wanted to feel miserable. To be left alone to cry and rot away to nothing. There was nothing that could truly make her feel better at this point, so she welcomed the sorrow and pain.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>As she cradled the hot ceramic in her hands, she raised it to her lips just in time to see the front door swing open. Kakashi was walking in like he still lived there, pulling his keys from the lock and turning his head up to meet her shocked stare.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Oh. Sorry… Habit, I guess.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi stated as he pushed the door closed behind him and crossed the threshold into the kitchen. They stared at each other for a tense moment before Atsuko finally lowered her mug to rest on the kitchen table. Neither of them seemed to know how to proceed, so she tore her eyes away from his face and managed a soft.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I tried to separate some of your things out… they’re on the bed.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She told him and Kakashi immediately let out a harsh scoff. Atsuko jerked her head back up, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and anger only to find him shaking his head in disbelief.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You still want me out?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He questioned, like he could hardly believe that she was sticking to what she’d demanded in her emotional state several days ago. Atsuko nodded slowly, clearly there had been some kind of miscommunication.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yes? Kakashi… this is over.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko added, gesturing between the two of them with that final line. His shoulders slumped for a moment and he dropped his head to stare down at the ground. Another silence fell in the room before he shook his head and straightened his shoulders. He moved so quickly, she could hardly see him. Before Atsuko could register was what happening, her chair had been turned to the side and Kakashi was kneeling in front of her, his mask pulled down and his hands gripping her thighs.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ka-!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She started to speak, but he cut her off when one of his hands flew to the back of her neck and he smashed his mouth against hers. Atsuko gasped immediately as the desperate kiss took her by surprise and he used that as his opportunity to deepen it, the grip on the back of her neck tightening. This wasn’t right, her brain screamed, but he was sucking the air from her lungs and the slightly dizzy feeling that induced caused her to give in. She reached out and gripped the front of his shirt in tight fists, tugging him closer as her legs opened and she welcomed his trim waist between her knees. Her eyes fluttered shut just as the tears started, rolling down her cheeks and further soaking the already sloppy kiss.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>When it seemed like she wasn’t going to pull away, Kakashi lowered his hands to her hips and sunk his fingers into the meat there, pulling her to the edge of the seat and pressing her impossibly closer. Atsuko broke the kiss to breathe, their foreheads pressed tightly together as both of their eyes peeled open to stare at one another, chests molding together as they fought to catch their breath.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Kakashi… this won’t change anything.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko managed, voice already ragged from the short but passionate kiss. Suddenly, Kakashi opened the eye containing his Sharingan, a move that was only reserved for the most intense moments. The gaze he fixed her with so deeply personal that it felt like her chest was on fire, burning hot and suffocating.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I know. I just can’t stand the thought that… that someone else would be the last one to touch you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi breathed, an angry edge in his normally calm voice. His words took her by surprise, he’d been so measured in his response to her infidelity just a couple days ago… But now, maybe he was finally realizing that this was over. He didn’t feel the need to tamper down that jealousy anymore. It also implied that there would never be anyone else for her after him. He would be her last. Atsuko knew that was the truth as well. When he was gone, she would be alone forever unless they decided to reconcile. No one could compare. So, her hand splayed against his chest before sliding upwards and around his neck, tangling in the silver hair on the base of his head. She leaned forward and sealed their lips against one another again.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>After they’d shared what had turned out to be the most heartbreaking, passionate, sex of her life, Kakashi had begun packing his things. It was surreal. The empty feeling that she couldn’t really describe, combined with a post sex haze as the love of her life prepared to exit her life. Their relationship was over, but it didn’t feel like the end. No more hurtful words were exchanged and no more real tears shed. When Kakashi was preparing to leave for the final time, Atsuko had stopped him. Apologizing profusely but telling him this was the way things had to be. Then, he’d responded in a way she would never forget.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘Quit apologizing. I’ve already forgiven you.’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Even if that had been the case regarding her infidelity, they both understood why the break-up was really happening. Atsuko needed time away to figure everything out. To get in touch with herself and come to terms with Sasuke’s loss. Kakashi, whether or not he wanted to admit it, had some introspection to do as well. He couldn’t just turn a blind eye to the fact that his adoptive step-son and student had packed up and left the village. They needed to process everything separately and, thanks to that time apart, Atsuko felt like she was in the best position of her life.</p><p> </p><p>Mentally, she was more sound and had learned new coping skills. She had a well paying job that she loved and she didn’t depend on anyone else to make her happy anymore. She’d converted her home into a sanctuary and she’d come to terms with a lot of what had happened. Not just regarding Kakashi, but Sasuke as well. And some events from her war-torn childhood that has always plagued her. Life wasn’t perfect and neither was she, but things were looking up.</p><p> </p><p>However, as she recalled the words he’d spoken to her at the time and the way they’d made her feel, a little guilt gnawed at her insides. Logically, it had been an emotional time in both of their lives and two years had gone past. They’d both felt and said things that didn’t reflect what they felt now… or so she hoped that was the case for him. She’d moved on and she desperately prayed that he had as well. Unable to bear the idea that he really had spent all of this time waiting for her or trying to better himself with the goal of getting her back as his driving force.</p><p> </p><p>Despite the fact that she told herself she’d moved on, she couldn’t help the butterflies in her stomach that hatched every time he was near.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, I really needed that.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi commented, pulling her from her thoughts as he set the empty water bottle down on the ground next to him.</p><p> </p><p>“I figured if you were out here you would. It’s hot as hell.”</p><p> </p><p>She responded, moving to take a seat next to him against the stone. She needed a break after running around looking for him all morning. Kakashi let out a hum of agreement, squinting up at the sun for a moment before readjusting his mask and turning to look at her.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s up? Got a mission for me?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, and Atsuko shrugged, opening the notebook in her lap as he peered down at it.</p><p> </p><p>“Kinda. Well, Lady Tsunade wanted me to see if you’d be interested in assisting with the Chunin Exams this year?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, unsure why she phrased it like a question when they both knew it was non-negotiable. Kakashi let out a dry chuckle and nodded, turning to look back across the clearing.</p><p> </p><p>“Hm. You say that like I have a choice. When do I need to be there to go over details?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, maintaining some professionalism in his tone.</p><p> </p><p>“Tomorrow morning. Doesn’t really matter what time since I believe she’s just requesting your assistance with security and monitoring…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, already jotting down the time she’d spoken with him and his agreement. As she went to shut the notebook, the note from Asuma poked out between the pages and she pulled out the folded paper.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, Asuma wanted me to give you this. I’m not sure what it says, he said it was private.”</p><p> </p><p>She said dismissively, handing him the note before settling back against the stone and looking across the clearing again. There was slight ruffling of paper and Kakashi’s eyes scanned over the paper before letting out a humorless chuckle and stuffing it into the pocket on his vest.</p><p> </p><p>“How have you been?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, clearly not intent on sharing the contents of the note with her. Atsuko smiled in response, choosing her words carefully as not to tell him the tid-bit of information about her life that she was afraid may upset him.</p><p> </p><p>“Really good, actually. I finished the renovations on the house. Everything is bloom, so I spend a lot of my free time in the garden. Well, what free time I have when Tsunade isn’t running me ragged… but, overall, good. I feel great. How about you?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, dropping her head back as well to feel the sun on her neck and chest. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, only to find him watching her intently with a visible smile under his mask. The sun was hitting him beautifully, his silver hair glimmering and dark eyes reflecting light in a way that was mesmerizing.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m alright. Haven’t had much time to relax, though. Seems like it’s just one mission after another these days.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi replied, sighing slightly at the end as his head dropped back again as well, staring up at the sparse clouds scattered across the bright blue sky. Atsuko hummed in response, turning her eyes back above as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’m sure you’ll get a break soon. Get to laze around for a couple days and do some reading…”</p><p> </p><p>She mused and he hummed as well.</p><p> </p><p>“That does sound good…”</p><p> </p><p>He agreed, followed by a sound of approval from Atsuko. It did sound nice… he could relax with a good book. Nestled between her legs with his back resting against her stomach as her fingers moved over his lean shoulders, massaging and working away the tension his stressful job brought on. Her eyes fluttered shut for a brief moment, losing herself in the fantasy before she realized just exactly what she was doing.</p><p> </p><p>She stood quickly, clearing her throat as she dusted off her pants and snatched her notebook from the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah… Well, I should be on my way back. I’ve still got some letters to draft up and paperwork to do.”</p><p> </p><p>She excused, the blush covering her face now entirely due to his presence. Kakashi sat up as well, a flickering of confusion in his visible eye as she practically scrambled to get away. He chuckled as the realization hit him and he leaned back again to allow the sun to wash over him.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, you treat me like you hardly know me.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed out and his words froze Atsuko in place, her eyes turning to saucers as she stared down at him. He was right but… she was just trying to be polite. She’d lost the right to act like she knew him intimately after what she’d done. Or so she thought. She tried to stutter out a response, but he beat her to it.</p><p> </p><p>“Asuma’s note… Wanna know what it said?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, opening an eye to peak at her again. She could see the smirk under his mask, but still couldn’t formulate a response. He was crossing some invisible line she’d conjured over the years. Openly teasing her like this was something she’d thought impossible. Then again, she’d never been in a relationship that ended the way this one had. Hell, she’d never been in a relationship like theirs had been. <em>Ever.</em></p><p> </p><p>“It said, ‘<em>Better get her back quick or Shikamaru’s gonna steal her.</em>’”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi advised, letting the words go with the wind as his eyes fell shut again, seeming content to just bask in the sunlight. The words hit her like a punch to the stomach. Not because Kakashi actually had to worry about Shikamaru sweeping her off her feet… he was a kid and she knew Asuma’s letter was just meant to tease. Rather, it hurt her to hear it because someone else had already ‘stolen’ her.</p><p> </p><p>“So, I guess I better up my game. It’s been a while. But I’ve been thinking recently. Wanna give it another go?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, casually, but the way his eyes peeled open to watch her was vigilant. There was a hint of something in his eyes… nervousness? Fear of rejection. Atsuko’s heart sunk at his expression combined with his words. But she didn’t want to think about it too much. She was in a different place now and he would just have to understand…</p><p> </p><p>“Kakashi… I’m sorry but I’m already seeing someone.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, eyes still wide in shock as the words spilled from her mouth. The only people who knew she was seeing someone were Tsunade, Shizune, and Jiraiya. And Sakura, considering the pink haired girl spent a lot of her time training with Tsuande. But that was it. She didn’t feel the need to tell people because… well, because she felt it would be controversial among her friends. They wouldn’t be outright hateful about the situation, but Atsuko worried that because they were mutual friends of Kakashi, things might be awkward. So, she and the man she’d been seeing were keeping things low-key for the time being.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi’s face flashed quickly. There was clear hurt visible on his face for no more than a millisecond, then he was apologizing.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I had no idea. I’m sorry if I made things awkward.”</p><p> </p><p>He covered quickly, standing from the spot he’d been relaxing in and bringing his hand up to the back of his neck, the nervous gesture tugging at Atsuko’s heart strings.</p><p> </p><p>“No, don’t worry about it, really! I haven’t told many people… it’s kind of casual but… I wanna give it a shot, ya know?”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, both of them careful to keep the conversation light despite the fact that they both knew there were heavy implications to her dating again. There was a long silence that fell between them, awkward and heavy as the other tried to think of something to say.</p><p> </p><p>“Who is it? Do I know him?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi suddenly asked, trying to mask his jealous prying with a curious lilt. Atsuko saw the intentions immediately, but she opted to ignore it in favor of playing dumb. No need to call him out on it or start some strange argument. She smiled shyly and nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, yeah. I’ve been seeing Tenzo for almost two months now…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, trying to maintain an almost embarrassed, shy, voice. That admission was probably like another punch to the gut for him. Her best friend throughout the entirety of their relationship and now that they were broken up, she was dating him. Still, Kakashi smiled fondly, closing his visible eye as he nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, thats good… Tenzo’s a good man. You two were always close.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi stated, maintaining that positive tone until the last sentence. Then, he fell a little flat, a slightly bitter edge in his voice. Atsuko nodded, again opting to ignore it.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah… like I said, it’s pretty casual but I’m happy.”</p><p> </p><p>She concluded, shrugging nervously as she chewed at her bottom lip. Another silence fell as they both turned their gazes to the ground, watching as the wind swirled and kicked up a tiny tornado of dirt between them. The breeze not helping with the heat but rather causing the dirt to stick to Atsuko’s sweat covered arms. Suddenly, she felt gross. Sticky and too hot and dirty, unable to tell if the feeling was exacerbated by the conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“I should get back… still got quite a bit on the docket for today… I’ll see you around, Kakashi.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko excused, turning her head up to look at him for a brief moment. He forced a smile and nodded in return, throwing up a casual hand to wave at her.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure. I’ll see you around, Atsuko.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi replied, the sound of her name on his lips causing her stomach to turn with an emotion she couldn’t quite pin down. She forced the same awkward smile, offering him a wave before turning heel and heading back towards the Hokage Tower.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yall probably saw that one coming... I have the rest of this pretty well planned out but i don't wanna give any hints or spoilers so.... let me know how you liked this chapter!! Atsuko is doing better and that will be reflected in upcoming chapters. She's growing and learning and i can't wait to write her in a calmer tone. Watering her flowers and enjoying life for a while ^-^ see yall next week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs That Inspired this Chapter:</p><p>Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts - Arctic Monkeys</p><p>Best Friend - Rex Orange County</p><p>Underneath It All - No Doubt</p><p>Tears Dry on Their Own - Amy Winehouse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Atsuko made it back in time to finish drafting her letters to the other villages. When she presented those along with her discussions with Kakashi, Shikamaru and the others, Tsunade approved of both. Then, she’d been dismissed for the day, with the promise of returning later that evening for dinner and drinks. On her walk home, she couldn’t get the conversation with Kakashi out of her head. She knew it would have had to happen someday, but she wasn’t expecting it so soon. Her relationship with Tenzo was still relatively new and she hadn’t wanted to talk about it openly until it was more solid.</p><p> </p><p>Even though the only thing that had really changed in their personal interactions was the addition of sex. They were already close, so everything came naturally. They knew each other well and Tenzo was sweet. Romantic, even. The sex was great and he did everything he could to make sure she was happy. So, why was she holding her cards so close to her chest? When she’d first started seeing Kakashi, she remembered how intense even those first couple dates had been. How she’d jumped in head first and wanted to tell the whole village about him. It was different with Tenzo… maybe because he wasn’t necessarily new and exciting. She was used to him and there were no mysteries left to uncover. She’d also done a lot of growing since her first date with Kakashi. Specifically, she’d calmed down a lot in the past two years.</p><p> </p><p>That had to be the reason. She was just a different person now. No longer the scared little girl desperately in search of someone to make her feel better. Looking back on it, she knew she’d entered into the relationship with Kakashi at one of the most tumultuous times in her life. Raising Sasuke, losing Itachi and her Uchiha family. She’d been looking for anything to ground her, someone who made her feel good and safe. Of course it had grown into so much more of the course of their time together, but in the beginning it had been a whirlwind of desperate emotion. The whirlwind within her had lasted for much longer, though. Between raising and training Sasuke, maintaining her relationship with Kakashi, keeping up with her social life, teaching at the Academy, then eventually resuming her Shinobi work… She’d never given herself time to heal or grow. Stunted from the day she’d picked up Sasuke. Now that she’d had some time alone with herself, to re-learn who she was and what she wanted, everything was much calmer.</p><p> </p><p>Her job kept her just the right amount of busy and she didn’t need constant company to feel safe and secure anymore. That had to be why the relationship with Tenzo was so different from Kakashi. Though, her stomach still gnawed with something guilt adjacent. She sighed at the feeling, knowing full well what it meant but opting to put it in it’s place for now and filing it away for later inspection. No need to worry herself sick over something she couldn’t fix right now.</p><p> </p><p>As she drew closer to home, she noticed the sound of sandals quickly approaching from behind her. She slowed slightly, able to tell that someone had their sights set on her and would be asking for her attention soon.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko-sensei.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji spoke up just as he drew close enough to fall into step beside her. Atsuko turned her head up to give him a soft smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Neji. What’s up?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko questioned, slowing her brisk walking pace to a more leisurely stroll. Neji had grown the most out of all of the Genin from what she considered to be Sasuke’s group. He’d already been promoted to Jonin, surpassing his teammates and the kids from her class easily. It hadn’t been surprising, considering his skill and raw talent. Really, the most jarring change was how he’d grown physically. Over the course of just two years, he’d doubled in height, Atsuko’s head only reaching shoulder height on the young man. His long, dark, hair reached his lower back at this point, but he always kept it tame and tied back. His face hadn’t changed much, however. He still held that harsh, judging, stare. Despite the loose fitting, white, clothing he typically donned, his face was all sharp lines and harsh angles. He’d grown into an intimidating and gorgeous young man.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing in particular. I wanted to see if you needed any assistance today.”</p><p> </p><p>He replied, curt as ever with a hint of softness. When Neji had been promoted to Jonin, Tsunade had requested that Atsuko shadow him for a couple weeks and show him the ropes. Really, the job just involved informing him of standard Jonin duties within the village and then tagging along as he completed those tasks. Front gate and watch tower duty, assisting with some small errands throughout the village, patrols and other odd jobs that filled the time between missions. During those two weeks, they’d picked up a comforting dynamic and Neji had helped her on a few occasions with some of her home renovations.</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, he reminded her of Sasuke. He was slightly more reserved and pretentious, but she found something similar in his attitude. Quiet and brooding, a little hateful. So, she’d latched onto him pretty quickly. Not that he seemed to mind. Soon, helping her with the odd job every now and again turned into him stopping by for a cup of tea or coffee when they both had a free evening. They would talk for a bit while Atsuko busied herself around the house. Sharing stories and discussing Shinobi work. He would also ask her more personal questions at times, things that didn’t involve their jobs or missions. She understood why she liked having him around, but his enjoyment of her company was a mystery. Eventually, she’d just figured it was because the the only two adult figures in his life were Hiashi and Gai. His mother had died during childbirth, so he lacked a softer touch. Gai was over the top and Hiashi was, at best, a harsh man. So, she just chalked it up to that and moved on.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, no, not really. I’m heading home to make dinner for Lady Hokage. Not really in my job description, but we have plans this evening. It’s been a while… If you’d like, you can come keep me company while I cook and I’ll make a portion for you as well?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko suggested, glancing up at the lavender eyed boy as they continued to walk. He gave a single nod and a sound of approval.</p><p> </p><p>“I would appreciate that. Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji agreed just as they turned onto her road. Her sage green front door came into view, sticking out like a sore thumb compared to the other, more traditional, homes on the block.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a bold color…”</p><p> </p><p>Neji commented from beside her as they drew closer to the porch. Atsuko chuckled as she pulled her keys from her pocket, fiddling with the lock.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I had some paint left over from the cabinets and I read in some home design magazine that a green front door symbolizes growth, vitality, and family… So, I figured it couldn’t hurt to invite those things into my life.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied as the lock gave way and she pushed the door open. After they both removed their shoes, Neji followed Atsuko into the kitchen. True to her word, the kitchen cabinets were now the same color as the front door. A soft, sage green with cooper toned handles and fixtures. The kitchen had taken her the longest to renovate. She’d installed a new sink, white tiled backsplash and some new shelving around the window above the sink that held a view to the backyard. At first, she’d wanted to replace the wooden floors as well, but it had proved to be a rather expensive and time consuming project, so it had been moved to the back burner for the time being.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you really believe in that non-sense?”</p><p> </p><p>Neji questioned, scoffing as he took his seat at the kitchen table while Atsuko moved to fill the copper tea kettle, placing it on the stove to heat up. She threw him an annoyed glance, before shrugging and ducking to pull items from the fridge.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, someone has an attitude today. Honestly, I don’t know. I liked the color and having a positive meaning to apply to it makes it feel more personal, I suppose. Like, for instance, copper is known as a ‘conductor of energy’ and it’s supposed to energize the mind and body. So, I have copper fixtures and cookware because, even if it is non-sense like you say, every time I use them it reminds me to allow energy to flow. To clear my mind and relax my body.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, pulling two pouches of mint tea from an upper cabinet, setting up two mugs as she waited for the water to boil.</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds like non-sense to me.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji quipped and Atusko had no choice but to chuckle lightly.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm. Yeah, probably. But there’s something to be said for the placebo effect.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, turning to dig through her cabinets before producing a box of individually wrapped melon pan. She took two out of the box, sliding one across the table to Neji, his hand catching the plastic wrapped sweet treat with ease. In unison, they both opened the wrapper and tore off a piece of the bread, popping it in their mouths.</p><p> </p><p>“I saw you have the night shift on watch tower duty this week. How’s that going?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, turning her attention to the tea kettle as the water began to boil and the whistle blew. She carefully moved to pour the hot water in both of their cups, agitating the teabags as they steeped.</p><p> </p><p>“Horribly. The human body was not meant for this schedule.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji all but groaned, agitation and exhaustion clear in his voice. She chuckled again, moving to set a mug of hot tea in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Mmm, I can tell. You look like hell.”</p><p> </p><p>She teased, watching as the young man’s pale eyes widened in horror, reaching a hand up to feel under his eyes and smooth back his hair almost obsessively. At the image of him panicking over his appearance Atsuko laughed, shaking her head.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m kidding, Neji. Vanity isn’t a good look on you, though.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko added, still chuckling when he visibly relaxed, a faint blush on his cheeks as he directed his eyes to the mug in front of him. She took a sip of her tea once it had cooled, turning back to the counter to begin preparing dinner. A comfortable silence fell between them as Neji sipped his tea and snacked. The air conditioning on such a hot day had been a welcome change, but Atsuko found herself lingering in the sunlight coming in the kitchen window. Warming her bones as she washed vegetables and prepared the cutting board on the countertop. She clicked on the radio, turning the volume down low just to fill the silence, humming along as she cooked.</p><p> </p><p>Her encounter with Kakashi earlier in the day had left her frazzled, but as the day drew on and she relaxed into a familiar pattern, she realized that it didn’t bother her as much. It made her realize just how different her position was from 2 years ago. She would have over analyzed every aspect of that interaction for the rest of the day, her mind running laps and leaving her completely worn out. But now, she was able to put it in its place and enjoy her evening. Enjoy her company and relax.</p><p> </p><p>“So, how are Lee and Tenten? I haven’t seen them in a while.”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, her back still turned to Neji. He hummed in response, swallowing the tea in his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“Lee is… well, he’s Lee. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen him have an off day. And Tenten is also doing well. She’s really improved her scroll techniques, drastically increasing the size of objects she can store and summon. It’s impressive.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji replied, causing Atsuko’s lip to twitch into a smile. She’d asked him about Tenten before and it seemed to be one of the few topics that drew genuine joy from him. If it weren’t for his attitude, Atsuko would say he admired the young woman. Based on their interactions, the feeling was entirely mutually.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad to hear Lee is the same… and yes, Tenten is a very talented young woman. She has the potential to be one of our top weapons experts. Quite impressive at such a young age.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko commented, smiling to herself as she continued to cook. Another silence fell between them and, after a few minutes, she moved to open the kitchen window. The smell of summer poured in immediately, the warm air mingling with the scent of simmering vegetables and meat. She dug through the cupboards again, producing a worn cigarette pack, before moving to sit on the countertop closest to the window. She lit one of the cigarettes, careful to hold it close to the window and blow the smoke in the same direction.</p><p> </p><p>When she got comfortable, she turned her attention back to Neji. When she finally did get a look at his face, he was uncharacteristically demure. His head was dropped forward as he stared down at his lap, eyebrows furrowed together deep in thought and his mouth fixed into a tight line.</p><p> </p><p>“Neji? You okay? Is the smoke making you sick?”<br/><br/>She questioned, her free hand immediately coming out to wave the air in front of her, trying to disperse the smell. His head perked up at the sound of his name, eyes widening like he was shocked at being caught. Then, he let out a sigh, hands coming up to clasp together on the table in front of him. His gaze dropped to his intertwined fingers again and he shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m fine. It’s just… Well, Atsuko-sensei, there is a reason I stopped you today. I have a question.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji began, and she nodded slowly in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Anything. What’s on your mind?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, taking another drag from the cigarette and holding the smoke in her lungs for a moment. Neji seemed to battle with himself internally for a few seconds before he began to speak again.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a woman with experience in romance, correct?”</p><p> </p><p>Neji finally asked, and Atsuko had to stifle a laugh, covering it with a light cough. Neji’s head jerked up at the sound, glaring immediately. She nodded, reaching out for her mug and taking a sip to ‘soothe her cough’.</p><p> </p><p>“Those things are disgusting.”</p><p> </p><p>He commented and she nodded in agreement as she swallowed her drink, clearing her throat and thankful he’d bought the act.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, they are. So, never started smoking them. But to answer your question, yes I am a woman with experience in romance.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finally managed to reply, immediately leaning to take another drag from her cigarette. Well, romance was a strong word. She was experienced with men, for sure. But she’d never experienced anything truly romantic in nature until Kakashi came into her life and, even then, he wasn’t one for grand gestures. Not that she minded. He would bring her flowers on her birthday or their anniversary, but most of their time together was just spent enjoying each others company. He didn’t have to take her on fancy dates or buy her jewelry.</p><p> </p><p>However, in recent months, Tenzo had introduced some romance into her life. Just a couple weeks prior, in fact, she’d come home from a long day at work to find rose petals leading a trail to the bathroom. When she’d followed them, she’d found a hot bath drawn, candles lit, and Tenzo waiting for her in the filled tub. Honestly, she’d bursted out laughing at the sight. It was incredibly sweet and he’d looked wonderful, his massive, muscular, frame soaking in the hot water with a smile on his face. But, it was so cliche she couldn’t help the laughter. However, she’d been quick to assure him that it was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for her and had immediately stripped down to join him in the bath. Even now, the memory made her smile involuntarily. Tenzo really was a good man.</p><p> </p><p>Still, yes, she had experience with romantic encounters. She focused her attention back on Neji, who was currently struggling with what he was going to say next. This was also sweet. She’d never seen him nervous. Ever. Now, he was sitting at her kitchen table, frustrated and almost blushing when the topic of dating came up.</p><p> </p><p>“I believe… that I may be in need of some advice. In regards to… romance.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji finally managed to get out, sounding like it physically pained him to admit that he needed advice on anything. Let alone wooing somebody. Again, Atsuko had to choke down a giggle, turning her head to take another draw from her cigarette.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. Are we talking about a girl or a guy here?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned casually, chasing the exhale of smoke with another sip of tea.</p><p> </p><p>“A girl.”</p><p> </p><p>He responded and Atsuko nodded, humming in thought for a moment. It was hard to ignore the feeling that was bubbling in her chest. This moment was bittersweet already. It was a conversation she always assumed she’d have with Sasuke one day. He never seemed interested in girls growing up, so she wondered how he would have answered her question. His bond with Naruto was… intense, to say the least. It often had her questioning if the young boy felt anything more than a camaraderie for the hyper-active blonde. Still, she attempted to let that feeling go with a gentle sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright… I won’t make any guesses at who it is to respect your privacy. However, without knowing the girl in question it might be a little difficult to give you proper advice. Each woman is different and unique, so what I may suggest may not work for everyone.”</p><p> </p><p>She warned and Neji let out an aggravated sigh, bringing his thumb and forefinger up to rub the bridge of his nose.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s Tenten.”</p><p> </p><p>He mumbled, just barely audible over the sound of the sizzling skillet and the soft music coming from the radio. Atsuko couldn’t stop the smile that response pulled from her, but she tried to remain calm and collected. Neji was entirely too cute.</p><p> </p><p>“I figured. Well, based on what I know about Tenten, she doesn’t seem like the type to need or want some grand romantic gesture… To be quite honest, I think she’s liked you for a long time.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko started, and Neji’s eyebrows furrowed again in confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“What?! What makes you say that?”</p><p> </p><p>He barked out, suddenly disrupting the calm atmosphere in the room and making Atsuko jump a little, her eyes wide. He sounded almost angry and it caused her to chuckle as she began to speak again.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, yeah, dumbass. She’s, like, in awe of you. Always helping you train and watching you like you’re the coolest thing she’s ever seen. You can’t tell me you’ve never noticed?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, taking the final drag from her cigarette before cracking open an old coffee tin that had previously sat on the window sill as ‘decoration’. She dropped the butt inside and shook it to make sure the embers dispersed before hopping down of the counter and grabbing an air freshener from a drawer, quickly spraying down the area around where she’d been smoking.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I haven’t. Or I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji huffed in reply as she worked to rid the kitchen of any lingering smoke smells.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, alright. Here’s my advice. Tenten is a practical girl. I think the best shot you have is to just talk to her. Let her know how you feel, but try not to lay it on too thick. Just… ask her on a date. Simple. Ask her if she’d like to go get dinner with you then let things unfold from there.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko suggested, returning to the stove top to check the food. She gave it a quick stir and added a few more seasonings before turning around to face Neji again. He was nodding slowly, contemplative.</p><p> </p><p>“How should things ‘unfold’ then?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, clearly not capable of letting the chips fall where they may. He needed a play by play. Atsuko shrugged and chuckled again.</p><p> </p><p>“It depends on your dynamic when no one else is around… but, I’ll give you one more piece of advice. This one is coming from experience. Dating your close friend can be really easy, but you also have to be careful that you don’t risk pushing things too far and ruining that friendship, right?”</p><p> </p><p>She led, moving across the kitchen to lean against the kitchen table. Neji nodded in agreement, concern and concentration etched into his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so, here’s a good way to tell if the date went well. Say you two go out on this date and everything is nice and easy and fun, but you’re having trouble figuring out if she sees you romantically or not. Walk her home and pay close attention to her body language. If she walks with more distance between you, keeping her hands clasped together or in her pockets, maybe you shouldn’t try to go in for the kiss when you drop her off.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko continued, and Neji’s eyes widened at that. She chuckled, unable to tell if he was nervous about that happening or scandalized by the idea of kissing on the first date. Still, she moved forward.</p><p> </p><p>“But, if you walk her home and she’s pressing close to you. Her arm brushing up against yours, her hand coming up to smack your chest when she’s laughing at something you said… just touching you more in general, then that’s a pretty good indicator the night went well. However, since it’s Tenten, if you do want to kiss her at the end of the night, I would suggest you ask nicely first.”</p><p> </p><p>She ended her explanation with a warning, moving away from the kitchen table to start packing up the food. She pulled out a small container for Neji to take with him to his shift at the watchtower, loading up the rice and vegetables after she’d removed them from the heat.</p><p> </p><p>“What should I do if she doesn’t even want to go on a date in the first place?”</p><p> </p><p>Neji questioned, that prospect clearly weighing on him more heavily than not being able to kiss her goodnight. Atsuko shrugged, placing the lid on the container and moving to slide it across the table to him, complete with a set of disposable chopsticks secured to the top with a piece of clear tape.</p><p> </p><p>“If that happens, just apologize and move on. I mean, is the thought that she’ll say yes worth a little possible embarrassment?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, and Neji nodded in response.</p><p> </p><p>“There ya go. There are no rewards without risk, Neji.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko concluded, moving across the table to give him a comforting pat on the shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“But try not to worry so much. You’re handsome, respectful, and extremely talented with a bright future ahead of you. Any girl would be stupid to reject you.”</p><p> </p><p>She added for good measure, watching as the ego stroking seemed to brighten the young man. His shoulders squared once more and the tension on his face melted away as he gave a curt nod.</p><p> </p><p>“Hm. Thank you for the advice, Atsuko-sensei. And for dinner. But I do need to leave so I’m not late to work.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji responded, standing swiftly from his chair as she crossed the kitchen again. Atsuko nodded as well, fixing him with a loving smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course. Don’t want to keep the day shift waiting for the shift change. And no need to thank me for the advice. You can come talk to me anytime, you know.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko advised before they both said their final goodbyes, Neji departing with a soft bow and a container full of warm food. With him gone, she finished dinner and had moved everything over to her travel set of dishes. There was still some time before she was due for drinks, so she opted to take a shower and change into something more relaxed. Just as she was about to move to the bathroom, there was a knock on her front door.</p><p> </p><p>“Come in!”</p><p> </p><p>She called, moving to place her change of clothes on the rack in the bathroom and prepare for her shower. She heard the front door creak open, a brief silence, and then the sound of feet on the hardwood floor approaching her. Just as she turned the water on to allow it to warm up, a shadow darkened her doorway and she turned to face the man behind her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, babe.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo greeted as he leaned against the doorframe was a soft smile on his face. His normally wide eyes were relaxed and he was missing his metal forehead/face protector, allowing his brown hair to frame his face instead. Since they’d started dating, Atsuko had come to realize just how handsome he was. His face was fuller with a wide, square, jaw that cut sharply against the thick muscles of his neck. She returned his smile, moving around the bathroom to set up everything she would need for the shower.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey… how was your day?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko questioned, stopping for a moment to give him her undivided attention. She wasn’t expecting to see him today, but the people close to her knew that, if she was home, her door was always open. Tenzo shrugged, glancing over her shoulder at the running shower.</p><p> </p><p>“Boring. I’m on watch tower duty for the week.”</p><p> </p><p>He replied and Atsuko’s smile only grew.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah! Neji is too. He was here, you just missed him. He’s working the night shift.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, deciding to turn around and shut the shower off for now. She still had time to catch up with him and shower after. Atsuko moved towards the door, giving Tenzo’s chest a gentle push to make him move his massive frame out of the doorway and release her. When he took a step back, she quickly made for the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>“Here. I’m joining Tsunade and Shizune for drinks later and I promised to bring dinner… But I made too much. I sent some with Neji too. You know, it was the sweetest thing. He stopped me on my way home and I invited him over for tea, which is pretty standard. But then he asked me about romance, which was so out of left field. Turns out he has a little crush on Tenten and-”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko babbled, pulling out another take away container for Tenzo and digging through the fresh food to fix him a serving. Just as she was about to snap the lid back onto both containers, a pair of thick arms wrapped around her waist, stopping her mid-sentence. She felt Tenzo bury his face in the crook of her neck, breathing deeply as the warmth of his body pressed into her back. A smile worked its way onto her face and she reached up to card her fingers through his brown hair, heart swelling when he hummed in appreciation.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry… keep talking. I’ve just been thinking about you all day.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed, hot breath fanning over her collarbone, followed by a couple chaste kisses to the side of her neck. Atsuko giggled at the ticklish sensation, wiggling in his grip slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright… Well, turns out Neji has a crush on Tenten so he wanted to ask me for advice on how to approach her. It was really sweet…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko continued, slowly turning in his arms so she could face him. His hands wandered upwards, pushing a stray hair from her face when they made eye contact again. Tenzo was so warm and loving, she couldn’t begin to explain how he made her feel. When he looked at her like he was right now, eyelids heavy with a lazy smile sprawled across his face, it made her heart surge.</p><p> </p><p>“You really like him, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo questioned, and Atsuko nodded in response, a faint blush creeping across her cheeks. Mostly because she was slightly embarrassed of what she was doing regarding Neji. Imprinting on him in such a way because he reminded her of Sasuke.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I do. He’s a bright kid. Honest to a fault. Respectful and reserved, but he’s got a big heart…”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, and Tenzo hummed in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“He reminds you of Sasuke, doesn’t he?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, and Atsuko’s eyes went wide as dinner plates, the blush on her face darkening. This was another thing about him that she hadn’t quite grown accustomed to yet. Now that they were an ‘item’ he didn’t beat around the bush at all. He confronted her emotions and voiced his own easily. It had been different with Kakashi. Getting him to talk about his feelings was like pulling teeth at times and he never really went out of his way to call her on her bullshit. He waited until she decided to speak. Tenzo, on the other hand, called it like he saw it. Not allowing her to think on something too heavily without speaking about it first.</p><p> </p><p>“I… yeah, he does. Is that wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>Atusko responded, eyes filtering down to the space between their bodies and then back up to meet his gaze. His eyebrows were drawn down in concern or confusion, but he still managed to make it look loving. Tenzo shook his head, arms wrapping loosely around her waist again as his thumbs rubbed thoughtless circles on her lower back.</p><p> </p><p>“No, not at all. I understand. You miss him. It’s natural to seek out things and people that remind you of him.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo assured, and Atsuko dropped her head again with another smile. Her hand came up unconsciously, fishing out a simple chain from the neckline of her shirt. She pulled the necklace out, smoothing her fingers over the pieces attached. As they stood in the warmth of her kitchen, Tenzo providing her with an additional safe space in his arms, she remembered the day she’d finally been able to enter Sasuke’s room since he’d left the village.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Eight months. It had been eight whole months since she’d come back to the village. Nine months since Sasuke had left and she still couldn’t bring herself to do it. She couldn’t count on both hands the number of times she’d stood outside his bedroom, the wooden door staring at her mockingly. Originally, she’d rationalized it by telling herself that there was really no need to go into his room. She had no intentions of changing it or getting rid of the things he’d left behind. However, she knew that she couldn’t just avoid an entire room in her house forever…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She’d been cleaning around the home, opening all of the windows and letting in the sunlight as the first days of summer rolled around. As evening approached and the sun sunk lower into the sky, she’d found that even if every room in the house was clean, she couldn’t ignore the back bedroom anymore. It loomed over her, cast in a dark shadow while the eerie orange light of the setting sun pulled her into a warm abyss. Before she’d drawn this close to the door, she’d stood at the end of the hallway, vacantly observing as the corridor stretched into a longer version of itself. She waited on bated breath as her eyes played tricks on her. The shadows moved, contrasting with the unsettling vibrant orange light, and they taunted her. She could have sworn the bedroom door was creaking open, only to softly shut itself again. Breathing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She’d forced her feet to move, realizing she was only personifying the bedroom door in her mind. She couldn’t avoid it anymore. If she continued to tip toe around the house like someone still lived in that room, she’d never find closure. Atsuko convinced herself that she didn’t have to change anything. She could leave his bed the way it was, still neatly made from the day Itachi had shown up in the village. Could leave all of his clothes hanging in his closest and his personal items untouched. She just needed to open the door and remind herself that no one was there. That she was alone. Accept that he was gone.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Slowly, her hand wrapped around the doorknob and she shuddered involuntarily at the feeling of the cold metal in her palm. A cold sweat broke across her forehead, heavy beads sprouting out of nowhere. She took a steadying breath and turned the knob, listening for the familiar click. When it gave way, she slowly pressed her shoulder against the wood and pushed the door open, inch by painful inch. The creaking sound of the hinges caused her heart to hammer against her ribcage, hard pulse noticeable in the base of her throat and she swallowed against the sensation.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>When the door finally swung open, she hadn’t realized she’d squeezed her eyes shut. Some un-identifiable fear rotting in her stomach had caused her to recoil, releasing the doorknob like it had burned her, only to hear the hinges continue their climatic melody before coming to an abrupt stop. The temperature changed and the sweat on her forehead suddenly reminded her of illness. Huddled under several blanks, shivering and teeth chattering as her body forced the fever out through her pores. She stood like that for a few seconds, listening for something in the silence, even if she wasn’t quite sure what she was dreading, or hoping, to hear. When nothing came, she peeled her eyes open slowly, squinting in pain with all of her muscles tensed like stone.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Light filled her vision and a wave of calm ran through her. Atsuko’s eyes opened the rest of the way and she dropped her arms from their previous position, tucked against her chest in defense. The limbs hung limply at her sides as her shoulders hunched. Sasuke’s bedroom was exactly as she remembered it. It was also filled with the warm light that the rest of the house was bathed in, no longer eery and unsettling, but soft and welcoming. Her eyes scanned the room and her breathing evened back out.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The first thing she noticed was his bed and, just as she’d thought, it was neatly made. The edges of his dark blue comforter were tucked under the mattress and his matching pillows sat pristine and flat against the headboard. She remembered all of the nights she’d spent, standing in this exact position just watching as he slept peacefully. Sitting on the edge of his bed to place him under a genjutsu so he could sleep. Pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, the privacy of their home being the only place he would allow the sign of affection without batting her away or fixing her with a glare afterwards. She hoped he was sleeping well, wherever he was right now.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She took a tentative step into the bedroom, noticing the thin layer of dust that had gathered on the floor and most surfaces. Cobwebs hung in the upper corners of the room and her heart ached at the thought that she’d let his space become so dirty. Unloved. Forgotten. She pushed past the emotion and looked around the room again. It was so deadly quiet it felt like being in a museum. His desk held the displays. A framed picture of Team 7, right next to a framed picture of Atsuko and Sasuke after he’d graduated from the Academy. She was grinning wide and proud, crouched down next him with her hand on his head. Sasuke wore that smug smile of his, reserved but oh so precious. That smirk of recognition held all of the love in the world.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>As she drew closer to the desk, a smile worked its way onto her face and she reached out for the photo, gingerly picking it up and deciding she was going to hang it in the living room, along with the photo of Team 7. She wiped some dust from the frame with her hand, before something else caught her eye. A brief twinkle from the desktop caused her eyes to cast downward. Laying on top of a folded piece of paper were two stainless steel rings. Before she even picked them up, she recognized what they were. The rings she’d given him after graduation. The ones her mother had given to her. With the words mind and body inscribed on the inside. He’d worn them every day since she’d given them to him, placed firmly on the middle finger of each hand. Then, apparently, he’d left them here.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She reached down, pulling the rings into the palm of her hand and wiping the bit of dust from them as well. The paper underneath them was next. When she unfolded it, there were a few words written inside and she found she had to force herself to read them. But when she did, she could hear it in Sasuke’s voice.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘Atsuko-sensei,</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thank you for everything and I’m sorry I can’t stay. You know what I have to do and why I have to leave these behind.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Badass</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Now, as Atsuko ran her fingers over the two rings attached to the chain around her neck, she smiled to herself. Of course it was sad and she missed him everyday, but Tenzo was right. Keeping things of his and being around people that remind her of him did make things easier. Sometimes, she wondered if they would ever see one another again and how he would feel about her now that he’s older. Did he miss her as much as she missed him? Did he resent her for anything she’d done unintentionally? If he had found out about Itachi and knew she’d kept the truth from him, would he hate her? But, mostly, she just hoped and prayed that he was safe and healthy. That’s all that mattered.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah… I do miss him. But I just have to keep in mind that this is what he wanted…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied after a long pause, Tenzo humming in agreement. Or an attempt to comfort her. Either way, the sound vibrated against her chest and had its intended effect. She looped her arms around his thick waist and buried her head against his solid chest for a moment. She’d told Kakashi earlier in the day that her relationship with Tenzo was casual. But that wasn’t really possible considering how close they’d been beforehand. What they shared was full of love and understanding, but she hesitated to commit fully for obvious reasons. So, they never really discussed it. Just allowing things to unfold naturally.</p><p> </p><p>After a few more moments of just holding one another, Atsuko pulled back with a gentle sigh, her hand pressing against his chest as she craned her head up to look at him.</p><p> </p><p>“I really do need to get ready, though. Shower and change. Tsunade will be livid if I make her start drinking alone.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko chuckled, but Tenzo’s hand was moving slowly up her arm, distracting and warm. He smiled softly at her, eyes falling back to that lazy stare as his hand wrapped around the back of her neck, tangling in her hair. He leaned down, pressing a hot kiss to her lips. One that immediately had Atsuko pushing herself up on her toes to get closer. Kissing him was like downing a cold soda on a hot day. Like quenching a thirst with something crisp and refreshing. She remembered how kissing Kakashi felt like the best kind of torture. Languid and so slow it made her jaw ache with the need to devour him whole. However, kissing Tenzo managed to always be exactly what she was craving.</p><p> </p><p>The first one they’d shared, she’d been surprised by how right it had felt. How his hand on the back of her neck, coaxing her closer, had made goosebumps rise on her arms instantly. Her body reacted like she’d slipped into a scalding hot bath after coming inside from a snow storm. Tension releasing immediately as he’d pulled her into his lap. Now, as he kissed her in her kitchen, with her back pressed against the countertop, she felt the same way she did then. Tenzo pulled away from her mouth softly, leaving Atsuko standing with her eyes closed and a stupid smile on her face. He chuckled at the sight, dipping down again to take advantage of her stupor. He gripped her legs, lifting her with ease and depositing her on the countertop. She gasped in response and immediately devolved into a mess of giggles as he began pressing kisses to her neck and collarbone.</p><p> </p><p>“Tenzo… c’mon, I have to shower.”</p><p> </p><p>She whined, his name sounding more like a moan. It only seemed to spur him on, pressing between her spread legs and grinding against her core with a newfound intensity. Atsuko did let out a moan at the action, her fingers immediately finding purchase in his hair.</p><p> </p><p>“I told you… I’ve been thinking about you all day.”</p><p> </p><p>His reply came, muffled against the skin of her neck, his breath coming out in hot puffs that only served to make her squirm even more. The sudden shift in his tone had her dropping her head back against the upper cabinets. His hands gripped her hips, guiding her in small circles as he ground their clothed cores together. It only took a few seconds for Atsuko to pick up on the rhythm, willingly winding her hips against his. Tenzo let out a grunt of approval, hands trailing upwards under her shirt. He yanked her bra down and quickly began rolling both of her nipples between calloused, deft, fingers. This drew another moan from Atsuko and she had to force herself to focus in order to speak again.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck… Tenzo. Why don’t you show me what you’ve been thinking about in the shower?”</p><p> </p><p>She panted out, unable to stop her hips ministrations for even a moment. As he kissed over her skin and played with her chest, she found herself grinding against him in desperation as well, the friction just shy of enough to be pleasurable.</p><p> </p><p>“Now, there’s an idea~”</p><p> </p><p>He purred in response, immediately lifting her from the counter. Atsuko gasped, wrapping her legs around his waist and giggling the entire way to the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>————————————-</p><p> </p><p>The shower with Tenzo had taken longer than expected and Atsuko had to rush to get ready afterwards. As she practically ran through the house, tugging on a comfortable outfit and preparing for the late evening it was sure to be, Tenzo did his best to help her, making sure her purse and the food were ready to go. Atsuko walked out of the back bedroom as she was tugging on a cropped white sweatshirt, only to find everything she needed waiting for her on the kitchen table.</p><p> </p><p>“I got your stuff together for you.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo commented from his position on the couch, his large frame sprawled out as he waited for her. Atsuko stopped in her tracks, smiling down at her bag and the container of food. It was a small gesture, but sweet nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you… You can stay here tonight if you want?”</p><p> </p><p>She offered as she combed through her damp hair with her fingertips, turning to face him. He gave a nod.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’ll be here when you get back…”</p><p> </p><p>He returned, almost under his breath, his smile fading as he cast his eyes down to stare at his lap. His brow furrowed and Atsuko took the hint immediately.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, what’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, crossing over to where he sat, straddling the arm of the couch as she sat down. Tenzo sighed, dropping his head back to stare at the ceiling while she studied his face, her hand moving to comb through his drying hair.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just… well, we’ve been doing this for a few months now. I stay the night here, we go on dates, fool around. But I don’t think we’ve ever made it official.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo commented, and Atsuko immediately cringed internally. This was a conversation she knew was coming but she didn’t expect it to happen so soon. Maybe it wasn’t so soon. It had been a little over 3 months since they’d started doing whatever this was. She wasn’t sure why, but her immediate reaction to his words was unease.</p><p> </p><p>“And I would like that. Making it official, that is. Calling you my girlfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>He continued, finally rolling his head to the side to look at her. Atsuko managed to keep a steady face, offering him a soft smile to hide the unsettling feeling in her stomach. She had to force herself to respond, nearly choking on words she didn’t want to say.</p><p> </p><p>“Tenzo… we’ve been friends for a long time. For a decade, in fact. What we’re doing is still so new and it’s going to take some more time to adjust on my part. I really enjoy your company, always have. I’m just not sure if I’m ready for that kind of… commitment yet?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, trying to soften the blow as much as possible. It was a difficult situation. Logically, she knew that everything they did was what people in a relationship did. Dates and the romantic gestures he offered. Passionate sex and spending the night with each other on the weekends. But she still hesitated to make it concrete. She told herself it was because of the way her relationship with Kakashi had ended. How devastating that had been.</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo was quiet for a few moments, turning his head again to stare at the ceiling with a gentle sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. I’ve been waiting for 10 years, so I guess I can wait a little longer.”</p><p> </p><p>He replied, a mix between sweet and bitter. Like he was trying to convince himself of the same thought. Atsuko wanted this conversation to be over as quickly as possible, so she conceded, leaning over the couch to press a quick kiss to his lips. His hand came up immediately, cupping the back of her neck and holding her there for a moment longer than she’d intended. There was a certain desperation in his grip, his fingertips burning against her skin like he was restraining himself. When she pulled away, she offered him another gentle smile, her own hand coming up to trail a thumb over his cheekbone.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Tenzo. You’re entirely too good to me. When I get back I’ll show you what <em>I </em>was thinking about all day.”</p><p> </p><p>She teased, completely pulling away with a wink. He let out a dry chuckle and Atsuko moved to gather her items from the table, heart pounding in her chest like she’d just narrowly avoided an incoming attack. After slinging her bag over her shoulder and settling the to-go pan of food in her arms, they said their goodbyes and she set out for the Hokage Tower.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko spent the majority of the walk trying to calm down after her conversation with Tenzo. It still perplexed her why she avoided solidifying the relationship. On paper, everything was perfect. He obviously loved her and had for a long time. Tenzo treated her well, he talked about his feelings freely and listened when she needed to talk about hers. He was supportive and well-mannered and romantic. Not to mention his massive-</p><p> </p><p>An immediate blush covered her face and she shook her head to dispel the dirty thoughts. Still, he was perfect. In every way. Except, she couldn’t help be feel like something was missing. She knew she’d never get anywhere if she continued to compare him to Kakashi, so she tried her hardest to determine what exactly wasn’t connecting without using their relationship as a reference. It wasn’t fair to Tenzo or herself, simply because <em>no one could ever compare to him</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes widened at that thought, like it was sentient and her brain hadn’t been the one to produce it. Oh god, she really need a drink. As she entered the Hokage Tower and climbed the stairs to Tsunade’s office, she found her speed increasing, desperate to discuss this latest development with the group of women she’d come to call her friends over the last few years. As she approached the door, she heard chattering and a few giggles, a smile stretching across her face as she knocked before pushing the door open.</p><p> </p><p>Inside the office sat Tsuande, Shizune and Sakura. It wasn’t rare that the young girl joined them on their end of the week gatherings, but she hadn’t been here the last couple of times. Atsuko smiled as all of the women turned their heads to face her.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko! You’re late!”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade scolded, the blush covering her cheeks evidence that she’d already began drinking. Atsuko only chuckled, moving into the room and placing the tray of food on her desk.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, Tenzo stopped by.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, only to have all of the women in the room respond with a soft</p><p> </p><p>“Ohhhh~!”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko laughed off the teasing and took her seat across from Tsunade’s desk, leaning forward and swiping the sake bottle, helping herself to a heavy pour.</p><p> </p><p>“If I didn’t know any better, I would say you ladies are jealous of my love life.”</p><p> </p><p>She teased back, only to be met with a resounding denial of such accusations.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmph, men are just a distraction.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade replied, only for Shizune and Sakura to hum in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“A really fun distraction.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko countered, earning her a scoff from the older woman.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you would know! Sleeping with half of our Jonin and Anbu.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade quipped, causing Shizune to let out a scolding,</p><p> </p><p>“Lady Tsunade!”</p><p> </p><p>From across the room, but Atusko only laughed, shrugging her shoulders and conceding.</p><p> </p><p>“We all have our vices…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko hummed, taking a sip from her drink and relaxing back in her chair.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, Atusko-sensei… Have you really been with that many men?”</p><p> </p><p>Sakura questioned, wide eyed and unabashed as ever. Atsuko turned her attention to the pink haired girl with a teasing smile. A blush covered her cheeks and her green eyes were peeled wide open, like she was stuck somewhere between embarrassment, awe, and disbelief. The person she’d become was truly amazing. She’d really come into her own under Tsunade’s wing and now she was one of the most powerful Shinobi to come out of Sasuke’s class. Not only in brute strength but her mastery of chakra control had helped her become a rather impressive medical-ninja as well. Without Sasuke around to distract her, she’d grown into a confident and beautiful young woman. Atsuko knew that, even in his absence, Sakura held onto the hope that Sasuke would return to the village one day. In all these years, she’d never seemed to move past her crush on him.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes ma’am. I don’t know if half is a fair number, but I did get around before… well, when I was younger.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, shrugging slightly as she took another sip from her drink.</p><p> </p><p>“Who?”</p><p> </p><p>Sakura asked quickly, before seeming to realize she was prying and sinking low in her chair out of embarrassment. Atsuko and Tsunade both let out barking laughs, their heads dropping back as Shizune stood, shaking her head. Tsunade’s right hand woman cracked open the container of food Atsuko had brought, carefully moving things around and getting everything set up so they could begin eating. Once Atsuko stopped laughing, she turned to Sakura again with a chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>“Well… I’m not normally one to kiss and tell. But if you have someone specific in mind I can let you know.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, raising an eyebrow at the young girl. Sakura seemed to recover from her embarrassment rather quickly, her eyebrows drawn together in thought as she worked through a list of Jonin in her head. Then, her eyes widened and she piped up again.</p><p> </p><p>“Asuma-sensei?”</p><p> </p><p>Sakura questioned, and Atsuko hummed in response, giving a nod with a few chuckles.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. But we were much younger. Before he and Kurenai had even thought about becoming an item.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko clarified, all of the women now moving to set themselves up with food.</p><p> </p><p>“What about Iruka-sensei?”</p><p> </p><p>Sakura questioned, filling the silence and making Atsuko laugh as she shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope, not him. He was just a good friend and co-worker.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, sitting back with her plate of food and taking a grateful bite. There were several beats of silence as the women in the room ate, before Sakura piped up again.</p><p> </p><p>“Please don’t tell me you’ve slept with Gai?”</p><p> </p><p>She suddenly gasped. Atsuko choked on her food and Shizune immediately reached out to slam a hand against her back, the sound of Atsuko’s choking only drowned out by Tsunade’s barking laugh.</p><p> </p><p>—————————————</p><p> </p><p>As they ate, Tsunade, Atsuko, and Shizune idly chatted about work. The upcoming Chunin Exams were the main topic, but they also discussed a new process from Anbu training that was due to be implemented in the coming weeks. Tsunade wanted to increase focus on medical ninjutsu training and prioritize arrest of targets over in the field assassinations. The plan was to slowly introduce every member of the Anbu to basic first aid medical ninjutsu over the course of several weeks. Sakura and Shizune were going to help with those training sessions, along with a few other skilled medical-nin from the hospital.</p><p> </p><p>Additionally, Tenzo was due to assist with training a select group of Anbu in capture techniques. Historically, the Anbu were fairly ruthless. Assassination was a specialty many of their members provided. However, in recent months, there had been a misfire on a mission and the wrong target was killed. Luckily, the person who’d been killed wasn’t directly affiliated with any major village, so they had avoided putting more strain on any previously weak relationships, but it had still been a tragedy. It also brought to light a major issue within the Anbu. The ‘kill first, ask questions later’ mentality was no longer acceptable in a world that was trying to move towards peace. So, Tsunade had ordered that they immediately cease with kill on sight orders. They were to bring criminals back to the village alive first. Where they could be interrogated and processed before their punishment was doled out. Over the coming weeks, several Anbu members would be trained in capture tactics, then each one would be assigned to a team.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko favored this move. There was more justice involved. People actually had the chance to defend themselves before they were silently struck down. It felt like a move towards more fairness. However, the discussion of the upcoming capture training had led to the women in the room asking Atsuko how she and Tenzo were doing. She’d let out a sigh in response, eyes scanning the room before sinking back into her chair, a tight grip on her third drink of the evening.</p><p> </p><p>“Well… He came over to the house for a bit before I came here. Everything was fine. We had some fun…”</p><p> </p><p>This earned a snicker from Tsunade and Sakura, but Atsuko only rolled her eyes before continuing.</p><p> </p><p>“But, as I was getting ready to leave, he sits down on the couch and gets all pouty. I told him he could stay the night and that I’d see him when I got back, but something was off. So I asked him what was wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko was interrupted this time before she could continue,</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, bad idea?”</p><p> </p><p>Shizune questioned, and Atsuko nodded solemnly, blowing a piece of hair out of her face.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, bad idea. Should’ve just let him pout. So, I ask him what’s wrong, like a dumbass, and he starts going on about how he wants to ‘make things official’ and that he wants to call me his girlfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade hissed at that, sucking air through her teeth like she was in pain. Atsuko nodded in agreement, and Sakura was the one to speak this time.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that’s all? Why is that a bad thing? You two seem so happy together…”</p><p> </p><p>The pink haired girl questioned, tilting her head to the side in confusion. Atsuko hummed as she thought it over, dropping her head back to stare at the ceiling. Sakura was young, so she didn’t really understand all of the nuances of a relationship yet. In her mind, it was simple. Two people liked each other, then they started dating and that was that. But it wasn’t always that easy, especially not when-</p><p> </p><p>“Because she’s still in love with Kakashi.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade answered with the all knowing voice of a wise woman. Her words caused Atsuko to let out a groan from deep in her chest, eyes squeezing shut.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve told you a thousand times, Tsunade, that’s not it <em>at all</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko huffed, immediately turning her attention back to Sakura.</p><p> </p><p>“Tenzo asking me to be his girlfriend… it’s bad because I’m just not ready for that kind of commitment yet. Being in a relationship like that is so… inhibiting.”</p><p> </p><p>She attempted to explain, not able to put into words why the idea of committing to Tenzo upset her so much. Sakura seemed slightly confused as well, nodding, but her eyebrows knitted together in concentration. Tsunade let out a scoff from across the room and butted in again.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, please, Atsuko. You go on dates, he stays the weekends at your house. He surprises you with these romantic gestures and you know he’s been in love with you for years. You’re not seeing anyone else and neither is he. So, you’re already committed. You just don’t want to make it ‘official’ because that makes it real and it closes the door on Kakashi.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade pointed out, pouring herself another drink as she spoke and then shaking her head before she took a sip.</p><p> </p><p>“For someone so perceptive about other people’s emotions, you really are stupid when it comes to Kakashi.”</p><p> </p><p>She huffed with finality, moving in to take a sip of her freshly poured drink. Her words immediately started a fire in Atsuko’s stomach, anger rising in her throat like bile. Tsunade had no idea how she felt. She cared for Tenzo deeply and he wasn’t just some placeholder for Kakashi. She also just couldn’t entertain her feelings for Kakashi anymore. She’d ruined their relationship and she had no right to pine for him. What she needed to do now was move on. Forget about Kakashi and do the right thing by leaving him alone. Letting him move on from her as well. He was better off without her.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko sighed, downing the rest of her own drink and standing rather abruptly from her seat, she placed the empty cup on Tsunade’s desk.</p><p> </p><p>“I know exactly how I feel when it comes to Kakashi. That bridge was burnt a long fucking time ago, Tsunade. I’m over him. Have been for a while. Now, if you ladies don’t mind, I’m going to go home to my <em>boyfriend</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko punctuated the last word before turning to pack up her bag.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade huffed, and again Shizune piped up with a scolding,</p><p> </p><p>“Lady Tsunade!”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko scoffed in response, shaking her head as she pulled her bag over her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see you all Monday morning.”</p><p> </p><p>She finished, before exiting the office and closing the door behind her as calmly as possibly. She was furious, but the last thing she needed was to slam Tsunade’s door and further stoke the flames.</p><p> </p><p>When she exited the Hokage tower in record time, it was dark outside. Friday nights in the village were typically busy and tonight was no exception. The streets were littered with people, moving in and out of different restaurants and bars. Before entering the fluid crowds, she took a deep breath, filling her lungs with warm, summer evening, air. She focused on her breathing for a moment, just trying to calm down before her walk home. When she felt the surge of anger had passed, she moved forward, tugging her bag across her chest tightly.</p><p> </p><p>There was a finality in her decision. When she got home, she would tell Tenzo that she’d thought about it and she was ready to make their relationship official. That would solidify her separation from Kakashi. People would stop asking her about him and she could stop thinking about him. He would hear the news and move on himself. There was no sense in him waiting around for her after what she’d done to him. She’d move on with Tenzo and things would be perfect, just like they had been over the last couple months. She’d marry him, have a few kids…</p><p> </p><p>Her heart raced at that thought, bile rising in her throat as she recalled the diamond ring that sat at the bottom of her keep sake box.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘Keep it. I bought it for you. Not anyone else.’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi had told when she’d tried to give the engagement ring back. Her throat burned as she held back tears. They blurred her vision for moment, making the streetlights and lights from the restaurants turn into streaks of color. The sound of the people around her muddled into nothing but a background hum, her heartbeat in her ears. She shook her head to dispel the feelings, swallowing against the knot in her throat and continuing forward. No more tears. She was happy now! Happy and at peace with her past.</p><p> </p><p>When she finally made it back to her house, she stood on the porch, taking a moment to reign in her emotions and relax. The last thing she needed was to bring this negative energy into her renewed home or to have Tenzo ask her what was wrong. She calmed herself down and pushed the door open, immediately feeling weight lift off her shoulders as she entered her house. The lights in the living room and kitchen were turned off, save for the light above the stove and a small nightlight by the couch. She toed her shoes off by the door and carefully deposited her bag on the kitchen table, not wanting to wake Tenzo if he was already sleeping.</p><p> </p><p>However, as she moved down the hallway towards her room, she noticed that there was a light peaking out from underneath her bedroom door. Atsuko moved closer, taking one more steadying breath before gently knocking on the door and sliding it open at the same time. When she moved into the room, the sight she was met with made her heart ache.</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo was sitting cross legged on her mattress, his back pressed against the headboard with a surprised look on his face. He was dressed down already, only wearing a pair of grey sweatpants, leaving his toned chest on view. When her eyes traveled downward, she saw that he was holding his hands out in front of him and there was something growing from the tip of the index finger on his right hand. When she focused, it was a small flower, the stem attached to his skin with a couple yellow blossoms on the end. She took a few steps towards the bed and realized that the flower was an orchid… her favorite. Her eyes turned back up to meet his and she noticed a dark blush had spread across his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey… I didn’t expect you back so soon.”</p><p> </p><p>He stuttered, bringing his left hand up to rub at the back of his neck in embarrassment. Atsuko was mesmerized, moving forward and immediately kneeling on the mattress. She took the hand with the flower growing from it in her hand, studying the blossom in awe.</p><p> </p><p>“When did you learn how to do this?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, voice soft as the white comforter crinkled under her weight. Experimentally, she brought her fingers up to run over the soft petals of the flower before turning her eyes back to meet his.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh… well, I’ve been practicing for a few months. I wanted to… you always loved my wood-style jutsu and said it was so interesting. So I thought… maybe I should learn something new for you. And I remembered you said orchids were your favorite but you could never get them to grow in the garden… I still haven’t mastered it but-”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko cut him off, lunging forward and kissing him, her hands grabbing the sides of his face. Tenzo let out a noise of surprise against her mouth before wrapping the hand not growing a flower around her waist, tugging her closer. She moved without hesitation until she was straddling his lap, kissing him like her life depended on it. When they finally separated for air, both of their faces flushed, Atsuko peeled her eyes open to meet his gaze. The look on Tenzo’s face was one she’d seen several times over the course of their tryst. Shocked and slightly embarrassed, but with a loving sparkle in his eyes. It tugged at her heartstrings in a way she hadn’t thought possible. A decade of memories and love flooded her all at once and she knew what she had to do.</p><p> </p><p>“Tenzo… I thought about it… and I think I’m ready to make things official.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko whispered, her hands sliding down to clasp together behind his neck, fingers playing with the ends of his brown hair. His large eyes widened even more and he stuttered out.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure? I don’t want to push you into doing something you’re not ready for. I can wait, Atsuko. Really.”</p><p> </p><p>He promised, the free hand on her back rubbing small circles. She smiled in response, bringing one of her hands around to cup his strong jaw.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure. You’ve always been there for me… even when I didn’t deserve it. I’m ready to move on with you and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that… I love you, Tenzo.”</p><p> </p><p>She breathed out the last words, flowing off her tongue so easily it scared her a little. It was the truth, but for some reason, something in her twisted painfully as his expression changed. A blush covered his cheeks and a loving smile overtook his face.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too…”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo returned, moving the hand growing the flower so that it was positioned between them, the yellow orchid in clear view. Suddenly, it began to move, growing taller and sprouting more flowers until he moved to snap the stem from the tip of his finger. Atsuko took it from him in awe, caressing the petals and gazing between him and the flower in fascination. His hand moved to her chin, tilting her head up to meet his eyes one last time before pulling her into another, slower, kiss.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope everyone enjoyed the chapter! This one is pretty long and I had a good time writing it. It's pretty upbeat and sweet as candy, but there's this underlying... unease? Bc this bitch is totally not over Kakashi (duh). Also, of course she's gonna get attached to Neji, bc i haven't put her through enough pain already. It also just makes sense out of all the kids imo since his attitude is the most similar to Sasuke's. Speaking of Sasuke, writing his little note broke my heart even if it wasn't long. Referring to himself as badass :( Also I just love Tsunade being the all knowing, wise, drunk aunt. Anyway!! Let me know what you think! See everyone next week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Homecoming</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs that Inspired this Chapter:</p><p>Sugar, We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy</p><p>I'm Like a Bird - Nelly Furtado</p><p>Matches - The Format</p><p>Howl - Alexandra Savior</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Sasuke’s mom…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Naruto whispered from behind Atsuko. The timidness in the blondes voice caused her ears to perk up. He was usually loud and bold, even when addressing sensitive topics. So, his sudden reserve drew her attention.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yes, Naruto?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She questioned, slowing down slightly so they fell into step side by side. Naruto’s gaze was turned towards the ground and if it weren’t for the fact that she was so stunned by his attitude change, she would have scolded him for not paying attention to the road in front of them. She’d been asked to accompany Kakashi and Team 7 on a mission that involved a missing child from a nearby village. It was a sensitive issue and there was reason to suspect foul play, but Lord Third was confident the team of Genin could handle the B-Rank mission if two Jonin accompanied them.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Currently, they were walking down a dirt road, surrounded by thick trees that helped to block the harsh summer sun. It was still early in the morning and they’d just set out from their overnight campsite not 3 hours prior.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I was just wonderin’… when you started teaching, you told us that you weren’t Sasuke’s real mom. And you don’t look anything alike. But you act like you’re his mom and he lives with you. So, what’s the deal?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Naruto asked, regaining some of that unabashed boldness by the end of his sentence. Finally, he picked his head up and focused on the road ahead. She and Naruto were in the front of the group with Sakura and Sasuke behind them, and Kakashi bringing up the rear. Before they’d left the village yesterday morning, Naruto had all but demanded to lead the charge. So, Kakashi and Atsuko had agreed on this formation. It allowed her and Naruto to scout a little further ahead and use her chakra sensory to detect any enemy presences while Kakashi kept guard over the rear. For the first time since she’d been ‘partnered’ with Naruto, she was grateful to be ahead of the rest of the group. The question itself didn’t shock her, but she did worry about Sasuke’s reaction to the conversation if he had overheard.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, Naruto, that’s a difficult question to answer. Sasuke has been living with me since he was 7 years old. So, a little less than half his life… I’m sure you know about what happened to his clan?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko lead, trying to spare the details and be as gentle as possible. She glanced down and Naruto was nodding slowly, eyes scrunched shut and eyebrows drawn down in what she’d deemed his ‘thinking face’.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay… Well, before that happened, I trained his older brother. Really, I’ve known Sasuke since he was a baby. So, when… well, when he lost his family, I was really all he head left. It was only natural he come live with me.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She finished explaining. But when she turned her face down to look at Naruto this time, he looked almost sad, staring down at his sandals again as his hands gripped the straps of his backpack. The realization dawned on her immediately. The very same thing had happened to Naruto and there had been no one for him to go live with. To take him in. It hurt her but it was too late now. Even if she had been in the place to step in and take in the boy when she’d been given Sasuke, Lord Third wouldn’t have allowed it. Kakashi had told her once that he’d asked the old man if it would be possible for him to take in Naruto, but he’d been denied.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Lord Third had stated it was ‘too dangerous’ to give anyone the ability to actively raise the child with the Nine-Tailed Beast locked inside him. Years later, the mere speculation that the Uchiha Clan had a hand in the Nine-Tails attack had lead to a coup plot and the massacre of an entire clan. She could only imagine the chaos that would have ensued if any one person or clan had been allowed to house the Nine-Tailed Fox. It was tragic, but that’s all most people in the village saw when they looked at Naruto. Not a child in need of guidance, but a chaotic beast.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“But… You’re his trainer. You don’t have to do all that mom stuff. Like hugging him and kissing him and wiping dirt off his cheek. So why do it if you’re not his real mom?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Naruto asked, and it threw Atsuko for a loop. The answer was so obvious it sprung from her before she even considered why he was asking such a question.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Because I love him, Naruto. I want him to be safe and healthy and clean and happy… So, I try my best to make sure he is all of those things. Sasuke may not be my biological son, but I feel like he is. It’s difficult to explain, but let me see if I can help you understand…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko hummed for a moment, trialing off as she considered her next words. Naruto was staring holes into the side of her head now as they continued to walk forward. Without looking at him, she warned,</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Watch ahead of you. If you trip over your own feet because you weren’t paying attention, I won’t catch you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Immediately, she felt his eyes tear away from her to fix back ahead. After a few beats of silence, she piped up again.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay. So, you know that feeling you get when Iruka takes you to ramen? Or when Kakashi is helping you learn a jutsu and he’s being encouraging instead of being an asshole?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She questioned, and Naruto let out a snicker at her words about Kakashi, but she turned her head just enough to catch him nodding furiously, his eyes scrunched shut again with a silly grin on his face.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Or the feeling you get when Sasuke jumps in to help you in battle? Or when Sakura does something awesome and you feel so proud of her? That warm, lovey, feeling you get when the people you care about make you happy. And even if they are doing something that makes you mad, you still love them right?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She added, and again he nodded furiously.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You would do anything to protect them, right? Do anything to see them smile?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko asked, and Naruto continued nodding, suddenly looking rather serious and determined.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That’s how I feel about Sasuke all the time. And you too, Naruto. And Sakura. I see all of you as my family. Do you understand?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko finished, turning to look at him fully this time. Naruto returned her gaze with a wide eyed one of his own, a faint blush on his cheeks likely because she’d included him in such an intense feeling. But it was true.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Family… it not always about blood relation. Anyone can be your family. People who you have an intense bond with or people who are there for you when no one else is… It’s so much more than biology. It’s about love.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She reiterated, reaching a finger out to poke his chest, right over where his heart would be. Naruto looked down at her finger, bug eyes slowly relaxing as a dopey smile worked its way across his face. He nodded slowly this time and looked back up at her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Thanks, Sasuke’s mom. I get it now.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He replied, and she grinned, pulling her finger away from his chest to ruffle the top of his hair, then leaning down to press a kiss to the cool metal of his headband.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Good.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko mumbled, before pulling back and chuckling at the stunned look on the boys face. She hadn’t even noticed they’d stopped walking until the rest of the group had caught up.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Here’s something I never thought I’d have to say… Naruto, please don’t steal my fiancé.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi called from the back of the pack, tone bored as ever. Atsuko only chuckled in response, turning to look at the older man over the heads of the Genin between them. She threw him a wink and he smiled in reply, the gesture just barely visible through his mask. She felt Sasuke before she heard him, scoffing as he brushed past her and marched ahead of the group with his hands in his pockets. Pouty punk.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Naruto, why don’t you fall back with Sakura and let Sasuke scout ahead with me for a bit?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She suggested, and Naruto nodded, obediently going to take his position next to Sakura. The pink haired girl groaned in annoyance, but made no other move to voice her displeasure. With that, Atsuko turned back ahead to catch up to Sasuke. When she did reach him, she placed a hand on the top of his head to let him know she was there.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Heya, badass. You want a forehead kiss too?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko asked, picking at the boys jealous nature. He huffed in response, hands digging further into his pockets. She was still positioned slightly behind him, but as she caught up and their steps fell into sync, she noticed a light blush on the stoic boys face.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Whatever. I’m too old for that kind of stuff.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke scoffed and Atsuko had to fight off a giggle, sinking her teeth into the meat of her cheek as she hummed thoughtfully.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I see. Well, I suppose you’ll just have to settle for this!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>As she finished her sentence, she immediately ducked down and wrapped her arms around Sasuke’s lean frame, squeezing him to her chest and easily lifting him off his feet and trapping his arms against his torso. He kicked his legs furiously, but stayed in her grasp as she giggled, swinging him back and forth while still managing to continue their forward march. Sasuke shouted,</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Put me down! Are you crazy!?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But Atsuko only laughed. If he really wanted her to let him go, he could make her. Instead, he was just putting on a show, kicking and wiggling around, but not really trying to break her grasp. She vaguely heard Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi chuckling from behind them and she slowly settled him back to his feet. Sasuke’s face was covered in a deep blush and he turned his embarrassed gaze to the ground as he dusted himself off.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re so annoying…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He grumbled, and Atsuko continued to chuckle in response, reaching out a hand to smooth his hair back.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Sorry, Sasuke. Just can’t help myself sometimes… Now, c’mon… you can help me scout ahead, badass.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She offered as her hand moved to rest on his shoulder. He immediately attempted to put back on a serious face, nodding confidently before they jumped into the branches above and set course for their final destination.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko was rushing back to the Hokage Tower as quickly as she could. Shizune had caught some kind of bug that was going around the village and hadn’t been to work in a couple days. This had left Atsuko to cover her position. Currently, she was rushing to get lunch back to Tsunade so she had time to eat before her afternoon meeting. The past couple days had been spent running non-stop errands while also managing to fit in all of her regular work. She was barely keeping up and her newfound appreciation for Shizune and all she did almost overshadowed the unbelievable amount of stress she was under. <em>Almost</em>.</p><p> </p><p>She huffed as she took the steps up the Hokage Tower two at a time, struggling with her arms full and her hair blowing in her face and sticking to the sweat on her forehead. She attempted to blow the stands away, adjusting the bag of food and the stack of files pressed against her chest. When she made it to the floor that housed Tsunade’s office, she broke off into a light jog, digging through the stack of files so she could present the most urgent one upon entering. But, she was so scattered, she didn’t notice the person right in front of her until it was too late.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko’s world came to jarring stop as she collided with a sturdy torso. She gasped in surprise and everything she’d been carefully balancing in her arms came crashing down to the floor. Immediately, she tried to step back from the person she’d ran into, only to slip on a stray piece of paper. It slid across the floor and sent her reeling backwards. Then, just as she was about to crash to the floor along with her afternoon work and Tsunade’s lunch, she felt a pair of long arms catch her. One supporting her lower back and the other wrapping around her shoulders. She hadn’t realized her eyes had scrunched shut in preparation for the fall until she had to pry them open to see who’d prevented her from smacking her head against the linoleum. Holding her near bridal style and with his face mere inches from her own was someone she was intimately familiar with.</p><p> </p><p>The masked ninja was looking at her in shock, his visible eye wrenched open wide and she could tell that his mouth was slightly agape behind the material of his mask. Atsuko returned the stare for a moment before her world slowed back down and she realized the position she was in. A thought flashed through her mind, lightning quick as it came and went, but the lasting effects evident as she fought to not melt into his embrace. Slowly, Kakashi helped her back to her feet and she rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment, immediately moving to collect the papers and files from the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so sorry, Kakashi. Guess I was in another world.”</p><p> </p><p>She apologized, tearing her eyes from the masked ninja to focus back on the task at hand. She sank to her knees fully, bending over and trying to pile as many papers together as possible. After a brief, but tense, silence, Kakashi huffed and squatted to assist her.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Not a problem. But Shinobi shouldn’t lose themselves in thought so easily.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>He teased, and an unexplainable chill ran up her spine. So jarring and harsh her hands stilled for a moment as she turned her face up to focus on him again. Why did that feel so… familiar? Dazed and still slightly shaken from the near fall, she stared at him for a moment as he collected papers and slipped them into their designated files. She couldn’t describe it in the moment, but she felt like they’d done this before…</p><p> </p><p>“But I should have been paying more attention to where I was going, as well.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi added, snapping her out of her trance. Atsuko sighed, shaking her head and getting back to work.</p><p> </p><p>“No… It was totally my fault. Shizune has been out sick for a couple days so I’m doing the work of two people… Tsunade’s got me running around like crazy, even more so than usual… I’ve been pretty scatterbrained all day.”</p><p> </p><p>She finished as they finished gathering the last of the paperwork. Kakashi was the first to stand, moving quickly to offer his hand. Atsuko took it gratefully and he hauled her to her feet, handing her the files he’d gathered. Before she could protest, he was grabbing the bag of food from the floor. The salad container in the bag seemed to have survived the crash and she thanked her lucky stars as she reached out for it, only for Kakashi to pull it just out of reach.</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon. I’ll help.”</p><p> </p><p>He offered, already turning to continue down the hallway to Tsunade’s office. Atsuko stood for a moment, still slightly dumbfounded before resigning and following him.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Kakashi… but you really don’t have to…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko muttered from behind him, but the masked man only glanced over his shoulder and scrunched his eye shut in that sweet smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to. Plus, I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a few weeks now. Think Tsunade could release her iron grasp long enough for us to get lunch?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned, and again it stunned her momentarily. A blush dusted across her face and her eyes immediately fell to the floor as she nervously adjusted the files in her arms. It might not be the best idea… but, he knew her position. They could be friends now, right? Briefly, she wondered what it was he wanted to talk to her about but that specific detail seemed small compared to the grander picture.</p><p> </p><p>“That would be nice. I don’t think I’ve had a real break in two days… Not until I go home at the end of the day anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighed at the end of her sentence just as they reached the doors to the Hokage’s office. Kakashi let out a teasing scoff, shaking his head.</p><p> </p><p>“These working conditions sound inhumane. You and Shizune should unionize.”</p><p> </p><p>He commented as he pulled the door open and held it for her. His joke pulled a laugh from her chest and she hummed in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“Definitely, but I believe we need more than two people for something like that.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, and his smart-ass reply came fast on the heals of the end of her sentence.</p><p> </p><p>“Then maybe a simple picket line will do the trick. We could make signs. ‘No smoke breaks, no work.’… though that’s not very catchy. Give me a few weeks to workshop the slogans.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi responded, and again Atsuko laughed, nodding.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure. Take all the time you need.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied easily, not realizing they’d been bantering in Tsunade’s office until she turned her attention to the woman sitting behind the desk.</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade was leaned forward, her elbows resting on the table in front of her with an amused smile on her face. Her brown eyes were drawn together in question as a few strands of blonde hair framed her pretty face. She raised an eyebrow at Atsuko when the two women made eye contact, and Atsuko’s eyes went wide as she realized what was happening. Both of the women’s eyes darted over to Kakashi before meeting each other’s gaze again. Atsuko stepped forward, panic rising in her throat at the thought of Tsunade saying something embarrassing.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah. Lady Tsunade, here is your lunch…”</p><p> </p><p>She snatched the plastic bag from Kakashi and moved quickly to deposit it on the older woman’s desk. Then she moved to thumb through the files in her arms.</p><p> </p><p>“And… This is the information you’ll need regarding this afternoon’s meeting. Seems pretty straight forward… some local farmers are requesting more assistance from the village. I believe they are specifically needing a team of Genin to assist on the farm for a week with this years harvest.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko rambled, handing Tsunade the file from the top of the stack. Still, the woman had fixed her with that irritating, knowing, smile. The Fifth Hokage concerned herself too much with the personal affairs of her subordinates, Atsuko had come to realize. After their little spat a few weeks ago, Tsunade had apologized for being so forward, but had maintained her stance that she was still in love with Kakashi. And that she wouldn’t be happy until they reconciled. Atsuko, in her newfound dedication to Tenzo, had brushed off the idea easily. But now, as she and Kakashi had come into her office together, joking easily, Tsunade clearly had it in her head that this was some sort of step in what she considered to be the ‘right’ direction.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, if thats all, then I shouldn’t need you here for analyzing. Why don’t you take a break, hm? Get some lunch.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade offered, flipping through the file in front of her distantly, like she was pretending to care. She peered up at Atsuko wiggling her eyebrows and jutting her head in Kakashi’s direction in the least subtle way possible. The masked ninja was waiting patiently, hands stuffed into his pockets with a soft smile on his face but he definitely noticed the action as his brows furrowed in response. Atsuko blushed instantly, wanting nothing more than to crawl in a hole a die. Instead, she opted for her maintaining her cool, subtly kicking the older woman in the shin behind the desk. Tsunade gasped slightly, the smug look falling from her face before devolving into a loud, barking, laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you. I will be taking a break. A <em>long </em>one.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko hissed as the older woman continued to laugh, waving her hand dismissively. Atsuko took that as her cue, beelining for the door with her head dropped down. Kakashi followed her back into the hall and as the door shut behind them, Atsuko let out a deep sigh in an attempt to calm her nerves. Before Kakashi had any opportunity to draw attention to Tsunade’s strange behavior, Atsuko spoke up.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay… lunch. Did you have somewhere specific in mind?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, finally turning around to the face the masked man. He nodded with a smile, taking a long step past her in a silent gesture for her to follow. Easily, Atsuko fell into step behind him.</p><p> </p><p>————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi guided her, in silence, to what used to be their favorite bar. The place they’d first officially met and the place they’d spent so many hours together and with friends over the course of their relationship. It was the same bar she’d forced him to confront his feelings in by trapping him in a Genjutsu. As the front of building drew closer, the neon ‘BAR’ sign hanging grey and unlit during the midday hours, Atsuko’s throat tightened slightly. She realized that she was following her ex-fiance to the same bar they’d been in when she realized she was in love with him. This had to be some kind of mind game. He was taking her somewhere they shared so many memories under the guise of grabbing lunch. Only to try to convince her to take him back. Kakashi had always been a smooth talker. He knew exactly what people wanted to hear and he wasn’t afraid to say what he needed to get what he wanted.</p><p> </p><p>But he’d never done that to her, the logical side of her brain reminded her. He wouldn’t manipulate her in such an obvious way… Maybe, he just wanted to go eat somewhere they were both comfortable. Additionally, their slow stroll to the bar had filled her with that calming lull again. That relaxed feeling that only his presence could produce within her. So, she couldn’t really bring herself to be truly worried or anxious. Not when he was around.</p><p> </p><p>As they approached the establishment and Kakashi held open the old wooden door for her, Atsuko scoffed as she moved past.</p><p> </p><p>“You day drinking now, Hatake?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, the tease falling from her lips without a second thought. She found if she didn’t overthink his company too much, it was incredibly easy to fall back into step. Like nothing had ever happened.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, this place has good food too. It’s not my fault you only ever cared about the drinks.”</p><p> </p><p>He replied, stepping over the threshold behind her as she let out a scoff.</p><p> </p><p>“And it’s not my fault you could never handle your own.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko pointed out, throwing him a grin over her shoulder. He must not have been expecting it, because he was already staring at the back of her head with his eyebrows tilted up in a face she could only describe as pain filled longing. As soon as their eyes met, he forced a smile under his mask, hand flying up to rub the back of his neck.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah. I’ll have you know I’ve built up my tolerance over the years.”</p><p> </p><p>He answered as Atsuko moved to walk towards their typical booth nestled in the back corner of the bar. She settled into the seat with her back to the room, knowing Kakashi preferred to sit where he could see the room and with no one behind him. As they settled in, Atsuko took one of the menus from the end of the table, immediately thumbing through the options she’d never really considered before.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m starving. I woke up late and didn’t have time for breakfast this morning… been running on empty all day.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated, her attempt at small talk to try and delay the conversation Kakashi claimed he wanted to have. She felt his eyes on her for a moment before he reached for his own menu, letting out a hum of agreement. Another silence overtook them as they perused and Atsuko began to wonder if this was a bad idea. She wasn’t necessarily nervous or uncomfortable… in fact, it was the exact opposite. Just being in his presence again had her body relaxing and her eyes growing heavy. A heat stirring in her stomach that she hadn’t felt in a long time.</p><p> </p><p>Carefully, she glanced up at him over the menu for a moment. It was a compulsion she couldn’t control. Like an itch in desperate need of scratching. Her eyes focused on his face, watching the way his dark, visible, eye scanned over the paper menu. His silver hair, somehow darker and softer looking in the dim light of the bar. She took notice of the way his fingers flexed unconsciously against the back of the menu and the way his jaw twitched ever so slightly behind the barrier of his mask. She’d convinced herself that they were ‘friendly’ now. Polite and distant but friendly. But as she stared at him now, allowing herself to truly look at him for the first time in years, she found her chest aching.</p><p> </p><p>He was still so devastatingly beautiful. Even when he was just sitting in a bar, hunched over the table and mumbling quietly to himself about the options in front of him. Suddenly, she felt hollow. Once, she’d been able to say that the man sitting across from her was <em>hers</em>. Looking at him like she was doing now didn’t fill her with anguish back then. Instead, it filled her with love. Awe. A subtle longing to pull him away from the crowd and show him, physically, just how much she wanted him. To show him how desperately she needed him to be pressed against her with their bodies joined together, tugging and pushing until it felt like <em>maybe</em> they’d become one if they could just reaches their peaks together. Now, she felt that same longing and the emotions gazing at him pulled from her were addicting. She hadn’t felt them in so long, so she was swept under by the currents for the time being.</p><p> </p><p>That was, until the waiter came to get their orders. The voice of the young woman pulled her from her trance and Atsuko barely had enough time to dart her eyes back towards the menu while Kakashi turned his head up. They both placed their orders without issue, and Atsuko decided that a single mid-day drink wouldn’t hurt. In fact, it could only help considering the erratic pace of her heartbeat and the sweat pooling in her palms. She realized what she’d been doing and, on top of the overwhelming confusion feelings swarming her brain, she felt a pang of guilt in her stomach. She was eternally grateful when the waitress returned with her glass of wine, taking a long sip and sighing at the familiar taste.</p><p> </p><p>“So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked casually, subtly wiping her hands off on her pants as she tried to relax back into the booth. Atsuko was better at this now. She placed those feelings in the back of her mind and opted to allow the autopilot to take over. Kakashi nodded, leaning forward with his elbows on the table and snatching up a paper napkin from the holster. Absentmindedly, he began folding the paper in intricate patterns. So, he was nervous.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I had the chance to talk to Tenzo a couple weeks ago.”</p><p> </p><p>He began, eyes darting up to read her expression quickly. Atsuko nodded in understanding, allowing him to continue. Kakashi’s gaze fell back on the napkin and he moved forward.</p><p> </p><p>“He told me that you both had decided to make things… ‘official’, I believe is the word he used.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko swallowed the lump in her throat, but made the conscious effort to hum in agreement. He didn’t spare her a glance this time.</p><p> </p><p>“So, I just wanted to pull you aside and apologize for my forwardness a few weeks ago. It was presumptuous of me to think that you’d just spent all of this time waiting around for me. I should have known better and I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any way.” </p><p> </p><p>Her eyebrows knitted together as he spoke. He thought that she was waiting on <em>him? </em>That was ridiculous. Not because she hadn’t held out hope for a future with him up until about six months ago… of course she had. It was ridiculous because she was the one who’d ended everything. If anything, she’d force him to wait on <em>her.</em> Before she could address this, however, he was peering up at her again, his fingers that were folding the paper coming to a halt.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m happy for you, Atsuko. I really am. I’m glad you’ve moved on and found someone who is good for you. Tenzo is a close friend and I know he is a genuine man. Probably someone you can share your feelings with and not feel the need to… well, either way. I wanted you to know that there is no resentment here and that I truly hope both of you find happiness with one another. I wanted to clear the air because I would like for us all to remain friends. If that’s something you also want?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi finished, words stringing together a bit in the middle like he was rushing through a poorly written speech. Hoping that if he spoke fast, it would be over and he wouldn’t have to deal with whether or not it sounded genuine. She believed he wanted it to sound meaningful, but there was still so much left unsaid that she’d couldn’t stop the desire to pull those lines apart and read between them. However, she stomped down that feeling. She would accept his strange blessing at face value. After all, it would be presumptuous of her to assume he’d never gotten over her, right? Conceited and self-important. She had hurt him. He shouldn’t be the one apologizing and letting her know she could move on. It should be the other way around.</p><p> </p><p>Her mouth moved before she gave it permission to do so.</p><p> </p><p>“ ‘Kashi…”</p><p> </p><p>The nickname rolled over her tongue involuntarily. Like the sound she made when she stubbed her toe. A hair trigger response that took no thought. His shoulders tensed for just a moment, but he maintained his composure and their eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you. I’m glad we can have this conversation because the guilt has been weighing on me pretty heavy… But <em>you</em> don’t need to apologize for anything. I was the one who ended things and the one who… well, we didn’t work out because of my baggage and poor decisions. And I’ll never be able to tell you just how sorry I am for the way things ended and how difficult it must have been for you in the beginning. I still don’t understand why you would even still want me back after all of that…”</p><p> </p><p>She paused for a moment to let out a disbelieving chuckle, before reaching across the table and taking one of his hands in her own. His visible eye widened a little at the contact before accepting her warmth and turning his palm up to wrap his fingers around her own.</p><p> </p><p>“Either way, thank you for taking the time to clear the air regarding Tenzo. The last thing I want is for things to be awkward or uncomfortable between you two. I know how close you are. And I, personally, want nothing more than to maintain our friendship.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished, flashing him a smile that she almost had to force. She’d been so sure about her relationship with Tenzo in recent weeks, but she couldn’t help but feel like what she was doing right now was <em>wrong. </em>Not because anything they were actively doing was wrong, but because of the thoughts she was having. The way she didn’t want to let go of his hand. The way she silently wished he’d come to her just a little sooner. Sitting in this bar with him, the wine increasing that heady feeling, she realized that Tsunade had been right all along. She was still so in love with him she couldn’t think straight. Still, she reminded herself, she could not hurt Tenzo. She wouldn’t. And, Kakashi moving on would be best for him in the long run anyway. After what she’d done to him, he deserved so much better.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi gave her hand a gentle squeeze before retreating from her touch entirely, sitting back in the booth, leaving a tiny paper napkin crane on the table in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Good. Because I’ve really missed you.”</p><p> </p><p>——————————————————</p><p> </p><p>They spent the rest of Atsuko’s lunch break chatting easily and catching up. He told her about some of the recent missions he’d been on and she told him about the renovations she’d done on her home. He told her about the most recent challenge from Gai and she told him about Neji’s recent visit. It all came so naturally. The laughter and mild gossip. It was like having her best friend back after a long time apart. There was so much to talk about, and so painfully little time.</p><p> </p><p>They split the bill when it came and exited the bar within an hour of entering it. The sun shone down painfully after being the in the dark establishment for so long and Atsuko had to squint for her eyes to adjust.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I guess I’ll see you around. Maybe we can try and get everyone together sometime soon for drinks?”</p><p> </p><p>She suggested, and Kakashi nodded slowly, his hands already finding their typical spot in his pockets. He gave her that close eyed grin.</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds fun. Let me know if anything comes up.”</p><p> </p><p>He agreed and she nodded as well. Briefly, she glanced over his shoulder and something caught her eye. The sun in her eyes vanished and she tried to get a better view. There was a dark shadow, standing on top of an electric pole several feet from where they were. But as her eyes adjusted, she realized exactly who it was and a grin took over her face. Kakashi turned around as well to see what she was looking at, just in time for the shadow to proudly proclaim,</p><p> </p><p>“I’m home everyone! Naruto Uzumaki has returned to the Hidden Leaf Village!”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko chuckled and moved to stand next to Kakashi. He was looking up at the figure with the same smile and they shared a knowing look before heading down the street in the direction of Naruto. When they arrived, Sakura and a few of the children from Iruka’s current class had already swarmed the yellow haired boy. Atsuko approached cautiously and Kakashi leaned down to whisper in her ear,</p><p> </p><p>“I think I’ll talk to him later.”</p><p> </p><p>Before disappearing in a puff of smoke. She shrugged off his quick exit, because there was someone she wanted to see even more the Naruto. As she drew closer to the group her eyes scanned the area in search of-</p><p> </p><p>“Lookin’ for someone, kiddo?”</p><p> </p><p>The smooth voice suddenly came from behind her and Atsuko’s face split in half with the force of her wide grin. She spun on her heel quickly, only to find Jiraiya towering over her with that disarming smile of his. Immediately and without thought, she jumped up and wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug. He laughed from deep within his chest, the vibrations causing her own to rattle with laughter as his arms encircled her waist. He swung her around slightly, her feet no longer on the ground before setting her down with a ‘hmph’ and dropping his massive hands to her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“Look at you! Only getting more beautiful by the day. I’m digging the white eyebrows.”</p><p> </p><p>He commented, slicking his own down with his thumb and forefinger for effect. Atsuko laughed again, dropping her head back.</p><p> </p><p>“You only say that because I’m starting to look more like you.”</p><p> </p><p>She returned and Jiraiya gave a shrug of his shoulders, chuckling as well. A silence fell between the pair as they just smiled at one another for a few moments. The letters they’d sent back and forth over the last couple years had brought them closer than Atsuko thought possible. It was definitely strange, meeting her father so late in her life and trying to form a relationship with him. But it also managed to be one of the easiest things she’d ever done. They played off each other well and when she read some of the letters he’d sent, a chill would run up her spine at some of the similarities in their thought processes.</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya’s eyes pulled from her face to glance over her shoulder and Atsuko turned around to see what he was looking at. Naruto, Sakura, and some of the kids from Iruka’s class were still standing and chatting happily. Her heart filled for a brief moment at the sight of the blonde haired boy. Grown and confident looking with that huge smile still overtaking his face. Sakura looked almost bashful in the presence of her teammate and that’s when the color started to drain from the scene. Something was missing and the heart that had been previously filling with love, began to sink.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke… If she allowed her mind to wander, she could almost see him standing there with them. Taller and leaned against the light pole Naruto had previously been on top of. His eyes shut and arms crossed over his chest like he couldn’t care less if Naruto was back. But he’d be wearing that soft smirk. The one that said everything he couldn’t or didn’t care to vocalize. She shut her eyes for a moment, banishing the thought because it wasn’t productive for her to imagine such things. Sasuke was gone, she reminded herself. He was gone and doing what he had to do for the time being…</p><p> </p><p>Letting out a gentle sigh through her nose, she peeled her eyes back open. Jiraiya’s hand came down on her shoulder, a grounding gesture, like he knew what she was thinking. She’d written to him about Sasuke several times over the last few years. She would tell him silly stories from his youth. Sweet anecdotes and some of the more… heavy moments as well. She missed him so much sometimes her chest physically ached. But she just tried to remind herself that this was his choice and it was what needed to be done for him to move on. So maybe he could feel fulfilled at the end of this journey.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey… you alright, kiddo?”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya asked from behind her, and Atsuko nodded immediately, a sad smile working its way across her face as she focused on Naruto and Sakura.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m alright… I have an idea, though. Why don’t I throw a little get together at my house this evening? To welcome Naruto back… You could bring Tsunade and I’ll see if I can get some of the other kids together… It would be nice.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko teased, turning around to face the older man again. He had a loving smile on his face, nodding already.</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds wonderful. As long as you promise to cook. I’m starved.”</p><p> </p><p>He groaned the last words dramatically, Atsuko’s hand flying up to slap him in the chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah. I got your letter. I’ll make something good. Promise.”</p><p> </p><p>————————————-</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko had rushed back to the Hokage Tower to let Tsunade know the good news. Jiraiya and Naruto had returned. In all her graciousness, she’d allowed Atsuko to head home early to prepare for the small party she had planned. She managed to track down everyone she wanted to invite and gather all the supplies she would need for a party. In the end, Tenzo and Neji showed up a little early to help her set up.</p><p> </p><p>She prepared different foods and drinks for the adults, while Tenzo worked on setting some things up in the backyard. Neji floated around the kitchen easily at her instruction, helping her with cooking and washing the dishes as they were used. As she stood over the kitchen table, making mixed drinks and getting together utensils and plates, she looked up for a moment to breathe. Neji had his back to her, the flowing sleeves of his shirt rolled up as he dried off dishes and put them away. His long, dark, hair was tied into a loose bun on the back of his head and despite the fact that the were both sweating a little, not a single hair was out of place.</p><p> </p><p>Just past him, Atsuko could see Tenzo in the backyard, struggling with setting up one of her fold out tables. She couldn’t hear him, but she knew he was cursing as he tried to get the legs to unfold only for them to snap back to their position tucked under the table. He tossed the offending object aside and formed a couple signs with his hands before making a long, wooden, table grow from the ground. He smirked to himself, proud, and lifted the heavy object, carrying it to where he needed it.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko couldn’t help the small chuckle that rose from her chest as she turned her attention back to the cups in front of her. She recalled a party she’d had just like this one several years ago after Sasuke had graduated from the Academy. Again, she saw a reflection. Instead of Neji and Tenzo, Sasuke and Kakashi were helping her set up. Though, Sasuke grumbled his annoyance the entire time and Kakashi had literally decorated the backyard in 10 minutes flat. It was different, but somehow the same.</p><p> </p><p>Shortly after everything was in place, people started to arrive. Atsuko was assisting Neji in tying back his hair in his usual style when the first knock on her door came.</p><p> </p><p>“Come in!”</p><p> </p><p>She called, the hair tie clenched between her teeth as she combed Neji’s soft hair back. He was sitting on a chair at the kitchen table, perfectly still as she worked. The front door creaked open and the former members of Team 10 were spilling into her kitchen in typical form. Shikamaru led the group, his hands tucked into his pockets with a lop sided smirk on his face. Following close behind were Ino and Choji. They both had grown so much since their youth. Ino had turned into a stunning young woman and Choji had filled out as well, no longer a chubby little boy, but a sturdy, heavy, man. Asuma brought up the rear, smiling with an unlit cigarette in his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko grinned, handing Neji the comb over his shoulder and grabbing the tie from her mouth. She began wrapping the bottom of his hair as she spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! You guys are the first here. Yamato is out back and there are drinks and food set up and ready to go.”</p><p> </p><p>She advised, pulling her eyes back up to focus on the group when Neji’s hair was done. He stood immediately, turning and giving her the slightest of bows in thanks. Atsuko nodded in return and when he straightened back up he said he was going to assist Yamato. Then, Asuma followed soon behind, accompanied by Ino and Choji, until it was just Shikamaru and Atsuko standing in the kitchen as she finished wiping down the table and counters.</p><p> </p><p>“You and Neji close now or something?”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru asked, moving to lean against her kitchen counter. Atsuko shrugged, hanging the rag she’d been using to dust on the handle of the oven.</p><p> </p><p>“When he was promoted to Jonin, Lady Tsunade had me show him the ropes for a few weeks. I believe he just enjoys my company. And I enjoy his. Sometimes he helps with little projects around the house or we just have a cup of tea and chat. Why do you ask?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko questioned, reaching into the fridge and producing a snack tray. She handed it to Shikamaru, who lifted his arms with no thought.</p><p> </p><p>“No reason. He’s just kind of… prissy.”</p><p> </p><p>He responded, grunting out the last word like an insult. It made her chuckle slightly. Because Neji did appear that way on the exterior. He was polite and respectful, but also arrogant and uppity. However, she’d seen another side to him since he’d started to assist her. He was softer on the inside and he had a keen eye for details. He held himself to impossibly high standards, so he only felt it right to hold everyone else to those expectations. When they inevitably fell short, he was reminded that he was different from other people. So he was distant and withdrawn. But he seemed to warm up in her home. Occasionally, when he was helping her paint the bathroom, she’d hear him humming quietly to himself. Or he didn’t fuss with his appearance as much, tying his hair up in a knot or borrowing an old t-shirt to work in instead of those pristine garments he typically wore.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe to you he is. But he’s a little more relaxed when it’s just us. Why do you care who I spend time with, anyway? You jealous?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko teased, as they both moved to join everyone else in the backyard. Shikamaru scoffed immediately, but a blush dusted his cheeks none the less and he did everything he could to avoid her line of sight. Even back in the days when she’d taught him in class, Shikamaru had this way of passively showing his care for others. He never made a big show or directly spoke to anyone about the way he felt, but he would do little things and shrug off the resulting appreciation. One week during her Academy teaching days, Atsuko had been extremely overwhelmed. Sasuke was hitting his training hard, forcing her to accompany him to the training grounds every night after class. Everyone was working towards the end of the year exams that were coming up, so the students all had questions about their study guides and what information they would need to cover. She assisted with some their last minute cram sessions and jutsu trainings, even taking a small group with her to Sasuke’s after school training so she could help them study. On top of all the paperwork for the end of the school year and the upcoming exams, Iruka was out sick for a few days and everything was piling up beyond belief.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sitting at Iruka’s desk, Atsuko filtered through the massive pile of folders in front of her with an exasperated sigh. She’d given the class a small study guide to complete during the day so she had time to get caught up paperwork. Lord knows she wasn’t going to have the time to do any of it after work tonight unless she forced herself to pull an all-nighter. Sasuke was adamant that he learn a new fire style jutsu by the end of the week. She wasn’t sure what was driving him to reach such a goal, but she didn’t want to hold him back just because she was tired. So, she’d been accompanying him every night that week and helping him learn a variation of his Fireball Jutsu. One that allowed him to spit multiple balls of flames in a ranged attack instead of the singular, massive, incineration technique he already knew.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It was exhausting and between doing her best to prepare the class for their upcoming exams, filling out all of the end of semester paperwork, helping Sasuke train, and just keeping up with her daily chores, she was fading fast. Kakashi also just so happened to be out on a mission for the time being, so she had little to no help at home either. She read the same line on the paper in front of her three different times before she sighed and lowered her head to the desk, trying in vain to relax and regain her focus. Suddenly, the sound of sandals against the linoleum approaching her desk pulled her attention. She raised her head, forcing a warm smile and scrunching her eyes shut as she expected one of the students needed help with a question.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What’s up?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She questioned, but instead of an answer, she heard the sound of something heavy and metallic being placed on her desk. Then, the sound of a plastic wrapper crinkling. Her eyebrows furrowed and she opened her eyes, only to see that whoever had approached had placed a caffeinated drink and a packaged, sweet, snack on her desk. When she pulled her eyes up, Shikamaru was already returning to his seat, hands in his pockets and walking leisurely back towards the stadium styled seating.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Shikamaru?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko called after him, but he only shrugged his shoulders, turning just briefly to look at her with the same passive expression he always wore.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Seemed like you needed it more than I do.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Now, as he stood in her kitchen, slightly bad mouthing Neji, she remembered that moment. And the fact that he had continued to bring her sugary and caffeinated items throughout the week. Most of the time, the little boosters would be sitting on her desk when she arrived in the morning. Before she could see who had left them. But it was always the same brand and flavor as the ones he’d given her that first day. Shikamaru was bad at verbally communicating how he felt. Hell, most Shinobi were and it wasn’t anything new, but he showed his care through his actions. Or in subversive ways, like calling Neji ‘prissy’.</p><p> </p><p>“Tch. Whatever. I’m not jealous. You women are all so crazy.”</p><p> </p><p>He huffed in response, and Atsuko’s hand flew up to smack him in the back of the head. She snatched the tray of snack foods from his hands and watched as he rubbed the back of his head with a wince.</p><p> </p><p>“Watch your mouth, Shikamaru. You wouldn’t be here if weren’t for women. And there’s a reasonmen crave our attention. You men are so repressed and rough that you all require the soft touch of a woman to balance that out.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko scolded, moving past him towards the table Yamato crafted in the backyard. From behind her, she heard Shikamaru mutter under his breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Soft touch my ass…”</p><p> </p><p>Either way, he still moved to help her move things out of the way on the table so she could set the heavy tray down without issue.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you. Now, if you ever decide that you too would like to have tea with me or come assist me with a project around the house, you’re more than welcome. That isn’t an offer strictly for Neji. But, you need to treat the women in your life with a little more respect.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated, reaching up to pinch his cheeks like she had a few weeks prior. Shikamaru flushed red and his eyes darted towards the ground as she released her grip, patting his shoulder and walking across the yard to where Asuma and Yamato were talking. When she approached, Yamato smiled at her, draping his arm over her shoulders and tugging her flush against his side as he greeted her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, babe. Why’d ya smack Shikamaru?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked with a chuckle, and Atsuko didn’t miss the way Asuma’s eyebrow raised at their close contact and the use of the pet name. Suddenly, she was painfully aware that this would be the first time their friends would be seeing them as a couple and her stomach churned unpleasantly as she dropped her eyes to avoid Asuma’s gaze. Forcing a smile, she replied.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, just a little lesson in respecting women.”</p><p> </p><p>She muttered, fighting an internal battle on whether or not she should allow his arm to remain draped over her shoulders. Yamato seemed to sense the tension as well and spared her from having to make the decision after a short but awkward silence fell between the three Shinobi. He lifted his arm from her, pulling it back to his side and sliding his hand into his pocket.</p><p> </p><p>Before anything else could be said, however, the man of the hour was walking into the backyard through her backdoor. Naruto looked around, taking in the familiar setting and decorations with a soft smile before the blonde caught Atsuko’s gaze. His grin grew wider and he waved wildly as he ran across the yard towards her.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko-sensei!”</p><p> </p><p>He called as he drew closer, and she noticed that not only had he changed physically but his voice had matured as well. Not as high and squeaky as it had been when he was a kid. She opened her arms immediately with a grin, all the tension from her encounter with Yamato and Asuma forgotten. Naruto threw himself against her chest so harshly it almost knocked the wind out of her. Again, he was taller than she was now, having to bend just a bit to wrap his arms around her waist and rest his chin on her shoulder. She returned the hug, squeezing tightly for effect before releasing him and bringing her hands to his shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. You look so grown up now!”</p><p> </p><p>She admired, her hand moving to pinch his cheek and fuss with his hair a little. Naruto giggled in response, eyes scrunching shut and fixing her with that disarming grin as a light blush covered his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah! Not the same little kid you remember, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned brightly, and she shook her head in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Definitely not. I’m sorry I didn’t get to say anything to you earlier today. I’m working for Lady Tsunade and I had to get back from my lunch break.”</p><p> </p><p>She apologized, but Naruto just shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“No problem! I know Grandma Tsunade can be bossy!”</p><p> </p><p>He replied, shuddering a little at a memory Atsuko wasn’t privy too. She giggled and glanced over his shoulder just in time to see the Fifth Hokage herself walking up to Naruto with a glare. Atsuko cringed and took a step back right as the older woman reached the boy and threw her muscular arm around his neck, pulling him into a headlock.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you say, Naruto? I’m bossy, huh? I’ll show you bossy!”</p><p> </p><p>Tsuande griped as Naruto struggled to break free from her grasp, shouting apologies and twisting around while she pulled him away from the group a little. Atsuko, Asuma, and Yamato all chuckled at what was essentially a show of affection before a couple others came into the yard and joined their group. Kurenai and her Team arrived next, then Gai and the rest of his team as well. Jiraiya was ‘fashionably’ late but he didn’t waste any time raiding the snack table. Apologizing profusely for his tardiness, Iruka arrived carrying appetizers of his own and other snacks, the items overflowing in his arms causing Atsuko to rush to assist him in sitting everything down.</p><p> </p><p>After almost everyone had arrived, mixing and mingling became more prominent. Unlike the last party she’d had, the Jonin instructors and Chunin talked together in ever shifting groups. Atsuko did her best to follow the best conversations, moving from group to group fluidly as she downed several alcoholic beverages. At one point, she was listening to Asuma and Shikamaru argue about what was, apparently, a ‘controversial’ Shogi strategy. The few stragglers that hung around to hear that conversation were soon bored to tears and moved on elsewhere. That’s how she’d ended up listening to Kurenai and Iruka make hushed gossip about her relationship with Asuma. It was sweet and she was happy to see the normally shy woman so blushy and happy. Then, she’d worked her way over to where Naruto was, recounting a tale from his time spent on the road with Jiraiya. It was action packed and full of over the top imagery that Kiba was quick to poke holes in, telling Naruto to dial it back and tell the real story.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, she found herself off to the side of the party with Tenzo. Both of them a few drinks in and nestled against each other in some blissful form of upright cuddling. His arm was wrapped around her shoulders and her face was buried in his chest, just relaxing as the sounds of the party flowed around her. They shared a few soft kisses as her worries about their relationship faded into background noise, paling in comparison to her current desire for affection. However, it didn’t seem like they’d completely gone unnoticed. Because by the time she peeled herself from his grip to grab a new drink and make the rounds again, a few people kept turning their attention to her. She could feel their eyes on her back but when she turned, the only person still looking at her from across the yard was Gai.</p><p> </p><p>When they met eyes, he looked concerned for a brief moment before his typical smile carved its way into his cheeks, hand coming up to wave her down. The small group he was with dispersed as she approached, leaving just the two of them.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko! Again, you open your home to us and expect nothing in return! Thank you for throwing this wonderful get together!”</p><p> </p><p>He commended, raising his beer bottle in a motion for her to cheers. She clinked their bottles together with a chuckle and a shrug of her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s no big deal, really. You all are always welcome here. I just ask that you don’t trample the flowers.”</p><p> </p><p>She joked, noticing the way everyone had very carefully avoided the edges of the yard this evening. Her garden were several flowers beds surrounding the enclosed space, with bright, vibrant, flowers of all kinds growing against the wooden privacy fence. Gai nodded, attempting to turn his head all the way around to see the greenery in question.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course! It’s really come a long way. Must have taken hours of hard work and dedication.”</p><p> </p><p>He replied, and she nodded in turn, humming as she took a sip from her drink.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes it did. But I enjoyed every moment.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered a little wistfully. This garden held a lot of memories for her. Not just from the renovations and the recent focus she’d put on it, but from before as well. She remembered making Sasuke assist her with weed pulling on more than one occasion. Then, he’d assisted her in planting some of the rose bushes that lined the yard.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘There is a point to all this, badass.’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She’d told him when he’d complained about the dirt and the heat. Not understanding why they couldn’t just be training.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘You have to train your body AND mind in order to be an effective Shinobi. I’m having you help me to teach you a lesson about hard work cultivating beautiful rewards. In the spring, when you look out here at these flowers early in the morning, it will fill you with a new sense of accomplishment every time.’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Additionally, she’d coped with her loss of Kakashi in this garden. Gai spoke again, pulling her from her thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“I see you and Yamato have gotten close.”</p><p> </p><p>He commented, and a faint blush worked its way onto her face before she could stop it. The question just caught her off guard. Most people had been avoiding the topic.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we have. Well, we always were I guess. But this is different. We’re ‘officially’ dating now.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, the nervousness clear in her tone. She looked down at the bottle in her hand for a moment, silently wondering why this whole situation made her so uncomfortable. Of course, she’d realized it earlier in the day. Too little, too late. That she still loved Kakashi and, because of that, her entire relationship with Yamato was starting to feel like a farce. Even if she cared for him as well and things were going good between them, some nagging feeling told her things wouldn’t be the same with him. Not like they’d been with Kakashi.</p><p> </p><p>“And that’s what you want?”</p><p> </p><p>Gai questioned after a stretch of silence. Atsuko jerked her head up to meet his eyes again. She could have her own internal thoughts, but she still didn’t take kindly to people questioning her decisions. Gai had no ill-intent in his words, so she wasn’t angry. But she did feel the overwhelming need to defend herself.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course! Yeah, it’s been great, really. He’s amazing. He’s good for me.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, drawing up a smile and glancing across the yard to where the man in question was chatting with Iruka and Asuma. He is amazing. And good for her. She knew that. So, she pushed aside the thoughts she’d been having all day. Drowning them with another sip of her drink.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, then that’s wonderful! I am so glad to see you’ve found happiness, Atsuko! You certainly seem like you’re doing well.”</p><p> </p><p>Gai responded loudly, though it wasn’t like he had when she and Kakashi had announced their entanglement. Gai had <em>cried </em>tears of joy that night. Then again, Kakashi was his closest friend. That had to be the difference. Atsuko gave him another smile, this one more genuine than the last.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Gai. I am doing much better and I’m glad someone notices.”</p><p> </p><p>She responded, and they spent a few more minutes catching up. As their conversation died down, she noticed the drinks were running a little low, so she excused herself to head back inside and prepare more. The house was dark and quiet compared to the loud party outside, and she found herself taking refuge in the air conditioned silence for a few moments longer than intended. She gathered some more beer bottles and made a few more mixed drinks as she re-centered her mind. Ever since Sasuke and Kakashi had been removed from her life, she hadn’t really felt the need to be as social as she once was. Outside of work and the group of women she chatted with frequently, she really only went out of her way to see Neji and Yamato. So, she was a bit overwhelmed at the moment. But not in a bad way. Not in the slightest.</p><p> </p><p>As she worked silently, there was a soft knock at her door. She raised an eyebrow, but went to answer nonetheless. She couldn’t think of anyone else who was invited to the party, but even if someone heard about it through the woodwork she wouldn’t hesitate to let them in. Atsuko peeled the door open with a little caution, only to fully swing it wide when she saw who was standing on her porch.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Kakashi! Hey, I didn’t think you were gonna be able to make it.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, smiling as she did so. She’d almost forgotten that she’d slipped a note in his mailbox this afternoon when she hadn’t been able to find him to formally invite him over. He was so late, she’d just assume he wasn’t coming. Though, his late arrival was pretty typical. The masked ninja gave her a smile, rubbing the back of his neck.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, sorry. I actually do have a good excuse this time. See, there was this massive picket line outside of the Hokage Tower-“</p><p> </p><p>He started, only for Atsuko to laugh heartily at his callback to their earlier conversation. She reached out a hand, smacking it against his vest clad chest and cutting him off mid-sentence.</p><p> </p><p>“Idiot. Come inside.”</p><p> </p><p>She responded, turning to lead him into the house he’d previously lived in. That thought gave her a passing feeling of sorrow, but she pushed it aside as she returned to the table to finish mixing the drinks. She listened as Kakashi toed his shoes off at the door, piling them up with all of the other pairs, before he walked into the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow… you weren’t kidding when you said you’d renovated.”</p><p> </p><p>He commented, coming to hover around her at the table. She smiled, nodding as she filled the glasses in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. You should see the rest. Master bedroom is completely redone and so is the bathroom. New fixtures and paint and tile. The whole nine.”</p><p> </p><p>She responded, raising her head to watch him circle around the kitchen table, taking note of the new window peering into the backyard and the new paint on the cabinets.</p><p> </p><p>“When did you find the time to do all of this?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, and she shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“After work. On the weekends. Sometimes I pulled all-nighters. Not intentionally but… the whole process was really therapeutic, so every now and then when I started, I couldn’t stop.”</p><p> </p><p>She chuckled slightly at the end, the hairs on the back of her neck standing at attention when he crossed back around to hover over her shoulder, staring down at her hands as she chopped fresh fruit. There was that strange feeling again. Like they’d done this before. A silence fell and the goosebumps spread down her shoulders. It was like she could feel his hands traveling down her arms, guiding the hand she was using to slice the lemons…</p><p> </p><p>“Never would have thought you were the handy type, though.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi suddenly spoke from behind her, pulling her from her thoughts. The comment pulled another chuckle out of her and she shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Guess I’m full of surprises.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko commented, the hum of agreement Kakashi let out behind her causing her head to tilt slightly, searching for a way to be closer to the sound unconsciously. She finished with the drinks, all the glasses cleans and refilled with a refreshing, summer, cocktail. The silence between them grew as she started to place the glasses on the tray in front of her, but this was unlike the silence’s they’d previously shared.</p><p> </p><p>It was uncomfortable, she realized. Daunting and full of longing. Even if they’d had a conversation earlier today and agreed to put their past to rest, Atsuko couldn’t help be feel crushed under the weight of things left unsaid. Or actions unfulfilled. It was like she’d drank too much coffee and realized she had nothing to do. Jittery and unable to slow her racing mind as the caffeine and sugar demanded she be productive.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna give me a tour?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned from behind her, snapping the silence in half and causing her to take a deep breath. She nodded without much thought, grabbing the tray of drinks from the table and turning around as she spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, just let me take these out to-!”</p><p> </p><p>As she turned around, she realized her mistake too late. He was closer than she thought and when she spun on her heel with the tray of heavy drinks in her hand, she collided with his midsection. A few of the drinks on the edge of the tray toppled over, splashing and spilling, effectively soaking his vest and the floor between them. Kakashi took a step back, eyes wide in surprise and Atsuko cursed under her breath as she moved to carefully place the tray back on the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, Kakashi, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize how close you were…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko apologized, depositing the tray on the table and turning around immediately to assess the situation. The cranberry juice she’d been mixing with the drinks had formed a blossoming red stain on his vest, but he only stared down at it with mild interest.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright, really. I shouldn’t have been so close…”</p><p> </p><p>He replied, reaching a hand down to try and wipe the liquid off. The image broke the tension, and Atsuko chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, quit that. You’ll make the stain worse. C’mon. I’ll clean it.”</p><p> </p><p>She offered, swatting his hand away from the liquid on his vest. She snatched a kitchen towel from the counter top and tossed it down to soak up the mess on the floor, before gesturing for him to follow her down the hall to the bathroom. She flicked the lights on as she entered the room, Kakashi following soon after and shutting the door behind him. She quirked a brow, but didn’t ask why he had done it, assuming the liquid had gotten on the shirt beneath as well and he didn’t want anyone to accidentally see him topless.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, vest off. Did you get any on your shirt?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, starting to fill the tub with water. When she turned around, Kakashi had already removed his vest and was holding it out to her. At her question, he looked down and nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, here.”</p><p> </p><p>Quickly, he stripped the shirt he was wearing, leaving him wearing nothing from the waist up except for his mask. The sight of his bare chest filled her brain with indecent thoughts for a brief moment. The kisses and bites she’d left along that pale expanse of skin several years ago. The spot under his ribs that was incredibly sensitive and the way he’d gasped the first time she’d ran her tongue over one of his-</p><p> </p><p>She banished the thoughts, reaching out to accept the articles of clothing from him and immediately depositing them into the warm water of the tub. She bent over for a moment, making sure they both soaked up enough water and gently agitating the stains with her hands. When she stood back up and shut the water off, the room went deathly silent and she felt something like anticipation grow in her stomach. She stared at the tile wall by the tub for a moment, trying to gain the confidence to turn around again. When she finally did, Kakashi was staring down at her, his mask lowered to reveal his gorgeous face. His eyes met hers and she felt her heart hammering in her throat, unable to turn herself away from the intense gaze even if she used all her might.</p><p> </p><p>“Kashi…”</p><p> </p><p>She started, wanting to ask him what was wrong. Why he was looking at her like that. To tell him to move so she could go get the detergent. Anything. But her words fell short, throat swelling shut and brain short circuiting at the sight of Kakashi’s eyes fluttering shut and a small smile forming on his face. He let out a pleased sigh, and Atsuko was suddenly hyper aware of her body. How close she was to him. Able to feel the heat radiating off of him as the bathroom filled with humid air from the hot bath water.</p><p> </p><p>“I always loved the way you said my name…”</p><p> </p><p>He hummed, absentmindedly like an inner thought has slipped passed his lips. But he didn’t jolt in surprise as his voice filled the room, barely above a whisper but still reverberating off the tiles like the most beautiful symphony she’d ever heard. Her heart clenched at his words and she swallowed harshly against the lump in her throat. His eyes fluttered back open, half lidded this time. Lazy and loving as that sweet smile remained.</p><p> </p><p>When they made eye contact again, something snapped. She wasn’t sure who moved first, but the building tension in the room came to head when Kakashi wrapped his arms around her waist and Atsuko gripped his face between her hands. He kissed her desperately, like he was running out of oxygen and would only be able to breathe again if he stole hers. She returned his efforts, fingers sliding up to tug at his hair, tongues battling for dominance as he tugged her body closer to his. Atsuko’s mind was moving a mile a minute, but she still managed to be aware of the way his soft lips felt against hers. The way he sighed into her mouth when she ran her tongue over his bottom lip.</p><p> </p><p>Before she could really gain her footing in the kiss, Kakashi was lifting her by the waist, only to deposit her on the bathroom counter. In this position he took full control of the kiss. Forcing her head backwards as he tried to press their mouths even closer together. Like he was trying to devour her whole. Her brain was mush at this point because it just all felt so <em>right</em>. The way their lips moved together and the feeling of his trim waist settling between her legs. Her chest burned, and she couldn’t tell if it was because of the lack of oxygen or if it was her heart clawing at her ribcage, desperately trying to tell her that this is where she <em>belonged</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Then, one of Kakashi’s hands moved from her waist to the button of her pants, flicking it open with practiced ease, and she panicked. Atsuko immediately released her grip on his hair, hands flying to push against his chest harshly. Their mouths separated with an unsatisfying pop, a string of saliva connecting them for a brief moment before Kakashi took a step back. They stared at each other for a moment, both panting heavily and catching their breath as the realization of what had just happened set it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alright! I am so sorry for not updating last week! I had some time off work but had to get some adult things done so i was superrrr busy even though it was supposed to be my vacation! Either way, I hope this longer chapter makes up for the late upload. I also love callbacks and parallels if you couldn't tell... Also I hope you all feel well fed with that cliffhanger ending! I just couldn't keep them apart it was KILLING me! See everyone next week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Last Call</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter Warnings: Smut</p><p>Songs that Inspired this Chapter:</p><p>Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge</p><p>Dinner and Diatribes - Hozier</p><p>Zanzibar - Billy Joel</p><p>The Ultracheese - Arctic Monkeys</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buzzing. Atsuko’s entire body was tingling. She felt like all of her limbs had fallen asleep andwere all waking at once, pins and needles attacking her nervous system as goosebumps rose on her skin. Despite the humid air in the bathroom, she realized she was freezing cold. Reminiscent of the way it felt to leave a warm bed to use the bathroom. Irritating and uncomfortable. She locked gazes with Kakashi, though truly they’d never broken eye contact in the first place. Just staring at each other as the tension in the room grew thicker by the second. After several moments of strained silence, she would have compared the atmosphere to wet concrete.</p><p> </p><p>It felt like they’d both stopped breathing, waiting for the other to move first. To speak or leave. But, truly, she wanted nothing more than to crawl back into that warm bed. He was still within arms reach and drawing him back in would be much easier than addressing the elephant in the room. The <em>multiple </em>elephants. Not that they had to. He could just leave and they could put this all behind them. Suddenly, the idea of him leaving sent a pang of panic through her. Chilling her to the bone.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko moved first this time. She was sure of that. Her hands flew out, gripping his shoulders and pulling him back in. Kakashi took one, unsure, step before gladly falling back into her embrace. She moved to hold the back of his head, pulling him down to meet her lips again. When they connected this time, it wasn’t as desperate or urgent. His lips moved against hers slow and sweet, filling her stomach with butterflies. The cold faded, and she was warm again.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi’s hands were on her in an instant, gripping her hips roughly as the kiss deepened. The hand on the back of his neck traveled upwards to tangle in his hair as she leaned back slightly, pulling him with her until her upper body was resting against the tiled wall behind the counter. He took this as an invitation, gripping her hips and pulling her forward, until his hips slotted between her legs. Kakashi bit her bottom lip gently, causing Atsuko to open her mouth and allow him access. His tongue moved expertly, because this was always how they’d communicated.</p><p> </p><p>He rolled his hips forward and she could feel just how affected by their make-out session he was. Hard and straining against his pants, he pressed right against her core, ripping a gasp from her lungs. Atsuko’s head was swimming. From a lack of oxygen due to the passionate kiss, from the alcohol still running through her system, and from just the feeling of Kakashi. His hands, gripping her hips, his mouth against hers, and the way he was rutting into her. Before she could make any sense of the situation, she was meeting his motions. The feeling of his hard cock dragging deliciously against her clothed clit overwhelming her senses.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi broke the kiss for air, but he pressed his forehead against hers. Atsuko opened her eyes just barely enough to see the way he was staring into her soul with both eyes open. His eyebrows were drawn together and his mouth was hanging open, both of them panting against each other like animals in heat. Every time he thrusted forward, Atsuko let out a soft moan against his face. Every time she met the roll of his hips, Kakashi gasped, his breath hitching in his throat.</p><p> </p><p>They rutted against one another for a few more moments, too caught up in each other and their own pleasure to think logically. As his thrusts became more erratic and Atsuko’s climax neared, the eye contact became too much. Kakashi turned and buried his head in her neck, kissing and biting along the skin there as she tugged on his silver locks.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, you have no idea how much I missed you…”</p><p> </p><p>He gasped out between kisses, hot breath fanning over her neck. Just the sound of his voice, rasping and low, made her back arch. Her hips jumped against his, a slight change in angle causing the bulge in his pants to drag perfectly over her clit. She let out a gasp and Kakashi brought a hand up to cup over her mouth to keep her quiet. Atsuko’s eyes screwed shut, overwhelmed by the feeling of him and the pleasure building inside her.</p><p> </p><p>“Please… please, you have to feel the same way… nothing has been- ah!… nothing has been the same since we… shit, Atsuko…”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi mumbled against her neck, tears prickling in Atsuko’s eyes from the sheer desperation in his voice. She did feel the same way. She knew exactly what he meant. But all she could do was gasp and moan into his hand as he covered her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t fuckin’ sleep because you’re not there. Can’t… fuck, can’t fuckin’ get off because all I think about is you. Can’t be- ah! God dammit… Can’t think straight because I’m always thinking about… fuck, fuck…. M’always thinking about you.”</p><p> </p><p>He panted out, words slurring together and gasping into her neck as both of their peaks drew closer. Atsuko couldn’t think clearly at all in this moment, tears rolling down her cheeks as she continued to meet each roll of his hips. Her underwear was soaked, she could feel it sliding against her, providing just the right amount of lubricant to work her up. She nodded against the hand clasped over her mouth, their hips speeding their efforts at the same time, both of them growing close to their climax.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you, Atsuko… always.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi added, pulling away from her neck to fix her with that heavy lidded gaze again. Her eyes wrenched open when he pulled his hand from her mouth, fingers digging into her hips so hard she was sure he’d leave bruises. When their eyes met, Atsuko’s fingers tightened in his hair, pulling him back down for another sloppy kiss, mumbling against his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Love you too, ‘Kashi…”</p><p> </p><p>That seemed to be both of their undoings. Kakashi groaned into her mouth, hips moving quickly against her. Atsuko’s back bowed, whimpering against his bruising kiss as her eyes rolled back in her head. They rode their orgasm’s out together, sweaty foreheads pressed together as they struggled to keep quiet and catch their breath.</p><p> </p><p>As she came down from her high, clarity hit Atsuko like a punch to the gut. Suddenly, the man hunched over her felt too heavy. Sweaty and sticky. She cringed when Kakashi dipped his head to kiss her again, a shudder running up her spine. He barely had the chance to graze their lips together before she was pulling back, hands pushing against his chest. He took the hint, pulling up and away from her, fingers sliding down her thighs in a way that made her stomach flip in a combination of want and guilt. The bathroom was too hot. The mirror fogged up as the heat radiating from their bodies mingled with the steam from the bath water. Atsuko tried to focus, the back of her head still pressed against the wet tile wall.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko…”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi began, and she could tell he was further away this time just by the sound of his voice. When she peeled her eyes open, he was leaning against the opposite wall. Mouth swollen from their kisses, bare chest covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and his hair a wild mess. A dark, wet, spot graced the front of his pants and again, she cringed.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck… What the fuck did we just do…”</p><p> </p><p>She mumbled, finally finding the strength to sit up and rest her elbows on her knees, head dropping to her hands. It’s not like she hadn’t complied. Of course she had. It was the most passionate thing she’d experienced in years. The very idea that they wanted each other so desperately that they’d ended up grinding against each other until they came in their pants like teenagers… it caused a fresh rush of arousal to run through her. It had been more than that though. Kakashi’s confession, panted out against the skin of her neck. She’d agreed with every word he’d said. Everything had felt off since their break up. If it weren’t for the loyal and loving man standing in her backyard, she would have rejoiced at this reunion.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko… Tenzo will understand. We can’t keep doing this. Pretending like we have a choice.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi answered, moving towards her again. Immediately, she jerked her head up to fix him with a half hearted glare. Her hands came up, planting against his chest to stop him from coming any closer.</p><p> </p><p>“Tenzo won’t understand because we are never speaking of this again. And we do have a choice, Kakashi. We had a choice just now and we made the wrong one.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko argued, keeping her voice low but hissing out her words through her teeth. She was angry, uncomfortable, and frustrated. At herself for allowing this to happen. At the situation because something she’d wanted for so long was now wrong. Frustrated and downright livid because Kakashi was still standing here, but she wasn’t able to do anything about it. She couldn’t guide him to bed or hold him in her arms like she so desperately wanted to. With every passing moment she was starting to feel more and more like a cornered animal.</p><p> </p><p>“You know that’s not the choice I’m talking about. We don’t have a choice in how we feel anymore. You know that.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi hissed back, hands flying out to grip her knees tightly. He was right, of course. There was a reason they continued to collide like this. Why even after 5 years of dating and nearly 3 years of being apart, they couldn’t seem to douse those feelings for even a moment. There was a reason everything felt <em>wrong</em> when he wasn’t around. When they weren’t near each other. Some cosmic bullshit she’d tried to write off as lust and comfort a long time ago. But it never stopped. It was always there.</p><p> </p><p>Still, she didn’t want to hurt Tenzo. Maybe it was too late for that now, but he never had to know. This was a stupid mistake. She was tipsy and Kakashi wasn’t thinking clearly. She’d been keeping a far worse secret for 8 years, she told herself. This was minuscule compared to that. They would all move on and this little bathroom meet up would be nothing but a blip in the past. She slid off the counter, pushing Kakashi’s hands away in the process before turning to check her reflection in the mirror.</p><p> </p><p>“Kakashi, this was a mistake. You’re lonely, I’ve been drinking… Let’s just forget it ever happened.”</p><p> </p><p>She responded, noticing the way his face contorted in anger and pain through the reflection. His eyes turned towards the ground and he pulled his mask back up, adjusting the fabric and his headband.</p><p> </p><p>“I should leave, then. If that’s all it was. What about my-“</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll bring you your vest in the morning. I still have to clean it. I’ll go get you a shirt to wear home.”</p><p> </p><p>She cut him off, satisfied that her reflection didn’t give away what they’d done. When she pulled the bathroom door open, her heart stopped for a moment. Standing outside in the hallway and clearly waiting to use the restroom was Jiraiya. He was leaned against the opposite wall, arms crossed over his chest and seemingly oblivious to what exactly had been happening on the other side of that door just mere moments ago. Still, Atsuko hadn’t been careful and the door swung open, revealing a shirtless, dejected, Kakashi standing in the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>Her father quirked a brow in response, the blush on his cheeks from the drinks and the smirk unfurling on his lips causing Atsuko to roll her eyes. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror, that teasing face of his. But she had to cover this. Maybe if she lied enough she could forget it happened as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, wipe that look off your face, pervert. I spilled something on Kakashi’s vest and shirt. I’m washing them.”</p><p> </p><p>She jammed her thumb over her shoulder, signaling past Kakashi and to the tub that his articles of clothing were soaking in. The skin on the back of her neck prickled slightly, a chill running down her skin at just how <em>easy</em> it was to lie to him. Jiraiya didn’t buy it for a second, however. He dropped his head back with that booming laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, sure. I’m pretty sure I’ve written that scene before. I know how it ends. Now, move. Your old man’s gotta use the restroom.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya teased, pushing past her and Kakashi into the bathroom. Kakashi followed her out, stunned and hovering over Atsuko’s shoulder as she scoffed and slammed the bathroom door shut behind her father.</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon.”</p><p> </p><p>She grumbled, guiding Kakashi back to the bedroom to find him a shirt. If she thought about the current situation for too long, she could almost laugh at the absurdity. Of course, just as things were starting to turn around and life was becoming easy and <em>mundane, </em>she fucked it all up again. She flicked the lights on, not paying much attention to the man behind her simply because she couldn’t afford to. He was quiet, but she could tell he was planning to say something else soon. The air was too heavy and she could feel him staring at the back of her head.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko moved to dig through the closet, knowing that she still had an old shirt of his somewhere. One she’d clung to in the beginning and never managed to throw away. At the same time she found the shirt, she heard the bedroom door click shut and she shut her eyes in preparation, drawing in a deep breath through her nose. She knew what he wanted, so she turned around, only to find him looking around the room with a soft smile. She followed his eyes, wondering just what he was thinking as he studied her living space.</p><p> </p><p>Much had changed since he’d called this room his. Theirs. The bed that used to be pushed up against the wall under the window was now situated in the middle of the room, and the headboard they’d tied each other to on occasion had been replaced with a new canopy bed frame. The bars the reached up towards the square overhead frame were wrapped in string lights and fake vines. Attached to that overhead frame were sheer white curtains, falling around the bed like a tent. Everything on the bed was white and lush. A feather filled comforter, way too many pillows, a plush throw blanket and even more decorative pillows. It was her sanctuary now. A nest built to her specifications.</p><p> </p><p>The walls had been painted as well. A refreshing shade of white with the wall at the head of her bed now a soft shade of green. All of the furniture was replaced. The night-stands and dresser replaced with minimalist, wooden, structures. There was a plant stand by the window now, holding various herbs she used for cooking.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nice… Cozy. You were always better at the interior design stuff.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi commented, pulling her eyes back to his face. He took one more look around the room before meeting her gaze again. The shirt in her hands felt like a side effect now. Something that could be discarded, nothing more than a means to an end. Still, she forced herself to hold it out to him. Kakashi took it gratefully, that same soft smile returning when he realized it was really one of his and not Tenzo’s. He pulled it on, Atsuko unable to look away from the way his muscles moved under his pale skin.</p><p> </p><p>Even now, trying to bathe- no, drown… trying to drown herself in denial, she wanted nothing more than to pull him into that plush bed. To take the time to truly communicate the way she felt. Grazing her hand down his torso, kissing slowly and relishing in the feeling of one another. Then, to lay with him in bed until sleep consumed them both. It would be warm and the best sleep she’d gotten in years. She’d get to hear the way he rasped ‘Good Morning’ again. Feel his fingers stroking her hair. The thought almost brought her to tears.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned, pulling her from her thoughts. She’d been staring at his chest the entire time and when her eyes jumped upwards to meet his, she really did start to cry. Atsuko dropped her head forward, sniffling quietly as her hands came up to rub the tears away. Kakashi moved so fast she didn’t hear him until his hand was rubbing her back and he was guiding her to lean into his chest. Without thought her arms wrapped around his torso and she felt him bury his nose in her hair.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi had left soon after. No more words were exchanged and, again, she was left feeling likethis wasn’t the end. Closure never came where he was concerned. The same fate that had brought them together also demanded that she never be able to fully close that door. She’d returned to the party with apologies and drinks, claiming she’d made a mess in the kitchen that required urgent attention. Most people hadn’t noticed how long she’d been gone, too wrapped up in their own conversations and drinks to pay much attention to their surroundings.</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo, however, was not most people. He treated her strangely for the rest of the evening. Forcing smiles and falling quiet and pensive on more than one occasion. Atsuko had tried to ignore it, continuing to drink until she was maintaining her steady buzz. Until she could almost forget her encounter with Kakashi. It almost worked, but on top of Tenzo appearing distant, Jiraiya was throwing her knowing glances from across the yard all evening. By the end of the evening, her skin was crawling and the fake hospitality she had to pull out of nowhere was weighing on her like an uncomfortable disguise.</p><p> </p><p>Around 2 in the morning, her first guests began to leave. Shizune had to physically support a completely wasted Tsunade on their way out, muttering apologies. Iruka had been next, looking absolutely exhausted and clearly not used to such a ‘late’ night. Gai had followed the sleepy man not long after. Then Asuma and Kurenai had left, skirting around each other, the young woman with a healthy blush on her cheeks. Surprisingly, Sakura, Ino, Hinata, and Tenten left together as well, chatting loudly on their way out the front door. However, it was at this point that Atsuko made an observation.</p><p> </p><p>Naruto and all of the other boys remained standing in her backyard for quite some time after everyone else had left. She wondered if they were deciding on what to do next or if they were just too wrapped up in conversation to notice that the party had ended. But when the group finally began walking towards her house to cut through to the front door, she noticed the issue.</p><p> </p><p>Some of them had definitely been sneaking drinks from the adults table tonight. She thanked her lucky fucking stars that Lee was not one of them. Naruto, Lee, Choji and Shino seemed to be sober. However, Neji, Shikamaru, and Kiba were varying degrees of drunk. Atsuko would have wondered how this came to pass had it not been for her complete mindlessness throughout the night. They were underage, technically. But she couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up from her chest when Shikamaru almost tripped over the step coming into the house from the backyard.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmmm. Looks like we have a few lushes.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko hummed, leaning against the kitchen table with her arms crossed over her chest. Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, an embarrassed smile on his face as Neji tried to balance himself on the countertop, allowing his head to tip forward with a slight groan.</p><p> </p><p>“Dammit! I tried to tell you all she would notice! Atsuko-sensei is a Jonin after all!”</p><p> </p><p>Kiba shouted from the back of the group, causing the four sober boys to cringe visibly. Well, all of them except for Shino. He just looked more irritated than anything. Atsuko let out a barking laugh at that.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t need to be a Jonin to see that Neji and Shikamaru are hammered. And Kiba I can tell you’ve been drinking as well.”</p><p> </p><p>She observed, watching at the boys eyes widened. He was the most sober of the three drinkers, but she could tell he was buzzed.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re sorry Atsuko-sensei, we told them to stop sneaking drinks. But they just wouldn’t listen.”</p><p> </p><p>Choji interrupted, sounding genuinely apologetic. As if on queue, Shikamaru began to lose his balance, slowly tipping forward with nothing more than a giggle. Choji moved quickly to support his friend, looking over at him worriedly.</p><p> </p><p>“S’okay, Choji! Atsuko-sensei is cooooool, remember? She’s s’not mad..”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru slurred, patting his larger friends chest a little too hard. Atsuko fought down another chuckle. So, one of the best young minds of the Hidden Leaf was the most drunk out of all of his friends, barely able to stand on his own and slurring his words. Neji didn’t seem too far off, but he was staying quiet, his forehead pressed against the cool marble of the counter top. Probably staving off the need to vomit. Atsuko hummed, considering her position. Let Naruto and the others handle their drunk friends and struggle to get them home? Or be responsible and insist that Shikamaru and Neji stay here for the night? The second option seemed more fun, considering it would be so easy to teach them a lesson in the morning. When they were both sick and dying from what was likely their first hangover.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, Choji. I’m coooool. Why don’t you all leave them for me to deal with, hm? They can sleep it off here and <em>maybe-</em>“</p><p> </p><p>She hissed the word, kicking Shikamaru in the shin and smacking Neji on the back of the head at the same time, mid-sentence. Neji groaned, and Shikamaru tried to pull away from her foot, stumbling backwards with a yell of ‘Hey!’.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Maybe, </em>I won’t tell their parents about how they took advantage of my hospitality.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished, throwing both boys a glare. More of a scare tactic than anything. Neji had rolled his head to the side to look at her, before burying his face back against the counter in his slumped over position, muttering slurred pleas to not tell Hiashi. Shikamaru’s face also contorted into something akin to fear. She knew his mother. A stunt like this would certainly get him into trouble. Beat to death with a sandal. What a way for a Shinobi to go.</p><p> </p><p>“Ha! Don’t gotta tell us twice. We don’t wanna haul their drunk asses home.”</p><p> </p><p>Kiba barked out, Atsuko turning her glare towards him as well, raising an accusatory finger.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t forget I can tell you’ve been drinking too. You’re lucky that you are in better shape than these two, because I wouldn’t hesitate to tell <em>your </em>mother.”</p><p> </p><p>She reminded him, watching as the loud boy shrunk back slightly, eyes fixing themselves on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure, Atsuko-sensei? We can take em home, really.”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto offered, and she shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright, Naruto. I don’t want you all having to deal with them and possibly getting in trouble yourselves. Choji, just… uh, just go sit Shikamaru down on the couch. I have a cot for Neji in the hall closet. After that, you all just head home, don’t worry about ‘em.”</p><p> </p><p>She instructed, moving to the hallway to pull out the rollaway bed she’d bought to keep in the house with Naruto began spending the night more often in his youth. It still came in handy to this day. When she came back into the living room, Neji was bent over her sink, spilling the contents of his stomach into the basin. She sighed, realizing his friends were too pre-occupied with trying to get Shikamaru to settle down on the couch. She moved quickly, stepping beside him to grab the hair from around his face, holding it back for him while he heaved.</p><p> </p><p>What a night this had turned out to be. She could see Naruto and the others trying to get Shikamaru to lay down on the couch, but he was just laughing and trying to stand back up again. Naruto shoved him back to his seated position again, a little harder than before apparently. Because Shikamaru’s face contorted into hurt and anger. He rose to his feet again, bringing his hands up and shoving Naruto’s chest in return. Over the sound of Neji’s retching and the commotion of the other boys trying to talk some sense into Shikamaru, she couldn’t hear what the boys at the center of attention were arguing about. Then she saw Shikamaru start to form hand signs.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Cut the shit in there! No fucking jutsu in my house or I will personally kick ALL of your asses! Shikamaru, sit the fuck down and behave!”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko yelled, not realizing she’d tensed her fingers in Neji’s hair until he let out a gasp of pain. She sighed, turning back to check on him for a moment and loosening her grip slightly, muttering an apology. When she turned her glare back towards the living room, it seemed Shikamaru had sit back down and Naruto was already apologizing for pushing him. Shikamaru held that glare for a moment before reaching out and grabbing Naruto in a head lock, pulling him down to sit on the couch next to him and giving the blonde a noogie as he laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah! Naruto, you’re alright man! Missed you buddy.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru called out, and Atsuko sighed in relief before turning her attention back to Neji. He raised his head up from the sink and she immediately turned on the water to wash the vomit away. She released her grip on his hair and motioned for him to stay still. She wet a paper-towel and filled a small glass with a little tap water before handing both to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Here. Rinse your mouth and wipe yourself off.”</p><p> </p><p>She encouraged, hovering around him for just a moment more before deeming him capable of handling the task and remaining standing. His lavender toned eyes, normally wide and perceptive, were sad and sick looking. She almost felt a little bad for him. That was until she moved to get a handle on the situation in the living room, only to turn her back and immediately hear him vomit again. This time, directly onto her floor.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko sighed, bringing her thumb and forefinger up to rub the bridge of her nose. Neji was already muttering slurred apologies behind her and she shook her head, turning to see he’d also managed to vomit down the front of his shirt.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god… okay, c’mere.”</p><p> </p><p>She instructed, reaching a hand out to the brunette. He took it gratefully and she guided him away from the mess, to the bathroom down the hall. She flicked the lights on and gave his shoulders a light shove,</p><p> </p><p>“Sit there by the toilet. And give me your shirt.”</p><p> </p><p>She instructed, watching as Neji slowly sunk to the floor and unwrapped the white shirt from around his body, struggling slightly in the process. When he handed it to her, she wrinkled her nose and moved to gather Kakashi’s vest and shirt from the tub. The soak in hot water seemed to lift most of the stain, but she’d have to scrub to get the rest out. Neji was still muttering those tired apologies, hugging the toilet bowl and sounding so defeated.</p><p> </p><p>“M’so sorry Atsuko-sensei… didn’t mean to drink so much.”</p><p> </p><p>He mumbled, and Atsuko crouched down next to him, rubbing his back with a gentle sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright, Neji. Everyone has to learn their limits at some point. Here, let me fix your hair so you don’t have to worry about it if you puke again.”</p><p> </p><p>She offered, laying the wet clothes down on the floor. She untied his hair, switching his hairstyle from the low tied version to a neat knot on the back of his head, securing all of his hair so it wasn’t in his way. He hummed an approval.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you… You are too nice to me. I took advantage of your kindness tonight. You only care for me and I paid you back by vomiting in your floor.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji managed out between deep breaths, whining the last words a little and burying his head against the toilet seat in embarrassment. Atsuko chuckled in response, though it honestly sounded like the boy was going to cry. So, Neji was a sad/sappy drunk and Shikamaru was a surprisingly confrontational/giggly drunk. Good to know. She rubbed the boys back again.</p><p> </p><p>“Hush, Neji. Really, it’s okay. Now, don’t try to stop yourself from throwing up. That’s your body getting rid of what it can’t handle. I’ll bring you some water and a clean shirt, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She offered, and he nodded, letting out another one of those pitiful whimpers. Atsuko gathered the clothes from the floor and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head before moving back through the house. She deposited the soiled garments in the sink for a moment, careful to step over the puddle of puke in the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>The situation in the living room seemed to have died down, but Shikamaru was still sitting on the couch with his arm around Naruto’s shoulders, holding him entirely too tight and retelling some story from their childhood. He was laughing loudly, an unabashed grin on his face that Atsuko had never seen before. His cheeks were flushed bright red and his voice was filling the room as the other boys surrounding the couch chuckled at the display, as well as the story. She stood and watched for a moment, a smile on her face as she truly understood that all of these boys had grown up. Lee stepped away from the commotion, going unnoticed as he approached Atsuko.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko-sensei, is Neji alright?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned quietly, as not to interrupt the mood in the living room. Atsuko smiled and nodded softly. Lee was typically loud and full of energy, but he also had a heart of gold. So sweet and well-intentioned that his softness surprised her from time to time.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, he’s okay. Sick, but he’ll live. Actually, he needs a new shirt. Why don’t you go back to my bedroom, find an old t-shirt, and take it to him in the bathroom? I’ve got puke to clean up.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, and the younger version of Gai gave her a thumbs up and a determined grin before heading down the hallway to the back bedroom. She sighed, turning around to focus on cleaning the puke on her floor, only to notice that someone was already behind her. Tenzo was knelt on the ground, carefully using a wad of paper towels to scoop up the worst of the mess and depositing it into a nearly full trash bag. She’d almost forgotten he’d never left, and based on the mess in the bag, he’d been out back cleaning up while she was dealing with the drunken emergency in the house.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart snagged in her chest, but it wasn’t the first time she’d seen him since her encounter with Kakashi in the bathroom. In all the commotion over the last 15 minutes, she’d almost forgotten that her love life was in shambles and that she still had so much to take care of. Still, she moved to help Tenzo. Grabbing some cleaner from under the sink and handing him the spray bottle along with a new roll of paper towels. He turned his dark eyes up to her and gave her an encouraging smile as he took the objects.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>She told him, and he rose up for a moment as she bent over to meet him. Tenzo pressed a sweet kiss to her lips before going back to the cleaning the floor with a sad smile.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s no problem. Go handle the kids and clean Kakashi’s vest.”</p><p> </p><p>He instructed, not looking up at her as he continued to wipe down the floor. Atsuko’s face dropped and she stared at the top of his head for a moment, her heart pounding in her ears. Really, no one should have known Kakashi was here in the first place. He’d been inside the house with her, then he was gone… unless… Jiraiya? He was her father. Even if he did overhear her and Kakashi, she couldn’t imagine he would just run his mouth about it. Maybe Tenzo had just seen Kakashi through the door. Or had seen his vest in the bathtub at some point. That had to be it.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko turned away for a moment, managing to get a grip on her emotions by turning her attention to the boys still gathered in her living room. It seemed that Shikamaru was quite the entertainer when he had a bit of liquor in him. Lee was still missing, likely tending to Neji or at least keeping him company in the bathroom for the time being. As she drew closer to the group, she could hear Shikamaru’s voice a little better. He was slurring his words, laughing loudly as he finished out his story.</p><p> </p><p>“… then! Then, Naruto told the old lady running the shop to <em>kiss his ass</em> and we all had to run like hell to get away from her! She chased us out with a broom and she even hit Choji a couple times!”</p><p> </p><p>He recounted, doubling over in a high pitched laugh that all of the boys soon mimicked. Even Naruto, who was still slightly suffocated by Shikamaru’s grip around his neck, was laughing and blushing at the memory from their childhood. Atsuko stood by and watched for a moment, arms crossed under her chest with a soft smile. She remembered when the five of them were so young. Chubby-cheeked and full of light. Though, it didn’t seemed like that latter had changed. All of the boys positively <em>beamed</em> as they sat in her living room, listening to Shikamaru’s drunken ramblings. Even famously stoic Shino was smiling. It felt like a lifetime had passed since she’d had lunch with them on the roof of the Academy. Or since she’d watched the clouds with Shikamaru and Choji. She’d been through so much since then and, again, she found her brain filling in the obvious gap in the room.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko spaced out for a moment, almost able to see Sasuke again. Standing in the corner of the room, away from the crowd but smiling to himself nonetheless. She could imagine making eye contact with him like they often did when they were separated. He would give her that soft nod, the one that said he was doing okay and everything was good. She forced herself from the false image with a gentle sigh and when her eyes scanned the room, she recognized the same expression on Naruto’s face. Shikamaru had removed his arm from the blonde, and he seemed to have his blue eyes focused on the same corner of the living room, smiling sadly. She wondered if he was also thinking of Sasuke. Her heart clenched in her chest and she suddenly realized just how <em>tired </em>she was.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, boys. Why don’t you all head home and leave Shikamaru to me.”</p><p> </p><p>She instructed, stepping forward into the group and watching as the boys slowly shifted, nodding and stretching as the fatigue seemed to set in for them as well.</p><p> </p><p>“You sure you’ll be alright here for the night, Shikamaru?”</p><p> </p><p>Choji questioned, always checking on his best friend. Kiba barked out a laugh from behind the couch, dropping his head back.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course he’ll be okay, Choji! He gets to stay at ~Atsuko-sensei’s~ house!”</p><p> </p><p>Kiba stated, teasing clear in his tone, and going as far as to make kissing sounds at the end of his sentence. Shikamaru’s eyes went from happy and relaxed to horrified immediately, a blush covering his cheeks before he leapt up from his position and spun around to grab the front of Kiba’s shirt over the couch. This started another bout of unintelligible yelling as the boys tried to break the two up. This time, however, Atsuko stepped into the group and grabbed the back of Shikamaru’s neck, yanking him back and forcing him to release Kiba.</p><p> </p><p>“Enough! I’ve really had it with the fighting for the night. Shikamaru, sit the fuck down. Kiba, shutthe fuck up.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko instructed, shoving Shikamaru by the scruff of his neck as he sat down on the couch, deflating slightly. Kiba scoffed, dusting off the front of his shirt.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever. Not my fault he has a crush on our fucking teacher.”</p><p> </p><p>He muttered out, obviously slighted and angry by the earlier altercation. Atsuko sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. The room was quiet after his comment, everyone seemingly uncomfortable. But she didn’t really mind what Kiba had said.</p><p> </p><p>It was silly in her eyes. Of course it was bound to happen. Students had crushes on their teachers all the time and with the close connection she’d built with these boys it didn’t surprise her in the slightest that one of them developed some kind of liking to her. What did surprise her was that, out of all of them, it was Shikamaru. Either way, she didn’t take it seriously. Certainly not as seriously as the boys in the room did. All of them were varying degrees of embarrassed, with Shikamaru obviously being the worst. He’d doubled over, burying his face in his hands with a groan.</p><p> </p><p>“Kiba, watch your language.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko started, watching as the boy gaped at her obvious hypocrisy. She continued before he could point it out.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s time all of you head home before a real fight breaks out. And I won’t stop Shikamaru from beating your ass a second time.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko warned, throwing the brunette a glare. Kiba scoffed again, but looked down at the ground anyway, embarrassed by being scolded at such an age. A tense silence fell across the group before their de-facto leader in Shikamaru’s absence took charge. Naruto gave a confident nod, smiling wide to brighten the mood in the room.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll get out of your hair, Atsuko-sensei!”</p><p> </p><p>It hit her for the first time that evening that he’d fully stopped referring to her as ‘Sasuke’s mom’. Did it hurt him to say the words, just like it hurt her to hear them?</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks for taking care of Neji and Shikamaru. I really didn’t want to take Shikamaru home to his mom and risk <em>that </em>beating…”</p><p> </p><p>He finished, shuddering slightly at another memory of a strong woman beating him senseless. Though he probably deserved it at the time. The rest of the boys in the group nodded in agreement, aside from Kiba who’d fallen uncharacteristically quiet. As if on cue, Lee came back down the hallway.</p><p> </p><p>“Neji is going to be o-kay! He is rehydrating and will be ready to sleep soon!”</p><p> </p><p>Lee declared as he rounded the couch to rejoin the group of boys with a proud smile and a thumbs up. Atsuko couldn’t hide her smile if she tried. They irritated her to no end, but she still loved them all dearly. Even when they were vomiting in her floor or fighting in her living room. They all migrated to the door as everyone said their goodbyes. Atsuko briefly hugging each of them before sending them on their way with the promise of seeing them soon. Once the group was gone, she returned to the living area with a sigh. Shikamaru was laying face up on the couch, an arm slung over his face. She could tell he was still awake though.</p><p> </p><p>“Shikamaru, you need to sleep on your side. I would really hate to see you choke on your vomit in the middle of the night and die.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko commented, taking notice of the fact that Tenzo was no longer knelt in the kitchen floor. Likely, he’d gone back to the bedroom to change and she cursed herself silently. The last thing she needed was to curl up in bed with him after what she’d done with Kakashi. Another sigh escaped her and she forced the thoughts to the back of her head when Shikamaru spoke again.</p><p> </p><p>“Just let me die.”</p><p> </p><p>He groaned, a pitiful sounding thing, but she chuckled nonetheless, assuming the alcohol was starting to “settle”, as she called it. Leaving him with a headache and a sloshing stomach.</p><p> </p><p>“Hush. Here, let me give you something to eat to soak up some of the alcohol… you hungry for anything in particular?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, moving to the kitchen and searching through the cabinets for anything she could quickly make. Neji likely wouldn’t be able to keep anything down, so she’d provide him with crackers and water before he was settled.</p><p> </p><p>“Soup?”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru asked, more life in his voice this go around. Atsuko hummed in agreement, grabbing a can of chicken soup from the pantry.</p><p> </p><p>“Good choice.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, opening the can and pouring the contents into a pot on the stove with some water to thin it out. She clicked on the burner and grabbed two water bottles from the fridge, taking one over to where Shikamaru laid on the couch.</p><p> </p><p>“Here. Drink it slow or you’ll end up like Neji.”</p><p> </p><p>She instructed as the wild haired brunette sat up and took the bottle from her. He was still blushing, but it had faded to more of a dusting of pink under his eyes. They both took a grateful swig of water and just as Atsuko was about to head back to check on Neji, Shikamaru stopped her.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry… about what Kiba said.”</p><p> </p><p>He muttered, the words so quiet she almost didn’t hear them with her back to him. Atsuko chuckled softly, turning back around to face him. Though, clearly, that wasn’t the reply he was looking for. He seemed genuinely upset, sharp eyebrows drawn together in frustration as he stared down at his lap. It caused her to realize that she couldn’t just brush this off. Shikamaru was drunk, but whatever feelings he held for her were still causing him some kind of distress. A sweet gesture in her eyes was obviously something more to him.</p><p> </p><p>She remembered the note Asuma had given Kakashi and the way all of the boys in the room had gone deathly quiet when Kiba outed him. So, clearly, he’d discussed it with someone. Or, at the very least, his crush was so obvious that the people close to him had picked up on it. Either way, it was more than just a passing, confusing, feeling that he’d had in his youth. She sighed, taking a seat on the couch beside him.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright, Shikamaru, really. I’m not upset or anything so you don’t have to apologize.”</p><p> </p><p>Atusko advised, and the boy fell back against the back of the couch with a groan. His head was tilted back, nose pointed towards the ceiling with his eyes scrunched shut.</p><p> </p><p>“See, that’s the kind of sh-… stuff I’m talking about. You’re never upset. You’re always so nice and patient, even when you shouldn’t be.”</p><p> </p><p>He lamented, and she quirked a brow in response. She assumed he was referencing his crush, but it struck her as funny again. Never upset? Clearly, he’d only seen the side of her that she allowed him to see.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, honey. Never upset? I’m a mess! My nerves are shot. I have panic attacks consistently. I cry daily because my emotions are so overwhelming I can’t seem to get a grip on them. You’ve only seen one side of me, Shikamaru. The one I want everyone to see. Don’t go building me up in your head just because I was a good teacher.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko returned, shaking her head near the end of her sentence with a disbelieving scoff. He was sweet, in his own way. But the picture he’d painted of her just wasn’t an accurate one. Maybe if she could tell him some of the more distasteful things about herself, he’d move on from this little crush.</p><p> </p><p>“But you don’t show it. You’re always so nice and you know just the right things to say. Even now, you should be creeped out or telling me to leave because I’m some weird Chunin with a crush on his teacher, but no. You’re sitting on the couch talking to me about it.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru groaned in response, his arm coming up again to cover his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Creeped out? Shikamaru, you’re not weird. Tons of people have crushes on their teachers. I did growing up! It just happens and I’m not going to tell you to leave because of it. That’s ridiculous.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko advised, shaking her head and looking away from him for a moment to think. This was the most Shikamaru had opened up to her at all over the course of the time she’d known him. Mostly, it was just snide remarks and sarcasm. She didn’t mind that, in fact she enjoyed their dynamic. But she almost felt guilty talking to him about this when he was drunk and not in his right mind. If he remembered the conversation the next day, he’d probably be so embarrassed he wouldn’t even speak to her. She needed to steer this in another direction.</p><p> </p><p>“And you know as well as I do that it’s just a silly crush. Because I’m literally old enough to be your mother. When I was your age, you were just an infant. You need to focus on girls your age.”</p><p> </p><p>She advised, turning to look at him again. He let out a sigh, eyes finally opening as he stared towards the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>“Plus, I promise you really don’t want me as a girlfriend. I’m pretty unhinged. I mean, just ask Kakashi some time. He can tell you all about it.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko chuckled slightly at that. Yet, he still wanted to be with her. All of the attention honestly blew her mind. Yamato and Kakashi, now Shikamaru’s little crush. It didn’t make sense to her. Everyone should be staying far, far away in her opinion. Shikamaru let out a scoff in response, seeming to relax and sober up more as she talked. He’d at least calmed down and become more cognizant.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever. We can stop talking about it now. Thanks for not making me feel like a creep, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>He finished, picking his head up and rubbing the back of his neck in mild embarrassment. She smiled in return, patting his knee in a friendly gesture as she stood up from the couch.</p><p> </p><p>“Definitely not a creep. You’re a handsome, smart, funny young man. You’ll find a nice girl your age and it’ll all fall into place. You’ll end up just like your dad. Whipped and happy.”</p><p> </p><p>She teased, moving to the kitchen to check on his soup. It seemed hot enough, so she transferred it into a bowl as Shikamaru scoffed and moved into the kitchen to sit at the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, right. I won’t end up with a woman like my mom. She <em>really</em> is a crazy b-!”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru stopped as Atsuko set the bowl in front of him before swiftly smacking him in the back of the head again. He gaped up at her in shock, rubbing the back of his head and trying to snatch the spoon from her hand. She pulled it out of his reach, raising an eyebrow at him. Then it seemed to click.</p><p> </p><p>“Right, respecting women more… what a drag…”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed, dropping his hands to the table for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess my mom isn’t really crazy. She’s just kind of strict. But I do… love her I guess. She’s a good mom.”</p><p> </p><p>He grumbled out, and Atsuko hummed in contentment.</p><p> </p><p>“Much better. Now, eat.”</p><p> </p><p>She instructed, slipping the spoon into the bowl in front of him and swiftly leaving the kitchen to check on Neji. When she rounded the corner into the bathroom, the boy was standing over the running sink, rinsing his mouth out and spitting into the basin. He seemed like he felt a little better, but when her eyes trailed down she had to stifle a laugh.</p><p> </p><p>When she’d told Lee to grab a t-shirt from her room, she didn’t think she needed to explicitly tell him to look for something that would fit Neji. Now, the tall and muscular boy was wearing a bright pink t-shirt that looked like had been painted onto him. It expose his midriff and the sleeves were so tight they’d just rolled up his arms. But the fit and color weren’t the things that made her laugh. It was the writing on the back of the shirt that he likely hadn’t seen when Lee had forced him into the skin-tight shirt.</p><p> </p><p>On the back, the words ‘<em>World’s Best Wife</em>’ were embossed in flashy glitter. Kakashi had bought the shirt for her as a joke back when they were still together. It was even too small for her at the time and he’d tossed it at her upon returning from a mission, claiming he saw it in a roadside shop and thought it’d fit perfectly in her wardrobe. They’d made fun of it for a week, calling each other ‘World’s Best Wife’ in singsong voices in every conversation they had. Neji’s tired eyes followed her gaze down to his shirt, though he couldn’t see the words on the back. He just shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a little too tight. But it’s soft.”</p><p> </p><p>He commented, running his hand over the material with a smile. So, still pretty drunk. Atsuko hummed and fought against the grin that wanted to break across her face.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever floats your boat. The cot is set up in the living room when you’re ready to lay down. I’ll get you set up with some water, a package of crackers, and a puke bucket.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, reaching up to pat his back gently. Neji’s eyes fluttered shut at the contact and he nodded softly, clearly tired and worn out from emptying his stomach repeatedly.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko guided him to the living room and he flopped down on the roll away mattress just as Shikamaru was settling his empty soup bowl in the sink. When the other boy turned around to head back towards the living room, Neji was sprawled out on the cot on his stomach, the writing on the back of the shirt in plain view. Unlike Atsuko, Shikamaru was unable to contain his chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice shirt, Neji.”</p><p> </p><p>He commented, dropping down onto the couch as Neji only responded with a huff of air through his nose, burying his face down into the pillow on the cheap bed. Atsuko snickered, tossing a pillow at Shikamaru’s face before taking one of the blankets behind the couch and draping it over the smart-mouthed boy. He laughed again, but stretched out and got comfortable anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko got them both set up with a few bottles of water, a package of crackers for Neji, and an old plastic trash can for any puking that may occur throughout the night. By the time Neji managed to finish a bottle of water and eat a few crackers, both boys seemed exhausted, barely able to hold their eyes open as they drained their bottles in silence.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. Sleep on your side, both of you. If you feel like your gonna be sick, all I ask is that you don’t puke on the rug. I’m gonna finish cleaning up and head to bed myself.”</p><p> </p><p>She told them both, listening for their grunts of approval before flicking off the overhead living room lights. Suddenly, the wave of exhaustion hit her as well. But she still had a few things to handle before she could crash.</p><p> </p><p>She forced herself to trudge back to the kitchen, filling the side of the basin with Kakashi’s shirt and vest with hot water. Removing Neji’s shirt entirely, she headed for the backyard to the rinse the garment. She draped the shirt over the wooden table Tenzo had made earlier in the night before grabbing the hose and starting to spray the chunky vomit from the front of the shirt. Her mind spaced out for a moment as she did so, internally panicking about what Tenzo had said earlier. Did he know about what happened? He must have at least had his suspicions. Even if he only saw Kakashi in the kitchen through the back door, he would have noticed how long they were gone. Entirely too long to just be cleaning his shirt. Then he was likely wondering why Kakashi hadn’t joined the party afterwards. Her head was spinning, running in circles as she zoned out, the hose continuing to spray water at the white shirt in front of her, even if all the chunks were gone at this point.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the water coming from the hose turned to a drizzle, dripping onto the ground in front of her and that snapped her out of her train of thought. She looked up, only to see Jiraiya standing next to the spigot. Again, she’d lost track of how many people had been in her home. She’d never seen him leave either.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, kiddo. You seem distracted.”</p><p> </p><p>He commented easily, walking across the drenched yard towards her. Atsuko let out a suffering sigh, dropping her head forward.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, a little I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>She confirmed, moving to wrap the hose back around the holder attached to the back wall. A silence fell between them, before Jiraiya decided to cut straight to the point.</p><p> </p><p>“Thinking about your man troubles? Or just worried about the drunk idiots in your living room?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, crossing his arms over his chest with a smirk. It was funny, she thought. The way he was always posturing. Standing like he was posing for the cover of some action movie. Legs spread, feet planted firmly on the ground, head held high and arms folded over his chest. It read arrogance and cockiness. Though, in her eyes, he was just a big dork. Her weird, perverted, soft-hearted, idealistic, dork of a dad. She hadn’t seen him in a long time, but the letters he sent had given her a lot of insight into who he was. But, she really didn’t need those to understand him. He was unashamedly him everywhere he went. Perhaps it was a perk of being one of the Legendary Sanin. Unfiltered confidence. Or maybe he’d always been like that. The way Tsunade talked about him, though, it seemed to be the latter.</p><p> </p><p>Then, she considered his question. If there was anyone she could trust with this information, it should be her father, right? Atsuko nodded, moving over to close the sliding door so no one inside accidentally heard their conversation. She crossed the yard back to him, smiling when she realized he was already grabbing two lawn chairs and producing two bottles of luke warm beer from the massive pockets in his pants. He handed her one and they sat down, facing away from the house and looking out over the starry sky. Jiraiya let out a content sigh, stretching out his legs and cracking open his beer on the arm of the wooden chair before holding it out to her. Atsuko took it gratefully, replacing his now empty hand with the unopened bottle. Jiraiya cracked that one open as well and they both took a grateful swig. Atsuko deeply appreciated these kinds of relationships. Ones that were effortless and took no communication.</p><p> </p><p>“Man troubles…”</p><p> </p><p>She eventually stated, letting the words go with a sigh as she brought the beer bottle to her lips again.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you’ve got two men vying for your affections. Just like your old man, can’t bat the potential candidates for romance away with both hands, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya teased, and Atsuko responded with a groan, dropping her head back against the wooden chair.</p><p> </p><p>“Ya know, I thought this was going to be a serious conversation. Where you gave me advice on my love life, like a real dad. But I realize I was sorely mistaken.”</p><p> </p><p>She responded, only for Jiraiya to laugh deep from his belly, reaching a hand over to ruffle her hair a little too heavy handed. He took another drink from his beer bottle once his laughter died down and he hummed in reply.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, alright. Lay it on me. Because don’t think I didn’t hear all the ~salacious~ things going on in your bathroom earlier. I wish I hadn’t. But I did.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya informed her, drawing another groan from Atsuko’s chest as a deep blush covered her face. The idea of her father overhearing her and Kakashi in a moment of desperate intimacy almost made her get up and leave the conversation all together. It wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be. Their relationship was different, considering they’d met so late in life. But it still made her want to shrink down as small as possible and just disappear from the world entirely. Still, he’d encouraged her to speak. So, she did.</p><p> </p><p>“I was with Kakashi for five years before I met you. Everything was wonderful… we had some communication problems, I suppose - mostly regarding Sasuke and his training - but other than that, it was perfect. We didn’t <em>need </em>to talk to understand each other. Our relationship was easy and from the moment we met, I felt like I’d known him my whole life. We talked about it, sometimes… how it felt like our lives had been created to welcome each other. There was this… deep understanding that I still can’t explain to this day. And it was so passionate. I mean, five years and we still couldn’t keep our hands off each other anymore than we could on our first date.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished, a smile on her face as her blush faded. She took a sip from her beer, sighing and running her fingers back through her hair when Jiraiya hummed in response, a sign for her to continue.</p><p> </p><p>“Then… Sasuke ran away and I went to bring him home. And I failed. Miserably. Being away from Kakashi for so long… I had nothing but time to think. I was angry at him and I blamed him for Sasuke’s leaving. I was gone for a month and that feeling just festered and grew, even if it was misplaced, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. There was this… perfect storm of emotions. Anger at Kakashi, sadness from losing Sasuke, and a self hatred for being unable to stop any of that from happening. I just wanted to feel something again. Like I was worth something. And I was so livid… all those wires crossed and I fucked up. Slept with some asshole and ruined everything Kakashi and I built.”</p><p> </p><p>She continued, throat tightening slightly at the retelling of events. They’d spoken about this after it had happened, but she had more clarity now. It still didn’t make a whole lot of sense to her, she’d been so blinded by her emotions at the time that she couldn’t really pinpoint why she’d slept with Hidan. It was mostly rooted in spite and a misplaced anger. But there was something else she couldn’t quite describe. A deep sadness. A void she was trying to fill.</p><p> </p><p>“When I came back and he knew what had happened, he didn’t want things to end between us. In the beginning, when we first started dating, it was difficult for him. He’s so… guarded, emotionally speaking. So, I think once he finally let someone in, he wasn’t willing to let them go. Maybe, even then, he knew that nothing either one of did would matter. In the end, we wouldn’t feel right unless we were together… This is going to sound so cheesy, but it was like… who are we to fight fate? Because that’s what it was. A soul connection. You can’t break something like that over a stupid, drunken, mistake.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished, rambling slightly and digging around in her pants pocket. She produced a beaten pack of cigarettes and a lighter, immediately placing one between her lips and lighting it as she balanced her beer bottle between her knees. When she offered Jiraiya one, he shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Not one of my vices.”</p><p> </p><p>He commented, and she nodded in response, taking a long drag and holding it in her lungs for a moment before breathing out her next words with a puff of smoke.</p><p> </p><p>“But we broke up because I needed time. I know, deep down, he did too. And I think we’re both better off for it. The break allowed me to relax and work through a lot of my shit. Then Ten-… er, Yamato came along. We’ve been best friends for a decade and it seemed like the right choice at the time. Almost 3 years had gone by since Kakashi and I’s break up and I thought that it was well and truly over. Yamato has liked me for a long time. He’s romantic and caring and kind… but something is just-“</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya cut her off, finishing her sentence.</p><p>“Missing?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, and Atsuko nodded in defeat, taking another drag from her cigarette and flicking away the ashes.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah… missing. Earlier uh… in the bathroom… Kakashi said something and it made me realize how off everything has felt since we split up. He said he couldn’t sleep… couldn’t think straight… and I realized that he was right. I’ve felt the same way. My thoughts aren’t as clear and something just doesn’t feel right when he’s not around. Then, when he is, it’s like I have full clarity. The conversations come so easy and my whole body just <em>relaxes</em>. It’s the craziest thing.”</p><p> </p><p>She stated, dropping her head back against the chair to stare up at the sky.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to hurt Yamato, but I think he knows. He’s always been really in tune with how I feel. So I think he’s already expecting something to happen. Knows that I don’t feel complete when I’m with him. Not like I do the I’m with Kakashi.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished, eyes fluttering shut as the calm of the acceptance mixed with the uneasy tension of what she knew had to be done. After spending all these years telling Tsunade she was wrong about her feelings for Kakashi. Telling herself that what she felt was in the past. All it took was one encounter and a one-sided conversation where she let her guard down to understand the truth. She wasn’t complete without Kakashi. He was her other half.</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds like you’ve already got it figured out, kiddo. I know you care about Yamato, but you’ll spend the rest of your life kicking yourself if you let Kakashi go. You can’t replace that kind of connection.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya said, voice low and full of reason. He understood matters of the heart. That was clear in his writing and in some of the sprawling letters he’d sent her, waxing on about his craving for peace and harmony. It dawned on her, just how open she’d been about her feelings with him. He was so easy to talk to, and a small part of her wondered what position she’d be in now if he’d been around when she was younger and struggling with much more than boy troubles.</p><p> </p><p>“I know… I just wish it didn’t have to be this way. I’m not even sure why they both care for me so much. I’m a total nutcase and… I mean, if we’re being frank, I’m also just a used up whore.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko scoffed at the end, taking a swig from her beer bottle and flicking the ash from her cigarette. Jiraiya let out an offended sounding noise.</p><p> </p><p>“Idiot. None of that stuff matters and you should know that by now. You know Kakashi’s past but that doesn’t change the way you feel about him.”</p><p> </p><p>He corrected, and she caved easily, putting her hands up in surrender. Jiraiya was right. No need to question why he loved her because she knew he did. She knew she loved him. Questioning why wouldn’t change that. Another sigh fell from her lips and she finished off what was left in her bottle as they both marinated in the silence that fell. She knew what she had to do, but it wasn’t going to be easy.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Jir-… hmmm. No. Thanks, dad.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko said, her eyes turned towards the sky with a smile. In her peripheral, she could see the grin that broke across his face in response. He let out a victorious laugh, reaching over and wrapping his arm around her shoulder, pulling her towards him easily. Her hips pressed against the wooden arm of the chair in an uncomfortable way, but she laughed as well as he gripped her shoulders and shook them.</p><p> </p><p>“Dad! I think I love the sound of that! Though, we never got to workshop it… It’s a little tired and overused, dontcha think? How about… Pop! No, that one makes me sound like an old man… Pa or Papa? No… oh, I got it! How about you call me ‘Father Dearest’!”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya finally suggested, voice loud and booming in her ear as she devolved into a fit of giggles, struggling weakly against his grasp as she shook her head. Her hand came up to smack his chest,</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t push your luck! I’ll just start calling you Old Man. Or pick up the nickname Naruto gave you!”</p><p> </p><p>She threatened, laughing when Jiraiya let out an offended gasp.</p><p> </p><p>“You really think I’m old?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, and Atsuko broke free from his grip at last, doubling over with the force of her laughter as his faux-panicked questions about his age continued to flow behind her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WHEW! That was a long one! Again, the smut at the beginning of the chapter was super fun to write, but I do feel bad for Tenzo. But like I said, he will get his sweet moment and I've got some things planned for him so this transition goes nice and easy. </p><p>How did we enjoy drunk Shikamaru and Neji? XD I just felt like with the kids growing up there's a whole new host of problems! Like sneaking drinks at a party tsk tsk. Also Shikamaru's lil crush has been planned for a while. I just figured at least one of em had to have a crush on their pretty teacher who always paid them so much attention hahaha (not projecting at all i totally didn't have a crush on my high school english teacher noooo why would you think that xD). And a sweet little moment with papa Jiraiya there at the end. Next chapter we're gonna wrap up the Kakashi/Atsuko/Tenzo love triangle and then officially crack into canon Shippuden. </p><p>Just so everyone is aware, I don't want to rehash everything that happens. We've seen the show. You guys get it. So I'm probably going to jump around to the important parts and the parts that Atsuko will actually be present for. Thanks again for the support! Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Hangovers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs That Inspired this Chapter: </p><p>What's Up - 4 Non Blondes</p><p>Beverly Hills - Weezer (i don't feel like explaining I just get Shisui vibes)</p><p>The Leanover - Life Without Buildings</p><p>Waterfalls - TLC</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Atsuko woke the next morning with a dry mouth and a mild headache. Nothing a warm shower and a glass of water wouldn’t fix. She sat up in her bed with a sigh, rubbing her bleary eyes to life as she rolled her shoulders. It took all of her strength to force herself out of bed to prepare for her day. She gathered a change of clothes from her closet and tip-toed down the hall towards the bathroom. Peaking her head into the living room for a brief moment, she saw that Neji and Shikamaru were both still sound asleep and snoring loudly. Content with that, she headed back to the bathroom and shut the door quietly behind her.</p><p> </p><p>Images from the previous night flashed in her mind as she looked at her counter and she sighed to no one in particular. Today was not going to be pleasant. She stripped, quickly pushing the memories to the back of her mind and stepped into the shower, relishing in the warm spray.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko and Jiraiya had chatted for another hour in the backyard, sipping a couple more warm beers and discussing anything that came to mind. In the end, he’d told her about Naruto’s training and she’d regrettably informed him that she felt like she was getting rusty in her Shinobi skills. Being one of Tsunade’s advisors didn’t exactly lend itself to true Shinobi work and she didn’t have the time outside of work and home to keep up with her training. Jiraiya had offered to assist her in the coming weeks, and she gratefully accepted.</p><p> </p><p>When she’d eventually went back inside and headed to bed for the night, she noticed that her assumption about Tenzo had been wrong. He was not waiting for her in her room and he must have snuck out while she was talking to Jiraiya. At the time, she’d thanked her lucky stars that she wouldn’t have to pretend with him for one more night. But now, as the conversation they needed to have loomed, she wished everything could just go back to the way it was. Blissful ignorance with a hint of being unfulfilled. However, that just wasn’t possible anymore. Especially not after what happened with Kakashi the previous night. In the heat of the moment, she’d wanted to lie to Tenzo, but now that thought made her sick. She rinsed the conditioner from her hair with a sigh, the sooner she got this over with the better.</p><p> </p><p>It was her day off, so when she stepped out of the shower she pulled on her casual clothes. A cropped top and pair of shorts. The summer heat had been brutal recently and she had a couple errands to run before she saw Tenzo. She pulled her hair up into a messy knot and headed out into the living area, a smile spreading across her face when she saw the Neji and Shikamaru were still sleeping. Now, the fun part.</p><p> </p><p>She grabbed the radio from the kitchen and tiptoed across the living room, positioning the box on the coffee table between the two sleep boys. In perfect synchronicity, she yanked open the living room curtains and turned on the radio at full blast, flooding the room with light and sound. Immediately, both boys eyes shot open in shock and then they recoiled, scrunching their eyes shut. Shikamaru buried his head under the pillow but Neji rolled over onto his back, hands coming up to cover his ears. Atsuko let out a maniacal laugh, heading for the kitchen and leaving them with the blinding light and loud music.</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning, boys! How are we feeling, hm? Headaches? Nauseous?”</p><p> </p><p>She yelled, watching as Shikamaru’s arm flew out and smacked the top of the radio, effectively silencing it. He groaned under the pillow in response, but Neji sat up from his cot, lowering his hands and blinking slowly to adjust to the light. The blanket fell away from him and Atsuko was reminded of the hot pink t-shirt he’d worn to bed the previous night.</p><p> </p><p>“I actually feel okay…”</p><p> </p><p>He muttered, voice raspy and clearly still trying to wake up. Atsuko smirked and nodded, turning her back again to open the fridge and dig around for breakfast foods.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, that’s great, Neji. How does… hmmm, curdled milk sound for breakfast?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, loud enough for him to hear. His eyebrows furrowed for brief second, then a look of panic overtook his face as he immediately leapt from the bed, running towards the bathroom with a gag. Atsuko laughed again, deciding to get one more blow in before helping them through their first hangover.</p><p> </p><p>“Shikamaru! How do you feel!?”</p><p> </p><p>She yelled, knowing that sound would cause the boy’s pounding head to throb worse. He let out a suffering groan, taking the pillow covering his head and throwing it in her direction.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up…”</p><p> </p><p>He grumbled, and Atsuko caught the pillow with ease, chuckling before placing it back on the couch near his feet.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh… I’m so sorry… Does your head hurt, dumb-ass?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, cooing sweetly as she came to sit on the arm of the couch. Shikamaru only sighed, rolling over onto his back and forcing his eyes to open a slit, just enough to glare at her.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. My head fucking hurts. Now, please… shut up.”</p><p> </p><p>He reiterated and Atsuko laughed, sliding off the arm of the couch to head towards the kitchen. She grabbed him a few painkillers, along with a bottled water. For Neji, she produced a bottle of water and something for his stomach. When she came back to the living room, Neji was walking down the hall with a glare for her as well.</p><p> </p><p>Shikarmaru’s eyes had scrunched shut again, fighting the light coming in from the window. She tapped his chest with a closed fist and when he squinted at her again, she motioned for him to hold out his hand. She deposited the painkillers and the bottle of water there.</p><p> </p><p>“Ya know, you really shouldn’t curse in the presence of a lady.”</p><p> </p><p>She scolded, and Shikamaru rolled his eyes, cracking up the water and downing the pills with a mumble of something that sounded like ‘yeah, what the fuck ever’. Atsuko giggled again, turning around just in time to hand Neji the meds for his stomach and his own water. He eyed the pills suspiciously, pale gaze filtering between her and the medication.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, please, Neji. I am not going to poison you.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko sighed, rolling her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You did cause me to vomit again…”</p><p> </p><p>He retorted and Atsuko only shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, if you don’t want to vomit again, you’ll take the pills.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, leaving him with the water and pills in favor of returning to the kitchen. She’d had her bit of fun, now her heart demanded she take care of them a little.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to make breakfast… you both need to eat before you try to head home.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko advised, already pulling out some things that would be easy on their stomach. Vegetables, eggs, fresh bread and fruit. As she began heating the skillet, she boiled some water, making a cup of mint tea for Neji’s stomach and a cup of coffee for Shikamaru’s headache. Eventually, both boys came to sit at her kitchen table, looking deflated and tired but a little better as the medicine started to kick in. She provided them with their warm drinks and cooked in silence for a moment until Neji piped up.</p><p> </p><p>“Where did this shirt come from?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, voice gaining more life as the minutes passed. Atsuko and Shikamaru both laughed, though the spiky haired boy soon clutched his head with a hiss.</p><p> </p><p>“You threw up all over yourself. Lee wanted to help, so I had him grab you a shirt from my room. Just didn’t know he had an eye for bright pink.”</p><p> </p><p>She commented, stopping the chopping of spinach to rinse her hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh… I can’t apologize enough… Did you have to clean me up?”</p><p> </p><p>Neji asked, distraught and clearly embarrassed. Atsuko only chuckled, shaking her head as she set the knife down.</p><p> </p><p>“No, just your shirt. I’ll go grab it.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated before leaving the stove and headed out the back door. She grabbed Neji and Kakashi’s shirt from the clothesline she’d left them on the night before, slipping back inside and gingerly handing the soft, white, material back to its owner. He immediately got up and excused himself to the bathroom to change as she laid Kakashi’s shirt and vest over one of the back of one of the unused chairs at the table. She’d have to take those to him today as well.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished breakfast. Veggie omelets for the three of them with toast and fruit. The three of them ate in content silence as she went through her mental check list for the day. Clean up after breakfast, a quick grocery run, take Kakashi his clothes, talk to Tenzo, then come back and do some light cleaning before training and dinner with Jiraiya. A full, emotionally and physically taxing day. By the time they had all finished eating, Neji seemed no worse for wear and Shikamaru’s headache was fading. She gathered all of their plates and stacked them in the sink.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, boys. I have some errands to run today. So, unless you want to accompany me to the grocery and help with some household chores, you should be on your way shortly.”</p><p> </p><p>She told them as she quickly washed up the dishes.</p><p> </p><p>“I can stay and help, Atsuko-sensei. It is the least I can do to pay you back for taking care of me last night and this morning.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji replied, calm and measured behind her. She quirked a brow in response, but shrugged her shoulders anyway. She could do the cleaning now and save the visits to Kakashi and Tenzo’s for later in the day. Shikamaru let out a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, what a drag. I guess I can help too.”</p><p> </p><p>He added, and she smiled to herself.</p><p> </p><p>“I will welcome the help but I do believe that you’re both just trying to avoid going home. But that’s fine. Go get ready, we’re going to the grocery first.”</p><p> </p><p>—————————————</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko, Shikamaru, and Neji all departed from the house about 45 minutes later. It had taken a surprisingly long time for Neji to detangle and comb his hair before deeming himself presentable. At first, she thought the situation was a little strange. Her running household errands with two teenage boys. But after they’d been walking for a few minutes, Neji and Shikamaru struck up a conversation about the upcoming Chunin exams and she just enjoyed listening to them converse for the rest of the walk.</p><p> </p><p>On the way home, they didn’t allow her to carry any of the grocery bags. This time, however, the conversation about the Chunin exams caused Shikamaru and Neji to ask when she’d become a Chunin.</p><p> </p><p>“9. I was named Jonin at 15.”</p><p> </p><p>She’d answered, shrugging her shoulders. Both boys exchanged looks over her head but Shikamaru was the one to voice their question.</p><p> </p><p>“So… if you were so talented that you made Jonin at 15, why are you Tsunade’s lapdog?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, adjusting the brown paper bags in his arms and releasing a puff of air from his mouth to blow away a mosquito that was buzzing around his face. Atsuko raised an eyebrow, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, first of all, I enjoy my current job. And I wouldn’t call myself a lapdog. I’m more of a… consultant. I also do a lot of village outreach on her behalf. And secondly, I am talented. But, I had some issues in my youth. So I ended up spending a lot of my time training others.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, bristling slightly at these young kids insinuating she wasn’t a capable Shinobi anymore simply because she worked a job within the village. She’d still kick any of their asses given the opportunity.</p><p> </p><p>“Doesn’t that upset you? If you are talented, like you claim and like your track record suggests, doesn’t it offend you in some way that you’ve been confined to the village? Training children?”</p><p> </p><p>Neji questioned from her other side, and she shrugged again with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Someone has to prepare the next generation. I figure that’s as noble a cause as any. Though, I do miss going on real missions occasionally. I was quite the force to be reckoned with. Especially so when I was around your age, Neji.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, a soft smile on her face as she reminisced. She did like her current job, that was true. It allowed her to exercise her mind, focus her talents and hone her people reading skills. But she would be lying if she said she didn’t miss Shinobi work. The thrill of winning a fight. The confidence that came with knowing she could handle whatever was thrown at her. She was strong and capable and fucking scary. Now? She was Atsuko-sensei. The legacy of the Nightmare Ninja nothing more than a speck in the past. It almost made her sad. Just as she’d started to make a name for herself, everything had come to screeching halt and Sasuke had been placed in her charge. Nothing had been the same since then.</p><p> </p><p>But she didn’t regret raising the boy or the time she’d spent at the Academy. Not in the slightest. She determined it was a confusing feeling and relinquished it with a deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, tell us a story then. From when you were a badass.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru suggested, and the request pulled a soft smile from her. She thought it over for a moment before deciding on a story she hadn’t told many, simply because she held it near and dear to her heart. Especially after… well, no need to dwell. Atsuko nodded, maintaining her smile, but now with a flash of teeth and a spark of confidence in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. Here’s one.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It was near midnight. The position of the full moon, hanging high in the clear night sky, was their only indication of the time. They were perched high in the trees, stopping for a few moments to breathe and reevaluate their surroundings. Crickets chirped and a slight breeze rustled the leaves, filling the summer night with a cacophony of calming sounds. But Atsuko was hyper focused on the area around them, eyes darting around in the dark as she centered her mind to feel for any unfamiliar chakra signatures. Directly north-east, about 200 yards ahead, she found what she was looking for. Six people, moving in the direction of the village. She turned her attention to her partner on this mission.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Shisui Uchiha was crouched on the branch next to her, his Sharingan shining in the dark night as the moonlight reflected off of his eyes. His dark hair, curly and wild, fell around the Hidden Leaf headband secured tightly around his forehead. When Atsuko turned her gaze towards him, he reacted immediately, locking eyes with her as she gave a nod in the affirmative. She pointed in the direction of their targets.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“About 200 yards.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She let him know, voice low and quiet. Shisui nodded and they both considered their next moves. A group of ninja from the Hidden Mist had entered the Land of Fire a few days prior, steadily making their way towards the Hidden Leaf and leaving a path of destruction in their wake. From what information they’d been given, these Shinobi were hell bent on infiltrating the village and doing as much damage as possible, going out in a blaze of glory. Even though it was a small group, the threat was taken seriously due to their strength level. The leader of the group was a member of the Hōzuki clan, a master of the Hydrification Technique. And at least three of the other members were capable swordsmen. The group had even managed to strike down a couple Shinobi from the Hidden Leaf on their way to the village.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Shisui and Atsuko were alone on this mission, but the two of them should be more than enough to handle the group of ragtag Shinobi. At least one of the targets needed to be captured and brought back to the village alive for interrogation and the rest would need to be dispatched cleanly and quickly. It would be difficult to trap the Hōzuki clan member. Even if he was the leader and likely had the most information, the risk of him liquifying his body and slipping away was too high. They would need to determine his right hand man. That would be the one they would take back.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>They both seemed to agree on the same idea, turning and locking eyes with a smile and a nod before taking off again in the direction of their targets. As they jumped from branch to branch as silently as possible, they spilt away from each other with some silent agreement to reconvene when the attack began. Atsuko knew that her job would be to confront the group head on, while Shisui silently took down some of the other lackeys from the back. With her lightning style she would be the one best suited to handle the Hōzuki clan member, and with Shisui’s teleportation jutsu, he would be best suited to land some sneak attacks on the rear.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She got into position, kneeling on a tree branch above the path the group were currently walking down. They were about 50 feet away and she could feel Shisui’s chakra settle into position. With a smile, she dropped from her position in the trees, landing on her feet with a kick of dust. The man leading the group stopped, a look of shock on his face for a brief moment before Atsuko waved.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hey! Are you guys lost?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She questioned, grinning wide as she took a couple steps forward. Immediately, the man leading the group moved to a defensive position, snarling slightly as the two men behind him drew their swords. Her eyes followed their movements, looking for any sign of who the right hand man would be. Then, she saw it. The leader of the group, the Hōzuki clan member, glanced over his right shoulder at a shorter man behind him. He gave him a subtle nod and the shorter man ran at her, blade drawn with a shout. She pouted,</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I just wanted to see if you needed directions!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She whined, jumping backwards to avoid the swing of the lackeys sword. This one she needed to keep alive. He lunged at her with the blade, striking forward and Atsuko side stepped the attempt to skewer her easily. Her eyes wandered back to the group, noticing that chakra’s of the three men bringing up the rear were already gone, Shisui having dropped out of the tree’s and killing them quickly. Their bodies laid a little ways back on the dirt road and the Hōzuki clan member had taken to standing back to back with the last remaining member of the crew, eyes hurriedly scanning the tree tops. She needed to handle this guy now and then assist Shisui with the group leader.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just as she was formulating a plan, the man she had been off handedly sparring with got her attention. His sword drew a little too close for comfort, nicking her Jonin vest. The intrusion into her personal space after she’d been absentmindedly dodging his attacks drew her attention back to the swordsman. She jumped back, looking down at the new hole in her vest with a displeased frown.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Pay attention to the fight in front of you, girl!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He scolded, causing Atsuko’s eyes to snap back towards him. She furrowed her brow in confusion, tilting her head to the side.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You think this is a fight?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She questioned, and that seemed to piss the guy off. He charged at her again, sword high in the air and obviously planning to rush her and swing down from above. Again, she moved quickly. Just as he drew close enough, she sidestepped the down swing. Then, when the sword was within range, she brought her foot down on the edge of the blade, using her weight to jam the tip of the sword into the earth. The swordsmen was forced forward, the handle of his blade digging into his stomach with a grunt as he came to an abrupt halt.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko reached out a cloaked hand, quickly gripping the man by the top of the head and infecting his chakra. The genjutsu was a simple one meant to make him think they were still fighting and his eyes rolled to the back of his head almost immediately. This window of opportunity, before the target had a chance to realize what was happening and while she was still within striking range, was the perfect chance to knock them unconscious. As he began to slump over, heading for the ground, Atsuko brought her knee up and connected with his skull, effectively bloodying his nose. When he dropped to the ground with his eyes shut, she knew he was out cold.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She turned around, taking notice of the way the Hōzuki clan member was now alone. The partner he’d previously had guarding his back was now lying on the ground as well. The leader looked up at the tree tops, face calculating as he tried to determine Shisui’s location. Then, he turned his focus to her, snarling his upper lip and bringing up his hand to form a finger gun.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You bitch! What the fuck is this, huh? What the hell is going on here?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He demanded, and she shrugged in response, just as Shisui silently dropped down behind the man, feet landing so quietly on the ground that the leader of the group didn’t even notice his presence. She could see his silhouette and the red light of Sharingan in the dark as he prepared for their double attack.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Killing innocent people and robbing roadside businesses all the while bragging about your plans to infiltrate and attack the Hidden Leaf… did you think that was going to work in your favor? That we were just going to allow that?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She questioned, wary of the finger gun he had pointed towards her. She knew it was the Hōzuki clan Water Pistol Jutsu and she wasn’t sure if she’d be quite quick enough to dodge the water bullet if he decided to shoot. Atsuko needed time for Shisui to give her the signal. That he was ready to strike. He was still approaching the leader from behind, walking slowly and quietly as not to alert the man of his presence. So, she stalled.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Or did you honestly think you’d be able to make it into the village? I mean, c’mon. We took out your entire group in less than 5 minutes.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko taunted, and the leader growled, something along the lines of her being a bitch. A dirty fucking Leaf Shinobi. etc. etc. The thing that drew her attention was the way his chakra had shifted and how he aimed the finger gun at her now with more intent. Just as he was about to fire off one of the water bullets, Shisui gave her the sign from just over his shoulder. She nodded and he threw her a wink before whistling directly into the leaders ear.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The Hōzuki clan member jumped forward with a shriek, misfiring his jutsu and sending a blast of water into the dirt beneath him. He turned towards Shisui who only flashed him a cocky smile before swinging a kunai, immediately forcing the leader to reel back and turn his body to water. This would be their tactic. Atsuko watched carefully as Shisui unleashed a flurry of attacks, fists and kunai colliding with the water body of the man in front of him. When he last hit connected with the water and the leader looked like he was about to draw a kunai from his bag, Atsuko weaved the necessary signs.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Clear out!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She advised, just as the lightning shuriken left her hand. Shisui jumped back and the leader barely had time to turn his liquified form towards Atsuko before the lightning infused stars sunk into the water his body was made of. The electricity rocked through the water and the man collapsed forward onto the ground, his body returning to it’s prior shape but admittedly much more gelatinous and steaming slightly. Shisui looked up at her over the body and flashed her that wild smile again.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Good idea to hit him with the lightning style shuriken while his body was still liquified. And your acting was killer!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He commented, and Atsuko raised an eyebrow, looking back up at him from the guy between them.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I thought that was the plan from the beginning?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She questioned, recalling their moment in the trees and the discussion of the mission leading up to it. Shisui tilted his head in confusion for a moment, curls bouncing a little before his eyes widened in realization.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Oh! When we nodded at each other in the trees? I thought that was just an agreement to wing it!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished her story with a light chuckle. Shisui had always been the more relaxed and goofy type. Despite his intelligence and unbelievable talents. It was one of a couple missions they worked on together back when she was young and, the way she recalled things, they made a pretty good team. Even an ‘agreement to wing it’ like he’d said had gone flawlessly and she couldn’t recount a single mission of theirs that had gone other than planned.</p><p> </p><p>“That one is just… it makes me happy when I think about it. Though I’m not sure if I properly displayed any ‘badass’ techniques.”</p><p> </p><p>She told Shikamaru and Neji, still smiling as they continued walking. Even if it wasn’t some super charged fight to the death or a tale of overcoming great obstacles, she liked the story.</p><p> </p><p>“Taking down a 6 man squad in less than 10 minutes with just 2 people is pretty impressive. I didn’t know you could use Lighting Style.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru complimented, and Atsuko nodded in response, humming slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“My specialty is Genjutsu, for sure. But my Ninjutsu wasn’t far off. I can use Lightning, Earth, Wind and Fire styles. Most Jonin can use several different chakra natures.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, waving her hand a little dismissively. Genjutsu was trickier to use. She had to get close to her opponent to perform a potent one, but the technique was her main selling point and her strongest attack. Her regular ninjutsu was impressive as well, but it wasn’t special like her Genjutsu technique.</p><p> </p><p>“You explained it to us a long time ago when we were kids. How does you Genjutsu work? How did you just grab that guys head and put him under like that?”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru asked, only for Neji to hum in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I believe during the missions you assisted our team on you focused more on Ninjutsu. But Gai said you were a Genjutsu specialist. How does it work?”</p><p> </p><p>Neji added, a hint of curiosity in his voice. Atsuko sighed, blowing a stray hair from her face as she considered how to best explain it. They turned the corner to the street her house was on and she began.</p><p> </p><p>“Well… lets see. Neji, it’s not too different from the Gentle Fist technique that the Hyuga clan uses. But, without the Byakugan, I can’t see an opponent’s chakra points. So, I can’t really perform precise strikes. My clan specialized in chakra control. Before me, most of them became medical ninja. Because our chakra is different from what you typically see. It’s slower moving, but easier to control.”</p><p> </p><p>She started, guiding the boys up the steps to her home. She unlocked the door for them and allowed them to pass over the threshold before her so they could deposit the grocery bags onto the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I’ve noticed that before when looking at you with my Byakugan activated. It’s unique.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji responded, and Atsuko nodded, already helping them unload the paper bags as she continued.</p><p> </p><p>“Right. I’m also a sensory type. So, I understand everyone has a different kind of chakra signature. The Kamiyama’s is slower moving. Slower to replenish. But it’s almost thicker in a way. Potent and heavy. So, becoming a medical ninja meant we could treat deeper wounds and handle longer medical procedures because of the potency of our chakra.”</p><p> </p><p>She added, moving to place the cold items in the fridge and refrigerator as Shikamaru walked around the kitchen table to lean against the counter-top, his arms crossed over his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. But what does that have to do with your Genjutsu technique? And why didn’t <em>you </em>become a medical ninja?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, she held up a finger, a silent gesture for him to be patient.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m getting there. I didn’t become a medical ninja simply because I didn’t want to. I was the first in my clan to focus my training on Genjutsu. No one had ever really considered it before. It appealed to me and I found that the technique I essentially created was a better use of my skills. Anyway. Let me explain it.”</p><p> </p><p>She started, heading over the kitchen window and again taking up residency on the counter top. She pulled her cigarettes from a shelf on the windowsill, cracking open the window and lighting it up. Neji took a seat a the kitchen table, resting back slightly with his hands folded in his lap. Shikamaru was still standing on the other side of the sink.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you both know how you’re supposed to release your comrade from a Genjutsu, right?”</p><p> </p><p>They nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s the same idea. In that situation, you send a blast of your own chakra into the other person’s body. It shocks their system and releases the Genjutsu casters hold. However, I have to send mine into the person almost consistently. It’s like an infection. My chakra is more dense and potent than most peoples, so once it’s introduced to their chakra network, it almost drowns out their own chakra. It’s heavy and thick, almost sticky. And once it’s in, I’ve never seen someone figure out a way to rid themselves of it. Not until I decide to recall the chakra and release the jutsu.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru’s eyebrows rose briefly as Atsuko took a draw from her cigarette, blowing the smoke out of the open window while she allowed them to turn the information over in their mind.</p><p> </p><p>“You hijack their chakra network?”</p><p> </p><p>Neji questioned, and Atsuko nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Pretty much. That’s really all that Genjutsu is anyway. What makes mine special is it’s staying power. But I have never really figured out a way to project my chakra. So I have to touch someone in order to infect them.”</p><p> </p><p>She explained, raising her right hand for effect. Her hand became coated in her signature dark cloak. A deep purple, almost black aura. It swirled around her hand, like seaweed waving underwater. Fluid and lashing at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think I’ve ever heard of something like that.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru commented, and she shrugged, the aura dissipating as she went back to smoking her cigarette.</p><p> </p><p>“To my knowledge, it’s a trait that only runs in my clan. So, as far as I am aware, I’m the only person on earth able to do what I do.”</p><p> </p><p>She advised, taking another draw as she thought about what that meant. The combination of potent chakra that she’d inherited from the Kamiyama side of her family and the dense chakra reserves she’d inherited from Jiraiya probably were the reason she’d performed so well during the war. Her stamina was unparalleled in her class and she could fight for longer than most. Her mother had told her it was just her sheer force of will that carried her through long battles and allowed her to stay awake and cognizant for days on end when need be. Why Lord Third had requested she join the Anbu when she was younger.</p><p> </p><p>Her life didn’t really revolve around Shinobi work anymore, but sometimes she thought about the potential she still had. Knowing Jiraiya was her father and having upcoming training sessions with him may be like opening a Pandora’s box of abilities she didn’t know she possessed. It almost made her giddy. The idea of learning new things and training again.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s certainly impressive. I see why Tsunade would want to keep you close.”</p><p> </p><p>Neji noted, and Atsuko nodded, pulled from her thoughts as she finished the last of her cigarette, putting it out in the old coffee tin she kept above the sink.</p><p> </p><p>“But it’s still a drag that you’re stuck doing a desk job. Strategically speaking, it would better benefit the village to have you in the field.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru added, and again she shrugged, hopping down from her position on the countertop. She raised her arms above her head, stretching as she prepared to begin cleaning.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, historically speaking, I’ve also been a liability. I made a lot of mistakes in my youth. So there’s no wonder that I’ve spent the last several years benched from active duty. Besides, it shouldn’t concern either of you. I’ve decided that I will find honor and pride in anything I do. Lifting you kids up, preparing the next generation and assisting Lady Tsunade in building a better village for you to inherit… those are all noble causes.”</p><p> </p><p>She informed both of them, pinching Shikamaru’s cheek when he furrowed his brow in thought. He blushed slightly before rolling his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Ya know, we aren’t kids anymore. You don’t have to worry about us.”</p><p> </p><p>He said, smirking slightly. Atsuko just laughed, shaking her head and rounding the kitchen table to stand behind Neji, clapping a hand down onto his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, if I admit that you’re all grown up, then I’d have to admit that I’m getting old. Which I am <em>not </em>ready to do just yet. Now, c’mon. You both said you wanted to help clean, so I’ve got chores.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished. Neji stood from his seat immediately, a faint smile on his face as Shikamaru let out a groan, muttering his regrets about offering to help her throughout the day. Atsuko could only chuckle in response, already heading for the cleaning closet.</p><p> </p><p>———————————————</p><p> </p><p>The cleaning went by quickly with the extra hands. In just under an hour and a half, the three of them had managed to clean the kitchen, living room, bathroom, and the backyard. Sweeping, mopping, wiping down tables and putting away everything they’d used to sleep on the night before as well as watering all of the flowers in the garden. After it was all said and done, she made a quick lunch, everyone eating and taking a few moments to relax before she had to kick them out. Neither one wanted to go home and explain their whereabouts, but she couldn’t keep them here any longer. She’d sent them away with a promise not to tell their parents about the misfire from the previous night. But with the warning that if any of them asked her directly, she wouldn’t lie.</p><p> </p><p>After they’d cleared out of the house, she freshened up, steeling her nerves for the remainder of her long day. Tenzo and Kakashi… she sighed as she checked her face in the mirror, poking at some of the freckles that had sprouted on her cheeks due to the recent time spent in the sun. Her heart did a flip, rolling around obnoxiously in her chest as she tried to think of how to best handle this situation. Would it be in bad taste to break up with Tenzo and then immediately go see Kakashi? Yes it absolutely would, she determined. She would take Kakashi his clothes, let him know she was going to talk to Tenzo. Then break up with Tenzo and allow some time to pass before jumping right back into things with Kakashi.</p><p> </p><p>This was not going to be pleasant and the thought of Tenzo hurting made her sick to her stomach. He was so kind and warm and he had been there for her through so much. A small part of her wished she felt for him the way she felt for Kakashi. Wished that she shared that unexplainable bond with him instead of the masked ninja. She wanted nothing but happiness for Tenzo and it killed her to have to be the cause of his distress, but she was cursed with foresight. She knew that if she stayed with him out of fear of hurting him, it would only be worse in the long run when she and Kakashi couldn’t manage to stay apart. Something would happen and it would hurt even more then.</p><p> </p><p>She packed up Kakashi’s clothes and left the house in a flurry, before she could convince herself to stay and not address the issue. To bury it and continue to live in ignorance. If she moved forward physically, her brain and heart would just have to catch up. Atsuko didn’t allow her mind to wander as she made her way to Kakashi’s apartment. She’d made her decision last night and, despite the anxiety in her chest and the sadness of the situation, her gut told her she was making the right decision. Tsunade had told her a while back that she needed to trust her instincts more, so she took that advice to heart. Putting all of her faith in the burning feeling that bubbled in her stomach.</p><p> </p><p>When she finished climbing the stairs to Kakashi’s apartment, the sweat clinging to her skin turned cold and she took a deep breath to settle her buzzing nerves. She reached out a tentative hand, knocking on the wooden door he’d guided her through on the night of their first date. She swallowed against the lump in her throat, listening to the shuffle of feet from the other side of the door.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko could feel his presence just on the other side of the wood, likely looking through the peephole to determine who was here. The way her home had a revolving front door had driven him crazy when they were together. Kids from class would swing by all the time for homework help or just to see her or Sasuke. Kakashi was more paranoid by nature. While she didn’t mind people stopping by unannounced - hell, she’d even given Naruto and Sakura a key - Kakashi didn’t trust people as easy. She forced a smile and waved up at the peephole, holding up his vest and shirt like a bounty.</p><p> </p><p>“I brought your clothes.”</p><p> </p><p>She stated, and she heard the lock turn immediately before the door swung wide open. He was dressed down as well, wearing a simple pair of black capris and a t-shirt, but his mask still sat firmly on his face, though he wasn’t wearing his Shinobi headband, the eye holding the Sharingan closed while his other remained open. He gave her a soft smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey. Come in.”</p><p> </p><p>He offered, taking a step back from the doorway to allow her room to enter. She stepped inside, taking a quick look around the apartment. It was decidedly less bare than the last time she’d been here. His fridge still held the picture of her and Tenzo that she’d given him on their first date. The irony was not lost on her. As she looked around she realized there were more pictures now. A framed one of him and Team 7 sat on a bookshelf by the window in his small living room. Right next to picture of Team Minato. The bookshelf was a new addition entirely, she realized. It was also filled with novels, now. He’d read a lot when they were together, but he was the type to re-read the same books over and over so it wasn’t often that he would buy a new one. Now, it seemed like he had branched out.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko also took notice of the new comfort items. Throw pillows and a matching throw blanket now adorned his previously bare couch. There was also a small dog bed sitting directly under the window, in perfect line of the sunlight pouring in from outside. And laying in that dog bed was Pakkun, one of Kakashi’s ninken and the defacto leader of the pack. The brown pug poked his head up to see who’d come in and she waved in his direction. He stood from his previously sleeping position, stretching out his front paws with a yawn.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Atsuko.”</p><p> </p><p>He greeted, voice grizzled as ever. She nodded in turn, smiling. That was another thing she’d missed in his absence without realizing it. The ninja dogs were at her house often as Kakashi trained and tended to them. He was always so patient with each of them and worked well with their different personalities. She loved watching him teach them new things and just interacting with them in general.</p><p> </p><p>After they’d been dating for a few months, he told her that he needed to introduce her to them. To learn her scent, he’d advised. Though, really, she was being put through a test at the time and hadn’t even realized it. Kakashi had summoned the dogs and then left for the day, leaving her to ‘get familiar with them’. The next 8 hours had been spent walking, feeding, and cleaning up after eight dogs. All while they bombarded her with questions about her life and her dedication to Kakashi. It had been overwhelming, for sure. But she stayed calm and graceful the entire time and, by the end, she even found she liked having them around. However, Pakkun had gone the easiest on her so she was slightly partial to the pug. When he got home that night, Kakashi had sworn he didn’t know that the dogs had essentially planned to haze her. However, he’d also confirmed that she’d done a wonderful job and that the entire pack adored her afterwards. To this day, she still didn’t know what the truth was.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Pakkun. Kakashi finally got you a nice bed, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko pointed out as the pug walked towards where they stood in the kitchen. He hopped up onto one of the kitchen chairs and sat down with a huff.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, took him long enough. Cheap skate.”</p><p> </p><p>Pakkun replied, throwing his master a softened glare that caused Atsuko to chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, hey. If I had known you two were going to gang up on me I wouldn’t have let you in.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi interrupted, narrowing his eyes at Atsuko. She only laughed again, wiggling the clothes in her arms at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, but I have leverage.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko responded, only for Kakashi to snatch the materials from her hands as she chuckled. When he took back the clothing, she was reminded of why she’d come here and what happened the night before. It seemed Kakashi had the same thought, his teasing smirk melting into a more serious expression as he stared at her. If eyes could swallow a person whole, Atsuko would have been consumed in a single bite. A silence fell in the room and her skin began to prickle again as a nervous sweat rose to the surface.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi didn’t make her nervous. No, not in the slightest. If she could stand in his presence and drown in his gaze without guilt gnawing at her stomach, she would do so blissfully. She’d been avoiding direct eye contact, staring at the clothes in his arms as she considered her next words. But she could practically feel him tracing the lines of her face with his eyes. Memorizing and calculating. His gaze was analytical, supported by the foundation of a longing so strong that it filled the room to the brim with a heavy energy. The shift in the atmosphere was almost dizzying and she cursed her empathetic tendencies once again as her chest ached and her lungs filled with fluid.</p><p> </p><p>“Pakkun. Can you give us a minute?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi broke the silence, and Atsuko sighed in relief. The tension had been too overwhelming and she was grateful when he pulled his eyes away from her to focus on the dog. Pakkun let out a gruff sound from his throat before hopping off the chair and heading towards the hallway that lead to Kakashi’s bedroom, his nails tapping against the hardwood. Once she heard the door creak shut, Atsuko pulled her eyes up to look at Kakashi’s face, only to find his eyes on her again.</p><p> </p><p>“Could you please stop looking at me like that?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned before she had the opportunity to stop herself. The budding sensation of drowning causing her to panic and address the issue.</p><p> </p><p>“Like what?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned, and again she found her own tactics coming back at her like a boomerang. She’d pried him open and crawled inside his chest when they’d first started dating. Forcing him to open up and allow her access. Now, it seemed like the tables were turned. He wanted her to say what was bothering her. To admit it to him and herself at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>“Like you’re trying to <em>will </em>me back to you with your eyes. Like if you stare at me hard enough I’ll feel what you’re feeling.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko sighed, a weariness settling into her features as she leaned back against the kitchen table, forcing her body to relax with a deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Is it working?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, setting the clothes down on the table beside her, before turning to lean against the wood as well. She couldn’t stifle the breathy chuckle his question pulled from her.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course it is. But it’s also not necessary. I can always feel what you’re feeling. All of the time.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, physically unable to fight the urge to rest her head against his shoulder. This was all so exhausting, she realized.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that what you came here to tell me?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi asked, and she found herself wishing he was the one answering the questions now. She could feel him looking down at her again, her cheek pressed against his arm and she shut her eyes for a moment, feeling his warmth and focusing on her gut feeling.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes… What you said last night. You were right. I’ve been… lying to myself for a while now. But I’m going to break things off with Tenzo today. Because it’s just not right.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko confirmed, taking notice of the way his muscles relaxed against her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko… I didn’t mean to cause you any trouble. I just couldn’t… It’s hard for me to put it into words.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi started, stopping for a moment to consider what it was he wanted to say.</p><p> </p><p>“But you understand. That it’s almost like we were made for each other. I never thought I would say something like that to anyone but then…”</p><p> </p><p>He trailed off again, clearly having a hard time in voicing the emotions. Atsuko only nodded, filling in the gap.</p><p> </p><p>“But you didn’t realize how intertwined we were until it was over…”</p><p> </p><p>She suggested, and she felt him nod.</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly. I mean, for the first couple weeks we were apart, I was doing my half of our morning routine in Gai’s apartment. I would pull out the kitchen chair for you to sit on and lace your sandals, but you weren’t there. I made doubles of every meal because even just being on autopilot it’s like… doing things with and for you <em>was</em> my autopilot.”</p><p> </p><p>He confirmed, explaining his actions over his emotions. Allowing them to speak for his mental state. Atsuko giggled slightly at the image of him looking down at his breakfast, only to find he’d made two plates. It was sad, but at the same time so sweet. Butterflies erupted in her chest when he let out a soft chuckle above her. She pulled back, turning her head up to look at him. Their eyes met again and she found that she didn’t feel nervous this time. The weight of those heavy emotions didn’t crush her chest anymore. She felt calm.</p><p> </p><p>“Kakashi… once I’ve spoken with Tenzo, and I think he will understand… I honestly think he already knows what’s coming… but, once I speak with him, I would love nothing more than to pick up where we left off. If that’s what you want as well…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko barely had time to finish her sentence before Kakashi was nodding.</p><p> </p><p>“More than anything.”</p><p> </p><p>He answered, and Atsuko smiled, tearing her eyes away to look down at her lap.</p><p> </p><p>“I still don’t understand why you would still want to be with me. After everything I did.”</p><p> </p><p>She voiced her confusion, blush rising on her cheeks as she shook her head. It still didn’t make sense to her. Suddenly, he was gripping her chin with his thumb and forefinger, tilting her head up to look him in the eyes again.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko. There is nothing you could do that would stop me from wanting to be with you. What happened… that was a mistake. I know you were struggling. And like I said back then, I forgave you the moment it happened. So don’t worry about it, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi encouraged, never breaking eye contact or shying away from her adoring stare, even when tears welled against her lower lash line. She smiled, blinking them away with an embarrassed chuckle before nodding against his grip.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay… but I <em>am</em> still sorry and I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko responded, knowing that she would have to forgive herself for the infidelity before his forgiveness would really make sense. But she was working on it. Kakashi smiled behind his mask before reaching up to pull it down, exposing the lower half of his face to her. The sweet smirk and strong jaw made her heart flutter. She watched his lips move when he said the next words.</p><p> </p><p>“If you really want to make it up to me,”</p><p> </p><p>He started, leaning down so their lips were barely brushing over one another. Atsuko’s heart was in her throat, overwhelmed by the emotions his closeness pulled from her. His thumb moved across her chin, a swiping stroke to pull her attention away from his lips and up to meet his eyes again.</p><p> </p><p>“Then marry me.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi finished, not giving her time to answer or breathe before sweeping in and planting a kiss on her lips. Atsuko’s eyes fluttered shut almost immediately, taking refuge in the darkness behind her eyelids as she tried to focus on the feeling of his mouth against her. A mixed of soft and slightly chapped, he kissed her slowly, carefully deepening it like he was trying to make her feel every emotion he couldn’t quite voice. Atsuko felt like her chest was going to burst. It was his turn to crack open her ribcage and crawl inside. Her hand snaked up between them, gripping the fabric of his shirt to remain grounded as he pulled her soul from her body with a single kiss. Then, just as she felt like that languid tension might snap, he pulled away, leaving her stunned and gasping for oxygen.</p><p> </p><p>When she managed to peel her eyes open again, he was staring down at her expectantly with unfiltered adoration in his gaze. It took her brain a few beats to catch up, to realize why he was looking at her like he was waiting for a response. When she realized what he was waiting for, she nodded, gaping up at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course.”</p><p> </p><p>——————————————</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko left Kakashi’s apartment soon after, her chest aching as they both realized it would be best for her to speak with Tenzo before anything further could happen between them. She was a strange mix of sadness and elation as she stood outside of Tenzo’s apartment door, preparing to knock. This was going to be even more difficult than she’d previously thought. But the idea of wearing her ring again. Of waking up in bed next to Kakashi. Of all his weird thoughts and dumb jokes filling her ears again. Those ideas spurred her on and she’d knocked on Tenzo’s door.</p><p> </p><p>Now, as they sat in his living room, a heavy silence fell between them. Tenzo was sitting on his couch, elbows resting on his knees as he stared at the ground. Atsuko was sitting across from him on the coffee table, wanting nothing more than to reach out and hold his clasped together hands. But she couldn’t do that now. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them. He considered what she’d told him for a moment more before pulling his head up with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“I had a feeling this was coming.”</p><p> </p><p>He admitted, eyes unfocused as he stared at her but also past her, nodding. It was like he was talking to himself. Atsuko gnawed at her bottom lip, nervously clenching and unclenching her fists at her side as she avoided his line of sight.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, Tenzo. You know that the last thing I want to do is hurt you. And I do love you. I meant that when I said it. What we had was good for me and you’re so kind and romantic… it’s not about you in the slightest. You were perfect. But I don’t want to keep stringing you along.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko tried to comfort him, knowing that any combination of words could be twisted and thrown back at her in this moment. What she said was the truth. It wasn’t about him at all. If she’d never met Kakashi she could have fallen into domestic bliss with Tenzo easily. But she had met him and she knew in her heart that he was who she was meant to be with.</p><p> </p><p>“Then… why? What does Kakashi have that I don’t?”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo asked, voice dropping an octave. It threw her for a loop. She didn’t expect him to ask her something like that. In any other break up, sure. But Tenzo just didn’t seem like the type to be jealous or… self pitying? Then again, she hadn’t explained anything. She’d just told him about what had happened in the bathroom and how she’d realized she still loved Kakashi.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not about what he has that you don’t. Both of you are very different and the things you offer are so different that I can’t even compare them. But… with Kakashi, it’s like I’m drawn to him in a way I can’t explain. Ever since that night he walked me home from the bar… I’ve felt like I’ve known him my whole life. And being apart from him I don’t feel complete. Tenzo… it’s so hard to put into words but I just know he’s my other half. My soulmate.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko attempted to explain the physical draw she had towards Kakashi. It was something she had no say in, that much had been clear from the first moment they’d met. She needed Tenzo to understand that. But he was still staring down at his clasped together hands with his eyebrows drawn together in frustration and confusion. She panicked, the thought of losing his friendship and driving a wedge between him and Kakashi causing her to speak again.</p><p> </p><p>“Tenzo… I need you to believe me when I tell you that I do love you. Do you remember that morning you brought me and Sasuke breakfast? Right before I started dating Kakashi and you made a move on me?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, hoping this would help him understand that her feelings for him were real. She just couldn’t deny fate any longer. He nodded, slowly, but still didn’t turn his eyes up to meet hers.</p><p> </p><p>“When you did that… when you held my hand against your face and ran your fingers up my arm, I immediately realized that I returned your feelings. Even back then, I felt that love for you. So, what we had over the last couple months was completely real, Tenzo. I just… god this is so frustrating because I can’t even explain it…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko sighed, out, dropping her head forward as well as the wind was taken out of her sails. She’d explained it so flawlessly to Jiraiya the night before, but the words failed her now.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, Atsuko. For asking you that question. You don’t need to explain yourself… I understand.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo sighed out after a few more moments of silence. She pulled her head up in time to see him sit up and lean back against the couch, hands folding over his stomach as he dropped his head back to look up at the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>“I saw it. Just like everyone else did. When you two were together… we could all see how much you loved each other. I mean, Asuma, Kurenai, Gai, and I even had a game we played when we went out with you guys. To see how many times throughout the night you would finish a sentence for each other. Or how many times you would hand Kakashi something before he even had the chance to voice what he needed. We called it the ‘Siamese Twin Game’. Because it was down right eerie the way you both seemed to be an extension of one another.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo stated, a sad smile on his face as he stared upwards. Atsuko could only gape at him as he spoke. Trying to process the idea that other people had seen the way they acted and that their connection was felt even by outsiders.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, even just the way you talk to each other. It’s like you always have the perfect response ready to go. Sometimes, I had no idea what you all were going on about because it was like you were communicating through your minds. Skipping whole sentences and still understanding each other completely.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed, coming to a stop with his explanation when he was sure she got the point and when he was sure he couldn’t continue. There was another beat of silence as he tried to figure out his point in saying all of this.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I saw that it wasn’t the same when we were together. It was good. More than good. But it wasn’t like what you had with Kakashi. So, yeah, it hurts. But I get it.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo finished, another wistful sigh leaving his lips as his eyes fluttered shut for a moment. Atsuko was still sitting on the coffee table, dumbfounded and staring at him like he was speaking another language. The things he pointed out… she didn’t even realize they did that in the presence of others. But she had to place that feeling on the back burner for now and focus on Tenzo.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry… I really am. If things were different… in another life maybe. You really are too good to me, Tenzo. You were always there for me and I still consider you my best friend.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated, unable to stop herself from reaching out and taking one of his hands in her own. He raised his head up, fixing her with a sad smile as their eyes met for the first time since this conversation had started. It was heart-wrenching, but at the same time she felt a weight lift off her shoulders. He squeezed her hand once before pulling away from her grasp and sitting forward.</p><p> </p><p>“And as much as this hurts right now, I’ll still be there for you. But right now, I think I need to go for a walk. Clear my head.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo replied, standing from the couch and stretching slightly. Atsuko nodded, understanding that as her cue to leave. They said their goodbyes at his front door, Tenzo placing one last sweet kiss on her lips before she left to start her walk home. It wasn’t like her breakup with Kakashi, she realized. That had been devastating and she’d felt gutted at the time. This hurt, for sure, but not near as much. She knew Tenzo would be okay. He was strong and sturdy. He would find someone deserving of all of the love and affection he had to offer. Someone who was good for him.</p><p> </p><p>When she finally arrived back at her house, Jiraiya was waiting on her front porch. He was sitting on the steps and slumped over a notebook as he jotted something down, muttering to himself all the while. Seeing him brought a smile back to her face and her chest didn’t feel so heavy anymore. Everything in her life felt like it was slowly moving back towards the right path. The road getting there was a little bumpy, but she could see the signs in the distance, guiding her towards the perfect destination.</p><p> </p><p>When she approached, she kicked his knee gently to get his attention. The white haired man jerked his head up, clearly lost in another world as he wrote. But he adjusted quickly, flashing her that bright smile and snapping the notebook shut.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, beautiful daughter of mine!”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya introduced, practically leaping up from his sitting position as she passed by him to unlock the front door. She chuckled, shaking her head as she maneuvered the keys.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, old man. You come for another free meal?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, teasing as she allowed him to follow her inside with no issues. Jiraiya scoffed, crossing the threshold behind her.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s rude of you to assume I’m only here for one thing. Did you forget our plans, hm?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked as he shut the door behind him and followed her into the kitchen. Atsuko quirked a brow, setting her keys down on the kitchen table as she tried to remember something she’d forgotten earlier in the day. Then, it dawned on her and she groaned, dropping her head forward.</p><p> </p><p>“Right. Training exercises. Shit.”</p><p> </p><p>She muttered, realizing she’d made the plans last night when she was still mildly buzzed. Not considering how exhausting her day was going to be. The last thing she wanted to do now was go to the training grounds and use up a bunch of energy and chakra.</p><p> </p><p>“Can we start tomorrow? I just broke up with Tenzo and got engaged to Kakashi in under two hours. I’m exhausted.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko groaned, slumping down to sit at the kitchen table, her elbow propped on the wood as her forehead rested in her hand. Jiraiya pulled out a seat across from her in a flourish, the legs scrapping against the floor loudly as he dropped his large frame into the chair.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. Dumped and engaged in the same day, huh. That’s gotta be a record. Forget Legendary Sanin. I’m sitting across the table from the Shinobi World’s Most Sought After Bachelorette!”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya goaded, causing Atsuko to groan again and completely drop her forehead to the table.</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon, dad. Seriously, I’m wiped. Lets just get something for dinner and watch a movie or something. I promise you can kick my ass in training tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>She whined, head still buried against the table so she couldn’t see the way Jiraiya’s face lit up at her suggestion. Being called ‘dad’ and having a movie night in with his daughter… it filled him with a feeling words couldn’t describe.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, deal. But I get to pick the movie. And where we eat. And you’re in charge of lunch for tomorrow. AND no more calling me ‘old man’.”</p><p> </p><p>He instructed, the smile clear in his voice as he blurted out commands. Atsuko couldn’t help the chuckle that rose from her chest, pulling her head up to look at him with a grin.</p><p> </p><p>“Deal.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>okay that one got away from me a little bit!! I promise there is a point to Atsuko discussing her abilities with the kids (Jiraiya training session next chapter oooohhhh!!). I hope that the Kakashi/Tenzo/Atsuko love triangle came to a decent resolution. I didn't drag it out quite as long as i would have liked to but i felt it was getting a tad redundant and boring bc there is so much more to explore outside of romance. We are switching into high gear next chapter tho. Gaara retrieval mission, training with Jiraiya, and the start of the tenchi bridge arc (SASUKE!). Stay tuned and i hope everyone has a good weekend!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Aptitude</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs that Inspired this Chapter:</p><p>Dream Girl - Anna of the North</p><p>Bloom - The Paper Kites</p><p>Season of the Witch - Donovan</p><p>Message in a Bottle - The Police</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Atsuko had requested the week off. Telling Tsunade that she would like to spend some time with her father and that they had training sessions planned. It really wasn’t a good excuse to miss work, but the sight of Jiraiya and Atsuko standing in her office - shoulder to upper arm with the white haired man wearing a proud grin - had apparently tugged at the woman’s heartstrings. She’d been granted the leave with the condition that when she returned she allow Shizune to take a vacation as well. That meant covering all of her work for a week. Atsuko had agreed, too blinded by the brightness of the present to consider the stress that would greet her in the future.</p><p> </p><p>They really should have hit the training hard that first day, but Atsuko and Jiraiya’s demons played a little too well together. Instead of focusing on Jiraiya’s teachings and learning new abilities, they’d both opted to spend the first day of her vacation relaxing. First, it was just a trip to the hot springs to relax their muscles before a long training session. Then they’d both realized how hungry they were. Then they just <em>had</em> to stop at a local shop so Atsuko could grab some new training clothes. By the end of the day, they were both posted up in Atsuko’s favorite bar, drunk and flushed as they shared stories and laughed. Eventually, they’d both stumbled back to her house and passed out in a drunken stupor against each other on the couch.</p><p> </p><p>The next day had come with sobering news. Gaara, the One-Tail’s Jinchūriki and The Kazekage of the Hidden Sand had been kidnapped by two members of the Akatsuki. Jiraiya and Atsuko had been called back to Tsunade’s office immediately, joined by the remaining members of Team 7.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, say that again… what did the Akatsuki members look like?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko questioned from her spot at the edge of the room, standing next to Jiraiya. They were mimicking each other’s stances, arms crossed and leaned back against the wall as they listened to the details of the attack on the Hidden Sand Village. It seemed that Team Kakashi was going to be dispatched to handle the situation and they would be meeting up with Team Gai at some point as well for backup. But Jiraiya had told her a little bit about his time monitoring the Akatsuki the previous night. What she knew about them varied wildly from the things he knew. Between the two of them, it wasn’t much.</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya mostly focused on their movements and next plans, but Atsuko might be able to put names to face if she had a decent description of the members. If they could find the Akatsuki members in a bingo book, it would at least let the two teams know who they were dealing with before they tried to fight them.</p><p> </p><p>“The one who captured the Kazekage… The fight took place above the village and the explosions made it hard to see but from what we gathered, he was young and he had long, blonde hair. The other man, his partner, was short and old. Couldn’t get any descriptions of his face, but one of the witnesses said his cloak drug across the ground. Like he was hunched over.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>Tsunade answered, reading over the paper in front of her as she spoke. Atsuko thought back for a moment, trying to consider everything she’d learned about the Akatsuki members during her 2 day stint in their base. Explosions… Young and blonde. That had to be Deidara, the pretty one with mouths on his hands. He’d threatened to blow up the base during his confrontation with Hidan. Then, there was the other one. An older man, hunched over with his cloak dragging across the ground… She’d never seen his face or appearance, but that one could have been the man who healed her leg. Sasori. Atsuko recalled the way his feet had drug across the floor when he’d entered Itachi’s bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>“The first one. The blonde. I remember him from… well, from the couple days I spent in their base.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko started, clearing her throat slightly at the word ‘base’. But she wasn’t choking yet, so she continued. </p><p> </p><p>“His name is Deidara. I remember him talking about explosions at the time… and he was the only blonde in the group that I saw, anyway. He was young too. When I spoke with him, he said he was only 19.”</p><p> </p><p>She finished, surprising herself with the amount of information she was able to relay. Back when the curse mark had first been placed on her, she couldn’t speak about anything. Couldn’t even tell Kakashi the name of the man she’d slept with. But now… she wondered if the mark was weakening. And what that meant for Itachi. If it was a conscious decision on his part or if the jutsu was weakening because he was.</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade seemed to have the same response, raising an eyebrow as Atsuko talked freely about the Akatsuki member.</p><p> </p><p>“Why isn’t the curse mark preventing you from telling us this?”</p><p> </p><p>The older woman questioned, and suddenly all eyes in the room were on her. Atsuko realized that everyones first inclination might be that she was lying. Giving them false information on purpose. So she shook her head, raising her hands in surrender.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. But I’m not lying. I swear.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko tried to defend, but she couldn’t really bring herself to be nervous. She knew she was telling the truth.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s telling the truth.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya confirmed from beside her as he turned his attention back to the room. Everyone seemed to relax at that and Atsuko nodded in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“Then… the older man. I’m not for sure because I never saw what he looked like. But he might be the one that healed my leg. I was blindfolded when he came to the room, but I remember the way his feet drug across the floor. Like he wasn’t picking them up all the way. They called him Sasori. But, again, that’s just a hunch. I couldn’t confirm it unless I heard his voice.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko added, trying her best to help. Again, it shocked her how much she was able to relay. The curse mark must have been weakening. She remembered the night she’d spoken with Itachi in length about everything that had occurred, he informed her that he was ill. Some, rare, incurable disease that she couldn’t recall the name of.</p><p> </p><p>“If those are indeed the culprits, we would be looking at two people. Deidara, an S-Rank rogue ninja from the Hidden Stone. And Sasori of the Red Sand. Also an S-Rank rogue Shinobi from the Hidden Sand… Deidara possesses the Explosion Release Kekkei Genkai and was formally a member of the Hidden Stone’s Explosion Corp. And Sasori was a major figure in the Third Shinobi War. He’s a puppet master with a penchant for poison. Kankuro of the sand pursued the two after they left the village, but he was struck down and poisoned… So, these two fit the bill.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade explained, handing the bingo book to Kakashi to thumb through. He took it in one hand, holding it open with his visible eye quickly scanning the page. Atsuko watched him carefully, anxiety bubbling in her stomach at the thought of him pursuing these two incredibly dangerous Akatsuki members. But she reminded herself that she didn’t worry anymore. Kakashi was extremely capable. She also knew first hand how much Sakura had grown. And from what Jiraiya told her, Naruto was a force to be reckoned with as well. They would all do fine. Especially so if they received back up from Gai’s team and the Hidden Sand Village.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko. While we are all here, is there anything else you can tell us?”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade questioned, and again all eyes in the room were on her. She scanned their faces momentarily. Naruto looked like it was taking all of his effort to remain stationary. She recalled the fight with Gaara from when they were children. How devastating the damage had been and how Sasuke told her that Naruto managed to connect with the One-Tail’s Jinchūriki. Gaara had been full of malice at that time. She remembered his malignant chakra and chilling presence. But since then, she knew that he’d become the most respected man in the Hidden Sand. So much so that he was named Kazekage at such a young age. Reports from the Hidden Sand village showed that he was a kind and just ruler, adored by the village that previously loathed him. Atsuko knew this would be an emotional mission for Naruto.</p><p> </p><p>Sakura seemed to be more level headed, listening intently to all of the information. She also appeared to be turning things over in her mind, thinking and trying to work out a solution. To get the Kazekage back, and a solution for the poison afflicting Kankuro. Then there was Kakashi. He was staring at her, head slightly cocked to the side. He was taking all of this in stride, seeming to be the most relaxed person in the room. But she knew his mind was running a mile a minute. Pouring over strategy and trying to plan their next moves perfectly.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure. If we have the time, I can attempt to give a run down of what happened over those couple days.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finally offered, tearing her eyes away from Team 7 and focusing back on Tsunade. The older woman gave a nod, waving her hand in a sign that Atsuko could continue, but quickly.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. I met a couple of the Akatsuki members while I was recovering… Sasori healed my leg, but I only ever heard his voice. Deidara I met the morning after my first night there, we didn’t talk about much but he told me his age and he got into an altercation with one of the other members. Hidan… I met him the first night I was there and he’s the one I know the most about. Cocky, loud mouthed, aggressive… Claimed to be immortal, though I still have no idea what he meant by that. Of course Kisame and Itachi… There was another guy, Tobi. He was like a big kid, but claimed to be as old as I was. I never saw his face, he always wearing this bright orange mask…. oh, and Kakazu. But I only saw him once and I only know his name because Hidan addressed him in front of me.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished, counting the members on her hand until she had listed off 7 of the members. She could go into a little more detail about their personalities if she had the time. Though she wasn’t sure if any of that information would be helpful. It was still so shocking to be able to speak about all of this. She’d been forced to keep all of the information to herself over the last few years. Knowing that the Akatsuki were lying in wait and planning their next moves, but not being able to do anything to assist. Now, she felt like she had some more control in the situation.</p><p> </p><p>“That checks out. From what I gathered, there are 10 active members. Sounds like you’re only missing the leader and his right hand, as well as the one I believe they call ‘Zetsu’… I was never able to get information on them either. I certainly didn’t get all of their names. Or close enough to provide a physical description for anyone other than Itachi and Kisame.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya piped up from beside her and Atsuko nodded in agreement, turning her attention back to Tsunade.</p><p> </p><p>“I could provide physical descriptions of all of them. Or, the ones I saw anyway. I still remember.”</p><p> </p><p>She offered, body thrumming with the idea of being <em>useful </em>again. She remembered all of their faces. Heights. Personalities. Hidan especially so. That thought made bile rise in her throat, but she choked it down quickly. Personal issues should be of no consequence in this situation. Even if she had slept with him, at the very least the information she could recall from that night could be useful.</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade made eye contact with Jiraiya for a moment, clearly looking for another sign that Atsuko wasn’t lying. She didn’t take it as a personal slight. Of course Lady Fifth had every right to be concerned. For all they knew, she was a spy of some kind. No one was without suspicion. And she had been gone for a whole month. Of course she was wary. Atsuko felt other eyes on her and her gaze pulled towards the center of the room. Kakashi was staring at her, an encouraging smile under his mask. When they made eye contact, he gave her a brief nod and that was all the confirmation she needed to know she’d done the right thing. That he believed her.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. Team Kakashi, you have your orders. Go recover the Kazekage. Atsuko, I’ll need you to meet with Inoichi and the others from the Intel Corp to give them a run down of everything you know. With my supervision. So be back here tomorrow morning.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade commanded with finality, and everyone cleared out of her office soon after. The group exited into the hallway and Atsuko stopped for a moment, her and Kakashi turning to face each other at the same time as Naruto walked over to say his goodbyes to Jiraiya.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko and Kakashi stepped aside for a brief moment.</p><p> </p><p>“When I get back, how about we go on a date? A real one.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi offered, breaking the tension that had settled between them as they attempted to pick up the pieces of their relationship. She hadn’t spoken to him since before she’d gone to break up with Tenzo, giving it a couple days for the dust to settle. But Atsuko nodded in agreement, smiling up at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. That sounds good. So, just make sure you make it back in one piece.”</p><p> </p><p>She returned, earning a confident nod from the masked ninja. They held eye contact for a moment, both of them trying to determine the next step. He looked over her shoulder at Jiraiya and Naruto positioned a little further down the hall, and Sakura standing behind the blonde. No one was paying attention to them.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko knew exactly what he was doing as soon as his eyes filtered over her shoulder. Assessing the situation and scanning the hallway for potential witnesses. It almost made her chuckle, so she took the weight off his shoulders by making the move before he could. She popped herself up onto her tip-toes and planted a sweet kiss over his masked lips, a tingle running down her spine at the familiar feeling. She pulled away with a smile, noticing the faint blush under his eye. This time, it really did make her chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you blushing? We’ve done much more than kiss over your mask.”</p><p> </p><p>She reminded him, teasing as Kakashi stuttered slightly, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck in mild embarrassment.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah. The public displays are just going to take some getting used to again. But… you’re okay? With being seen like that with me in public?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned, going from cute to serious in an instant. Atsuko nodded, clasping her hands together in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Maybe… well, maybe we can keep things more private for a while. Just until… things settle down. But I don’t care if people know we’re back together… We are back together, right?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, falling more bashful by the end of her sentence as well. Kakashi smirked behind his mask, feeling more confident now that he’d regained control over the conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely.”</p><p> </p><p>He answered, and her heart swelled with the sheer sweetness of the situation. Atsuko nodded in reply, glancing over her shoulder as Naruto and Sakura re-approached their sensei. Naruto was wearing a look that reminded her entirely too much of Jiraiya, eyes slitted with a slimy smile stretched across his face. Like he had caught them doing something they shouldn’t be. Sakura on the other hand was smiling sweetly, but Atsuko knew she was thinking the same thing as Naruto.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Kakashi-sensei. Is Atsuko-sensei your girlfriend again~?”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto questioned, teasing Kakashi so heavily it made her chuckle slightly, turning to see the blush on the masked mans face had returned.</p><p> </p><p>“I- well, uh…”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi stuttered out, struggling with how to phrase his response as his eyes darted between Naruto and Atsuko.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I am, Naruto. Now leave him alone. You’ll make him blow a gasket.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, giggling as Kakashi seemed to relax at her confirmation of their status. He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck again as the blush faded. It was so incredibly sweet how he could go from being suave and romantic to babbling and shy in the blink of an eye. Certain things just seemed to catch him off guard. Naruto laughed as well, and she reached out to ruffle his hair like she used to do when he was younger. Though, he was much taller now. Even still, he pushed up into her hand with a squinted grin, teeth bared.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. You all have a mission. Go on. Help Gaara.”</p><p> </p><p>She instructed as she removed her hand from his blonde locks. Naruto and Sakura both fixed her with a look of determination and confident nods, before moving past her and Kakashi to continue down the hallway. Atsuko tuned back to give Kakashi one last smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see you when you get back.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko told him, before turning around to head back towards where Jiraiya was waiting for her at the end of the hall. Before she could move away, however, she felt a set of long fingers wrap around her wrist, tugging her back towards Kakashi. When she turned, he was looking at her with a dreamy but earnest expression, the one visible eye of his holding a wealth of emotion.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey. I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi told her, and again it was Atsuko’s turn to blush. It had been so long since she’d heard him say those words, when they weren’t panted against her skin in a moment of desperation. Since she’d heard him say it casually. Out in the open. And, in an instant, she was reminded ofhow those words combined with his gaze made her feel like she was floating. Those words made everything else around them melt away. A smile pulled across her lips.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too. Now, go on. You guys really should hurry.”</p><p> </p><p>She encouraged, pulling her wrist from his grasp and giving his chest a light shove. Kakashi nodded, taking one more moment to look at her before turning heel and following Naruto and Sakura down the hall.</p><p> </p><p>————————————</p><p> </p><p>“That sure was a cute little display.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya commented as they headed towards the training grounds. Today would begin their official training sessions and Atsuko couldn’t be more excited. Yes, serious things were happening elsewhere in the Shinobi world and Team 7 was involved in it. She should be worried and concerned for their wellbeing as well as the wellbeing of the Kazekage. And she was! But she couldn’t fight the butterflies that swarmed in her stomach at the idea of getting to train with her <em>father</em>. One of the Legendary Sanin, no less. However, she was mostly just excited because it was her dad training her. She could not care less about his status as a Shinobi.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko was too lost in that giddy feeling to respond to his comment at first. After a second, he looked at her expectantly, raising an eyebrow, and she drudged up a reply.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh? What display?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, confused as he pulled her from her muddled mind.</p><p> </p><p>“You and Kakashi. You two are cute.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya clarified, but it didn’t sound like he truly meant it. Now it was Atsuko’s turn to raise an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds to me like you don’t really believe that.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko goaded, taking a few steps ahead of him and turning around, walking backwards so she could watch his face as they talked. He pouted slightly - yes, pouted - and crossed his arms over his chest, jutting out his jaw and posturing again. Like a peacock, she realized. Puffing out his chest and holding his head up higher as a serious expression took over his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, Kakashi does realize he needs to talk to me first, right? Before he takes you out on that date. And certainly before he proposes to you. That’s how all of this is supposed to be done, right? I have to approve of him. Make sure he’s good enough for my little girl!”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya ranted, and Atsuko had a really hard time determining if he was being serious or not. The way he spoke, overdramatic and turning up his nose lead her to believe this was a bit. Or a joke. But the way his eyes moved and seemed genuinely upset, made her wonder if there was a bit of truth there. Still, she couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity, dropping her head back as she turned around to look back ahead.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, come on! You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ve known Kakashi <em>longer </em>than I’ve known you! And, I hate to burst your bubble, but we’re already engaged. You gonna make me give him back the ring until you two can have your weird macho-man talk? So you can determine if he’s a worthy buyer and pawn me off?”</p><p> </p><p>She retorted, chuckling the entire time as she marched ahead of him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m still your father! And he’s read my books! He knows how this is supposed to go. He’s supposed to work up the courage to ask me for permission to take you on a date. Then, maybe, if I decide to be a merciful man that day, I will allow him to escort you on <em>one</em> date! But no holding hands. No kissing. And no fun stuff!”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya finished, pointer finger wagging in the air as he all but scolded her. Atsuko couldn’t stop laughing the entire time his spoke, her shoulders bouncing and stomach hurting from the strain as little tears formed in her eyes. She wiped them away as the laughter died down, glancing over her shoulder with a bright smile.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko never smiled as hard as she did when she was with him. Over the last few days, she found her cheeks aching from the constant work out they were getting. He was absolutely hilarious and so fun to be around. On top of being a genuinely caring person with rich inner thoughts. Truly, as time went on, she was so grateful that she’d met him and found out he was her father. The idea that she could have gone the rest of her life without ever knowing him made her heart seize. He always said he didn’t know if he was doing the whole ‘father’ thing right but, in her eyes, he was perfect.</p><p> </p><p>“Dad. I really hate to break this one to you, but we’ve already done all the ‘fun stuff’.”</p><p> </p><p>She started, grinning when he brought his fingers up to plug his ears, face screwing up in agony as he tried to drown out her words.</p><p> </p><p>“But! If you really want to have a talk with him, I’m sure I could arrange it. If it would make you feel better, that is.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko continued, shouting to get past his makeshift ear plugs. Jiraiya removed his fingers from his ears, turning his nose up at her again with a curt nod as his arms folded over his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s all I’m asking. I need to make sure he’d a good fit. You need to find someone like your dear old dad, ya know.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya advised, causing Atsuko to nod, feigning a contemplative expression. She would tease him in return, but in her heart she knew he was right. If she found someone who could make her laugh like he did and who was just as driven and earnest, she’d be the luckiest woman on earth. Thankfully, Kakashi ticked all of those boxes.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm. You know, you’re right. So I need to find a guy who is tremendously perverted, completely unhinged, a massive dork, and a great dad… I believe Kakashi fits that description.”</p><p> </p><p>She retorted, listening as Jiraiya stuttered behind her, like a fish on land.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! You’re the unhinged one!”</p><p> </p><p>He countered, causing Atsuko to devolve into another fit of giggles.</p><p> </p><p>They continued to fire those quips at one another for the rest of their walk to the training grounds. When they arrived, Atsuko guided Jiraiya to the section of the grounds she’d spent several years in. The same place she’d trained Itachi and then Sasuke. It had been a while since she’d come this specific clearing, but it felt like the right place to be in this moment. As they walked down a dirt path between tall trees, Atsuko fell silent and their banter died down. The sun through the leaves above them, showering the area in streaks of warm light. The Hidden Leaf was still in the throes of summer, so the bits of shade provided them with a much needed reprieve from the heat.</p><p> </p><p>A steady but ever-shifting breeze rattled the tree tops, the green leaves rustling loudly and filling the silence between them with the sounds of nature. Birds and bugs chirped and buzzed, all while their sandals clicked against the soft earth. As they neared the clearing, the hairs on the back of Atsuko’s neck stood at attention, a chill working its way down her spine despite the warmth in the air. The dirt path faded into lush green grass and the trees peeled apart, no longer walls that guided them, but instead forming a circle that welcomed them. Without the leaves shielding them, the sun shone down into the center of the clearing, like a beacon calling her home. She took a deep breath as her eyes scanned the grounds, a nostalgic smile spreading across her face.</p><p> </p><p>Their targets were still nailed to some of the trees surrounding the clearing. In fact, their were even a few worn kunai and shuriken sticking to a few of them. Rusted and dirty after being left abandoned for years. The large boulder in the middle of the area drew her attention next. It was the same one Sasuke and Itachi had used to practice their Shuriken Jutsu. There was a target directly behind it, and she recalled all of the time they’d spent trying to hit it without being able to see it. Then, she remembered napping here with Sasuke on the day that the Genin teams had been announced. If she shut her eyes for a moment, she could almost feel that memory. Her fingers running through his soft hair as her head rested in Kakashi’s lap.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, a hand dropped onto her shoulder and she was pulled from her day dream. Jiraiya’s massive palm was pressed against her, fingers curling in a reassuring grip.</p><p> </p><p>“This where you brought them?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, like he already knew exactly what she was feeling. Atsuko nodded slowly, her smile never fading, even as her eyelids drooped lazily.</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm. Felt like the right place to bring you, too.”</p><p> </p><p>She hummed, pulling away from his grasp to approach a large tree on the outer ring of the clearing. There were several, horizontal, gouges climbing up the bark. Her hand moved before she could stop it, tracing the scars on the wood.</p><p> </p><p>“When I was training Itachi… a lot of the time, he would bring Sasuke along with him. It started when he was really young. 3, maybe? He loved watching Itachi practice, but he was still a kid so sometimes it was hard to keep him still and quiet. So, every time he started to get antsy, I would mark his height on this tree and tell him that he needed to ‘focus on growing’ if he wanted to be a great ninja one day…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko chuckled softly, recalling the memory like it had only happened yesterday.</p><p> </p><p>“So, I told him that in order to grow taller, he needed sit still and think about growing. It usually kept him busy and quiet for an hour, then we’d have to find something else for him to do. But even when he outgrew that lie, I kept marking his height. The last one is from just before his first mission with Team 7.”</p><p> </p><p>She finished her story, running her hand up past the last marking on the tree. She wondered how tall he’d grown since the last time she’d seen him. If she’d ever be able to make another progress mark on this tree. A sigh escaped her as her hand fell away from the wood, dropping back to her side.</p><p> </p><p>“Sometimes… I wonder if I did the wrong thing. If I failed him somehow. If I didn’t do enough to try and bring him back to the village. Or if I’m still not doing enough now. Worrying too much about men and my job and not enough about… well, about the things that really matter.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko admitted, not really considering the words before they spilled from her lips. A part of her knew that Jiraiya might feel something similar. Guilt and regret for not being around when she was a child. She’d made the decision a long time ago to allow Sasuke to walk his own path but as time went on and the distance between them grew, she wondered if allowing Itachi to forge that path was the correct thing to do. And knowing that she couldn’t speak about the truth to anyone only made the self doubt worse.</p><p> </p><p>“I think… even if you had managed to find him, you probably wouldn’t have been able to convince him to come back.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya replied, and she turned around to look at him again. This time, he was leaning against the boulder in the center of the clearing, his arms folded over his chest. She furrowed her brow in silent question and he continued without prompt.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve seen a lot over the course of my life. There are some things that all of the love and support in the world can’t fix. Revenge is one of them. I can’t tell you how many Shinobi I’ve seen lose themselves to that…the cycle of hatred. It’s never-ending and they don’t listen to reason. I don’t say that to worry you. But in Sasuke’s case - just like in the case of many others before him - he’s going to have to learn on his own.”</p><p> </p><p>He advised, causing Atsuko to drop her head with a sigh, staring at the green grass with a frown. He was right. No matter what she’d say to Sasuke, if she ever saw him again, it wouldn’t be enough. That anger and hatred was so all consuming he wouldn’t be able to see through it. And she couldn’t fault him for that. For one, telling anyone else they were being overly-emotional would be insanely hypocritical on her part. Two, if she couldn’t tell him the truth, she couldn’t blame him for wanting justice for his clan. It would be incredibly self-righteous for anyone to tell him that he needed to give up on revenge when they had not been in his shoes. His quest for revenge didn’t make him a bad person or irredeemable. It made him human.</p><p> </p><p>“I know. There’s something to be said for what you described… ‘the cycle of hatred’. The never ending loop of Shinobi hurting each other for the sake of revenge and justice. And you’re right. I do love and support him with my entire heart. My whole being. That love is unconditional and never ending. And because of that, I could never tell him to stop doing what he’s doing. I refuse to pass judgement on him when I don’t know his pain.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, walking towards him slowly, still looking down at the ground as she pondered her feelings over the matter. If it wasn’t her place to tell Sasuke that what he was doing was wrong, then whose was it? Then again, she wasn’t sure if it was entirely wrong. He had every right to feel the way he did. Maybe it wasn’t the most productive but… if there was no talking him down off that ledge, what was the point in positioning herself against him and his goals?</p><p> </p><p>“Where do you draw the line between doing what you know is best for him and allowing him to make his own mistakes?”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya questioned, and Atsuko shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“i have no idea. I just think… doing this. Killing Itachi. It may be the only chance he has at true happiness. At truly being able to move on. If he didn’t and he just did as everyone told him, I don’t believe he would ever feel fulfilled.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, that single thought still ringing true in her head just as it had the day Itachi had pointed it out to her. He’d helped her put words to a feeling she couldn’t describe. The feeling that she couldn’t tell him to stop his quest for revenge. She felt that way because she didn’t have an answer for an alternative.</p><p> </p><p>“They all think that at first. Then, when the deed is done, it just leaves them feeling hollow. But, maybe it’ll be different for Sasuke. Who can truly define the difference between revenge and justice? Itachi is a rogue ninja. So what’s the difference in Sasuke tying up his own, personal, loose ends and the Hidden Leaf ordering Itachi’s disposal?”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya posed another hypothetical, but Atsuko wasn’t really sure if he was trying to comfort her anymore. Rather, just waxing on about his own beliefs and questioning semantics. Even if it wasn’t an attempt to soothe her worries, she found some solace in what he’d said.</p><p> </p><p>“I heard him refer to himself as an ‘Avenger’ on a couple of occasions. And maybe that’s a better term for what he’s doing. Doing this on behalf of the family he lost instead of for his own gain. No one wins here, I don’t think. When he finally does kill Itachi, I believe it may hurt him in a way he didn’t foresee. But, I’ll be there for him. He has people to come back to that he can lean on. That love him. Me, Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura… we would all go to the ends of the earth to help him. Maybe then, when he’s drained and the object of his hatred is gone… maybe then, love and support will be enough to help him through the next phase.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko said, more so thinking out loud than directly replying to Jiraiya’s philosophical pondering. The back and forth did help clear her mind somewhat. Though, it felt strange to debate the situation as if she weren’t directly involved in it. As if they weren’t speaking about her son and the boy she credited with saving her life. It hurt too much to think about and she found that no matter how hard she tried to come to terms with everything that had happened, her thoughts on the matter never came out clear cut.</p><p> </p><p>She let out a long breath through her nose, tilting her head back to stare at the sky. Atsuko made the conscious effort to relax her muscles and visualize opening her chest like window shutters. With trepidation, she let the conflicting feelings go with the summer breeze. Like beating the dust and dirt out of an old rug with a broom. She had to let these things come and go or they would weigh on her heart constantly. For now, she would continue to take things one day at a time.</p><p> </p><p>When she turned her attention back to Jiraiya, she gave him a reassuring smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be okay. Let’s get started with this training, huh? I’m dying to see your ‘superior teaching style’ as you called it last night.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko started, walking so she was standing in front of him several feet back. Jiraiya seemed to consider something for a moment before relinquishing the thought and pushing away from the boulder he’d been leaned against. He smirked at her, bringing a finger up to point in her direction.</p><p> </p><p>“You might be a teacher too, but I’ve been around for a lot longer. And I’ve been training impressive Shinobi since before you were born, kiddo. So, just watch and learn from the master.”</p><p> </p><p>He quipped, and she chuckled, the brevity of the conversation lightening the load on her shoulders for the time being.</p><p> </p><p>“First things first… what can you already do?”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya questioned, his unsure phrasing making her giggle again as she stretched and rolled her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, my Taijutsu probably needs the most work out of everything. I specialize in Genjutsu, of course, and my Ninjutsu is slightly above average. What do you want to see?”</p><p>She asked, popping her knuckles in preparation. Jiraiya considered this for a moment, pursing his lips and humming as he stroked an invisible beard. The man was a character, 24/7.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, Genjutsu is not my speciality. So, why don’t you show me your best move. As long as it won’t knock my lights out or anything like the Tsukuyomi.”</p><p> </p><p>He clarified quickly at the end, pointing an accusatory finger her way. Atsuko tensed slightly, raising an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“My best Genjutsu move? That might be a bit much. It won’t put you in a coma or anything but… I mean, they called me the Nightmare Ninja for a reason. The illusions aren’t pretty…”</p><p> </p><p>She warned, concern lacing her voice. Surely she couldn’t use that kind of move on him. She’d never been on the receiving end of her Nightmare Paralysis Jutsu, but she knew the kind of things she conjured and she knew the way grown men dropped their knees and screamed bloody murder. She didn’t want to hurt her father like that.</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya shook his head, jutting out his chin and crossing his arms over his chest again.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, come on! Your talking to one of the Legendary Sanin, here. You think I can’t handle some spooky visions for a few minutes?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, the offense clear in his tone. Atsuko grimaced slightly, rubbing the back of her neck with her right hand.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. I’ve seen it take down grown men and make them cry like newborns, dad. I really don’t want to-“</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya cut her off mid-sentence.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, how the hell am I supposed to know what I’m working with if I don’t know what your capable of? C’mon, kiddo. I promise, I can take it.”</p><p> </p><p>He assured, squaring his shoulders and beckoning her forward, a sign to hit her with her best shot. Honestly, him not taking her warnings seriously lit a small fire in her belly. It was like he thought her weak and incapable. Calling her skillfully crafted Genjutsu’s ‘<em>spooky visions’. </em>She narrowed her eyes at the thought, letting out a ‘hmph’ and crossing the clearing towards him.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko held up her right hand, quickly focusing her chakra and enveloping the appendage in a dark aura. Jiraiya’s eyes widened slightly but he remained professional.</p><p> </p><p>“Normally, I would have to utilize Ninjutsu or Taijutsu to get close to my opponent. So, it wouldn’t be this easy. But my best move requires me to touch whoever I’m up against.”</p><p> </p><p>She advised as she drew closer, flexing her fingers and getting a twinge of satisfaction out of the way his eyes never left her hand. A bead of sweat forming on his forehead. She’d show him ‘spooky visions’ alright.</p><p> </p><p>When Atsuko was in range, she didn’t give him a chance to back out. Years of practice had made her quick. Her hand jutted forward, breaking the building tension with the sound of her fingers slicing through the air, the speed making the <em>woosh </em>of her movements audible. Then, she gripped his forehead, fingers sliding into his wild white hair. Jiraiya’s eyes went wide for a split second before quickly rolling into the back of his head. Atsuko focused, pouring all of her energy into crafting a scenario she knew would shake him.</p><p> </p><p>Infecting an opponents chakra network also allowed her to utilize things most people couldn’t in a normal Genjutsu. She could pull from their memories and make them relive the worst moments of their life if she so chose. Though, after the connection was broken, she would have no memory of these moments. It was more like following a route that was already there. Extremely unsettling or traumatic events left scars on the chakra network just like they left scars on the psyche. If someone knew how to navigate those roads, they could abuse the neural pathways that had formed in response to the trauma. This also required extensive knowledge of the human brain. Just like an understanding of anatomy was needed to perform medical Ninjutsu. She knew how the brain was supposed to work under normal conditions, so all she had to do was look for imbalances. Manipulate a few chemicals. Then, on top of the Genjutsu, she was causing the body to enter a phase of trauma response.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko released her grip on Jiraiya’s head after a full 15 seconds had passed. As soon as she pulled her hand away, he slumped backwards and she had to move quickly to stop him from hitting his head on the boulder behind him. Her arms flew up, hands gripping his shoulders and keeping him upright as he slowly came to. He blinked several times, his irises returning to their normal position as his eyes dislodged from the back of his skull. She waited patiently for the hazy look to leave his face and, when it seemed like he could stand on his own, she let go of his shoulders and took a step back, eyebrows raise in silent question.</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya stared at her for a few beats before he let out a shaky breath and dropped back against the boulder, sliding down until he was sitting on the ground with his legs sprawled out. He looked exhausted and almost completely drained from only 15 seconds in her Genjutsu. Atsuko shuffled her feet slightly, crossing her arms under her chest as she regarded him.</p><p> </p><p>“You alright?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, her skin crawling uncomfortably as the silence stretched on and he avoided looking at her, staring at the grass between his knees. Maybe she’d overdone it a bit in her attempt to prove herself.</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya’s eyes slipped shut and he dropped his head back against the boulder, taking a couple more steadying breaths before nodding slowly and swallowing harshly.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah… yeah, I’m alright. Fuck, kid. Where the hell did you learn how to do that?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, exasperation clear in his tone as some of the color returned to his face. Atsuko only shrugged, moving to sit down across from him, her legs folded under her.</p><p> </p><p>“Taught myself.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, picking at the grass.</p><p> </p><p>“How… how did you know what you showed me? Genjutsu… has to come from the casters mind, right? You have to craft the scenario?”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya questioned, a hint of fear in his normally boisterous voice. Atsuko shook her head quickly.</p><p> </p><p>“No, not always. I don’t know what you saw, to be honest. I studied anatomy and the chakra network extensively when I was training. So, with a little finesse, I can manipulate traumatic memories by finding the kinks in your system. Blockages in your network or imbalances in your brain chemicals. It’s all chemicals and chakra.”</p><p> </p><p>She clarified to the best of her ability, looking up at him again to see the relief wash over his face. It must have been something personal. Of course, it had to be. But something so personal and horrible, he was glad she didn’t know anything about it.</p><p> </p><p>“But… <em>how </em>did you do it?”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya asked, the fear from before replaced with a budding curiosity. Atsuko’s tense shoulders relaxed slightly. She always hated practicing that move on people she cared about. Or the people she wanted to have a good opinion of her. It was scary and she’d gotten her namesake for a reason. The kids in her class were terrified of her. Her Jonin instructor had only ever been willfully placed under once. Then, he’d told her that the Jutsu was ‘perfect’ and that she ‘absolutely didn’t need to train anymore’. Their responses always made her feel like a freak. A powerful freak. But nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure if you knew about mom’s heritage but the Kamiyama clan has extremely potent chakra. It’s dense and sticky. Almost like syrup. It drowns out most normal chakra by just being too heavy and thick for most people to resist. So, before me, mom said our clan focused on medical Ninjutsu. Since it was slower, we could move it more precisely.”</p><p> </p><p>She started, leaning back so her hands were flat against the earth behind her, arms extended as she tried to relax.</p><p> </p><p>“But instead of going into medical Ninjutsu, I figure out how to use it by infecting the chakra network. I manipulate the other person’s chakra network to my liking. Combined with a solid knowledge of anatomy, my opponents brain is my playground.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished, dropping her head back to look up at the sky as the tension between them slowly dissolved. There were a few beats of silence before she spoke again, chewing her bottom lip in worry.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry if I went too far.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya jumped in immediately afterwards, shaking his head.</p><p> </p><p>“No. No, you warned me and I told you I could handle it. I just didn’t expect it to be so intense… to feel so real… Even when I knew what was coming.”</p><p> </p><p>He responded, sighing as he attempted to let go of the rest of the remaining jitters. He jumped to his feet, cracking his neck and bouncing his shoulders, arms flying out and wiggling his fingers to get his blood pumping. Atsuko stared up at him in shock for a moment before clambering to her feet as well, looking up at him with wide-eyed concern.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright! So, you’re Genjutsu’s strong! Big deal. Show me what you’ve got in a hand to hand fight, then we’ll talk. You may have gotten dense chakra from your mom’s side, but you haven’t even began to see what your dear old dad’s <em>impeccable </em>genes have in store for you!”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya barked out, throwing her a challenging smirk, the flash of his teeth so bright she could almost ignore the weariness lurking just behind his eyes. She smiled softly in return, nodding in agreement. If he wanted to move on, she would be more than happy to do so.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, show me then.”</p><p> </p><p>She challenged back, only for Jiraiya to let out a barking ‘Ha!’ and clap a hand down onto her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Then we are going to need a <em>much </em>bigger arena, my beautiful daughter!”</p><p> </p><p>He retorted, releasing her shoulder and sauntering towards another dirt path that lead out of the clearing, the back of his red vest disappearing into the tree line. Atsuko watched for a moment in stunned silence, a joy filling her at his acceptance of her scary side. Then, he called over his shoulder for her to ‘move her ass’ and she sprang into action, jogging to catch up with him with an excited laugh.</p><p> </p><p>————————————</p><p> </p><p>The next several hours were spent with Jiraiya and Atsuko trying to one up each other with different Jutsu’s. He knew larger scale, more destructive, Jutsus. But Atsuko knew more Jutsus all around. Quality vs Quantity. After a while, she realized this was more of a showcase than it was actual training. When she’d addressed this as the sun began to set, Jiraiya had told her he was trying to wear her out. Test her chakra limits. It had been hours of non-stop jutsu and Atsuko informed him that she still had a few more hours of constant work left in her. The older man had groaned at this, deciding to call it a night.</p><p> </p><p>The area of the training grounds that they had moved to had allowed them to practice some more massive Jutsu’s and by the time they called it quits, the earth was covered in scorch marks from Atsuko’s Lightning and Fire Style. There were craters and jagged cracks in the ground from Jiraiya’s devastating Earth style. All in all, they overlapped in a lot of different chakra natures. The only one Atsuko had never managed to used was Water style. And her Wind style was extremely limited.</p><p> </p><p>Beginning the trek back home, Atsuko asked Jiraiya a question.</p><p> </p><p>“So… what exactly did I inherit from you that’s so special?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, not missing the way the older man’s face twisted in offense, mouth gaping and eyebrows furrowing.</p><p> </p><p>“Rude! Do you think any normal Shinobi has that much chakra to spare?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, jamming a thumb over his shoulder at the ruined grounds behind them. Atsuko glanced back, shrugging slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I didn’t realize that was special. I’ve always been like that. Chakra depletion was never a concern.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, hands sliding into her pockets as they continued to walk back towards town. It was true. When her classmates were complaining about ‘using too much chakra’, she was able to keep going. There had only been a handful of occasions when it felt like her chakra was truly running near empty. Once when she’d spent all day training with Gai. It had started playful enough. But soon it devolved into a battle of attrition, neither one wanting to step back and admit defeat. Things had gotten so out of hand that they’d drawn a crowd. People were placing real bets. When it ended in a draw, both of them collapsed in a massive ditch of Gai’s creation, they’d both spilt the pot and bought dinner for everyone who came to the ‘show’.</p><p> </p><p>The other times were when she’d broken her leg looking for Sasuke. But that was mostly because she wasn’t taking care of herself. Then, another time when she was working a recon mission during the war.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you’re telling me you’ve just never realized that you can keep going long after your teammates have collapsed? It’s because of that dense chakra reserve you inherited from me!”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya pointed out, wagging a finger in her face again. Atsuko chuckled, nodding and lifting her hands in surrender. Chakra depletion wasn’t an issue, but she was human and she did get tired just like everyone else.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, alright. I don’t have the energy to argue. But you’re right. I guess I never put too much thought into it. There were other things to worry about.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko defended, looking at the horizon as the sun moved behind the trees, turning the sky a soothing wash of pinks and purples.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, this week is going to be an awakening for you, little miss. You’ve been resting on your laurels for far too long! After your little display today, I think I have the perfect technique in mind for you!”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya boasted, walking ahead of her and stroking his imaginary beard again. Suddenly, he spun on his heel, that accusatory finger back in her face.</p><p> </p><p>“But it won’t be easy! It’s gonna take a lot of hard work and perseverance! Luckily, I have both of those in spades, so I’m sure you inherited my studious work ethic as well!”</p><p> </p><p>He continued, turning back around as quickly as he’d turned to face her, marching forward as heranted and raved. Atsuko stopped listening after the first couple self praising comments, just content to walk behind him with a soft smile. She was sure whatever training he had in mind for her would be difficult. But as long as he was around, she had this overwhelming feeling that everything would be alright. That there was no obstacle too big to overcome.</p><p> </p><p>————————————</p><p> </p><p>The next morning Atsuko found herself in one of the interrogation rooms ran by Inoichi and the Intel Corp. Though she didn’t necessarily feel like a prisoner. She sat on a metal chair behind a spotless, stainless steel, table. The overhead lights buzzed above her, filling the room with a sickening glow. It wasn’t comfortable, but she wasn’t in cuffs. And the door to the room was wide open while Inoichi went to get some paperwork and a recording device for their conversation. Lady Tsunade was on her way as well, the promise of her presence made obvious by the third chair in the room, placed directly across from Atsuko.</p><p> </p><p>She tapped her fingers against the table, looking around the room for anything interesting to focus on while she waited to spill her guts. Or spill as much as the curse mark would allow. But the walls in this room were clean. No informative posters to read. No clock to watch tick. The only thing she could do was check her reflection in the dark side of the two way mirror that peered into the room. So, she picked at her face, poking at the soft skin around her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>This wasn’t her first time here. When she’d come back from her failed mission to find Sasuke, she’d been this is exact position. Inoichi had interviewed her, taking note of the things she could speak on and the things she couldn’t. Then, with her consent, she’d been hooked up to that mind Jutsu machine of his. Though, it had ended with the Intel Corp being unable to extract any information. The Curse Mark was air tight and she’d been informed that even if they had managed to break the mental block erected in her mind, the process would have likely left her brain dead.</p><p> </p><p>Again, she wondered why now. Why the curse mark had prevented her from speaking for years, but suddenly she could recount all of the details perfectly. The black tattoo on her tongue hadn’t faded any and, again, she felt as if Itachi had left one more thing for her to do. He was employed to be a spy on the Akatsuki, after all. Yet, due to Lord Thirds death, he wasn’t able to report their movements. No one else knew the truth about the Uchiha Massacre. Not even Lady Tsunade. The only people left who knew the entire story were the two advisors left from Lord Third’s reign and Danzo. And if he started reporting to them, how would they explain where they’d gotten the information? Maybe the weakening of the mark was a conscious decision on Itachi’s part after all. Perhaps he’d set a timer on the effects. Or was willingly weakening his chakra’s presence in her body. Or, his illness was worsening and he could no longer afford to keep her quiet. A sigh escaped her as she turned away from the window. Itachi was still an enigma.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. I have everything we need here. Lady Tsunade is on her way downstairs as we speak…”</p><p> </p><p>Inoichi returned to the room suddenly, speaking as soon as he walked through the door. He placed a tape recorder on the table, rotating it and fidgeting with it for a moment so it was positioned in front of her and exactly in the middle of the table. The file in his hand hit the table next and, again, he obsessively straightened it for a moment before his shoulders relaxed and he turned his head up to meet her gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“She advised that you just discovered you could speak on the experiences yesterday… Do you have any idea how long you’ve been able to relay information despite the Curse Mark?”</p><p> </p><p>The blonde man questioned, taking a seat at the table across from her and sitting rigidly for a moment, his hands clasped together and resting on the top of the table. Inoichi Yamanaka was also a rather strange individual. He wasn’t like his daughter at all. He was polished and focused, with a slight social ineptitude that was rather endearing. She’d heard him claim before that he wasn’t very good with words, but the few times she’d heard him speak she thought he came across as highly intellectual. If not a bit reserved and nervous. Clear in the way he kept fiddling with the items on the table between them. Scooting them a few millimeters and adjusting them until they lined up with the edge of the table. He would relax when it seemed like he’d gotten everything situated the way his brain demanded, only to begin the obsessive process all over again. Though she couldn’t tell if was just general nerves or some compulsive behavior.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure… I never really tried after the first time you interviewed me. Didn’t see the point if I was just going to, literally, choke on my own words.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko responded, crossing one of her legs over the other as she sat back in her chair. Despite his constant fidgeting, she felt rather comfortable in Inoichi’s presence. Like he was a kindred spirit. It felt like they were ‘cut from the same cloth’ as her mother would have said. Both of them oppressed by their minds while also drawing strength from them.</p><p> </p><p>“What possessed you to attempt to speak on the Akatsuki yesterday?”</p><p> </p><p>Inoichi questioned, clasping his hands together in front of himself again. Atsuko shrugged, letting out a soft sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure. I suppose when Lady Tsunade gave the physical description of one of the Kazekage’s captors, I spoke without thinking. I thought I might be able to eek out the members name, but nothing ever stopped me from continuing, so I kept going.”</p><p> </p><p>She explained, unsure herself why she’d even tried in the first place. It had just seemed important at the time that she at least try. Inoichi nodded at this, flipping open the manila folder and sighing gently as it revealed that the papers inside weren’t stacked evenly. Some flipped upside down and tossed haphazardly in the folder. He began the tedious task of straightening the forms, clearly annoyed by the state it was in and seemingly irritated that he couldn’t ignore the disarray.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’m glad that you did. I just hate to think that we’ve been missing out on this information. No one has gotten as close as you have to the Akatsuki and lived to speak on the matter.”</p><p> </p><p>He replied, rather bluntly. There was that social ineptitude again. Most people didn’t enjoy being confronted with that fact they’d been a hair’s breadth away from death. It didn’t bother her in the slightest, but she wasn’t a civilian. Instead, she just nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“I believe my connection to Itachi Uchiha granted me some liberties. Like the liberty to remain breathing.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, picking a piece of lint from her pants, eyes darting up just in time to catch the smirk on Inoichi’s face as he let out an amused puff of air through his nose. She returned the smile just as Lady Tsunade darkened the doorway. The older woman entered the room swiftly, her long blonde hair and green jacket fluttering behind her slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“My apologies for my late arrival, Inoichi. Urgent paperwork.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade excused, shutting the door behind her and quickly moving to sit in the chair beside Inoichi with a flourish, decidedly less uptight and tense than the man sitting next to her. Inoichi nodded in response, finishing his quest to straighten the paperwork in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s quite alright, Lady Fifth. We can begin the session whenever you’re ready.”</p><p> </p><p>He offered, and Tsunade gave a curt nod, her brown eyes meeting Atsuko for a minute. Her face softened and she leaned forward slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re ready to begin, Atsuko?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, the question holding more weight than the words suggested. Tsunade had been there when Atsuko returned from her mission. She’d seen the bruises and bite marks. Though, all of that was consensual, it still wasn’t an entirely pleasant memory. But Atsuko would hold no information back during this interview. She nodded, giving the older woman a reassuring smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m ready.”</p><p> </p><p>Then, Inoichi was moving to turn on the tape recorder without another word. Everyone settled into their seats and he read the date and time out loud for the recording, before having Atsuko and Tsunade identify themselves. Then, Inoichi gave a brief run down of the case file on her mission to retrieve Sasuke. He provided a rough timeline and read off the updates she’d sent to Tsunade while she was gone looking for Sasuke. After the last update, Inoichi recapped how long it was before Atsuko returned to the village and that, when she returned, she claimed to have been taken in by the Akatsuki but was unable to say anything due to the Curse Mark. He stated that the Curse Mark appeared to be weakening and they were going to attempt to speak on the matter again. Inoichi asked that Atsuko tell the story of what she witnessed while with the Akatsuki.</p><p> </p><p>“As previously stated, I was injured during my mission to retrieve Sasuke Uchiha. After climbing a rather large tree to gain my bearings and better determine my exact location, I fell and broke my left leg. I also sustained a concussion and was unsure how to proceed. So, I took refuge in a nearby cave as I waited for the messenger hawk from the Hidden Leaf to return for an update. But, due to my injuries, I spent two days falling in and out of consciousness. On the third day, I awoke to a man lifting me. I don’t recall the specific time, but I do recall the sun being high in the sky, so possibly around noon? The pain in my leg was overwhelming when the stranger moved me, but I was able to catch his and his partner’s name before I lost consciousness again. Kisame Hoshigaki was the man carrying me, and his partner was Itachi Uchiha.”</p><p> </p><p>She reported, hands still firmly placed in her lap. Inoichi gave a nod for her to continue.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, we were able to cover that much in that last session. What happened next?”</p><p> </p><p>He encouraged, so Atsuko continued.</p><p> </p><p>“When I woke up, I was blindfolded. Lying in a bed that I would later find out belonged to Itachi Uchiha. Kisame Hoshigaki was in the room with me and he told me to not remove my blindfold. That they had a friend coming to heal my leg, but that this man preferred discretion. He was… rather kind, actually. Told me that Itachi had gotten orders out that I was not to be harmed. Then, when their friend arrived, I remember his feet dragging across the floor. I never saw his face, but his voice was gruff. He was an older man and he did, indeed, use Medical-Ninjutsu to heal my leg. He claimed he only did so because Itachi had promised to provide him with ‘ingredients’ for payment. Though I never found out what those ingredients were for. Based on a description from the Attack on the Hidden Sand Village, I believe one of the men involved in the attack was the same one who healed my leg. They called him ‘Sasori’.”</p><p> </p><p>Inoichi and Tsunade took turns asking a few more questions. Specifically about the room she was in and if she could provide any other descriptions for Sasori. She tried her hardest to replay the memory, digging for any information she may have missed. When she came up empty, they instead moved to asking her about Itachi. If they had discussed anything or if he had told her why he’d helped her in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko didn’t want to lie, but Itachi’s wishes came first. So, she did. She told them that Itachi hardly spoke to her at all. He simply told her that he saw her in need of assistance and decided to help her because of their shared history. Though, he refused to elaborate and essentially left her to her own devices for the next two days. She didn’t tell them about sharing his bed or about their conversations surrounding Sasuke. As far as they knew, Itachi deposited her in his room and disappeared for two days.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. Were you confined to that room for the entirety of your time there?”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade questioned, and Atsuko shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“No. After my leg was healed, Itachi guided me to a communal bathroom in the base. It was large and the hallway that lead to it was long with several rooms along the walls, though I never got to see inside any of them aside from Itachi’s. The bathroom had a large soaking tub in the back, a counter with several sinks… maybe 5 or so? And the same number of showering stalls. He instructed me to shower, so I did. While I was cleaning myself in one of the stalls, one of the other members entered the bathroom. Hidan. He harassed me a little-”</p><p> </p><p>Inoichi interrupted her rather bluntly.</p><p> </p><p>“Harassed in what way?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked and Atsuko continued, eyes turning down to her lap.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah. Well, if we’re being frank, he hit on me and attempted to enter my stall. Though, just as things were about to turn ugly, Kisame entered the bathroom as well and let him know that the ‘boss’ had given orders to the group not to harm me. So, Hidan backed down. I finished my shower, Itachi guided me back to his room, told me to sleep, and then he left.”</p><p> </p><p>She shrugged slightly, like Itachi’s actions were as foreign to her as they were to them. Inoichi jotted something down on the paper in front of him and motioned for her to keep going.</p><p> </p><p>“I was exhausted and it seemed like more than one person had my safety in mind, so I slept through the night. The next morning, when I woke up, I could hear arguing outside of the bedroom door. Hidan was standing guard, telling two other men to leave me alone. I would have stayed silent, but I had to use the restroom, so I let him know I was awake and asked if I was being held captive. Hidan advised that I was not, he was simply protecting me as I slept.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade was the one to interrupt this time, brows drawn together in confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“Why? Why would he go out of his way to guard your door?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko sighed, adjusting in her chair.</p><p> </p><p>“I asked the same thing. He claimed he just didn’t want anyone sneaking in while I slept. He… took a liking to me while I was there. Anyway, he opened the door and I was able to see the two men he was arguing with. One of them was a young man with blonde hair. He had surprisingly feminine features… a pretty boy. They called him Deidara. The other man I couldn’t give you a description on. He was wearing the same Akatsuki robe that the rest of them wore, but he also had on this mask. It was bright orange with swirling lines that centered on one of his eyes. He was… childish. Easily excitable like a big kid. They called him Tobi.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko went on to tell the two about her trip to the kitchen, providing them with a breakdown of the infrastructure of the base. Tsunade and Inoichi seemed to both be surprised by the sheer size of the building she described, but she promised it was the entire truth. She told them about Hidan’s near assault, watching as Tsunade wrinkled her nose in mild disgust, and then how Itachi and Kisame had intervened before things could go too far. Then, she made up another lie. Atsuko claimed that Itachi only told her that he would be moving her in the morning and placing a curse mark on her so she couldn’t speak on anything she’d seen. She told them that he used a Genjutsu to put her to sleep and she woke up nearly 24 hours later in a hotel about a 5 days walk from the Hidden Leaf Village.</p><p> </p><p>For the next hour, she gave detailed descriptions of the Akatsuki members appearances and personalities. Inoichi had several bingo books brought to the room and, eventually, they were able to place each member. Deidara was from the Hidden Stone. Sasori from the Hidden Sand. Hidan was from the Village Hidden in the Hot Water. She’d told them about her brief run in with Kakazu and they discovered he was from the Village Hidden in the Waterfalls and that the man had seemingly been around since the First Hokage’s reign. The only one they couldn’t find any information on was Tobi, but Atsuko assumed it would be as such. That mask was hiding something important. Just like that fake, childish, personality.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko, I have one final question. When you returned to the Village, you were covered in wounds. Bruises and bite marks. At the time, you claimed that they came from a consensual sexual encounter and you told Lady Tsunade that they had been given to you by a member of the Akatsuki. Can you explain when this occurred and who you had this encounter with?”</p><p> </p><p>Inoichi questioned, looking down at the paper in front of him as he spoke, clearly reading over the old mission report. Atsuko twisted uncomfortably in her chair, but she knew this question would be coming. Though, she didn’t really understand why it was of any importance at this point. Still, it had been a mistake and she would speak about it if it would assist with the investigation.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko, I apologize for Inoichi’s blunt nature. And I understand if you don’t want to speak about it, but you do have to realize what this looks like. It’s… difficult to understand why you would do such a thing unless you explain the situation to us. It will help absolve any lingering suspicions.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade advised, trying to approach the topic gently. Atusko nodded in understanding, sighing gently.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s alright. I understand that it must look suspicious. So, after Itachi left me in that hotel, I began the walk back to the Hidden Leaf. Halfway back, I stopped and rented a room for the night at a small bar. I showered and returned to the bar to eat and have a drink. This is going to sound unbelievable, but by pure coincidence, I ran into Hidan and his partner Kakazu. This was the first time I’d seen Kakazu in person and we didn’t speak, but Hidan immediately began grilling me. He claimed they were not following me… that they were hunting down a bounty that happened to bring them this way.”</p><p> </p><p>She began, swallowing harshly as her eyes fluttered up and she made eye contact with Tsunade again. The woman was giving her an encouraging look, nodding to show she was listening.</p><p> </p><p>“So… I had a few too many drinks. I was angry at my partner at the time-“</p><p> </p><p>Inoichi cut her off again,</p><p> </p><p>“For the record, Atsuko was involved with Kakashi Hatake at the time of this mission. Continue.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko sent him a soft glare before finishing her story.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I was angry with Kakashi… Misguided as it may have been, I partially blamed him for Sasuke’s defection. So, that anger combined with the alcohol in my system… I made a stupid mistake and gave in to Hidan’s advances. He was the member that gave me those marks.”</p><p> </p><p>She concluded, eyes dropping back to the table as the shame of the memory racked through her again. She’d come to terms with what she’d done a long time ago, but it felt infinitely worse to admit the sin aloud. Suddenly, a warm hand was draped over her own, and she followed the arm up to see it was attached to Tsunade.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you. I think we have all of the information we need. Right, Inoichi?”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade questioned, turning to look at the blonde man as he finished the last of his notes. He nodded, clicking the pen and sliding it into his vest pocket.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I will enter the recording and my notes into evidence and send notice to the upper ranks as well as neighboring villages regarding the suspected identities of the Akatsuki members. Thank you, Atsuko. This information is incredibly helpful.”</p><p> </p><p>Inoichi stated, turning his eyes up to meet hers, offering her a soft smile. She wondered, briefly, why they weren’t more concerned about her affair with Hidan. Maybe… they just believed her story fully. It had been mostly truthful and perhaps what Lady Tsunade said was the truth. If she willingly gave up the information about who she’d slept with, then it proved she could be trusted. Before she could think about it too hard, Tsunade was speaking again, standing from her chair and rolling her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“Incredibly helpful, indeed. If we have any follow up questions, I will send for you. Now, I believe Jiraiya is waiting for you outside.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yall... i am so fucking sorry!! I know I KNOW this is slow moving but I just was super taken with Jiraiya and Atsuko's relationship this chapter (i blame my severe daddy issues and lack of a father figure!! I'm PROJECTING OK) and I apologize for what are essentially two filler chapters in a row. I am refocusing and we are getting to main story stuff i swear to god. despite this one being fluff, I hope everyone enjoyed the fun stuff and learning a bit about Atsuko's abilities!! see everyone next week!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Pursuit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs the Inspired this Chapter:</p><p>The Archer - Alexandra Savior </p><p>Chasing Pavements - Adele</p><p>Dragula - Rob Zombie (fight scene!)</p><p>Exit Music (For a Film) - Radiohead</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The remainder of the week saw Atsuko and Jiraiya training religiously to perfect a new Jutsu. Well, Atsuko trained religiously. Jiraiya just sat in the shade of a nearby tree, writing and giving her scathing criticisms on her form. By the time Sunday rolled around and her vacation was nearing an end, Atsuko was exhausted and worn, but she’d never been more proud. The idea for a new Jutsu that Jiraiya had presented had been far-fetched, but genius. Though the name he’d come up with was so devastatingly obnoxious, she’d almost turned down the idea out of principle.</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya had presented it as the ‘Ultimate Sleep Paralysis Nightmare Jutsu: Spider’s Web Snare’. But, despite the work in progress title, the Jutsu itself was surprisingly well thought out. He’d given her the example of the Puppeteers from the Hidden Sand Village. They used concentrated chakra to form threads that connected to their puppets, using those threads to control the puppets movements. He recognized that her Genjutsu was incredibly strong, but having to get close to an opponent first left her vulnerable to counter attacks. He proposed that she create her own chakra threads and attach them to her opponent from a distance. Allowing her to infect their chakra network without having to get too close.</p><p> </p><p>This particular method also opened up a whole new host of ideas for her. When they discussed her Genjutsu move that manipulated the chemicals and chakra points in the brain, it made her realize something she’d never considered. If her chakra could be used to manipulate physical things, could she also use it to stop bodily functions all together? Like an anti-medical ninjutsu. So, over the course of the week, she’d managed to nail the chakra thread method. She would condense her chakra down as thin as possible, and focus on sending the concentrated energy to her finger tips. Eventually, she was able to produce long tendrils of densely packed purple chakra. Due to the high concentration, the strings were black and slightly difficult to hide because of the color of her chakra. Though, they figured she could use shadows and nightfall to her advantage when using the method at first. Then, as time went on and she became quicker with producing and attaching the strands to her opponent, the visibility wouldn’t matter as much.</p><p> </p><p>Another major benefit to the method was that she could attach the threads to multiple opponents at once. The Genjutsu was a little weaker because she had to split her chakra so many different ways, but it gave her a large scale, mid range, move to use. Something she’d never had before. Jiraiya had explained that, with her level of chakra control and her unique chakra signature, the sky was the limit as far as Genjutsu was concerned. She could even rival the Sharingan if she managed to cut the chakra flow to a Sharingan user’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Still, no matter how excited she was about her new ability, she found it difficult to leave the bed Sunday morning. Her body was exhausted and it finally gave way, demanding that she rest. When ten in the morning rolled around and she hadn’t so much as made a peep, Jiraiya peeled himself off the couch to come knock on her bedroom door. He pushed it open to reveal Atsuko still lying in bed, attempting to shield her eyes from the intruding sunlight and groaning at the sound of the door creaking open.</p><p> </p><p>“Heh. Ya tired?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe. Atsuko sighed, glaring at him as much as she could with her eyes half open.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Exhausted.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, rolling over to bury her face in one of the many pillows on her bed.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you could lay here all day. But I figure you won’t want to when you hear that Kakashi and Gai’s teams made it back to the village this morning.”</p><p> </p><p>Immediately, Atsuko sat up, eyes wrenched wide as she waited for him to continue.</p><p> </p><p>“And…?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked after he only stared at her with an infuriating smirk, letting the silence consume her whole.</p><p> </p><p>“The Kazekage was safely recovered and everyone is just fine. Kakashi is in the hospital because he overused his Sharingan and Naruto had an issue with the Nine-Tails. But they’ll both be alright after they get some rest.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya informed her, teasing grin falling into a more genuine, sweet, smile when Atsuko let out a sigh of relief and dropped her head forward. Her shoulders visibly relaxed and the tired look in her eyes returned as the adrenaline faded quickly, the lethargy returning. Still, she turned to the side and dangled her legs off the side of the bed.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. Let’s get ready to go see them, then.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighed, sliding from the bed and wincing when her sore feet hit the floor. Still, Jiraiya left her room and went to shower, leaving her to get ready as well.</p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Once they’d arrived at the hospital, Hatsu lead them down the hall to Kakashi and Naruto’s shared room. Atsuko knocked gently, hearing a soft ‘come in’ from the other side of the door. She carefully pushed it open, smiling at the sight in front of her. Kakashi was sitting up in his bed on the far side of the room, a book resting in his lap as he regarded her with a gentle expression. The smile behind his mask unmistakable and, in a less tender moment, her eyes fell to his exposed arms, flexing slightly as he moved to adjust himself on the bed. Then, she looked at the other bed closest to the door. Naruto was laying in that one, stomach down with his face buried in a pillow and his limbs sprawled out across the mattress. The blanket on the bed had been kicked off, crumpled into a ball at the boys feet. He wiggled around a bit, mumbling something about ‘Sakura’ before ending in another twisted position.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko giggled slightly, moving around to Kakashi’s bed and placing the basket of fresh fruit she’d brought for them on the foot of his bed. Jiraiya followed behind her, leaning against the windowsill by Kakashi’s bed.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey. How you feeling?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko questioned, moving to sit on the edge of his bed, turning her body to face him. The sun pouring in from the windows illuminated his silver hair and shone against his pale skin. Combined with the crisp white sheets and the loving look in his eye, he appeared impossibly soft. She was grateful that she didn’t have to stomp down those feelings any more. That she could admire him willfully with no more guilt.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m alright. Just need to recuperate… overused the Sharingan.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi replied, gently gesturing to his closed eye. She nodded, grabbing herself an apple from the basket of fruits.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, that’s what Jiraiya said. That thing seems to put you in the hospital more often than it keeps you out.”</p><p> </p><p>She teased, reaching out a hand to brush her thumb over the jagged scar under his closed eyed. Her fingers caressed the side of his face and he softened into her touch, his other eye fluttering closed at the contact as he let out a scoff through his nose. They stayed like this for a moment, Atsuko just running her thumb across the scar and the soft skin under his eye as her fingers slid into the hair on the side of his head. God, she was so elated to just be touching him again. The second their skin made contact, fireworks erupted in her chest. Kakashi’s hand came up to cup over the back of hers, pressing her warm palm tighter against his cheek as his longer fingers slipped between hers, lacing them together.</p><p> </p><p>It felt like learning something new. The moment of eye-opening realization after struggling with a puzzle or problem for a long time. That feeling when everything just <em>clicks </em>and the frustration that follows because her hands could only move so fast, snatching up puzzle pieces or writing out her thought process with lightning speed. The words are barely legible but her spine is tingling, fingers flying as the sound of pen scratching paper filled the room. Touching Kakashi felt like that exact moment. Enlightenment and frustration, competing for dominance.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, remember what I said.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya broke the tension like snapping an over stretched rubber band, the recoil sending pieces of rubber flying across the room. It took Atsuko a second to register his words, however, and when she did, she groaned. Her hand dropped, but Kakashi followed quickly, his fingers intertwining with hers on the bed. He raised an eyebrow, looking between the two of them.</p><p> </p><p>“Am I missing something?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned, Jiraiya letting out a ‘hmph’ from low in his throat. This was Atsuko’s cue to explain. She didn’t think he was being serious! But when she finally turned her head to look at him, he had his arms crossed over his chest and a stern expression on his face. Without thinking, she dropped her head again and chuckled to herself in disbelief, eyes wrenching wide as she shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, for fucks sake. Dad, you’re being ridiculous.”</p><p> </p><p>She muttered, only for Jiraiya to immediately reply.</p><p> </p><p>“Language! And you did agree to my conditions, if you’ll recall!”</p><p> </p><p>He raised his voice slightly, wagging a finger at her in her peripheral. Atsuko only groaned again, embarrassment flooding her body, her cheeks darkening with a heavy blush.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay! Could you at least give us a moment alone, then?”</p><p> </p><p>She requested, turning her head to peer up at him again. Jiraiya’s face screwed up in consideration, eyes narrowing as he tried to determine the best course of action to ensure he got what he wanted. Atsuko met his suspicious glare with an exasperated stared of her own. Their staring contest ended with Jiraiya sighing and throwing his hands up in defeat, heading for the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. But only because we didn’t have time for breakfast. I’m going to the bakery down the road.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya announced, swiftly moving from his position by the window and heading to the door to the hospital room, throwing a nonchalant wave over his shoulder as he left. When the door slid closed behind him, Atsuko sagged forward, burying her face in the hospital blanket by Kakashi’s knees as she let out a suffering sigh.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi chuckled, releasing her hand to run his fingers through her hair in a comforting motion.</p><p> </p><p>“You two certainly seem closer…”</p><p> </p><p>He commented, and Atsuko sat back up with a sigh, his fingers detangling from her wild hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. We’ve spent this whole week training and before, when he was out of the village with Naruto, we wrote letters back and forth the whole time. But apparently that closeness has come with a price…”</p><p> </p><p>She muttered, narrowing her eyes at the space Jiraiya previously occupied.</p><p> </p><p>“What price?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned, genuine curiosity in his voice mixed with a twinge of amusement.</p><p> </p><p>“He… oh dear god, this is embarrassing. He wants to ‘talk to you’ before we go on our date. He wants you to ask him for permission to marry me.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko sighed, bringing her fingers up to rub at her temples, an attempt to alleviate the budding stress headache the sheer awkwardness of the situation was causing. When she spared Kakashi a pained glance, his visible eye was peeled wide open, looking like it may pop out of it’s socket as a hot blush covered his face.</p><p> </p><p>“I… well, I-“</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi stuttered, trying to formulate a response. Atsuko couldn’t help the chuckle that swelled in her throat, breaking through despite her attempts to stifle it. She reached out, grabbing his suddenly clammy hand in her own and giving him a squeeze of reassurance.</p><p> </p><p>“I can tell him to forget about it. Don’t worry. It’s not like he has any real say in who I date or marry, anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated, trying to calm him down. She knew he was would react like this. Nervous and horrified at the prospect of having to confront Jiraiya in such a way. To declare his love for her to someone other than her. Of course it would be difficult for him and he wouldn’t want to do it. But a tiny part of her wished he would do it anyway. That his dedication to her was so strong he wouldn’t allow any obstacle to come between them.</p><p> </p><p>That was a part of their relationship she had minor issues with in the beginning. She was so elated to have found him and to be with him that she wanted to shout her love from the rooftops. On their lunch breaks at the Academy, Iruka heard all about their dates and how wonderful Kakashi was. She told Kurenai and Anko about the more salacious parts of their relationship and gushed for hours about how she felt like she was floating when she was around him.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi, on the other hand, struggled with voicing his emotions. He didn’t brag about her or tell his friends how wonderful she made him feel. At least, not to her knowledge. From the beginning, he was a man of action. He showed <em>her </em>that he cared. Then, eventually, he grew totally comfortable with PDA. If he felt overwhelmed by his love for her in a public setting, he wouldn’t tell other people. He would simply approach her and pull her aside, caging her against a wall where no one could see as he placed sweet kissed to her face and lips, muttering sweet nothings.</p><p> </p><p>“Hang on. Wait. Jiraiya’s right. This is how its supposed to go, right? It doesn’t matter if… if I’m nervous. I’m not going to let something like this get in the way. I’ll talk to him.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi suddenly spoke, the blush still present on his cheeks and his eye still showing some concern. He swallowed harshly, squaring his shoulders like he was steeling his nerves. Trying to appear strong for her. Again, Atsuko was reminded of how well he could read her mind. A smile worked its way across her face and she giggled slightly, the image of Kakashi puffing up his chest entirely too cute to bear.</p><p> </p><p>She leaned forward, hands already wandering up to his mask as she adjusted to sit between his spread legs. With practiced ease, she lowered his mask and exposed the bottom half of his face. The little mole on his strong chin and the way his tongue darted over his bottom lip in anticipation, filling her with an undeniable warmth. Her hands cupped his jaw and she leaned in, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. His hands were on her as soon as that contact was made, gripping her waist tightly and pulling her closer until their chests were flush against each other.</p><p> </p><p>Tingles erupted across her lips and her back arched into his touch unconsciously as his hand traveled lower, massaging her plush hips. Her tongue swiped out along his lower lip and he happily granted her access as she pushed up on her knees to tower over him slightly, tilting his head back so she could deepen the kiss to her liking. When she was able to take her time, all of the memories of past encounters came flooding back. The feeling of his sharp canine teeth catching against her bottom lip every so often nearly sent her into a frenzy. She wanted to devour him whole, right here and now. Maybe, if she could kiss him hard enough, she could.</p><p> </p><p>A certain drag of her tongue across the roof of his mouth pulled a choked gasp from Kakashi, his grip on her hips tightening as he pulled her impossibly closer. This move seemed to remind Atsuko where they were and she pulled back from the kiss to take a deep breath. She looked down at him, his visible eye hooded with lust and his mouth wet and pink. The hands on his jaw pulled away, opting instead to run her fingers back through his soft, silver, hair. Kakashi sighed at the feeling, his eye fluttering shut as he leaned forward and buried his face in her chest, arms wrapping so tightly around her waist she thought he had the same idea she had. About devouring each other and becoming one.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll do anything to keep you here. I’ll talk to whoever I have to. I’ll… god, Atsuko, I’ll do anything, I swear.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi muttered, breath fanning against her clothed chest. Atsuko audibly swallowed, her throat burning as she fought the tears that threatened to spill over. How had she ever gone three years without him? Her fingers continued their ministrations in his hair, eventually stopping to just caress the back of his head, holding him close. His fingers dug into her back slightly, the grip he had her in bordering on painful. But she didn’t move. Didn’t flinch at the pain, because she understood completely. They needed each other so desperately it hurt to not be able to get close enough. Like sand running through her fingers. It could all slip away and it had before. That thought made her jaw clench, hard enough to grind her teeth together. Never again.</p><p> </p><p>“Me too. I’m sorry for pushing you away before… this is it for me. No matter what.”</p><p> </p><p>She agreed, burying her nose in his hair as he let out a shuddering breath against her. Everything felt so right like this and she wasn’t ready to release her hold on him just yet, but the universe had other plans. From the other bed, Naruto strung together a unconscious sentence. Something along the lines of ‘No, Kakashi-sensei, I didn’t do anything, I swear!’ and Atsuko was reminded of where they were. They both chuckled as the sound of Naruto’s sleepy voice cut through the silence like a knife, before carefully peeling apart and releasing their death grips on each other.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko settled back at the foot of the bed and they sat in silence for a few minutes to acclimate after the intense moment they’d shared. When her hearing cleared up and her heart stopped beating so harshly, Atsuko let out a breath she was holding, glancing over at the window to the grounds outside the hospital. It was still early in the day and she had planned to get things somewhat ready for Kakashi to return to the house. But, since he was currently laid up in the hospital, she supposed the preparations could wait.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to move back in?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, realizing she was getting a bit ahead of herself with her plans to ready the house for him. Kakashi was readjusting his mask when she asked this question, and he smiled as his hands fell away from the black material, now re-secured to cover the lower half of his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want me to?”</p><p> </p><p>He returned her question and Atsuko chuckled, nodding.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I do. I was just thinking about doing some re-organizing today so you could come back whenever and get re-settled… if that’s what you want.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, quirking a brow at him. When she’d first decided to get back together with Kakashi, she’d told herself it would be best to take things slow. But then, he’d asked her to marry him again and she’d lost all self control. It seemed like they were not capable of taking things slowly. Not when it all felt so right.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course… though, Pakkun is staying with me more in his old age…”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi replied, Atsuko chuckling and nodding immediately.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s more than welcome as well.”</p><p> </p><p>She confirmed, and again, they fell into a comfortable, happy, silence. They regarded each other for a moment as Atsuko turned to look out the window again before something suddenly dawned on her and she bought her hand down on his knee.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! How did the mission go? I mean, aside from overusing your Sharingan.”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, giving him her undivided attention, tilting her head to the side.</p><p> </p><p>“It went well, all things considered. The Kazekage is safe. Kankuro, his brother, the puppet master if you remember? He was poisoned by one of the attackers, but Sakura assisted him and he’s recovered fully.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi advised, nodding all the while to himself, like he was reminding himself of the mission’s success. Atsuko smiled, and then her brows furrowed again.</p><p> </p><p>“What about the attackers? The Akatsuki members? Who was it?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, adjusting slightly on the mattress, the sheets crinkling.</p><p> </p><p>“You were right. It was Sasori of the Red Sand and Deidara, the Explosion Style user. When we caught up to them, Deidara tried to run, so Naruto and myself pursued him. Sasori ended up fighting against Sakura and Lady Chiyo, a puppet master from the Hidden Sand.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi continued, shoulders slumped over with his hands in his lap. Even when he was recounting mission details he was obnoxiously lax. But, she couldn’t blame him for his current exhaustion. She only nodded, a sign for him to continue.</p><p> </p><p>He went on to recap all of the details of the mission to her. Apparently, Team Kakashi had a run in with Itachi on their way to Gaara’s location. Then he explained that Gai’s team had shown up to provide back up, but that they’d also had a run in with Kisame on the way there. When both teams met up at the location of one of the Akatsuki hideouts, they’d had to split up again to remove some sealing tags. This had opened a can of worms for Gai’s team as they were forced to fight identical clones of themselves. Then, he told her everything about Sakura’s fight with Sasori, or at least what he gathered from the young girl. After that, he divulged even more information regarding his and Naruto’s fight with Deidara.</p><p> </p><p>By the end of the story, a full hour had passed and Kakashi had turned around to lay his head in her lap, his feet resting against the headboard of the cheap hospital bed. She was running her fingers through his hair as his story drew to a conclusion and all Atsuko could do by the end was let out a disbelieving sigh, shaking her head slightly as she peered down at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. I’m so glad everyone is okay. Not that I doubted it for a moment. I also wasn’t aware that you possess the Mangekyo Sharingan. No wonder you’re exhausted…”</p><p> </p><p>She pointed out, considering it the easiest topic to discuss. She remembered learning about that particular alteration of the Sharingan during her time training Itachi. In fact, Shisui Uchiha had been the one to explain the phenomena to her as she’d asked why his Sharingan pattern was different from the other Uchiha. At the time, he didn’t divulge to her how it was awakened, but rather it’s benefits and how rare it was. He also explained the downfalls. Overuse could result in total blindness. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ve had it since…”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi trailed off, but he didn’t need to continue. She understood. He’d had it since Rin died. She nodded, scrapping her fingers against his scalp gently.</p><p> </p><p>“I just never used it. I mean, you see where it gets me.”</p><p> </p><p>He finished, gesturing to the lovely hospital room they were seated in. She chuckled softly, shrugging her shoulders in defeat.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I get it. Back when I trained Itachi, I was good friends with Shisui Uchiha as well. He awakened the Mangekyo at a young age. So he told me some of the downfalls and benefits at the time.”</p><p> </p><p>She agreed, lifting her head for a moment to look over at Naruto, still sprawled out and sleeping hard. He still snored, drooling all over the pillow, just like he did when he was a kid. She couldn’t count the number of time she’d had to wash the pillow cases he slept on when he spent the night at her house. The idea that goofy, tender-hearted, Naruto had been so consumed by anger that he’d been taken over by the Nine-Tails power… it blew her mind. However, it was that tender-heart that allowed him to feel things so deeply. All of his emotions were over the top and he was wildly passionate about the people he cared about. So, seeing Gaara like that… it made sense that he’d be so overcome with emotion that he’d lost control for a bit.</p><p> </p><p>“I really am so glad everyone is okay…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko commented, chuckling as Naruto grumbled something under his breath and reached around to scratch his backside. When she turned her attention back to Kakashi, he was staring up at her in some kind of trance. A smile under his mask and his eyes drooping slightly. She cocked her head in silent question, raising an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve really changed a lot over the last few years, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi commented, turning the tables slightly by reaching up and running his hand along the side of her face, stopping for a moment to cup her jaw. Atsuko smiled, her hand laying on top of his. The warmth of his palm seeping into her bones, such a familiar and comforting feeling she could have fallen asleep just like this. She knew what he was talking about. The Atsuko from 3 years ago wouldn’t have been able to sit through that story without being sent into some kind of panic attack. The idea that he’d been in such danger, along with Naruto and Sakura and Gai’s team. It would have killed her to know she wasn’t there to help. But now, she took it in stride. She had faith in their abilities and she’d learned that relinquishing control was one of her biggest triggers. If she could let that go and understand that what would be, would be, she could manage her feelings much better.</p><p> </p><p>“Tch. You haven’t seen the half of it.”</p><p> </p><p>She responded, dropping her hand from his so she could grip his face, dipping down to press a soft kiss to his masked lips. When she pulled away, she fixed him with a serious expression.</p><p> </p><p>“I just want to say that I’m sorry. For anything that I put you through when we were together before… I can’t really apologize for things I can’t help, but I should have known better than to pull someone else into that madness. I wasn’t ready for that relationship at the time and I know I caused you a lot of unnecessary heartache. Throughout the relationship and at the end.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko said, her voice not wavering in the slightest. It was the truth. She didn’t regret any of the time she’d spent with Kakashi. But, she knew that it wasn’t right for her to pull him into her life when she wasn’t ready. She just didn’t know it at the time. Kakashi scoffed from beneath her, rolling his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous, Atsuko. You say that like you held me against my will. If you’ll remember, I wasn’t exactly the best boyfriend either. I didn’t communicate with you like I should have. Let’s just say… both of us had a lot of growing to do. We just had to do it apart.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi responded, and she didn’t stop smiling the entire time. He’d changed too. In just the short time they’d spent together since reconciling, she could tell he was much more open with his own feelings. It was a side of him she’d seen before, but there was always a hint of reserve. Now, it seemed like they were totally free to be completely genuine with each other.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Was all she said in response, leaning down to give him another kiss.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p> </p><p>He muttered against her mouth before Atsuko pulled away and they spent a few seconds just staring at each other. Then, it seemed like he had something else he wanted to say. The dreamy expression fell from his face and he sighed, peeling himself out of her lap to sit up across from her again.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s one more thing I need to tell you… about what happened on our mission.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi started, and she titled her head to the side.</p><p> </p><p>“When Sakura defeated Sasori, he gave her some information as a reward… apparently, he has a ‘spy’ working with Orochimaru and they were supposed to meet at the Tenchi Bridge 10 days from their fight.”</p><p> </p><p>He admitted, glancing over at Naruto in the other bed. Atsuko’s eyes widened and, despite all of her growth over the years, her heart stuttered in her chest. If they had a lead on Orochimaru, then that meant they had a lead on Sasuke. She couldn’t formulate a response, only able to sit and listen as Kakashi continued.</p><p> </p><p>“Lady Tsunade is aware and she’s getting together a team to go to the meeting in Sasori’s place… Tenzo, Naruto, Sakura, and one other member. Though I’m not sure who it is.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko’s eyes fell and she stared down at her lap as she considered the weight of the mission. If they found Sasuke, what then? It’s not like he would come back to the Hidden Leaf willingly. Not until he killed Itachi. And, if he’d spent the last 3 years training under Orochimaru and sharpening his skills, there was no telling how strong he’d become. Taking him back by force may not be an option either. Though, she wouldn’t want to do that, even if they could. He had to finish this and she didn’t want to be the reason he didn’t get to reach his goal. No matter how gruesome that goal was.</p><p> </p><p>“So… they could find Sasuke as early as this week.”</p><p> </p><p>She muttered to no one but herself. Just the thought of seeing him again filled her with an indescribable emotion. Elation mixed with fear and confusion and so much love. She reached up, absentmindedly tugging at the rings on the chain around her neck. He wouldn’t come back to the Leaf. She knew how this mission would end. If she wanted to see him again, she’d have to go with Tenzo and Team 7.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned, and she pulled her head up immediately. There was concern in his eyes but she gave him a side smile, letting out a shaking breath and releasing the emotions with it.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m okay… it’s just been so long.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, turning to look out the window. The similar view of the courtyard reminded her of the time she’d spent watching over both of them after Itachi had put them both in a coma. Right before everything went to hell in a hand basket. Suddenly, she was grateful that the last thing she’d said to Sasuke was ‘<em>I love you</em>’.</p><p> </p><p>“I wonder how much he’s grown…”</p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko sunk into the hot springs with a weary sigh, resting her head back against the edge of the pool. She’d almost forgotten how tiring these missions could be. Not just the physical aspect, but monitoring teenagers was decidedly much more stressful than monitoring children. At least when Naruto and Sakura were kids and they started arguing, it was amusing and endearing because they could only hurl childish insults at one another. Now, they had the knowledge to insult each other in ways Atsuko couldn’t imagine.</p><p> </p><p>In all honestly, Naruto and Sakura weren’t the main issue. They worked well together because they understood each other. The problem seemed to lie in the new addition to their team. Sai was a member of the Anbu Black Ops, more specifically, he was a part of Danzo’s Foundation. He was crass, emotionless, and lacked any sort of social finesse. Already, he’d made some rather scathing comments about Sasuke and, if Sakura hadn’t beaten her to it, Atsuko might have hit him herself. The arguing and bickering didn’t stop there however. Naruto was territorial and thought that Sai had been sent to ‘replace’ Sasuke in some way, so he was defensive already. Sakura maintained her composure until she’d had enough, and then she would snap as well. The walk to the Tenchi Bridge was turning out to be a long, irritating, trek and she wanted nothing more than to relax for one night.</p><p> </p><p>Though, <em>‘relaxing’</em> wasn’t exactly what she’d call what she was doing at the moment. The hot water soothed her aching muscles and she was able to relax her shoulders for the first time in days. But her mind ran rampant. The mere idea of getting closer to Sasuke causing her heart to speed in her chest. If she saw him, she’d already planned what she’d do to insure that they got to speak to one another alone for a moment. Though, it would take some stealth and acting on her part. But it would be worth it if she could just let him know that what he was doing was okay. Not that he cared if it was the right thing to do or not… she sighed, sinking further into the water until only her nose was above the surface.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko looked across the steamy water as she tried her best to sort through her thoughts. The sound of the screen door opening behind her pulled her attention. She tilted her head back again, just in time to get a glimpse of Sakura approaching the hot spring as well, wrapped in a towel with her short hair tied into a messy ponytail at the back of her head. Atsuko turned her eyes back forward to give the girl privacy as she undressed and sunk into the water a few feet away from her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Sakura.”</p><p> </p><p>She greeted and the young girl hummed in reply, sinking into the hot water with a grateful sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so glad we had time to stop here on our way to Tenchi Bridge. My feet were killing me.”</p><p> </p><p>Sakura complained, moving to the other side of the pool and leaning her neck and shoulders against the edge. Atsuko hummed in agreement, allowing the comfortable silence to take over for a few moments. Then, when it seemed like Sakura wanted to say something, Atsuko turned to look at her. Only to find the pink haired girl staring at her expectantly.</p><p> </p><p>“Something on your mind?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko questioned, realizing too little too late that it was possibly the most idiotic thing she could have asked. Of course something was on her mind. The same thing that was on Atsuko’s.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just… well, do you think that if we find Sasuke, he’ll come back to the Hidden Leaf with us?”</p><p> </p><p>The young girl questioned, tearing her eyes away from Atsuko to stare down at the foggy water as it rippled in front of her. Atsuko sighed, dropping her head back again so she wouldn’t have to look at Sakura when she told her this.</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly? No. Not willingly.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, voice weary and strained. She could feel her eyelids growing heavy, draining of optimism and hope in an instant. Thinking about Sasuke was so exhausting she often wondered if she’d truly come to terms with his loss or if she just didn’t have the energy to worry about him anymore. That thought made her feel guilty in ways she couldn’t imagine, but just because it made her feel negatively didn’t mean she was wrong in her assessment. Sometimes, people were just bad. Well, maybe not bad to their core. But they all did bad things at some point. Had flaws they never could or would address.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think so either…”</p><p> </p><p>Sakura piped up from across the pool, causing Atsuko to raise her head and cock a brow in the direction of the girl. This entire trip felt like she and Tenzo were the only realists in a room full of blind optimists. Naruto would get all smiley, talking about finding Sasuke and how he was going to ‘kick his ass’ for leaving like he did. Then, he’d get this thoughtful expression as he was overcome by some memory of their childhood. Always viewing the past through rose-colored lenses. Sakura often agreed with him, and they reminisced the entire time they walked. So, she hadn’t expected Sakura to agree with her assessment so willingly.</p><p> </p><p>“I know he’s okay. He’s not hurt or… I would be able to tell. So, don’t worry about that.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated, trying to remind herself and convince Sakura of the same. If something were to happen to Sasuke, she’d be able to feel it. Like during the Chunin Exams. She hadn’t known for sure at the time, but ever since the Forest of Death section she’d felt sick. Nervous. Restless. Just like she had when Team 7 had gone on their mission to the Land of Waves. At the time, she’d written it off as generic worry. But since then, she’d wondered if it were something else. An instinct kicking in telling her that something was wrong.</p><p> </p><p>“What Sasuke has to do… he <em>has </em>to do it. It may not be the healthiest way to deal with the loss he went through and I’m still unsure how its going to affect him if he actually succeeds in killing Itachi but… if he doesn’t do it and he doesn’t at least try, he will never feel content or fulfilled. This might be his only chance at that.”</p><p> </p><p>She continued, staring down now as well, skimming her hand over the water just to feel the surface tension.</p><p> </p><p>“You say that like you don’t <em>want </em>him to come back…”</p><p> </p><p>Sakura responded, and Atsuko rose her head, locking eyes with her. The pink haired girl’s eyes were wide, like she hadn’t meant to say what she did. Afraid she’d crossed some boundary. But Atsuko only shrugged, grabbing the towel from the rock behind her. She rose from the water, wrapping it around her bare body as she spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I don't. Not if he’s just going to be miserable.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished, leaving the hot springs with nothing more than a gentle sigh as she entered the Inn and shut the screen door behind her.</p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! That was all Atsuko could think in this moment. Her body moved quickly, without the assistance of her mind. In a fight, everything else shut off except for focus on her opponent. Currently, that opponent was Kabuto Yakushi and he was undeniably fast. She remembered him from the Chunin Exams. How he’d thrown in the towel right before the preliminary rounds. At the time, she hadn’t considered him much because she was so concerned about Sasuke. Then, Jiraiya and Naruto had come back from retrieving Lady Tsunade and they’d told her that he was actually a henchman of Orochimaru’s. Ever since then she’d had an intense dislike for him.</p><p> </p><p>Not just because of his association with Orochimaru, though that was damning enough. She detested any person who could use the naivety of children to further their own agenda. Who could appear friendly and offer assistance, only to take advantage of the trust those children put in them. It was disgusting and his chakra was even more revolting. Slimy and rancid.</p><p> </p><p>When they’d reached Tenchi Bridge, she’d known exactly who Sasori’s ‘spy’ was from the moment he got close enough to read his chakra. But Tenzo was already in costume, waiting patiently on the bridge for the other man to approach and they weren’t supposed to reveal their location. Atsuko, Naruto, Sakura, and Sai had all crouched in the bushes. Waiting on bated breath for what Atsuko knew was an inevitable fight. A double-cross. Whatever. It had been maddening and she’d gritted her teeth so hard she swore she could feel the jagged edges of the bones softening. Kabuto revealed himself to Tenzo shortly after, and she had a brief moment of wondering if this was the real deal. If Kabuto had really been a spy all along.</p><p> </p><p>Then, the climax. Just as Tenzo was making his move to capture Kabuto, a rustle of leaves had revealed Orochimaru, standing directly behind Kabuto. Atsuko’s stomach had sank and she’d tensed all over, preparing to fling herself in between Tenzo and the duo if the need arose. The ruse of Kabuto pretending to be against Orochimaru last for a couple more minutes, before he turned and sliced through Tenzo’s disguise. Immediately, her and the rest of their team had jumped ahead. Naruto, Sakura, and Sai lining up in front of Tenzo as Atsuko stayed back with him to check the cut on his arm.</p><p> </p><p>Now, here they were. Orochimaru had made the mistake of speaking about Sasuke in a way that made all of their stomach’s churn. That slip up had caused Naruto to lose control of his Nine-Tails power. She’d watched in abject horror as the cloak of red chakra consumed the boy. The raw strength of his form breaking the bridge. Then, everything had kicked into hyperdrive.</p><p> </p><p>Sakura had been knocked unconscious and was dangling from the beam of the broken bridge. Sai had used his scrolls to draw and summon a large bird, but had completely ignored the falling girl. At the last second, Tenzo managed to use Wood-Style to catch her and prevent her from falling to her death. That was the last thing Atsuko witnessed before she felt a hand approaching her from behind. She’d ducked out of the way, rolling around and returning on her feet to see Kabuto standing behind her.</p><p> </p><p>Now, she was struggling to keep up with him and stay away from those chakra cloaked hands of his. It seemed she wasn’t the first one to consider using Medical-Ninjutsu as a battle tactic. He was essentially slicing at her with chakra scalpels, his chakra could reach inside her body and cut up her internal organs. So far, she’d managed to stay away from him, flipping out of reach and using the Substitution Jutsu on an occasion where he’d drawn just a little too close for comfort. But he never slowed, moving towards her steadily and swinging at her in a flurry of never ending strikes. It was giving her almost no time to think of a plan.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re Sasuke’s mother, right? Or the woman who calls herself his mother at least.”</p><p> </p><p>Kabuto questioned suddenly, a teasing lilt in his voice. The way he spoke reminded her of a mean girl in school. Asking facetious questions in an attempt to trip her up or simply watch her struggle to answer. It made her lip curl up in disgust. Both at his tone and the line of questioning. Nothing was sacred, apparently.</p><p> </p><p>“I am his mother.”</p><p> </p><p>She insisted, unsure why she felt the need to defend herself even when she knew what he doing. Trying to goad her into losing her balance or slipping up. That must mean he was growing weary of fighting. They had been at this for several minutes now, having moved backwards into the woods away from the bridge. She prayed that Tenzo was able to handle the situation with Orochimaru until she could provide him with backup. That thought caused her to double down on her efforts, instead coating her hands in her own dark chakra, swinging back at Kabuto when one of his hits failed to connect again. Now, she was forcing him backwards, but he was blocking her hits easily. With his forearms and legs as he backpedalled, a smirk on his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s funny. He’s never spoken about you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kabuto countered, wrinkling his nose to shift his glasses up on his face. Atsuko stuttered in her movements, face contorting in shock and pain for a brief moment before attempting to shake off the emotions and continue her assault. She wouldn’t respond this time. Wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, that’s not entirely true. I’ve heard him talking to Lord Orochimaru during their training sessions. He said you were weak. That you hadn’t really taught him anything and he was glad to be away from you. That you were suffocating and overly emotional.”</p><p> </p><p>He continued, sneering gleefully when Atsuko hesitated again, confusion and hurt etched onto her face like a book. This time, he was watching for her slip up. He took full advantage, lunging forward and grabbing her wrist in one of his hands. His grip was so tight, Atsuko seethed as she felt several bones pop, pain shooting up her arm immediately. She gasped, panicking as she tried to pull away from him, but before she could hit him with her free hand, he was pushing her back.</p><p> </p><p>They ended up on the ground, his knee pressing into the crook of her elbow and his hand never released it’s grasp on her wrist as he straddled her. He smirked down at her as she kicked helplessly beneath him, the panic rising in her chest as she realized just how <em>strong </em>he was.</p><p> </p><p>“Guess he was right. Weak willed women always collapse under too much pressure.”</p><p> </p><p>He mocked, his free hand still coated in that blue chakra. Kabuto paused for a second, clearly enjoying the fear written on her face. Then, with devastating precision, he brought the hand down right over her heart. When he made contact with her chest, Atsuko felt everything come to a halt. There was excruciating pain in her chest as he sliced through the muscles that composed her heart. Her body tensed and she let out a choked gasp, the fatal blow unlike any pain she’d ever felt before. Then, it was gone in an instant.</p><p> </p><p>The clone beneath Kabuto fizzled, disappearing and instead being replaced by an intense burst of lighting. Atsuko watched from behind him and listened as he gasped before he jumped to his feet, flipping backwards just in time to avoid being electrocuted. When he landed on his feet, skidding across the dirt slightly due to the force of his jump, his eyes immediately began scanning the surrounding area. The look of shock on his face being replaced by a smirk as he again adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose.</p><p> </p><p>“Well. A Lightning Style Shadow Clone, huh? Maybe not so weak after all…”</p><p> </p><p>Kabuto muttered to himself, and Atsuko took great care in her next moves. She was crouched in a nearby tree, but Kabuto had demonstrated a propensity for excellent chakra control. She wouldn’t doubt that he could sense chakra signatures as well. Carefully, she put the chakra thread technique from her training with Jiraiya to good use. She focused on utilizing as much chakra as she could at a single time, spreading her chakra evenly as she formed the threads and stretched them to their maximum distance. She attached them to nearby trees and used the shadows as cover due to their dark color. Like wires that fed her chakra into different areas so he couldn’t determine her location.</p><p> </p><p>It seemed like the method had worked when Kabuto’s smirked dissipated and his eyes narrowed, darting from one direction to another quickly. He let out a scoff, going from cocky to irritated in a single moment. It was Atsuko’s turn to smile now, steadying her breathing and remaining calm. She waited patiently for him to make his move. His eyes landed on a tree near her that one of her threads was attached to. That slimy smile returned to his face and he moved quickly, darting into the woods. As soon as he approached the tree, Atsuko was able to feel his presence and, if she tried hard enough, she could see his form standing at the base several feet away. He looked up at the branches for a moment and thats when she made her move.</p><p> </p><p>She focused all of her chakra threads on his position, quickly flicking her wrist. They moved through the air quietly and, within seconds, they were attaching to Kabuto’s body. After that point, it was smooth sailing. Check mate. Atsuko hopped down from her position and approached him confidently, reeling in the slack on the chakra threads until she was standing about 10 feet away from him.</p><p> </p><p>Kabuto noticed her presence at this point, quickly turning around to face her. That smirk returned.</p><p> </p><p>“Giving up your hiding spot so soon? That will prove to be your downfall.”</p><p> </p><p>He sneered, immediately attempting to lunge at her. Only, as he pushed his feet from the ground under him, Atsuko twitched her fingers. The chakra threads tightened and suddenly, Kabuto was pulled backwards harshly, landing on the ground in a puff of dust and confusion. When he landed, his brow furrowed, but then he saw the way her fingers were moving. Spread apart and held aloft for better control. He huffed, the smirk returning.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you honestly think some little puppet trick is going to stop me?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, and Atsuko shrugged, tensing the strings again and watching in delight as his arms twisted backwards painfully. Kabuto let out a sharp cry and the smile that worked it’s way across Atsuko’s face was one of mocking.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe not. But this will.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, just before putting her final act into play. She focused on the chakra threads, pulsing and feeding her chakra into him. Slowly, Kabuto’s eyes widened. Then, just like the rest, they rolled to the back of his head. She wasn’t sure what he was seeing, but she expected the same blood curdling scream they all uttered after being put under. Instead, as she released her chakra threads and allowed the Genjutsu to take hold, Kabuto began to sob uncontrollably.</p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>“Naruto! Slow down!”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko called as she and Tenzo ran after the blonde haired boy. They’d infiltrated Orochimaru’s base and, after handling what felt like some kind of side mission involving Sai and Danzo, it had been revealed that Sai was actually sent on this mission to kill Sasuke. The hallways of this hideout were winding and seemingly never ending. Only illuminated by the glow of candles. That was, until an explosion in a near by hallway had blown a hole in the base, allowing in the natural light of day. It was blinding, in the distance, but Atsuko could vaguely make out the shadow of Naruto running, and beyond him, the shadow of Sakura standing in the ray of daylight, perfectly still.</p><p> </p><p>She knew what was coming. She could feel him and had known from the moment the explosion had occurred who had caused it. But she’d spent this entire mission focused on maintaining her cool. Protecting her teammates. The events of the last several days had been so overwhelming she’d almost forgotten their goal in an attempt to remain unaffected by the emotional weight of the mission. But ever since they’d drawn near this base, she could feel Sasuke’s chakra. Larger and more menacing than before, but it was still so unmistakably <em>him</em>.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of the explosion had left her ears ringing, but as her eardrums recovered, she was left only with manmade sounds. She could hear three different pairs of sandals snapping against the hard floor, accompanied by labored breathing and wind snapping past her head as she ran. The closer she got to that wash of light, the harder her heart beat. She could feel her pulse hammering, a vein in her forehead throbbing incessantly. Vaguely, she noticed Naruto trip over his own feet, her warning from before falling on deaf ears as he pushed himself back up off the ground and continued sprinting. Then, she watched as the light swallowed him whole as well. His feet skidded to a stop just as she broke through the hole in the hallway behind him.</p><p> </p><p>Naruto halted, the sound of sandals falling away to nothing more than an echo. A memory from a time that felt so long ago, even if she was still living in it. He stood in the middle of the wreckage, eyes squinting against the sunlight before his face morphed to one of total astonishment. Atsuko turned her head to follow his line of sight, seeing nothing but a wall of rock and dirt and the debris from the previously intact hallway. But as her eyes trailed upwards, it felt like she couldn’t move them fast enough. Stuck in slow-motion. She heard Naruto breathe out his next words before she’d even had enough time to adjust to the blindly light. There was a figure, standing on the ground above them. A shadow. An oh-so familiar shadow. Her heart was in her throat, choking her and preventing her from breathing. Naruto’s ragged voice filled her head and she felt the memory of this exact moment being etched into her brain forever.</p><p> </p><p>“Sasuke…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Early upload to make up for all the filler I've put you guys through! :,) </p><p>I hope my coverage of some of the major arcs works for you guys. I just hate to regurgitate everything that happened when we've all seen the show (and the Tenchi Bridge arc is so painfully slow IMO). I'd rather focus on the moments that have the most impact for Atsuko and change up a couple things to incorporate her. Like the little fight with Kabuto and the scene I have planned for Chapter 8. But she's seeing Sasuke again and I just!! hope the next chapter punches everyone in the gut like it did me! </p><p>Love the comments and kudos! It's what keeps me writing when I feel burnt out. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and I will see everyone NEXT Friday :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Reunions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter Warning: A PINCH of smut at the end of the chapter </p><p>Songs That Inspired this Chapter: </p><p>Class of 2013 - Mitski</p><p>Heartlines - Florence + The Machine</p><p>Is There Somebody Who Can Watch You - The 1975</p><p>telepatía - Kali Uchis</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The light blinded Atsuko, but as her eyes adjusted the picture in front of her became crystal clear. She had nothing to compare it to. It felt like her eyes were able to pick up things they never had before. In a desperate attempt to commit the moment to flawless memory, her eyes focused on the smallest details. She could see the light spots of dirt clinging to Sasuke’s black sandals. Could make out the pattern of the tread on the rubber soles. Then, as her eyes moved upward, she could see the way the fibers of his dark pants caught the light. The purple rope tied around his waist fluttered slightly in the wind. She swore she could count the sections of the braid if she had another moment to took.</p><p> </p><p>There was an expansed of pale skin, framed by white linen. When Sasuke’s face came into view, she was sure her eyes were blown as wide as Naruto’s. He looked more mature than several years ago. Growing into that serious and elegant beauty all of the Uchiha possessed. His hair had stayed the exact same, she realized. He was taller and slightly more muscular, but still maintained that lithe frame from his youth. In fact, he was so easily recognizable she almost laughed at the absurdity. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting when she saw him again, but he really did just look like a grown version of the boy she’d raised. That thought caused her to ache. She’d missed so many years and he was so much older now… she had been telling herself that she was okay with him being gone. That she could manage as long as she knew he was okay and healthy. But now that she had proof of that, the old wound open anew. The scab picked clean off and allowing fresh blood to the flow to the surface.</p><p> </p><p>It was then that she remembered she’d never even gotten to say goodbye to the boy she’d known previously. This Sasuke was the same boy, but he was also so different.</p><p> </p><p>“Naruto… Atsuko… I assume Kakashi came as well?”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke questioned, and the sound of his voice caused her to draw in a ragged breath through her nose. She blinked several times, brain desperately fighting between staying present and detaching to avoid the overwhelming emotion of this moment. With a harsh swallow, she dug her nails into the palm of her hand hard enough to draw blood. The pain brought everything back to reality. No more slow motion. No more drowning in the flood waters of the past.</p><p> </p><p>“No. He couldn’t make it.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko responded, her voice surprising her as it jumped from her throat. Sasuke focused on her solely for a moment and her gaze never left his. Those dark pools drawing her in and threatening to suck the breath from her lungs yet again. He still looked at her with little interest. Calm, cool, and collected. God, she wanted nothing more than to pull him into her arms again. Kiss the top of his head like she used to. Sasuke had always come across pretty aloof in public settings. But she knew him better than that. She knew that, in reality, his emotions ruled him. But now, as he peered down at her with that cold stare, she ached to see him react. To see him cry. She wasn’t sure. To know that the Sasuke she knew was still in there.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko and I are here in his place. Team Kakashi has come to escort you back to the Hidden Leaf.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo suddenly spoke up from beside her, entering the debris filled hole they were all standing in. Sasuke’s eyes left hers to focus on the man and the break in eye contact felt like she was being released, drawing in a deep breath through her nose again. His eyes scanned over the five of them, muttering to himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Team Kakashi, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>Then, his eyes finally landed on the far end of the line up where Sai was positioned. Immediately, Sai drew the sword from his back and Sakura gasped something along lines of ‘Don’t do it!’. But Atsuko was still watching Sasuke, mesmerized by the young man he’d grown up to be. Sai didn’t concern her in the slightest. Based on chakra alone, Sasuke could handle his own and, if it did come to blows, he would dispatch the other boy easily.</p><p> </p><p>What did concern her were Tenzo’s words. That they’d ‘come to escort him back to the Hidden Leaf’. That’s not why she had come at all. Even if seeing him for the first time in several years made her body and heart ache in ways she couldn’t imagine. She had full faith in her assessment of the situation he was in. She had to at this point because if she started to question her feelings now, it would only open a Pandora’s box of doubt. In all honesty, what she was about to do was technically treason. Directly disobeying the Hokage’s personal orders.Allowing someone who should have been declared a Rogue Ninja to run free. And, she would be leaving Sasuke with Orochimaru. That was the only reservation she had.</p><p> </p><p>They were speaking again. Sasuke, Sai, and Naruto. She could hear them, but it was like she was underwater, unable to tear her eyes away from Sasuke for even a second. Some part of her brain processed the conversation for her, filing it away in the deep recesses of her subconscious. But she was able to pick apart what they were saying at the base level. Something about Sai deciding to disobey Danzo’s orders to kill Sasuke. He wanted to protect Sasuke and Naruto’s bond. However, Sasuke was against this so called ‘bond’. Claiming to have severed it the day they’d fought at the Final Valley. She remembered the conversation they’d had when he was still young. About how he thought that friends would just get in the way of him achieving his goal. She’d thought… no, maybe she hadn’t changed anything then. Maybe she’d never been able to change any of this, she thought passively. Maybe no matter what she did back then, they would have always ended up here.</p><p> </p><p>More words were exchanged. Sasuke advised that he would do whatever was necessary in order to kill Itachi. Even if that meant giving his body over to Orochimaru. That sent a chill down her spine. She’d always thought that he was biding his time. Using the Sanin’s teachings to become stronger but that he’d always been planning his escape or retaliation against Orochimaru. That he wouldn’t let it get that far. Still, his chakra was overwhelming. There was no way he’d allow that. He could handle himself, she reminded herself. He was strong and capable and she had to have faith in his journey and decisions. That mantra used to help but now, when he was standing in front of her, she found the words felt empty. Sasuke’s situation always felt much bigger than her. Or him, for that matter. There was something much larger at work and the depth of it was unfathomable. Maybe, that feeling she had, was exactly why she’d decided to allow him to pursue this path.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko blinked, and Sasuke had jumped down and was standing in front of Naruto, his head directly next to the blonde boys ear. God, he was fast. He’d dropped down to their level and made his way across the debris without a single mis-step or sound, quite literally in a single second. A flurry of wine linen and black hair. Her eyes widened, and she knew this moment would be her final opportunity to put her plan into action. Sasuke whispered something she couldn’t hear, and he reached for the sword on his back. <em>No.</em> This couldn’t happen. She loved Sasuke but she couldn’t allow him to kill Naruto. Muscle memory took over, and suddenly, the chakra threads she’d been unconsciously moving into position latched onto everyone around her.</p><p> </p><p>All it took was a single pulse of her chakra. Naruto, Sakura, Sai, and Tenzo all collapsed, immediately succumbing to her Genjutsu. Sasuke seemed shocked when Naruto slumped in his grasp, going completely lax with his head thumping against Sasuke’s chest. Her son pulled back, allowing Naruto’s body to fully fall to the ground. He jumped backwards and, in another blink of her eyes, he was standing back on top of the cliff, staring down at the scene she’d caused. Tenzo was face first on the ground next to her, and Naruto was in a similar position on her other side. But Sai and Sakura were both flat on their backs and she could see the effect the Genjutsu had on them. Their eyes pale and glossed over, staring directly into the blinding sun.</p><p> </p><p>She turned her focus back to Sasuke, locking eyes with him. He quirked a brow at her and she realized that she was unsure of what to say. She’d panicked. This had been the plan all along but she’d severely under-estimated how seeing him again would make her feel. It wasn’t as overwhelming as a situation like this would have been several years ago, but it was still enough to muddle her thoughts slightly. Leaving her dumbstruck. But when he’d jumped down and moved to harm Naruto… there was no going back from that for him. Or her. So, she’d enacted the plan without much thought. Just to avoid any bloodshed.</p><p> </p><p>“A Genjutsu?”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke questioned, still eyeing her a little warily. Atsuko swallowed the boulder in her throat, looking around at her comrades unconscious bodies.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I didn’t… I don’t want them to bring you back to the village. And I don’t want a fight breaking out.”</p><p> </p><p>She admitted, finally turning her gaze back up to look at him. Sasuke’s brow furrowed for a brief moment and she shook her head, immediately realizing the way her words could be misconstrued.</p><p> </p><p>“Not that I don’t want you to come back… I just… you remember, right? When you were young? I said I would support you in what you had to do. I couldn’t do much then. But this is my way of supporting you now. I wanted to give you time to get away.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko continued, gesturing around her. She didn’t miss the way the corner of his lip ticked upwards, just the slightest smirk. But, in the moment, she couldn’t discern what it meant. He’d just been speaking about severing his bonds. Was she not included in that sentiment?</p><p> </p><p>“Orochimaru said you looked for me. Why do this? What’s changed since then?”</p><p> </p><p>He stated, training his voice again. His words meant so much more than his tone or body language were letting on. She couldn’t tell if he was making fun of her, angry at her for stopping her search, or genuinely curious.</p><p> </p><p>“I did. I spent a month trying to track you down… Then I got hurt. It’s a long story. But… I remembered that I told you I would support you. And I mean that. This is your path to walk and if you choose to walk it alone, or with Orochimaru… I don’t agree, but I understand.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, steeling herself and trying to find physical strength in those words. It was so hard. When he was right here in front of her. When he was older. To not break down and tell him everything. About Itachi. About what they’d been hiding from him. But being in the middle, torn between telling Sasuke the truth and honoring Itachi’s wishes. She felt like an outsider in all of this. He regarded her for a moment more, head tilted slightly to the side as he processed what she meant.</p><p> </p><p>Then, suddenly, there was a rustling of leaves. The wind blew. And in another blink of an eye, Orochimaru and Kabuto were standing on either side of Sasuke. Her blood boiled and her stomach churned, but she choked it down. God, just seeing him standing with them made her feel like she was doing the wrong thing. But she had to have faith in Sasuke. He wouldn’t… couldn’t allow Orochimaru to take over his body. He was <em>strong </em>now. She could feel it in the air. Like a static charge, begging for a conductor.</p><p> </p><p>“Sasuke, did you do this?”</p><p> </p><p>Orochimaru questioned, a teasing lilt in that slimy voice of his. He looked over the bodies lying in the pit, before finally landing his gaze on Atsuko. She shuddered involuntarily, turning her attention back to the Sasuke.</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>The young boy answered, curt and honest. She felt all of their eyes on her now, clearly sizing her up and trying to determine her reasoning for attacking her own comrades. Kabuto spoke next, listing off her rap sheet from memory.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko Kamiyama. Jonin from the Hidden Leaf. A.K.A The Nightmare Ninja. A master of genjutsu and former trainer for Itachi Uchiha. 103 D-Rank Missions, 213 C-Rank, 306 B-Rank, 82 A-Rank, 6 S-Rank. Also the only child of Jiraiya, the Legendary Sanin. According to her file, she’s skilled, but emotionally compromised-“</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko had heard enough, she interrupted.</p><p> </p><p>“Enough. Please.”</p><p> </p><p>Her voice rang out, filling the empty crater she was standing in and rising upwards to where Sasuke and the others were standing. A breeze blew overhead, but it only kicked up dirt and dust, depositing it in her hair. Kabuto did, indeed, stop his regurgitating of her report. But now, Orochimaru was drawing his eyes over her with newfound interest. Those snake-like eyes narrowed in curiosity, the sickly smirk still plastered across his too-pale skin. He hummed appreciatively.</p><p> </p><p>“This is the woman you spoke about, Sasuke?”</p><p> </p><p>Orochimaru questioned, his limp arms hanging at his sides.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke answered, again, short and tone clipped. She recalled what Kabuto had said during their fight. At the time, it hadn’t effected her. The clone was supposed to react the way he wanted her to. She didn’t think Sasuke would say those things about her. That she was weak and pitiful, but then again, it didn’t matter. He didn’t need to think she was a strong shinobi as long as he loved her. Just like she loved him, even when he upset her.</p><p> </p><p>“And you. You did this? The Genjutsu?”</p><p> </p><p>Orochimaru questioned, turning his attention back to her. Atsuko nodded, swallowing harshly as she fought the urge to vomit. Or run. Or hurl a fucking kunai at his face. God, she really was leaving Sasuke with him. Her eyes filtered over to the boy, and he must have seen the concern in her eyes. Because, for the first time in 3 years, he gave her the nod of reassurance. One that said he was okay. That he could handle it. His motion steeled something inside her and she returned the nod, turning back to Orochimaru.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I did.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, squaring her shoulders and trying her best to hide her disgust. Orochimaru smirked again, turning briefly to look at the side of Sasuke’s head.</p><p> </p><p>“You were right. She is strong.”</p><p> </p><p>Then, he was turning to regard her again.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks to Jiraiya’s genes, I’m sure. And that clan of yours. I knew he had a child, but I never imagined they would be a Kamiyama.”</p><p> </p><p>He concluded, eyes scanning her like she was nothing more than a spreadsheet of information. His words brought her discomfort, the implications behind what he’d said making her skin crawl. She knew what he would do in pursuit of information and it wouldn’t surprise her that he’d been interested in her clans ability. Their chakra. And she could only imagine the lengths he’d gone to to understand it.</p><p> </p><p>“You are an interesting little thing. And if you trained Itachi… Maybe it would be worth placing a mark on you as-“</p><p> </p><p>Orochimaru continued, only for Sasuke to cut him off this time.</p><p> </p><p>“No. She’s of no use to you. And if you still want my body, you won’t lay a finger on her.”</p><p> </p><p>He threatened, though he didn’t even bother to look at the Sanin. Eyes still trained on Atsuko.</p><p> </p><p>“She is the one who placed me in that nasty Genjutsu, Lord Orochimaru. She wouldn’t be… sympathetic to your efforts.”</p><p> </p><p>Kabuto chimed in, pushing the glasses up on his nose with a single finger. She smirked at that. Taking some sort of sick pleasure in making the slimy bastard sweat. Her Genjutsu had been so effective that it had left an impression. A big enough one that it seemed he was nervous around her now. Because Orochimaru’s ‘efforts’ were the only thing she understood. The quest for knowledge and immortality. She just detested the way he’d gone about it. Abhorred the idea that it was necessary to hurt others in such a twisted fashion in order to move up.</p><p> </p><p>“A shame. Maybe another time, then. Sasuke, time to leave.”</p><p> </p><p>Orochimaru concluded. Atsuko had just enough time to catch Sasuke’s eye again. Something passed between them in that instant. Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on at the time. Then, with another breeze, all three of them were gone.</p><p> </p><p>————————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko and Tenzo were at the back of the group, Naruto, Sakura, and Sai all walking ahead of them. Since the encounter with Sasuke, the three of them seemed to be getting along. And Atsuko had found herself warming to the former Anbu as well. He was still rather crass and blunt, but they all chalked that up to his upbringing. Despite her disinterest at the time, she’d picked up on his story from Naruto and through that picture book of his. It was so terribly sad and only reaffirmed her hatred of Danzo. As they all walked back towards the Hidden Leaf, it seemed most of the tension from the day before had melted away. The three teens in front of them were chatting easily, Sakura and Naruto even laughing occasionally, though she couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying.</p><p> </p><p>“How are you feeling?”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo suddenly asked from beside her. She turned her head to glance at him, noticing that his eyes were still fixed straight ahead. It had been awkward at first. Placed on a mission together so soon after their break up. However, that tension seemed to be melting away as well. They’d remained professional the entire journey. She’d allowed him to take the reigns in leading the group, preferring to fall back and observe the team dynamics. That way she didn’t have to call the shots or step on his toes. He was technically named Team Kakashi’s de-facto leader. She was a subordinate on this mission.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m okay… Surprisingly.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, earning some sort of light-hearted scoff from Tenzo. Though they’d maintained their distance throughout the mission, she found that, on the return, she missed their old dynamic. The jokes and the moments where it seemed like they were thinking the same thing. She missed her friend and she cursed her past self for straining that bond by entering into a relationship with him. However brief it may have been.</p><p> </p><p>“You do seem more relaxed than I thought you would be. If we’re being honest, I thought you’d be anxious the entire mission.”</p><p> </p><p>He responded, and it was her turn to scoff now. She turned again to flash him a reassuring smile. This time, he was looking at her fondly.</p><p> </p><p>“When have I ever been anxious on a mission we worked together?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, and that seemed to take him aback. His eyebrows drew down as he struggled to remember an incident where she’d truly lost her cool in the field in front of him. After a moment, he shrugged, coming up empty.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s because I know you’ve got my back.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated, hand flying out to smack his chest in a friendly gesture. In all honesty, the encounter with Sasuke had left her pretty shaken up. But she’d gotten better as handling those feelings. They didn’t need to be processed right away, she’d learned. If she could view the situation from an outside perspective, it all felt much more manageable. For now, she would continue forward because it was all she could do. At the very least she’d been able to speak with him.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well, you handled Kabuto back at the bridge. You had my back then.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo replied, obviously slightly flustered by the compliment. Or reassurance of her trust in him.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate that guy. So, no thanks needed. It was cathartic to beat the shit out of him mentally.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated, shrugging her shoulders as Tenzo chuckled. It was the first warm sound she’d heard in a week and it pulled a smile from her.</p><p> </p><p>“He gives me the creeps too. Almost as bad as Orochimaru.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo responded, and Atsuko hummed, nodding in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s the complete and total lack of morals. Between the two of them, they don’t have an ounce of empathy. They are completely devoid of any humanity, but they look human. It’s eerie. Even if you had no idea what they’d done, they would still be unsettling.”</p><p> </p><p>She said, explaining the reason she thought her skin crawled every time she was near Kabuto or Orochimaru. Tenzo nodded in the corner of her eye. She didn’t need to explain it to him as far as Orochimaru was concerned. He knew all too well how horrible the man was.</p><p> </p><p>“Still, I thought seeing Sasuke again would weigh heavier on you.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo stated, content with changing the subject. Atsuko sighed, shrugging slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“It is. But… I don’t know. I can handle that kind of stuff better now, I guess. I know why he’s doing this and I don’t like it but, at this point, I’m powerless to stop it. So I just have to keep moving forward, because that’s all I can do.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, sliding her hands into her pants pockets as they walked. None of them knew she’d been the one to place them under that Genjutsu. Atsuko had pretended to wake up at the same time everyone else had. In the end, when the confusion settled down, they all determined it was the effects of the Sharingan. Again, if anyone ever found out about that incident, it would likely spell trouble for her. But she couldn’t bring herself to care. Not when she’d gotten what she wanted. What she felt was needed.</p><p> </p><p>They were nearing the Hidden Leaf already, she realized. Their surroundings were becoming more and more familiar. It had been an exhausting mission. One that had left her feeling drained and completely totaled. But, surprisingly, she did see a light at the end of the tunnel. After filing the mission report and resigning herself to waiting for their next lead on Sasuke, she could go home and see Kakashi.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a good way to view it, I think.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo replied, closing out their conversation. They walked the rest of the way in content silence. Atsuko relaxing a little more with each step. Home really was a powerful feeling. By the time they arrived, however, it was later in the afternoon and Atsuko decided she’d file her part of the mission report in the morning. More than anything, she wanted to track down Kakashi, eat something good for dinner, and sleep for 12 hours. As they entered the village, everyone seemed to have their own agendas. Tenzo was going to update Tsunade, Sakura needed to go home and check in with her parents, and Sai was going with Tenzo. That left her and Naruto. She’d watched him try to ask Sakura and Sai to join him for dinner at Ichiraku, but they’d both left too quickly to do their own thing. Everyone had something to do or someone to go home to except Naruto.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko approached him from behind as he watched Sakura walk away. She reached a hand up, bringing it down on the blondes shoulder. They were in a similar boat, she felt. Getting so close to Sasuke only to have him leave again. She’d made that decision herself long before the mission started, but it still didn’t feel good. Like teetering on the edge of something amazing, only to be let down and dragged back. Like one of those dreams where the hallway just kept getting longer.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Naruto. Wanna get Ichiraku?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, rounding the boy so she was standing beside him, watching as his face went from dejected to lit up in the matter of seconds. He nodded, grinning at her.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah! You’re buying?”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto questioned, and Atsuko chuckled, nodding as she conceded easily.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. It’s on me.”</p><p> </p><p>————————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko-sensei… what was Itachi like? When you trained him?”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto suddenly asked from his position beside her. For the better part of their walk to Ichiraku, he’d been silent. Likely contemplating the events of the last couple days. It was arguably harder on him than it was on her. He’d been so enraged by Orochimaru at Tenchi Bridge that he’d given into the Nine-Tails chakra and had been consumed by the four tails cloak. She remembered the way it seemed to mar and burn his flesh. After Tenzo had contained him and surpassed the power, Sakura had set to work on healing his injuries while Atsuko provided her with additional chakra. In all of her time as a Shinobi she’d seen terrible injuries. Blood, gore, entrails, bones. Name it, she’d witnessed it. She didn’t have a weak stomach by any means, but something about the way it appeared like all of Naruto’s skin had been burnt off… that image would likely stay with her forever. It probably made her so uncomfortable simply because it was him and she didn’t want to ever see him in pain. But it still wasn’t a pleasant sight.</p><p> </p><p>So, it was definitely harder on him physically. And emotionally… at the very least, she had the advantage of knowledge on her side. Or the curse. She couldn’t tell if ignorance was preferable at this point. Still, for Naruto, the entire situation with Sasuke was probably infinitely confusing. She’d give him all the time he wanted to figure out his feelings, so she didn’t push him to talk. But, as they settled in with their food and Atsuko had resigned herself to a silent meal with her former student, he asked a question she hadn’t expected at all.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you ask?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko returned, allowing the steaming bowl of ramen in front of her to cool for a moment. That return of his question was more so to buy her time to center her thoughts. When it came to Itachi, she’d been lying about him for years. But Naruto asking how he was as a child… no one had ever really cared to ask that before. She needed a moment to determine an appropriate response.</p><p> </p><p>“Well… I don’t know, really. What he did is evil and he’s a part of the Akatsuki… the bad guys. But you trained him. So, he couldn’t be all bad, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto questioned, staring down at the bowl in front of him with his brows furrowed in confusion. Atsuko hummed, taking a sip of her water as she considered his reasoning. Naruto… had such a large heart. Even after everything he’d been forced to go through as a child, he always found it in himself to be compassionate to others. Even people that were deemed the enemy. So, maybe he was trying to understand Itachi more in an attempt to see if he could convince Sasuke to resolve this peacefully. Or maybe he wanted to understand him in order to be closer to Sasuke. To better understand his best friend through understanding his friends enemy.</p><p> </p><p>“Itachi was… brilliant. He was extremely talented from a young age. And I don’t mean that lightly. They called Neji and Sasuke ‘geniuses’ but Itachi at their age would have wiped the floor with them. He was made a Captain in the Anbu at 13, if that tells you anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko started, turning to catch Naruto’s gaze. He was looking at her now in wide eyed astonishment. She nodded, eating a couple noodles before continuing.</p><p> </p><p>“But outside of all of that, Itachi was kind. Gentle. Humble. Any praise for his talents left him a little flustered because it all just came naturally to him. Don’t get me wrong, he had to work hard to get where he did. But, some people are just born with a more… natural gift than others.”</p><p> </p><p>She continued, noticing that Naruto’s face had turned more pensive again, eyes squinted as he tried to conjure a mental image of an Itachi who was so different from the one he’d met briefly.</p><p> </p><p>“In fact, when I first started training Itachi… I was in a really bad position in my life. I won’t go into details, but you’re old enough to understand now. How hard life can be sometimes. If… if I’m being perfectly honest, Naruto, at that time I was heavily considering taking my own life.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko added, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat. She was eternally grateful that she’d managed to pull herself out of that place. All of the pain of the last several years didn’t hold a candle to all of the wonderful things she’d experienced. If she’d done that… she would have never met Kakashi or any of the kids from the Academy. She wouldn’t have been there to take in Sasuke. Again, Naruto was looking at her with wide eyes, but this time there was concern in those bright blue orbs. She let out a humorless chuckle, giving him a reassuring smile and bringing her hand down to his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m doing much, much, better now, Naruto. No need to worry. But my reason for telling you that if that… when I first met Itachi, I didn’t think life could get any worse. Then… god, I don’t even know how to explain it. But he gave me <em>hope </em>again.”</p><p> </p><p>She started, releasing her grip on the blondes shoulder and turning to stare down at her bowl again, shaking her head a little at the absurdity of it all. That a child had saved her life.</p><p> </p><p>“He was so kind and sweet… and on top of that, he was brilliant. Not just in Ninjutsu or Genjutsu. He thought about things deeply. Considered his and everyone else’s positions in the universe. He was no older than 6 or 7 years old and we had conversations about the meaning of life. He was wise beyond his years and he taught me just as much as I taught him. You could tell that he held the village and everyone in it to the highest regard. And he loved Sasuke more than words could describe…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko continued, smiling softly at the memory of them as children. The Sasuke she’d seen just a couple days ago compared to the one who used to squeal and run without a care in the world. The little boy who idolized and loved his older brother. God, it felt like she’d lived a thousand lifetimes since then. She sighed as reality came back into focus.</p><p> </p><p>“But something must have changed… He joined the Anbu and I didn’t get the opportunity to see him much for a couple years. The last time I saw him before the Uchiha massacre… he was different. Sad. Darker. I don’t know what happened to him over those couple years. But the next thing I knew, Sasuke was coming to live with me and all of the Uchiha were dead.”</p><p> </p><p>She finished, allowing the silence to hang between them for a moment. That wasn’t entirely a lie. She remembered the last time she’d been able to see him before the Massacre. Looking back, she should have seen the signs a little better. But hindsight was 20/20.</p><p> </p><p>The silence stretched on for a few more minutes as Naruto considered what Atsuko had told him. To pass the time, she continued to eat, not wanting her food to get cold. But mostly, it exhausted her to talk about Itachi. It took such a toll on her heart and filled her with this uneasy guilt. How she credited him with saving her life, but she hadn’t been there when he needed her.</p><p> </p><p>“So… he wasn’t always bad?”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto asked, and Atsuko shook her head, swallowing her last bite of ramen in the process.</p><p> </p><p>“People rarely are. There’s always some deciding factor. A seemingly inescapable circumstance. And, you also have to consider that people who do bad things may not even consider them to be bad. If they can convince themselves their doing it for the right reasons, they believe they are justified.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, taking another drink of her water. Naruto finally picked up his chopsticks and began to eat his food, pondering the story in between bites. When he spoke again, he did so with a mouthful of food.</p><p> </p><p>“If people aren’t born bad, then do you think people who do bad things can change? Be better people?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, and Atsuko nodded without missing a beat. Politely declining with the man running the ramen stand asked if she wanted another bowl.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I do. But… the people effected by bad things also deserve justice, do they not? Even if, say for instance, Itachi were to come and repent for what he did, should Sasuke just accept that? Would that be fair?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, trying to help him see the predicament Sasuke was in now. It didn’t matter, really, how good of a person Itachi was. He’d still committed mass murder. Under orders or not. All of those people had died by his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I guess not. But what about just imprisoning Itachi?”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto questioned, and Atsuko shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose that could be done. But, ultimately, since Sasuke is the last remaining member of his clan and the only true witness to Itachi’s crime, I believe he has a little more say in how justice is served.”</p><p> </p><p>She responded, and Naruto nodded slowly. She knew he felt differently, and she had to tread carefully in her responses now. If people knew she truly supported Sasuke in his goal for revenge, then she may be seen as some kind of accomplice.</p><p> </p><p>“That makes sense… I just wish… I don’t know, I wish he would have stayed and let us help him.”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto finally stated, mouth pulling into a frown after he’d swallowed his bite of food. Atsuko nodded, that she did agree with. But, logically, she didn’t know if what they could have offered him would have been enough. Still, she reached out and rubbed Naruto’s back in a soothing motion.</p><p> </p><p>“I do too… but don’t give up on him yet. I believe he knows what he’s doing and I don’t think he really needs to be saved. You know Sasuke… his heart rules him. That hasn’t changed.”</p><p> </p><p>She assured, pulling a soft smile from Naruto. One that soon morphed into a massive toothy grin as he turned to look at her. There was a bit of black pepper stuck to his teeth and she chuckled involuntarily.</p><p> </p><p>“No way! I’m never giving up on Sasuke! I know he’s gonna be okay! And I won’t stop trying until he comes home!”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto replied, loud and boisterous. Atsuko smiled, the conflicting emotions from the past couple days coming to a rest between them. His optimism was truly infectious and she found herself ruffling his hair that way she used to do when he was a kid before leaning over and giving his cheek a peck. His reaction to that hadn’t change either, a blush immediately ignited on the boys face as his eyes went wide. She chuckled again, deciding she would have a second bowl after all.</p><p> </p><p>————————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>An hour later and Atsuko was entering her home with an exhausted sigh. She desperately needed a shower before crawling into bed for the foreseeable future. However, she noticed something was off as soon as she’d entered the foyer. Soft music was coming from the kitchen and she furrowed her brow as she toed off her shoes. It could be one of two people. When she’d left for the mission, she’d told Kakashi that she’d leave a key for him under the mat if he was released from the hospital while she was gone and wanted to move some of his things. She’d also given Jiraiya a key if he ever needed to crash on her couch. He’d been pretty much living with her over the last couple weeks. It didn’t make sense for him to spend money on a hotel room when his daughter lived alone in a house built for way more than one person.</p><p> </p><p>Then, she remembered Naruto, Sakura, and Neji also had keys. In all honesty, she’d lost track of the number of people she’d allowed to freely rotate in and out of her home over the years. By this point, it wouldn’t surprise her if copies had made their way to a majority of the kids from her class, along with several of the Jonin in the village. She rounded the corner into the kitchen and the image she was greeted with filled her with comfort and elation instantly.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi was skirting around the kitchen, wiping down the countertops with a bottle of cleaner clutched in one hand and a rag in the other. The setting sun filled the room with orange light and she stood for a moment, just admiring his lean figure as he continued to move. Lemon and citrus filled her nose, the clean smell evidence of his hard work. Her kitchen floor was spotless, the wood polished and shining slightly in the spots where the sunlight hit. Everything in the kitchen looked brand new. Not a surface untouched or left dirty.</p><p> </p><p>Then, there was the man of the hour. Kakashi was humming along to the song that the radio was playing. His wild silver hair was lifted up and out of his face by a red bandana he’d obviously stolen from her drawer. Dressed in nothing but a dark t-shirt and a pair of loose fitting pants, she almost gave away her location when she saw he wearing a pair of bright yellow latex gloves. The ones that reached half way up his forearm. He still had his mask secured around the lower half of his face, but she supposed that was more so for the functionality. Couldn’t be breathing in any dust or dirt.</p><p> </p><p>After another minute or two of watching him clean, she decided to make her presence known. Atsuko carefully crossed the kitchen, tiptoeing her way to where he now stood in front of the sink, scrubbing the metal down. But, just as she was about to be within grabbing range, he dropped the sponge and lifted his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I can hear you, ya know.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi stated, the smile he wore clear in his voice. This didn’t stop her quest, instead she launched herself at him with a giggle, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind and burying her face in the space between his shoulder blades. She took a deep breath as he peeled the yellow gloves from his hands, his scent filling her nose and causing a stirring of deep longing. Bergamot, sweat, cleaner, and a hint of wet dog. His hands came to rest where she had hers wrapped around his torso, peeling her fingers away from him and loosening her grip so he could turn around and face her.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko hands moved easily, muscle memory kicking in as they worked their way up his body, smoothing over his shirt until she had them interlocked behind his neck. Kakashi wrapped his arms around her waist, tugging her closer until their middles were pressed together with her head craned back so she could take in his face. The bandana secured around his forehead made his hair stick up wildly, framing his face in a halo of spiky silver. The Sharingan was hidden away, but he peered down at her with his dark eye, hooded and content.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey… how long have you been here?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, fingers already moved to fidget with the hair at the nape of his neck.</p><p> </p><p>“A couple days… Figured I’d get the place cleaned up and organized while you were gone.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi answered, the rumble of his voice vibrating pleasantly against her chest. She hummed in response, smiling at the idea of him making himself at home again. Sleeping in her bed, filling her room with his smell and presence. It felt right to come home and find him like this.</p><p> </p><p>“How did the mission go?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, his thumbs gently massaging the muscles in her lower back. The feeling caused her to let out a content sigh, eyes fluttering shut as she felt all of the muscles in the lower half of her body relax. The warmth of his fingers pressing against her in just the right way as his arms held her close and coaxed her into pure bliss. Just being held by him felt like the closest she’d ever get to some higher power. All her worries melted away and she couldn’t even begin to answer his question. Or remember what he’d asked her.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned, pulling her from her trance. She blinked lazily as her eyes opened to focus on him again. She nodded, hands sliding to cup his jaw, thumbs hooking in the top of his mask. He was smiling as well, an eyebrow cocked in question as she lowered the black fabric from around his face.</p><p> </p><p>“It was long… difficult… but I’m here. And I want nothing more than to be with you for a while before we talk about it.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko responded, smiling up at him as she pushed herself up onto her tiptoes and placed a sweet kiss on his exposed mouth. They smiled against each other for a moment, before Kakashi pulled back.</p><p> </p><p>“Happy to oblige.”</p><p> </p><p>He stated, swiftly dipping down to grip the underside of her thighs. Atsuko giggled, her grip around his neck tightening as he deposited her on the freshly cleaned counter top. No sooner than her ass hit the counter, he was on her. Pressing his trim waist between her legs and gripping the back of her neck tightly as he brought his lips crashing down against hers. Atsuko responded quickly, the hands previously on the back of his neck coming around to grip the front of his shirt tightly, attempting to pull him closer. There were those kisses she’d missed so desperately. The ones that left her gasping for air and grinding her teeth together afterwards because she felt like she’d never be able to kiss him deeply enough.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi moved against her slowly, tongue delving into her mouth in a way that drew a light gasp from the back of her throat. His teeth nipped at her bottom lip, sharp canines snagging on the plump flesh and sending a shudder down her back as he sucked it into his mouth. If her eyes were open, they’d be rolling into the back of head already. Completely overwhelmed by the raw passion of just a short make-out that had escalated at lightning speed. Kakashi released her bottom lip and immediately pushed back in to kiss her again, but Atsuko splayed hand across his chest in a silent plea for him to wait.</p><p> </p><p>He took the hint immediately, pulling back so he was hovering an inch above her face. She could feel his warm breath puffing over her face and, again, another shudder racked her body as she forced her eyes open. All of her senses felt like they were in hyperdrive. There was nothing holding them back anymore. No hints of guilt or pain and, because her mind wasn’t clouded by those things, her body was free to feel <em>everything. </em>The way he was slowly hardening against her stomach. The feeling of his breath ghosting over her face in panted out desperation. His smell filling her nostrils and the hot grip of his large hand on the back of her neck. He was towering over her and surrounding her in every sense of the word.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>He suddenly questioned, voice already dropping an octave as the same wave of lust worked its way through his body. She sighed at the sound of his voice, nodding as she swallowed against the building emotion and tension in her throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm… just a lot. It all feels so…”</p><p> </p><p>Her words died in her throat when she opened her eyes. Kakashi’s face reflected what she could only describe as pure, raw, passion. Both of his eyes were open, but his lids hung heavy. They couldn’t have been kissing for more than a minute, but his lips were already pink and shiny, jaw hanging open just a bit. Her attraction to him felt like a sin, in all honesty. It felt too good. Something so deep and decadent couldn’t be right. Yet, she knew it would never be any other way. This was it. She thought the sex with Tenzo was good, but here she was, less than a minute into pre-foreplay with Kakashi and she was already overwhelmed. But in the best way possible.</p><p> </p><p>“Relax for me… I’ll take care of everything.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi breathed his promise against her lips. He was good at taking the lead when things boiled over for her. But she could feel the way his hands were trembling against the back of her neck. He was barely holding it together himself. Atsuko nodded, and Kakashi was closing the non-existent gap between them again. As soon as their lips touched, his hands steadied and he used that grip to press her face closer, deepening the kiss immediately. This time, Atsuko didn’t try to keep up with him. She focused on the feeling of his lips working against hers. The feeling of his taught skin as she skimmed her hands under his shirt. She returned his efforts, slowly allowing his tongue re-entry to her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>One of his hands had been previously pressed against the countertop, caging her in, but as the kiss grew more heated, he moved it to grab one of hers from under his shirt. He skimmed his tongue across the roof of her mouth as he guided her hand lower. Then, he pulled away from the kiss entirely just as he pressed her hand against the growing erection in his pants. Atsuko sucked in a sharp breath, already palming him through the dark material as he let out a soft hiss.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you see what you do to me? I missed you so much… missed this so much… just a kiss and I’m already… jesus, do that again….”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi trailed off, eyes fluttering shut as she teased her nails up the length of him, barely ghosting over his hard member still concealed in his pants. Atsuko was watching him with rapture, the feeling of him hot and heavy against her hand sent a wave of arousal through her. It was like her body was screaming at her that this was where she was meant to be. She’d been wet from the second his lips had touched her. Now, as he huffed out desperate words and buried his face in her neck, she was soaking through her underwear. Never in her life had she been this turned on and, once things had gotten more serious between them, she’d found out that he was insanely talkative during sex. Every word he uttered in that gorgeous voice of his sent her reeling.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck… I can <em>smell </em>how wet you are.”</p><p> </p><p>He muttered, suddenly grinding his hips forward into her palm as he sunk his teeth into the side of her neck. Atsuko’s back arched in response, pressing her chest against him as she let out a ragged moan. The fire was building inside her at a rapid rate, her insides fluttering and pulsing in anticipation. Their hips moved in tandem now, grinding against each other much like they had the night of Naruto’s return party. Kakashi continued to mutter obscene words and clipped praises against the skin of her neck. All while biting and sucking his way across her pale skin, leaving enumerable hicks and teeth marks. Atsuko could only manage a moan of his name between gasps for air, the energy between them becoming sweltering.</p><p> </p><p>His hands were roaming all over her now. Pushing up the hem of her shirt, hot fingers pressing against her cool flesh in a way that left her searing. Her fingers moved to tangle in his hair, giving a tug on his silver locks when she felt the pressure building inside her. Every roll of his hips was dragging against her core in just the right way. But she had to fight through the haze of lust and the desperation building in her mind. This is not how she wanted to do this.</p><p> </p><p>“‘Kashi… please… bed.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko muttered, breathing ragged as she pulled his head away from her neck. The collar of her shirt was massacred, tugged down and stretched out by his hungry hands in attempt to expose more flesh. Kakashi did as she requested, taking a step back to catch his breath and regain his footing. Her eyes dropped downward immediately, and already she could see the forming of a dark wet spot on the front of his pants. The image alone made her squeeze her thighs together in anticipation. For a moment, they stayed still, breathing and calming down. Then, when it felt like the tension in the air had lessened slightly, Atsuko began to giggle, dropping her head back against the upper cabinets as a giddy feeling erupted in her stomach.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned, eyeing her curiously as he stepped forward to crowd her space again, hands gripping the meat of her thighs and massaging. Atsuko shook her head as she fought down the laughter, peeling her eyes open to fix him with a loving smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing. I just think its hilarious that we’re both so…”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi cut her off, returning her smile as he peered down at her.</p><p> </p><p>“Desperate?”</p><p> </p><p>He finished, and she nodded in agreement. Humming at the pleasant feeling of his large hands working the plush flesh of her thighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes… it’s been a while. Since we last did this. But, we did spend 5 years together and weren’t exactly lacking in the sex department during those years…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko continued, chuckling when Kakashi scoffed and raised his eyebrows. The exact opposite of lacking. In fact, it was probably in excess.</p><p> </p><p>“But even after all of that… I still think you are the single sexiest man I have ever met. It’s sweet, I think. That the spark is still there and it’s never faded. Well, for me is hasn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>She finished, the flush fading from her cheeks slightly as her heart rate returned to normal. Kakashi’s smirk faded into something a little more sincere as he leaned down, pressing a tender kiss to her lips. When he pulled back, their noses brushing against each other, he met her gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“It has never faded for me either. You are the most beautiful woman in the world… and I absolutely cannot wait to get you naked.”</p><p> </p><p>He started off sweet before ending his sentence with a huff, dropping down to grip her waist and toss her over his shoulder. Atsuko squealed at the sudden change, before giggling and smacking against his back as he carried her.</p><p> </p><p>“Asshole!”</p><p> </p><p>She cried, only to feel him chuckle against her, one of his hands coming up to land a harsh smack across her backside. Atsuko yelped and they both entered her bedroom, a mess of laughter and love.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Little bit of an early upload again! I hope we enjoyed Atsuko's reunion with Sasuke. I'm trying to set something up through this early interaction so hopefully it doesn't come across as out of character or strange. (also I'm sorry if you love Sai I DO TOO but i feel like Atsuko just does not give a fuck about him at this point hahaha like she's focused on Sasuke and all his shit just kinda falls to the side for her) and Orochimaru showing an interest in her... hmmmmm..............! then i had to get some Naruto interaction in there of course. and the true Kakashi reunion (if u started this story solely for smut im sorry but i just don't feel right about writing it all the way at this point in the story! I feel like it bogs it down and is out of place. So i like to give little tastes)</p><p>ANYWAY next chapter is gonna be a little filler but its a surprise (I PROMISE YOU DONT WANT TO MISS IT WE ARE GETTING SOMEONE ELSE'S POV) and then, after that, shit is going to hit the fan and not stop doing so until the end of this long fucker. buckle in!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Sasuke and Kakashi</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs that Inspired this Chapter:</p><p>Lazaretto - Jack White</p><p>Control - Halsey</p><p>Pluto Projector - Rex Orange County</p><p>Bury a Friend - Billie Eilish</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Sasuke, out of bed, c’mon.”</em>
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  <em>The soft voice encouraged. It was warm and welcoming, but it only made him want to burrow further into the blankets. Just a few more minutes…</em>
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  <em>Then, he was being lifted up. The warm comforter falling and allowing the marginally cooler air to hit his body. Sasuke let out a groan at the loss of the heat, struggling weakly against the grip on his wrists as he forced his eyes open, cringing as the overwhelming daylight hit them.</em>
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  <em>“I don’t wanna go either, badass. But we’ve both got things to do. So, c’mon. Make it easy on me and we can get breakfast at that little cafe you like. The one with the strawberry pastries.”</em>
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  <em>The voice crooned, lilting upwards in an attempt to negotiate an easy morning. When his eyes adjusted to the light, he was met with Atsuko’s smiling face. She was always so cheery in the morning. Wide awake and chirping at him to get moving. Or singing loudly in the kitchen and forcing him to wake up as well. It used to be different. Back when he couldn’t sleep because of the nightmares. But now that he was finally able to sleep through the night, he never wanted to get out of bed. Especially this one. It was soft and warm and smelled like flowers and other natural things.</em>
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  <em>But the strawberry pastries were his favorite. And it’s not like she was going to stop until he got up and got ready. So, Sasuke begrudgingly nodded, feeling her grip on his wrists release and her hand come down in favor of ruffling his hair. Typically, he’d swat her hands away out of habit, but he was still blinking the sleep from his eyes and it did feel kind of nice, so he allowed it. Atsuko let out a soft ‘Atta boy’ before he heard her feet recede from the room.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>With a sigh, he slid from the bed and made his way across the hallway to his room to get dressed for the day. Like every morning for the past couple weeks, his typical outfit was laid out on his perfectly made bed. He hadn’t slept in here for a while and it was evident by the little bit of dust gathering on the nightstand. At first he’d felt awkward and embarrassed. Unable to sleep and going to her room for warmth. But now, he found he’d never slept better. She allowed it to become part of their routine with no issues or questions. Sometimes, she’d even pet his hair for a while before he dozed off and it felt so close to something his mother used to do for him. On those nights he always dreamt about her. He’d be sad when he woke up, sniffling slightly. But Atsuko always seemed to know when he was upset. Even in her sleep, she’d reach over and tug him a little closer, an arm draped over his torso. It helped.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>After dressing himself and fussing with his hair in the small mirror on his desk for a moment, he felt that it was good enough. It was a Sunday, so that meant errands. They’d go to the grocery and come home and clean for a bit. Then she’d take him to the training grounds and help him with the jutsu they’d been working on for a couple weeks. It was the Shuriken Jutsu this week. They’d come home and she’d make dinner and make sure his homework was caught up. Then they’d start the week over tomorrow. That was part of living here that he always liked. It was the same all of the time.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Well, it was. Until she’d started bringing around that boyfriend of hers. Kakashi. Now the Saturday’s they used to spend all day training were cut short for their ‘dates’. It was gross, he’d decided. And Kakashi was weird at best and an asshole at worst. He would come over and she would get all blushy and stupid like the girls in his class. Sasuke often found himself thinking Kakashi wasn’t good enough for Atsuko-sensei. She was nice and pretty and warm and she always knew how to help… but he definitely wasn’t jealous of all the time they were spending together now. Definitely not. He just didn’t like Kakashi. That was it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>When he reached the kitchen, Atsuko was standing at the kitchen table, hunched over slightly and digging through her purse. She let out a couple curses when she couldn’t find what she needed before finally lifting her head with a triumphant huff, the bounty of her quest clutched between her fingers in the form of a tube of lip balm. She popped the cap off and started to apply it before seeming to recognize his presence. Atsuko turned to Sasuke with a grin, removing the tube from her lips and clicking the cap back on.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ah, there he is. Handsomest boy in all the Hidden Leaf. A renowned Shinobi and master of the Cutest Face Jutsu!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She exclaimed, immediately causing an embarrassing blush to rise on his cheeks. Sasuke felt himself pouting before he could do anything about it. It was a compliment but it made him blush anyway, and that made him look weak. So that upset him. Still, he heard her giggle at his expression and he couldn’t fight the smile on his face if he tried. She really did know the best way to make him feel good. Even if he didn’t show it all the time. He looked back up at her, lowering his brow in a serious way but maintaining the smirk.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Shut up…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He grumbled under his breath, but she only laughed again. Reaching out to ruffle his perfectly sculpted hair. This time, he did push her hand away with a huff.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“C’mon, badass. Strawberry pastries and the grocery store await.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko-sensei stated, snatching her purse from the table and pointing at the front door with aflourish. Like a pirate spotting land in the distance. She lead the way, and he followed behind her easily, his hands burying in his pockets.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She spared him one last grin over her shoulder as she opened the door. Brown eyes scrunching shut with the force of it and, again, he was reminded of how pretty she was. The sun from outside framing her in this aura of warm light, shining against her black hair and making the silver strands stick out even more. It made him… it almost made him feel the same way he did when he’d looked at his mother. Warm and fuzzy…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Then, she stepped over the threshold and the scene changed.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The sun outside melted into a dark void. Black nothingness. It was sucking her whole, pulling her away and ahead of him. Then he was running through the darkness. Why was he running? He was older now… not little like he’d been that morning in their home. His hand was stinging slightly and it was heavier, pulsing. Why was he running?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It happened so fast, he had to blink several times to see what was in front of him. It was so dark, but he could see her once his eyes adjusted. Atsuko was right in front of him again. But something was different. Her eyes were wrenched wide in shock and that sweet smile she reserved for him was gone. Replaced only by a wide mouthed, stunned, expression. Her eyes darted downwards to the space between them and then he felt it. Warm liquid, trialing down his arm, slicking the crease of his elbow. Sasuke looked down to where he knew they were connected now, his arm disappearing inside her chest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It was dark. And quiet. But he could hear her ragged breathing, the wheezing intake of oxygen that told him he’d ripped through part of her lung as well. She coughed, more blood splattering across his chest and face. He didn’t mean to… not now… not ever. He couldn’t…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But something in the darkness over her shoulder reminded him. A void and a mirror at the same time. Dark and reflective. Showing him his past side by side with his inner emotions. He didn’t want to… but it had to be like this. Right? If he ever wanted to reach his goal, he would find himself here. There was tear inside of him and he swore he could feel his chest ripping in half. It forced him to pull his eyes away from the never ending darkness. She was still there. But her body was cooling around his arm.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s okay… Sasuke. I love you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko suddenly sputtered, the blood in her throat rattling loudly as more sprang up and coated her lips, dripping down her chin. Even still, she managed to smile at him. Her brown eyes scrunching shut again. Then, she went limp.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Why? Why did it have to be like this?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke’s eyes flew open, only to be met with the rock ceiling he’d been sleeping under for the past several weeks. It took a moment for his heart rate to slow and his body to reorient. When he’d first had that dream, it had left him shaking for an hour afterwards. But that was right after he’d left the village. It lasted for a few months, but he thought he’d shaken it. Then, she just had to show up at the hideout. Now the nightmare was back with a vengeance. He’d had it every night since that encounter.</p><p> </p><p>That overexposure was the reason he was able to immediately pull himself from bed. The cold sweat on his body drying quickly as he turned to sit on the edge the bed, feet planted flat on the floor. He wasn’t stupid. He knew what the dream meant. But it didn’t matter now. He didn’t want to kill her. Of course. In fact, seeing her the other day… it had been years, but something deep inside of him had wanted nothing more than to allow her to wrap him in her arms. To breathe in the smell of her familiar flowery soap. But there wasn’t room in his life anymore for those feelings. He had to stuff them down and focus only on hatred. It was the only way he’d be able to achieve his goal.</p><p> </p><p>He left the dream behind in his bed, getting up and preparing for the day. Something about that dream still rang true today. He didn’t like the fact that every day here was different. No set schedule or recurring activities. It was always whatever Orochimaru felt like teaching him that day. Most of the time, everything they reviewed would tie together in some way. But it was too sporadic and he missed the slight comfort of knowing what every Sunday would bring. It was almost like Orochimaru purposefully did everything he could to make this experience uncomfortable. Unsettling. To always keep Sasuke on his toes.</p><p> </p><p>That observation was also based off of something Atsuko had told him once when she was training him. She’d been explaining the way the human brain worked. Not in an anatomical sense, but from a psychological stand point. He remembered her exact words like he’d just heard them yesterday.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“So, why do they call you the Nightmare Ninja?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke questioned while they rested for lunch. He and Atsuko were seated against the large boulder in the middle of their training area, bento boxes in both of their laps and bottles of water at their side. It was something he’d always wondered. She was so nice it could be embarrassing sometimes. So nice that the kids in his class obsessed over her and monopolized her time because she didn’t want to tell them to go away. How had a woman like that gotten such a scary nickname?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, it’s because of my Genjutsu.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko answered around a small bite of rice. Sasuke nodded slowly, taking a bite of his own food. At this point, he’d been living with her for a little over a year. It had gotten much easier to talk when it was just him and her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay… so you use your Genjutsu’s to scare people?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He asked, looking for a little clarity. Just how scary was it? Nightmare Ninja didn’t sound like a good title. But it could also be some kind of joke, mocking her technique.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeah. I mean, scare really isn’t the right word. It’s so shocking it knocks most people out cold. Or… well, it’s not just a little pop up or anything. It’s intense from what people have told me.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko replied, obviously skirting around some of the more frightening details. This caused him to frown, staring down at his lunch again. She treated him like a baby sometimes. Like he didn’t know how terrible the Shinobi world could be. It wasn’t fair.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hey. No pouting. Speak if something has upset you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She ordered, poking his cheek with the end of her chopsticks. He huffed, releasing the guarded tension in his shoulders with defeat. That was one of her ‘rules’. No brooding or pouting when it was just them. If he had something to say, he could say it to her. He would never be in trouble for it, she’d told him. And he’d tested it once, just to see how she’d react and if she would stick true to her word or snap at him. He’d called her a bitch. But it had felt so wrong and disrespectful that’d he’d blushed and ran away immediately. He didn’t mean it and she knew that. But, just like she’d said, he wasn’t in trouble. Instead, she’d asked what she’d done to make him feel that way about her. In one of his least proud moments, it had caused him to burst into hot tears as he babbled his apologies.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s just… why do you leave stuff out? I’m going to be a Shinobi someday too. I’m not some baby, I can handle the truth about your Genjutsu’s. And other things.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke responded, turning to look at her with a serious expression. One he hoped helped those words ring true. A strong one that said he could handle the truth. Atsuko narrowed her eyes and scanned his features for a moment before she burst into laughter, dropping her head back and grinning wildly. Sasuke felt his cheeks heat up before he could do anything to steel his expression. Why was she laughing at him? She didn’t take him seriously?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just as he was about to yell at her, she fixed her gaze back on him again. The laughter died down to a chuckle and she regarded him with a soft expression, head tilted to the side as she simply smiled at him. The anger in him melted, replaced by a short circuit that left him reeling. Every time she fixed him with that smile it made him feel like the only person on the planet. That feeling… it always made him nervous. Upset. He didn’t understand it. But it didn’t feel bad… just confusing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You are growing up, aren’t you? And, you’ve seen plenty in your life already… I suppose I shouldn’t try to keep things from you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko spoke, reaching a hand out to smooth over his hair. Her voice and touch snapped him out of his trance, and he put that serious expression back on, nodding.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, if we’re still talking about my Genjutsu… Sometimes, I can craft the scenario to my liking. Other times, I manipulate brain chemicals and chakra to bring forward a bad memory. But either way, I’ve seen grown men drop to their knees and cry. Watched them try to claw their eyes out… it’s not pretty.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She finally answered, and Sasuke nodded in understanding, trying to hide the bit of shock that ran through him. Atsuko-sensei, too sweet and weird for her own good… made people claw their eyes out with the Genjutsu’s she used? Okay, maybe it was a little scary. Just a bit.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What do you show them?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He asked, and she shrugged.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Just depends on the person. If I’m manipulating a memory, I don’t really know what they're experiencing. But if I’m crafting the Genjutsu, I try to make it fit what I think people are most afraid of…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She answered, going back to her lunch as Sasuke fired off his next question.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeah but how do you know what they’re most scared of?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He questioned, brimming with curiosity. Atsuko placed her chopsticks back down, looking across the field as she searched for an answer.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Fear… it isn’t black and white. It’s not just spooky monsters or ghosts. There’s more subtlety. Especially when people get older. They aren’t scared of boogymen anymore. They’re afraid of loosing people. Of not succeeding. Of disappointing people they care about. So, I try to play on those things. Motivations are usually rooted in fear. And a lot of people announce their motivators or wear them on their sleeve, so I just have to find the nasty root.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko explained, turning to look at him. Sasuke saw her in his peripheral, but he was staring down at his lap as he focused on her words. Motivations are rooted in fear…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Like… say for instance, what is my motivation?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, moving from her spot beside him so she could sit across from him. Sasuke raised his head to meet her eyes, thinking for a moment before he shrugged. It didn’t feel right to try to determine that. In his eyes, motivations were… or they could be, personal. But she shook her head.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No, c’mon. We’ve talked about this kind of thing before. Look at my actions. At the things that make me emotional. It’s not hard to determine.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She encouraged, shuffling forward slightly until their knees were bumping. Sasuke thought for a second about what she was saying. About the things that made her emotional and the way she behaved… Well, she did get excited when he got the hang of a new Jutsu. And she got all teary eyed when he was upset. One of the only times he’d seen her genuinely angry was after class one day when some of the older kids were picking on Naruto. He’d watched her turn furious in the blink of an eye, immediately marching over and snatching the older kids up by the backs of their shirts. Yelling and screaming about how she was going to tell their mothers what horrible little assholes they’d raised. Honestly? It was hilarious to see those kids snivel and cry after she’d torn into them.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Helping the people you care about?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke questioned as the pieces clicked into place. Atsuko snapped her fingers and pointed at him, nodding.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yes, good. Now, how could that be rooted in a fear? Why do I feel the need to always intervene? To be around when you guys need me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, smiling ear to ear. It was like she was enjoying his attempts at analyzing her. This was all so new to him… but it was a skill she was teaching him and if she was smiling like that, then he must be getting the hang of it. Now… why would she be so obsessed with keeping people safe and close? Because she’d lost a lot of people before, right?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Because you’re scared to lose them. The people you care about.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He stated, finding more confidence in her encouraging smile. Though he’d never admit it. Atsuko nodded again, clapping her hands together lightly.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Perfect! And you should have said ‘because you’re scared of losing US’, badass. You’re definitely included in that list.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko corrected, and he ducked his head again for a moment.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“But you hit the nail on the head. So, maybe the Genjutsu you’d craft for me would have something to do with my loved ones being hurt. You see?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked again, and Sasuke nodded slowly.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Fear has layers. It’s nuanced. And the most dangerous opponent is someone who knows how to use it to their advantage. Even if it isn’t the kind of fear that strikes terror in your heart. Discomfort. Anger. Hatred… All of those can be rooted in fear and can be used to manipulate someone. To keep them on edge. It’s complicated.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko finished, sitting back so her palms were flush with the ground behind her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>In this moment, he had to think that was Orochimaru’s goal. To keep him on edge by changing their locations and lesson plans so frequently. Attempting to keep him complacent by removing comforts, so he’d stay near to the only constant he had. Orochimaru.</p><p> </p><p>People craved stability. But some didn’t have the luxury of seeking or even entertaining the idea. Like himself. So, if Orochimaru thought he was going to keep Sasuke complicit because he was afraid of instability, he was wrong. There were several things outside of Sasuke’s control. He knew this and he accepted it. All he had to concern himself with was what was directly ahead of him. Everything else fell to the wayside in comparison because he simply didn’t have the energy or time to care about all of it.</p><p> </p><p>Well. He told himself that. But there was always this nagging feeling. Deep down that he couldn’t seem to rid himself of. No matter how hard he trained or how much he focused on Itachi and the burning hatred even just the thought of his brother caused. There was a small part of him that still missed his old life. The one that was spent in the light, no matter how overwhelming the darkness inside felt. Atsuko’s smile cutting through the fog, Naruto’s ignorant optimism smashing his barriers. He didn’t allow himself comfort, but sometimes, he couldn’t silence the memories.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, maybe if you weren’t such a jerk Sasuke, we wouldn’t be stuck here!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Naruto shouted, near the top of his lungs and right into Sasuke’s ear. If his hands weren’t tied behind his back, he would’ve attacked the blonde boy. Instead, he channeled the frustration into words.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Don’t forget, Naruto. YOU are the reason we’re in this situation. You just don’t know when to admit you’ve been outclassed, dumbass.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke hissed back, wiggling against the ropes around his wrists to no avail. They’d been stripped of their kunai, so there was no maneuvering to cut the ropes either. There had to be another way out of this…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“HEY! Don’t call me a dumbass, ass face!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Naruto yelled back, completely ruining his train of thought. Sasuke groaned, dropping his head back against the tree they were tied to.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“If you had just been nicer to Sakura, she would have come to help us!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The blonde continued, voice high and irritating.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Shut up, idiot! I’m trying to think!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke roared back, teeth clacking together slightly as he snapped his mouth shut. That did seem to shut Naruto up for a moment, though he could hear him huffing his annoyance. See the way his face screwed up in an exaggerated pout in his peripheral. It was ridiculous to go back and forth placing blame anyway. What they needed to do now was focus on getting out of here. Time was running out and if they didn’t work together to figure something out… he didn’t even want to consider the repercussions.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay. Naruto, can you form hand signs?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He asked, turning his head as much as possible to see the other boy. Naruto’s face was scrunched in concentration as he wiggled against the ropes tying him to the tree. He kicked his legs, struggling loudly in the silence of the forest. It was nighttime, and the only other sound besides Naruto’s clothes wrinkling against his furious wiggling were the faint chirp of crickets in the distance. This had to work or they’d be stuck here until morning. Suddenly, Naruto stopped thrashing, going slack against his restraints.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No. My hands are tied to my sides and I can’t get ‘em loose.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Naruto sighed, defeat in his voice. Dammit… He was right and Sasuke realized a little too late that it was a stupid question. They were both pressed against this giant tree, backs flush against the bark with a sturdy rope wrapped around both of their torso’s and arms. The knots were tight and he didn’t think he’d be able to move his arms either without skinning them raw against the rope or the tree. And this was serious, but he wasn’t going to go that far.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He considered his options as well. If Naruto couldn’t make a Shadow Clone to untie them and he couldn’t form the signs needed for a Fire Style jutsu to burn through the rope, he wasn’t sure how to proceed. Honestly, this situation was kind of his fault. Not that he’d ever admit it out loud and give Naruto the satisfaction. But if he’d been a little nicer to Sakura in the moment, maybe she would have agreed to help them. Instead, she was off getting ice-cream with Atsuko and Kakashi. A reward for a job well done and a test passed.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The day had started out mundane enough. Kakashi didn’t have a mission for them, but he did call them all to the training grounds for a special exercise. Sasuke had left the house early in the morning, and he knew Kakashi had left even earlier than he had, but Team 7 had still spent nearly 2 hours waiting for him to show up at the grounds. Late as always and Sasuke found that, as irritating and unprofessional as it was, he just couldn’t bring himself to be truly angry at the tardiness anymore. He lived with Kakashi and the man was still mysterious as the day he’d first met him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But things took a sharp turn when Kakashi finally did show up, Atsuko walking side by side with him, a broad grin on her face. Sasuke had known something was off immediately. The smile she was wearing wasn’t the one she usually gave them. Full of a sweetness that bordered on patronizing over friendliness. Or the one she reserved for him, bright eyed and teasing. No, this one was different. There was a dangerous glint in her eyes, lips ticked up in barely concealed challenge. Then, Kakashi had announced she’d be helping him with their training session that day. Today’s lesson? Countering Genjutsu in a simulation of a real mission.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It had seemed simple enough at the time. Atsuko was not allowed to use any Ninjutsu in this exercise. Only Taijutsu and Genjutsu. She would be attempting to capture each of them. Playing the role of pursuer while Team 7’s goal was to retrieve a set of scrolls from one end of the massive training grounds and deliver them back to Kakashi at their original starting location. If they were captured, they still had time to figure out a way to free themselves. But there was a timer. Whoever didn’t make it back by dinner time got left behind for the night.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There were three scrolls, each one had their respective names on them. Kakashi had advised that whoever made it back to him with their scroll would pass the exercise. The only hint he’d given them was that they should work together. Once the exercise started, Atsuko had even let them get a head start. Things went well for a while, all of Team 7 working together and watching their backs. Then, once they’d gotten the scrolls, it had gone to hell in a hand basket.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko hadn’t directly made her presence known and that had lulled them all into a false sense of security. Thinking she’d lost their trail or was miles behind them. But, Sasuke soon found his vision darkening, a dense fog rolling in from the ground and even rising as high as the tree tops. It was too obvious. He released himself from the Genjutsu easily. But by the time he had, he realized they’d all been separated from the group.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Everything had spiraled from there. He found himself fazing in and out of several different Genjutsu’s each one a little different from the last. After a certain point, he wasn’t sure where one began and another ended and he was turned around in the forrest surrounding the training grounds. The sun was setting and the time crunch caused him to panic. She’d appear from the ground underneath his feet before he’d even had a chance to blink. Apparently Naruto had been in a similar situation because she deposited Sasuke against the same tree the blonde was tied to. Except he was still in the throes of her Genjutsu, unconscious against the wood.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hey! Atusko-sensei! Are you really just going to leave us here?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke had questioned as he struggled against his restraints, livid that he’d been caught so easy despite his training sessions with her. She chuckled, shrugging her shoulders as she walked away.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yep! Figure it out. I’ve still gotta get Sakura.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Was all she’d said before leaping into the treetops above. Naruto had come to soon after and they’d been struggling to release themselves when Sakura had stumbled upon their restrained forms. She was clutching her scroll in a single hand, eyes wide as she approached. Then, she’d laughed at them. Teasing them for being caught so easy. Sasuke’s wounded pride couldn’t handle the teasing and he’d snapped at her. Apparently that was not the proper response. Sakura had quickly ceased her laughing, only to leave them both there to ‘fend for themselves’.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>So… looking back, it was definitely his fault. Sakura could have released their binds and they could have made it back by now. But it was well past dinner time at this point and he knew that even if they managed to escape the restraints, he and Naruto had failed the exercise. But that still didn’t mean he wanted to be stuck here all night.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He thought about the hint Kakashi had given them, pouring over every detail he could to see if there was a way of this. Then, it hit him. Team work.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Naruto! Do you think you could scoot a little closer to me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He suddenly asked, already attempting to wiggle his way closer to his comrade. Naruto made a shocked sound, then a determined huff, doing the same as Sasuke. The boy wiggled until they were close enough to touch hands.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay, now what?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Naruto questioned, and Sasuke wiggled his left hand until he was comfortable and had some mobility in it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re going to use my left hand to make a Shadow Clone to get us out of here.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke stated, and there was a beat of silence. He could practically hear the gears turning in the idiots head, working overtime to comprehend what he’d just said. Then, he heard the ding of the thoughts clicking into place and Naruto drew in a gasp of understanding, nodding furiously in Sasuke’s peripheral.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay. Ready?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke asked, just as he felt Naruto’s right hand grasp his left. He had to pull from the Sharingan to remember the correct order of the signs, moving in tandem with Naruto to form the other half. After a few seconds of solid concentration, there was a light popping sound and the clone appeared in front of them.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hey you! Untie us!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Naruto barked at the copy of himself. Within in a few minutes, the ropes loosened and they were free. Naruto recalled his clone and they both stood, stretching with sighs of relief.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That was pretty smart, Sasuke!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Naruto broke the silence after a minute or so. A smug smirk tugged at the corner of Sasuke’s lips, but he fought it down.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Whatever. Let’s just get out of here.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke muttered, rubbing at his arms where the ropes had dug in a little too tightly. Just as they were about to take in their surroundings and determine the direction they needed to walk in to get back to the village, the darkness slowly started to fade away. The starry sky above them leaking away to reveal a wash of bright light. Sasuke’s eyes widened as the sun came into view, the sudden change blinding him momentarily. Then, the tree they were tied to turned to nothing but a shimmer, a mirage that faded away, like it had never been there at all. Along with the pile of rope lying on the ground.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Naruto and Sasuke made eye contact, both of them shocked and unsure what to do as the scene before them faded out and… oh god.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko and Kakashi were right in front of them. Atsuko was standing with her arms crossed over her chest, a pleased smile on her face. Kakashi was laying face up on the ground, holding a book over his face, but he lifted his head and peaked up at them as the Genjutsu washed away. Then, standing to Atsuko’s right side was Sakura, the same teasing smirk on her face that Atsuko was currently wearing. In her hands she had a scroll wrapped in pink paper, her name printed on the front.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>They’d never even left the training grounds. As this realization kicked in, Sasuke groaned, dropping his head back in defeat. It had really felt like they’d spent the whole day running and fighting off Genjutsu attacks. Naruto was still standing beside him, shouting.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Wait! What’s going on? Sasuke? What just happened?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The blonde roared, head moving on a swivel as he looked to everyone for answers. Kakashi sat up from his position on the grass, propping the arm holding his book open up on his knee.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“We were placed under the Genjutsu as soon as they got here, idiot.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke mumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Now that he thought about it, Atsuko had approached each of them before the training started. Ruffling his hair. Patting Naruto’s back. Grasping Sakura’s shoulder.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You still have time. Dinner isn’t for…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko started, reaching down to grab Kakashi’s arm, lifting the wrist he wore his watch on to her eyes.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“6 hours!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>At the time, Sasuke had been absolutely livid. He couldn’t believe she’d pulled one over on him like that so easy. That Sakura had been the only one to catch the obvious set up. But now, he was slightly grateful for that training exercise. He had learned something from it. Being observant would get him much further than being fast or strong. Those things mattered, definitely, but taking the time to focus on his surroundings and pick up on context clues… that would help put him leagues ahead of any two-bit Shinobi. He hadn’t purposely drudged up the memory, but as he walked through the hideout to fix himself something to eat, he felt a small smile tugging at his lips.</p><p> </p><p>The day went by without much intervention. After having breakfast and showering, Orochimaru had decided he wanted to pit Sasuke against a small army. This training exercise wasn’t his favorite. It required him to be more precise and careful with his movements as not to accidentally kill one of the many people Orochimaru had kidnapped and experimented on. Though, some of them may wish he would kill them. Just to escape this nightmare. But he wasn’t merciful in that aspect and he had his integrity to maintain. He had no desire to kill them, even if that’s what they wanted.</p><p> </p><p>In a few short minutes, he’d dispatched the entire crowd, leaving the grass scattered with unconscious bodies. It took more thought, but even this exercise was becoming too easy and he found himself growing bored. Increasingly so, it felt like Orochimaru had reached his limits on what he was able to teach Sasuke. If that was the case, there really was no use for him anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re still too soft. It takes more effort to leave them alive.”</p><p> </p><p>Orochimaru stated from behind him, and Sasuke didn’t even turn to spare him a glance.</p><p> </p><p>“They aren’t the ones I want to kill.”</p><p> </p><p>——————————————————</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko was waving from the tree line surrounding their training area. Her dark but slowly whitening hair fluttering in the warm breeze as she grinned at him. She was dressed in her Shinobi gear and Kakashi internally lamented that the green vest drew no attention to her luscious curves. Since he’d moved back in it had been almost impossible to keep his hands to himself. Especially when she was smiling at him like she was now. Or when she was sweeping the kitchen. Or when she was just sitting on the couch and reading.</p><p> </p><p>…Okay. Maybe it had nothing to do with the things she was doing and had more to do with the fact that he was so insanely in love with her he couldn’t think of any other way to show it. And he’d been mostly abstinent for years because no one could compare to her. Now, he had her back and she never denied him. So, really, he was just making up for lost time.</p><p> </p><p>Begrudgingly, he pulled his mind from the gutter and slipped his hands into his pockets, strolling over to her easily. Everyone was taking a quick break and they were debating about getting something to eat for lunch. Then, like an angel sent from heaven, Atsuko had shown up with a large cooler in her hand.</p><p> </p><p>Naruto and Tenzo were both relaxing for a few moments under the shade of a tree. It had been non-stop training for days in an attempt to perfect Naruto’s Rasengan and discover his chakra nature type. He’d been trying to stop the flow of the waterfall day and night. But, as hard as Naruto was working and as hard as Tenzo was working to keep the Nine-Tails Chakra in check, Kakashi couldn’t bring himself to have a care or concern in the world. Not when his life finally felt like it meant something again. He hadn’t been home since they’d started this training course, and the distance during the renewed honeymoon phase was driving him crazy. But every day, Atsuko showed up at the same time. Bringing food for all three of them and providing words of encouragement before disappearing back into the woods and returning to Lady Tsunade’s side.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, dear. I brought lunch.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko called when he got close enough. Kakashi smiled, nodding. It wasn’t necessary to announce that. This was the 5th day in a row and she’d be back tomorrow. Every day until Naruto had his breakthrough and they could all go home.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, dear. Just like yesterday, it’s appreciated.”</p><p> </p><p>He replied, taking the cooler from her hand and settling it on the ground next to his feet.</p><p> </p><p>“How is Naruto coming along?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, leaning slightly to peak around his shoulder and across the training field. A smile creeped across her face when he assumed she saw Naruto and Tenzo dozing off in the shade. God, she was beautiful when she smiled like that. Full lips pulled back against white teeth, the dimples in her cheeks deepening as her golden eyes caught the light.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s making progress. Pushing himself harder than any normal person could. As usual.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi managed to reply, taking another step towards her so she had to crane her head back a little to keep eye contact with him.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course. How are you coming along? What chapter of that book are you on?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, the wide smile fading to a small smirk as she reached up, picking at some dirt or lint on his vest, her face soon morphing to a determined expression as she scratched the spot with her nail. He could watch her do these little things all day. Just the way her face never hid any emotion. Concentration, with her pink tongue peaking out between her lips. Frustration, when her eyebrows knitted together and she muttered swears to herself. Then, eventually, satisfaction as she pulled away from the task with a smug grin.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, I finished that one last night.”</p><p> </p><p>He answered truthfully, watching as she finally did managed to pick off whatever was sticking to his vest. She pulled away with a smile, patting the spot and flicking her eyes up to meet his again.</p><p> </p><p>“I figured you would. So, I brought this too.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, reaching into one of the large pockets on her pants. She rummaged for a second before producing another book. About the same length as the one he’d just read, and she held it up to him triumphantly. The cover had a wilted bouquet of flowers and the title read ‘<em>Love is a Battlefield</em>’. He smirked, reaching a hand out to grasp the piece of literature.</p><p> </p><p>“I saw it at the shop yesterday. It’s new so I know you haven’t read it. But it seems right in line with the stuff you like. Drama, intrigue, romance, betrayal, and star-crossed lovers. All the fun stuff.”</p><p> </p><p>She explained, flipping the book over in his hands so she could point at the description on the back. Clearly, she was very pleased with herself. Kakashi’s heart flipped in his chest as his eyes scanned over the book, gripping it in one hand as he looked it over. Not only did she know he’d be done with the book he’d brought at the beginning of this training session, but she’d gone out of her way to get him something else to read. And she’d picked out something he was incredibly interested in. God, she was perfect.</p><p> </p><p>Again, he was filled with that feeling that words couldn’t describe. It sounded silly, even if he was only thinking it to himself. But he was full of butterflies, fluttering wildly against his ribcage and in his stomach. Before he could think about it, he was reaching up to pull his mask down to his chin, then he was dipping down to press a kiss to her sweet lips. Atsuko startled slightly, but soon giggled into the kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck. The hand Kakashi was holding the book in pressed against her back as his arm wound around her waist, tugging her closer. She broke the kiss entirely too soon, but when she smiled up at him he couldn’t bring himself to be disappointed in the slightest.</p><p> </p><p>“I assume that’s Kakashinese for ‘thank you’?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, her fingers playing with the ends of his hair where it rested against the nape of his neck. He chuckled and nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“A perfect translation. I didn’t know you were bilingual.”</p><p> </p><p>He quipped, and she hummed, gearing up her response immediately.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it only took about 3 months to become fluent. It’s not a complicated language.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, and he smirked, head ducked down so they were speaking directly into each other’s faces. Huddled together like this, it felt like they were the only people on the planet.</p><p> </p><p>“Not complicated, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, and she shook her head, arching up slightly to press a chaste kiss to the mole under his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope. You’re pretty easy.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered and he swiveled his head to the side slightly, catching her lips in another brief kiss. He could feel her smiling against him, preventing him from deepening the kiss the way he wanted to. That also prevented him from pushing her against a tree a little deeper into the woods and taking her right there. Atsuko pulled away with a giggle when he tried to slip his tongue into her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“Quit. Keep kissing me like that and some poor person on a hike might get an eyeful of something they can’t forget.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko teased, the hand previously wrapped around the back of his neck coming down to smack at his chest. A small part of him didn’t really care. Let em see. But she was already wiggling out of his grasp, taking a step back to break the tension.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re almost as bad as me now and that’s not going to end well.”</p><p> </p><p>She continued, still smirking up at him despite the warning in her words. He remembered what it was like when they’d first gotten together several years ago. After their first date, she’d been insatiable. He wasn’t complaining in the slightest, but she was right. If neither one of them could practice self control they’d end up in a sticky situation sooner rather than later. Though it seemed like she was doing a good job at maintaining her composure, so he didn’t deem it necessary to quell the fire within him just yet.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay. I just missed you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi replied, tugging at the edge of his mask to get it back into its proper position. She only smiled, nodding in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“Well it’s been about 24 hours since the last time you saw me. So, I’m sure you’re just barely holding it together… but seriously, I do have to get back. Go take Tenzo and Naruto their lunch. I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated, leaning up to give him one last peck over his masked lips before turning to leave after they’d said their goodbyes. He stood for a moment, watching her disappear into the woods. Really, it felt like she took a little piece of him every time she walked away. That was dramatic, yes, because she was only going back to work. But there were a lot of things he felt with her that a younger him would have called ‘soft’ or ‘dramatic’. Those feelings were one of the biggest changes he’d experienced over the last several years and it had taken him a long time to come to terms with them. So now, he tried to not deny himself the positive emotions or police his inner thoughts. If only so he didn’t take her for granted. He grabbed the cooler from the ground and started to make his way back to Tenzo and Naruto.</p><p> </p><p>Initially, he’d thought things would be uncomfortable working with Tenzo after his break up with Atsuko. Surprisingly, the other man hadn’t shown any signs of being upset or put off by his presence. He’d chalked it up to professionalism at first, but Tenzo was still joking with him. Treating him like a friend. So, as time went on, Kakashi figured he was truly over it. In fact, he’d even made mention of a date he had planned with a nurse from the hospital. The same one who’d taken care of him and Sasuke while they were both in a coma. A blonde woman by the name of Hatsu.</p><p> </p><p>When he got back to the tree and placed the cooler on the ground in front of Naruto and Tenzo, both of them leapt at the opportunity to eat something other than one of Sakura’s disgusting food pills. He settled on the bench Tenzo had crafted using his wood style, pulling out one of the pre-made lunches for himself. Each bento-box inside the cooler had a label with each of their names on it, then inside would be a personalized message. Naruto peeled his sticky note off and read over the words with a smile before digging into his meal. Tenzo did the same, but he took the time to fold up the note and slide it into his vest pocket. Kakashi peeled the lid open to his and read his note as well.</p><p> </p><p><em>‘I hope you enjoy the book. Can’t wait to hear all about it. Love you. -Atsuko</em>’</p><p> </p><p>It brought a soft smile to his face. She was the only one he talked to about the books he read. Hell, she was the only one he talked to about most things. It was something about the way she was so welcoming. No judgment or criticism. She just listened and accepted. Well, she had opinions on everything under the sun and she was’t afraid to make them known. But she never measured a person by the wrong they did. Constantly residing in the grey area and at war with herself when she effortlessly found the good in everyone. And the bad. As he began to eat his lunch, he thought back on the night he’d walked her home from the bar.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>This was definitely not how his night was supposed to go. Kakashi had only come to the bar to have a couple drinks to relax, just so he could go home and hopefully get a good nights sleep. But as soon as he’d walked in Tenzo was shouting his name across the room. Any other night he would have simply waved at the Anbu member and sat down at the bar by himself anyway, but something was different tonight. Just as he was about to execute his plan to remain unbothered, he noticed there was a woman sitting in the booth across from Tenzo. She’d raised herself up and turned around to look at him over the seat, eyes wide and curious.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He’d recognized her immediately. The young woman he’d been asked to escort to the Hokage tower a couple months ago. Atsuko Kamiyama. Jonin rank, veteran of the third Shinobi war, and a master of Genjutsu. He’d done a little research on her after she’d left the Hokage’s office in clear distress, only to deny his offer to walk her home and recall her Shadow Clone right in front of him. Honestly, she’d piqued his interest slightly. Simply because he was curious as to why this woman that he’d never heard of had been requested to see the Hokage and his entire council so early in the morning. She was a Jonin, and only a year younger than him, but he had no idea who she was. Passively, he’d gathered a little information, but not much more than her rank and mission stats. Kakashi had also discovered that she’d been given the role of taking in the only remaining member of the Uchiha clan. Sasuke, Itachi’s younger brother.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>So, he was interested in her. Though he really couldn’t say why. Everyone had skeletons in their closet and there were plenty of people he didn’t know. But for some reason, when she turned around and fixed him with a welcoming smile, he found his feet carrying him towards their booth. He wasn’t ignorant to his own desires. She was an attractive woman, for sure. But something about the way he felt drawn to her was different from previous one night stands and hook ups.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>When he’d settled into the booth and Tenzo had introduced her, he could feel the way her eyes roamed over him. Again, he was no stranger to flirting or attraction, but the way she looked at him made his insides squirm slightly. It was deeper than a passive attraction. She seemed to be as interested in him as he was in her. As the night went on, he learned about her relationship to Sasuke and why she’d been asked to care for the young boy. He also learned a few things about her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko always seemed to be slightly on edge, even when she was relaxing or laughing. She talked too fast and sentences seemed to get away from her, prattling on for too long or fading into silence as she lost her train of thought entirely. She could handle her alcohol, downing several drinks in his presence but never seeming to lose her cognizance. When Tenzo brought up the topic of Sasuke, he could see that it weighed heavily on her. She was a young, beautiful, woman and she’d been shoved into the role of single mother for a child she didn’t give birth to. A lot of people would shirk that new responsibility. Resent it. Be angry that their career was put on hold and that they constantly had to worry about someone else. But she wasn’t like that. She genuinely cared for the boy and wanted to do her best to help him through this. He could see the way her eyes shone when she talked about him and the loving smile that worked it’s way across her face when she told Tenzo about his personality. This told him everything he needed to know about her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Despite seeming to be at the mercy of an over-worked and over-analytical mind, her heart maintained its integrity. She was passionate about anything she did, clear in the way she bragged about the mundane day-to-day activities of caring for Sasuke. She was funny and down to earth, but he could see in her eyes that she was thinking deeply about everything around her. About the way he moved, the way Tenzo spoke. Then, he realized something about himself as well.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He loved listening to her talk. Atsuko would start off strong in a sentence, then trail off as her thoughts became too jumbled to decipher. But it was like he didn’t need her to finish. He could follow her train of thought exactly, finding himself nodding in understanding long after she’d stopped talking. He’d come into the bar tonight to drink until he felt tired. Then, he’d drag himself home and pray that the nightmares would leave him alone for a while. However, things had taken a drastic turn and he realized that he felt calm for the first time in a long time. These social situations typically made him nervous, but for some reason, he actually felt welcome in her presence. It was strange, but he couldn’t fight the urge to be around her. When she’d gotten up abruptly, stating she needed to pick up dinner and head home, he’d offered to walk with her immediately. His mouth moving before his mind could get involved.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Now, as they walked side by side in relative silence, he found that he didn’t mind the quiet. The guilt he’d been carrying around for years seemed to lift its fog for a while. He could take in scenery peacefully. Admire the way the streetlights provided warm swatches of color against the dark road. Listen to the crickets chirp and smell the cool, summer night, breeze. It had been a long time since he’d been able to exist in peace like this. He realized she’d pulled ahead of him a little and he was staring at her back. Her dark, curly, hair bouncing slightly with every step she took. It seemed she’d fallen into the same state of contentment. Their conversation had died down, but it didn’t feel awkward at all. Both of them taking the time they needed to think.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Then, Atsuko was falling. He moved so quickly she didn’t even have the time to gasp completely. He caught her in his arms, but he hadn’t expected the close proximity to make his heart stutter in his chest. Completely skipping a beat and making his mouth dry out upon contact. He readjusted her to a standing position quickly, releasing his grip and pulling away. It had to be one of the strangest things he’d ever felt in his life. The lurching in his chest and the feeling an electric current pulsing through his body just from coming into contact with her form. His palms started to sweat under his gloves but he had to maintain his cool, no matter how terrified he was.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Sorry about that… guess I was in another world.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko apologized, rubbing the back of her neck as the blush on her cheeks darkened slightly. She really was pretty…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Not a problem… but Shinobi shouldn’t lose themselves in thought so easily.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He replied, internally kicking himself as soon as the words left his mouth. He was nervous about the emotions she was eliciting from him so his knee-jerk response was to be an asshole. Puffing up because he didn’t understand his own feelings. Even now he didn’t understand why he felt bad for essentially scolding her. It’s not like he expected anything to come of this. He never did. Romance or dates… they just weren’t in his wheelhouse. So why did he feel like he’d blown his chances with her? And why did that thought make him sick?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But then… she was chuckling? Dusting herself off despite having never touched the ground.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Thanks for the tip, Hatake. Maybe you should take your own advice some time.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She quipped back, smiling up at him with her eyes scrunched shut. Was she… mocking him? The mere thought shattered the tension he felt earlier. All the worry and concern and nervousness melting away in an instant. She pushed past him to continue walking and he let out a scoff in response, truly surprised and amused at her boldness. His somewhat harsh words meant nothing to her. She just turned them around and fired them right back at him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re terribly bold, ya know.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi responded, following behind her as his hands slipped into his pockets. A giddy feeling arose in him. Bubbling in his stomach and lodging in his throat. He tried to not overthink the situation, to just enjoy this newfound excitement. But he couldn’t fight down the thoughts. Wondering what she’d meant by taking his own advice… had she noticed he wasn’t entirely present the whole night? He watched as she shrugged, smirking back at him over her shoulder.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I just get the distinct feeling you don’t get called on your bullshit like you should.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko replied, voice lilting and teasing. Again, his heart clenched in his chest. People didn’t talk to him like this. They just didn’t. Even the people closest to him in his life treaded lightly. They spoke to him carefully. Like he might break if they said the wrong thing or dropped that fucking condescending tone for more than a second. They were wary of him, their concern for his mental state overriding the need to treat him like a human being. That thought filled him with some strange mix of ire and heady elation.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Maybe there’s a good reason for that. I am pretty dangerous if you haven’t heard.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He fired back, a little bitter at the words as they left him. Even the people who considered themselves his closest friends treated him like he was some ticking time bomb. Like he needed an intervention. He knew how they all saw him. Friend-Killer Kakashi. Most dangerous man in the Anbu. Murderer for hire. Assassin. More blood on his hands than-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atusko was laughing… not just a chuckle either. She was laughing with her whole chest, head dropped back as she barked those dulcet tones up into the night sky. His eyes widened as his train of thought was completely abandoned. All that self pitying falling to the wayside as she turned around to look at him, continuing to walk backwards with a bright grin on her face. Like she wasn’t scared of him in the slightest. Like she saw right past everything he’d done and could dig her hands into the gooey center of his heart, breaking through the miles of thick concrete he’d erected over the years. Like… none of it mattered to her. Maybe she just didn’t know… but then she was confirming that she did.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeah, I’ve heard. But for some reason, I couldn’t be less scared than I am right now. It’s so strange…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She stated, turning back around so he was staring at her back again. Then, she trailed off again. This was one of those times he felt like he knew what she was going to say next. His mouth was dry, but he needed to confirm his theory.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What’s strange?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He asked, eternally grateful for his years of Shinobi work in this moment. He managed to maintain his cool, voice coming out even and trained. Even if he was panicking on the inside. If she felt it too, what the hell did that mean?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know… I feel like I’ve known you for a long time. I’m not normally like this. Quiet, calm… My nerves run wild when I’m thinking. I need distractions. Big crowds. A long to-do list. Constant noise. But tonight… and even that morning several months ago. I feel content working through some of my thoughts.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko replied with a shrug and a long exhale. He could hear the smile in her voice.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m not even really sure what I’m trying to say. I’ve just felt comfortable around you. Have sense I met you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She stated, and it was like the final nail in the coffin for him. Kakashi felt his stomach twist and he couldn’t even begin to describe the way his nerves buzzed. Like they did when he used his Lightning Blade. Electricity cracking against his skin, rising goosebumps on his skin. She had said exactly what he’d been thinking. This was like something out of one of the books he read. Surreal and strange. It was like… god, his heart couldn’t handle this. It was one of the most terrifying things he’d ever experienced. But even more terrifying was the thought of leaving her right now. He had to follow her. Had to stay close. Just to see how deep this went. So, he steeled himself.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I understand.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>That had been it, he realized. Even on that first night, he’d tapped into something he’d never be able to forget or move on from. It had been utterly terrifying at the time and he remembered how he spent the next several months fighting a losing battle within himself. Everything that happened after that felt like it was destined to happen. And again his younger self scolded such a romanticized viewing of life. There was no such thing as ‘fate’ or ‘soulmates’. He was sure of that. What kind of cruel higher power would have let Obito die when he was still so young? Would have put him through the things he had to experience growing up? What kind of cosmic flow demanded that he kill Rin?</p><p> </p><p>Those were things he struggled with constantly. If there was a bigger picture or a greater meaning, did that mean everyone he had loved in his life had to die? To further the plot? To further his story? It didn’t feel right at the time. Why was he the one that got to live and be happy and find his soulmate? Then they’d gone on their first date and everything changed in a single night.</p><p> </p><p>He remembered how they’d attempted to talk about their childhoods… or rather, the lack there of. The topic brought back a lot of dark memories. He was holding the spatula, making their dinner, and his hand was covered in blood. It swallowed him whole and he’d forgotten where he was. What he was doing. Then, her hand was cutting through the darkness. Resting gently on his shoulder and coaxing him back to reality with a simple touch. When he re-centered, he was embarrassed. So damaged and easily triggered. But she pulled him closer to her. Placing a hand on the back of his head and holding him as the nightmares washed away.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe there was a higher power. Or a cosmic plan. Maybe there wasn’t. But he did know one thing. Whether or not it was fate, Atsuko had definitely been sent to pull him back onto his path. She effortlessly softened him and he never felt more comfortable with another person than he did her.</p><p> </p><p>“Kakashi-sensei…”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto lilted, suddenly pulling Kakashi from his thoughts. He jerked his head up to look at the blonde boy was now standing over him, arms folded across his chest with Tenzo standing directly behind him.</p><p> </p><p>“Thought we’d lost you there.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo commented, and he had to blink a couple times to stow everything. His lunch was still sitting in his lap mostly uneaten and when he realized what had happened, he gave them both a reassuring smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah. I’m alright. Let’s get back to it.”</p><p> </p><p>——————————————————</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko was on her way to the training grounds for the 7th day in a row. Just like every day, she was bringing Kakashi, Naruto, and Tenzo lunch. The past week back at work had been exhausting but she grateful for her day off. In fact, she planned to spend the afternoon assisting with Naruto’s training if she could. Well, maybe that was a thinly veiled excuse to spend some time with Kakashi. In her defense, he’d just moved back in and had to immediately spend a week at the training grounds, right as things were starting to pick back up between them.</p><p> </p><p>Even still, she’d come prepared to assist with Naruto’s training. This time, she’d even packed a lunch for herself. As she broke through the tree line to the clearing of grass the three men had been working in for the last week, she noticed a few things. Firstly, the ground was covered in holes of varying size. Secondly, Naruto was standing in the midst of all those holes, two shadow clones on either side of the three of them hunched over a single hand. As she drew closer, she could hear the high pitched whistling of condensed wind and chakra, and could see the bright ball spinning wildly in Naruto’s palm. Kakashi was approaching him, and they were speaking but she couldn’t hear their words over the sound of the condensed Wind-Style Rasengan in Naruto’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, it looked like he’d made some sort of breakthrough. But the blonde’s eyes darted up for a second too long and he grinned when he met her gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko-sensei!”</p><p> </p><p>He shouted across the field, the brief distraction causing the Jutsu in his palm to backfire. The shadows clones disappeared in a puff and Naruto was launched a couple feet backwards, knocked off balance by recoil. She winced and Kakashi turned to look at her, hands stuffed in his pockets.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry! I brought lunch but I didn’t think…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stuttered out her apology as she drew closer. Naruto was still laying on the ground, groaning slightly as he struggled to sit up. Kakashi smiled under his mask and shrugged, glancing back over his shoulder at the blonde.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright. It’s not your fault he’s easily distracted.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi replied, just loud enough for Naruto to hear. He groaned in response, hauling himself to his feet and trudging back over to where they were standing sluggishly. He was covered in dirt and bruises, but when he got close enough, he still flashed Atsuko that blinding smile, rubbing at the back of his neck in embarrassment. <br/><br/>“Heh. Sorry, Kakashi-sensei.”</p><p> </p><p>He apologized, but Kakashi only shrugged again, reaching out to take the cooler from Atsuko’s hands and lighten her load.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t blame you, honestly. She is pretty distracting.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi teased, and immediately a dark blush covered Atsuko’s cheeks, her hand coming up to smack his chest lightly. Naruto chuckled a little behind them before snatching the cooler from Kakashi and plopping down on the ground, digging through the contents as the three of them discussed his latest breakthrough in training.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko didn’t notice when another Jonin dropped into the training grounds, talking in hushed tones to Tenzo several feet away. She also didn’t notice when Tenzo began to approach the three of them, slow and morose. The next thing she knew, Kakashi was looking over her shoulder with concern and when she turned around, the expression on Tenzo’s face worried her almost as much as his words did.</p><p> </p><p>“Kakashi. We have to stop the training right now and head back to the village.”</p><p> </p><p>Tenzo stated, putting on that serious, commanding, voice she’d heard him use so many times before on missions. Her brow furrowed and Kakashi asked exactly what she was thinking.</p><p> </p><p>“Why? What happened?”</p><p> </p><p>There was beat of silence, the breeze blowing across the field kicking up dirt from Naruto’s failed Rasengan’s. Naruto stood up behind him, drawing closer to hear the information. Tenzo seemed to barely be able to get out his next words.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s… Asuma Sarutobi.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope everyone enjoys the chapter! I just wanted to get in some stuff from other perspectives before we hit the ground running with the rest of the plot developments. Asuma is dead and things don't really slow down at all after this point. See everyone next week! (Also 'Cutest Face Jutsu' is my favorite thing i've ever written hahaha)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Regrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs That Inspired this Chapter:</p><p>Say It Ain't So - Weezer</p><p>Black Sheep - Metric</p><p>I Bet on Losing Dogs - Mitski</p><p>Samson - Regina Spektor</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It seemed like even the earth mourned when a good man died. The moment they had been informed of Asuma’s death, the sky had opened up, starting a torrential downpour, and it hadn’t stopped raining since. They weren’t even granted a reprieve now, as a massive amount people from the village paid their respects at his gravesite. Shinobi and civilians alike had come for the procession and burial, all of them dressed in black, clothes steadily soaking through as the rain pelted them. Atsuko was carefully tending to Kurenai, rubbing the taller woman’s back as she sobbed into her shoulder. She’d maintained her composure through the entire service, walking ahead of the crowd and carefully resting a bouquet of flowers at the foot of his tombstone. However, when she’d returned to the group for a moment of silence, her facade cracked and she’d gone from sniffling to letting out choked gasps as she struggled to maintain some image of grace.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko had reached a hand out, drawing her friend in for a hug, and she’d completely shattered at the contact. As she attempted to console Kurenai, Atsuko tried her hardest to remain strong and resilient in the face of something so devastating she’d yet to fully process it. She and Kakashi had dressed for the funeral this morning in complete silence, both of them too rocked by the loss of their close friend to even speak. Holding their feelings in tightly wound balls in their chests. Afraid that if they opened their mouths, all of the pain would spring forth like vomit, retching until their was nothing left but dry-heaves. Especially so now, Atsuko felt that acid pooling at the back of her throat, but she glued her tongue to the roof of her mouth, praying it would stave off the need to join Kurenai in her vocal distress.</p><p> </p><p>As she held the crying woman, she couldn’t help the reminder that rung in her head like an alarm. Echoing off the walls of her skull and mingling with Kurenai’s sobs in some cacophony of horror.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>These roles could be reversed. It could have been Kakashi.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It felt incredibly selfish to have that thought at this time. When Kurenai was pregnant with a child that would never know their father and had just lost the love of her life. But the thought still sent a chill through her, goosebumps rising on her arm as Kurenai’s cries started to sound more clear. She could hear the way her lips parted, the wet sound of her throat contracting when she choked on her own tears. It took a few minutes to realize that some of those sounds were coming from Atsuko as well as she buried her face in the hair on the top of the Kurenai’s head. What they must have looked like. Clutching each other for dear life and sobbing against one another in a loud display of grief and anguish.</p><p> </p><p>Soon, there was a warm hand on her back. Cutting through the coldness of the rain that had soaked her clothes, an epicenter of heat resting against her spine. She knew it was Kakashi without even having to look over her shoulder. Without pulling her head from Kurenai. She wrenched her eyes open long enough to see a figure behind Kurenai, giving her the same treatment. Gai. The idea that both of these men had just lost one of their closest friends and they were spending their energy consoling them only served to make Atusko and Kurenai cry harder.</p><p> </p><p>————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>The strangest part of a funeral was after it was over. When attendees were supposed to go somewhere else and leave the grave behind. It never felt right to her. Mourning collectively and having to leave… it felt like she was turning her back on the dead. A guilt eating at her when all of the overwhelming grief washed away and she was left feeling exhausted and empty. There was no specific code for how people were supposed to act after a funeral. Or how they were supposed to process a massive loss. When she and Kakashi were walking back home, hand in hand in complete silence, she felt ashamed when her stomach growled. How could she eat after something like that? When Asuma would never get to eat again?</p><p> </p><p>Survivor’s guilt. She knew that term well. Especially after her time spent fighting in the Third Shinobi War. Even if she hadn’t been there when Asuma had died, she equated their lives. Their jobs. Like the thought she’d had as Kurenai sobbed into her shoulder. It could have been Kakashi. It could have been <em>her… </em>Should it have been? Maybe. She wouldn’t have left a child behind. The only person who would have truly mourned her loss would have been Kakashi. And he was young. He would move on. Find some other pretty, sweet, girl who could have his children and take care of him… Sasuke would probably be hurt but he’d move on. Just another person on the list of people he’d lost.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko shook her head, gripping Kakashi’s hand tighter in a way to ground herself. He squeezed her back in response and it was all she needed to know they were thinking the same thing. Feeling the same way. She remembered the way Gai had led Kurenai away from the grave. A hand on her back as she cried, gentle and coaxing. It had just happened but as the distance between her and Asuma’s grave grew, it felt like a lifetime ago.</p><p> </p><p>They were walking down a residential road and the rain had let up. The sun peaking out from behind the clouds, making the air muggy as people started to fill the streets again. Suddenly, she stopped dead in her tracks and turned, throwing herself against Kakashi’s chest. She wrapped her arms around his torso, hugging him so tightly she knew she was hurting him. But that didn’t matter right now. Not when he gave her the same treatment, arms wrapping around her shoulders and clutching her closer. She felt him bury his nose in the hair on the top of her hair, breathing in the wet dog scent she was sure she was emitting.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you…”</p><p> </p><p>He mumbled against her scalp, and hot tears welled in her eyes. Her cheeks and nose were raw from crying at this point, the salty liquid stinging against her skin as it rolled down her face.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too… don’t… please just be careful. I don’t think…”</p><p> </p><p>She hiccuped against his chest, balling the fabric of his shirt in tight fists against his back. She felt him nod, and in a rare moment, heard the way his voice cracked when he replied.</p><p> </p><p>“I know. You too.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi managed out, the grip on her shoulders becoming impossibly tighter. For a moment they just stood in the middle of the street, holding one another as people passed by. She couldn’t bring herself to pull away or force her feet to move again. But Kakashi didn’t seem like he wanted to separate either. They’d both lost people in their lives. Over and over. It never seemed to end. Maybe it would be different this time. Now that they had each other. Maybe the initial hurt would soften and they could just be grateful to have each other. Maybe it wouldn’t consume them whole like it had done in the past.</p><p> </p><p>After several minutes, she finally pulled away from him, wiping at her face with dry hands. A couple more sniffles escaped her but she managed to stave off the tears. Really, she just didn’t have any left. When she tilted her head up, Kakashi was looking down at her with reverence. Eyes tired and soft, his hand coming up to run a thumb over the soft skin under her eye, swiping away the last of the moisture.</p><p> </p><p>“We all knew… when we started down this path that this was how it could end. It hurts. But Asuma’s death… it wasn’t in vain. And he died honorably. Protecting his comrades. Don’t forget that.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi suddenly spoke, the strain in his voice showing just how much this had effected him, even if he didn’t show it outwardly. Atsuko drew in a deep breath, nodding. He was right… and the kind of man Asuma was… he would understand the hurt but he would want them to find strength in his death. To push forward and protect the legacy of the Will of Fire. To fight until the end. She swallowed, the glass in her throat stinging and aching.</p><p> </p><p>“I know. We have to keep moving forward. Make sure his death wasn’t in vain.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, focusing on his eyes. In that moment, something passed between them. An exchange of thoughts as they both felt the exact same thing. Those two Akatsuki members…</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi returned, his hand coming up to grip her chin, holding that eye contact and trying to will everything he was thinking to her mind. She knew they couldn’t take this lying down. Knew that Team 10 wouldn’t either. Shikamaru wasn’t at the funeral today, unable to bear the emotional weight of the situation. She knew that he was planning. Methodically and obsessively. They both knew what was coming. She gave him a nod in the affirmative.Kakashi returned the gesture, leaning down himself this time to place a masked kiss to her lips. When he pulled away, their foreheads still pressed together, he finally responded.</p><p> </p><p>“Good. Let’s go get ready.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, Kakashi and Atsuko departed to make their preparations.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You ever gonna let me take you out on a real date? Or we just gonna keep doing this until you get tired of me and move on?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Asuma questioned from his position in his bed, leaned back against the headboard with a lit cigarette hanging from his lips. Atsuko had her back to him as she tugged on her clothes, but she knew how he looked right now. A smirk playing on his rugged face, the thin sheet drawn over his lap but still naked from the waist up. It was a scene she’d gotten used to over the last couple months.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Tch. You’re only saying that because you feel like it’s the gentlemanly thing to say, Asuma. I don’t care, so you shouldn’t worry yourself with chivalry.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko replied, jumping slightly to wiggle her pants over her wide set hips. It took her a moment to locate her bra, tossed haphazardly across the room in their lightning fast desperation. It felt fitting, when she found the article laying in a crumple piled on his desk. There was symbolic significance in her chasing down her clothes after the fact, just like she’d been chasing something by jumping into bed with him in the first place. Something that never seemed to come to fruition. Not that the sex wasn’t good. It was and they both got off. But that’s all it ever was. With him and every other man she’d bedded. Mutual exchange and nothing further. Leaping into bed quickly, finishing quickly, so there was no opportunity to back out. Desperation. Ugh. Now, where was her shirt.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Maybe. Just never met a woman who didn’t want all the bells and whistles.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Asuma responded from behind her, before tossing a ball of fabric at her back. Atsuko turned and saw he’d tossed her the shirt she’d been looking for. Muttering a short ‘thanks’ she knelt to collect the material from the floor and pull it over her head. When her eyes finally landed back on Asuma she gave him a wry smile.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, now you have. Bells and whistles mean complications. I know you find me attractive, I find you attractive. This is a mutually beneficial agreement between comrades. Nothing more.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She stated, directly contradicting her words as she crossed the room to pluck the cigarette from between his lips. Atsuko turned the filter around and took a long drag, blowing the smoke away from him and holding the lit object aloft as she dipped down to give him a soft kiss. When she pulled away, she placed the cigarette back between his lips, hand patting his sturdy chest as she stood back to full height.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“So you don’t ever want to settle down? Get married? I thought all women wanted that.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Asuma questioned as she moved to exam her makeup on a small mirror perched on his dresser at the foot of the bed, her back to him again. She shrugged, further smudging the mascara that had caked under her eyes, so at least it would look intentional.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Never really thought about it. What’s the point? In our line of work, we die young. Why would I want to get married? Just to leave someone behind?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, not taking offense in his line of questioning. It sounded like he was trying to make sense of things too. Asuma was the salt of the earth type. He didn’t have these grandiose ideas about things beyond his control. Everything was face value and he seemed to roll with the punches easily. Working hard and remaining calm and confident in the face of danger. He viewed things from a simplified perspective. So, of course he didn’t understand why she did these things.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That’s a dark way to view life… I think we oughta take advantage of the time we do have. Everyone dies eventually, so why let it weigh on you so heavily? It’s not special.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He responded, and she quirked a brow in the mirror, looking back at him through the reflection. Maybe it wasn’t special… but she knew how it felt to lose people. Carried the weight of every life she had personally taken and felt the pain that everyone seemed to share. It was overwhelming. Why would she ever want to put someone through that? Though, she supposed she already had.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I am taking advantage of my time. Did you ever stop to consider that I just enjoy sex? That there’s not some deeper meaning to my promiscuity other than seeking pleasure?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko fired back, pleased with her appearance and turning back around to regard him with her hands on her hips. Asuma let out a chuckle at that, lifting his hands in mild surrender. She moved across the room again to tug on her sandals, leaning against the wall for balance as she did so. She confirmed she had everything, patting her pockets and making sure her bag was secured around her waist. As Atsuko headed for the door, her hand hovered over the knob and she threw him a smile.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Same time next week?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She questioned, and Asuma hummed, low in his throat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeah.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>That had been one of the last times Atsuko had slept with Asuma. Soon after, things just changed between them. The same thing that always happened. They got too close, became too friendly, and that spark of passion just faded into nothing more than a fizzled out memory from their youth. Even then, she realized, he seemed to have the best interest of everyone around him in mind. His words were a subtle goad for her to do some introspection. Consider the truth behind her behavior.</p><p> </p><p>While she did enjoy sex more than the average person, she knew there was, in fact, some deeper meaning. A need for validation when she felt worthless. A craving for something to fill the void in her chest after she pushed people away, only keeping them at arms length. She told herself those one-night stands and sex only relationships were never ‘intimate’, but in reality they were the closest thing she had to intimacy at the time. After her fling with Asuma, she slowly began to open up more in her personal relationships. To allow herself to feel like maybe people <em>did </em>care about her wellbeing. It had been one of her first steps on the road to recovery. He’d helped her without even knowing it and she’d never thanked him.</p><p> </p><p>Now, as she and Kakashi worked with Team 10 on a plan to kill the Akatsuki members who’d taken Asuma’s life, she found that memory re-solidified her determination. Causing her to dig deep and push forward with renewed passion. She jumped across several branches, moving quickly and pulling towards the front of the group where Kakashi and Shikamaru were leading them.</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru had devised a plan, getting the members of Asuma’s team together on his own and had been set on leaving the village at dawn without direct orders from the Hokage. Tsunade had tried to stop them, but Kakashi and Atusko were there as well. They both knew this would be coming and were more than happy to assist on the mission. In fact, they’d spent the whole previous day readying themselves for the battle. Even if Team 10 hadn’t shown up, Atsuko was sure they would have gone anyway. Just her and Kakashi. It was something they didn’t really need to communicate about. Both of their grief morphing into ire over the course of the previous day. Something had to be done. Justice needed to be served.</p><p> </p><p>“Shikamaru… what can you tell us about the two Akatsuki members? With everything happening so quickly.. We didn’t have time to review the mission report.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko questioned when she drew close enough to be within ear shot of the young man. Kakashi was slightly ahead of them, but she knew he could hear as well. He was the de-facto leader of Team 10, with Shikamaru being the strategist. Choji and Ino were behind them, their muscle and their healer. That left Atsuko with the role of support. She could provide chakra, use her Genjutsu techniques to keep the enemy dazed and at bay. Though she could definitely hold her own in a one on one fight, that wasn’t the purpose she was supposed to serve on this mission.</p><p> </p><p>“There were two of them. A loud mouth with grey hair and pink eyes. Hidan. Then, his partner Kakuzu.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru replied, keeping his eyes straight ahead as they moved. Immediately, Atsuko’s mouth dried out and her heart rate sped up. Hidan had been the one to kill Asuma? Her stomach churned violently and she had to fight the urge to vomit as a cold sweat broke out across her body. In all of the time they’d spent preparing she hadn’t even really considered <em>who </em>they would be up against. It was easier to just call them the ‘Akatsuki’. Members of a criminal organization who wrought chaos. Who she’d spoken out against in recent weeks. But now she was reminded that she knew some of the people involved. Knew a couple of them intimately… How quickly she’d forgotten…</p><p> </p><p>“Hidan is… hell, he’s immortal. We saw him get decapitated, only for him to keep talking. His partner reattached his head with these cords but we didn’t get to see much of what he could do. It was mostly Hidan. He can ingest the blood of his opponent and turn himself into a living voodoo doll.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru continued, and Atsuko was trying her hardest to focus. Listening to the information and trying to process what he meant. So Hidan’s claim to immortally back then hadn’t been bullshit. When he’d been pressed against her backside, shamelessly breathing the words into her ear. The man she’d cheated on Kakashi with was the one who’d killed Asuma. Logically, there was no correlation there. But it just served to ring home the idea that she’d so carefully avoided during her time with the Akatsuki. Those people were murderers. Criminals. And she’d slept with one of them. She should have killed him then. In that hotel bedroom. She should have let him stay that night and slit his fucking throat in his sleep…</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned, glancing over his shoulder at her. Though there wasn’t concern in his eyes. Not this time. He was looking at her with a warning. To focus and keep it together. She nodded in response, knowing he was right. Though he had no idea what they were walking in to. Should she tell him? That way if Hidan remembered her and made some fucking asinine comment, he wouldn’t throw Kakashi off? She knew she should warn him, but the words got stuck in her throat. Then, Shikamaru was talking again, detailing his plan and she found the words sinking down and back into her stomach. Settling with an uneasy slosh. She just couldn’t bring herself to tell him. Not when Shikamaru was here. Not when it would be airing out their dirty laundry. Not when it was more than a stupid drunken mistake now. Not when the man she’d slept with had killed such a good man. A friend. Her jaw tightened, preventing her tongue from lashing out even if she wanted to. She just continued to listen to the information Shikamaru was providing, giving Kakashi a nod in the affirmative as they continued forward.</p><p> </p><p>————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>“Woah! Look at what we have here, Kakuzu! If it isn’t the bitch! Long time no see, babe!”</p><p> </p><p>Hidan shouted from across the desolate field. Even from this far away, Atsuko could see the cheek splitting, maniacal, grin on his face. She’d managed to go mostly unnoticed as the initial confrontation took place between Team 10 and the two members of the Akatsuki, but now it seemed Hidan had recognized who she was. Atsuko winced at his booming voice, face screwing up in displeasure as she tried to maintain her cool. She just decided she wouldn’t speak to him. Maybe she could avoid any further issues by keeping her mouth shut.</p><p> </p><p>“D’ya miss me, baby? Come all the way out here just to get another look at this handsome mug?”</p><p> </p><p>He continued his jeers, surprisingly sheathing the scythe he was carrying on his back as he straightened his posture and stood back at full height. Kakuzu had been silent since the taunting began, but she could see in his eyes that he was drawing some kind of sick pleasure from watching her squirm. She could feel Kakashi’s eyes on her as well, in the peripheral of her vision, piercing and sad. Oh, he already knew. Just those few, too familiar, words were enough to get the gears in his head turning. Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you, Hidan. You know why I’m here. You killed our friend. A Hidden Leaf Shinobi. That’s not just some mild threat. It’s a declaration of war.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko shouted back, finding her voice somewhere amongst the nerves buzzing in her body. Maybe if she talked, screamed, it would release some of this tension. If she talked louder than him, maybe they wouldn’t think too hard about what he said to her. Every member of Team 10 had fallen deathly quiet, likely wondering why she addressed him by name. Like she knew him.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, c’mon babe. Let’s not fight, okay? I really have missed you, ya know. Best piece of ass I’ve had in <em>years.”</em></p><p> </p><p>Hidan drawled, taking a singular step closer to the group. Everyone immediately tensed, holding their kunai defensively. Kakashi glanced over at her again, expression unreadable, and Atsuko’s skin crawled, bile rising in her throat. Great. Fantastic. She didn’t miss the way Shikamaru’s eyes wandered over to her either, calculating and confused.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously? That’s the guy?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi asked in a hushed tone, barely audible through his mask. Atsuko sighed, teeth grinding together so harshly she was sure her jaw was going to lock up from the pressure. All she could manage was a slight nod. Now more than ever she wanted to rip the bastard’s throat out. Especially when he continued with his taunts. Logically, she knew he only kept going because he could see how angry he was making her. He was getting off on her reaction and hoping she’d do something stupid. Atsuko tried her hardest to train her face, but his next words sent her into a blind fury.</p><p> </p><p>“I should have sacrificed you to Lord Jashin back then… Leader’s orders be damned. I wonder if you’ll make those pretty little noises again while I cut you up, hm? <em>Oh, Hidan! Deeper! Harde-!”</em></p><p> </p><p>Hidan stopped his taunting moans mid-sentence when a kunai landed directly in his throat. His eyes went wide at the sudden intrusion and there was a long, tense, silence as everyone tried to process what had just happened. Atsuko had flung the blade, more so as a warning born out of anger. She had expected him to dodge it. But he must have been too lost in his own fucked up fantasy to notice the blade hurling right for his throat.</p><p> </p><p>The silence broke when he dislodged the kunai from his throat, gripping it by the handle and ripping it out with a roar. His other hand came up to apply pressure to the wound, but blood escaped between his fingers, squirting out of the wound in his throat with every beat of his heart. He coughed a few times, more blood splattering across his chin. Then, that same sick smile ripped across his face, lips pulled back wide to show his blood stained teeth. Atsuko’s eyes widened and her hands trembled slightly. Jesus, what a freak.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you fucking bitch!”</p><p> </p><p>Hidan roared, the words having a strange, wet, gurgle behind them as she was sure blood trickled down his throat. Then, he was charging them, blood still pouring, and reaching for his scythe. The entire group dispersed, flinging into action and hoping to enact Shikamaru’s plan.</p><p> </p><p>————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko and Kakashi were fending off Hidan with everything they had. He was on the offensive, moving quickly and pushing them back every time they attempted to land a blow. He was much faster than either of them had expected and with the added threat of him ingesting their blood, they had no choice but to try and keep some distance between them. The wound in his throat had all but healed now, nothing more than sliver of a hole that slowly trickled blood down his chest as he rushed them. Guess he really was immortal.</p><p> </p><p>No words had been exchanged between Kakashi and Atsuko since he’d rushed them at the start. Not that they had time to really discuss the new information that had come to light, but still the silence from her partner disturbed Atsuko to a degree. With the adrenaline pumping though her veins, she really hadn’t had a chance to consider that she was fighting her ex-fling with her current fiancé. Strange times indeed. Shikamaru and the rest of Team 10 were doing their best to handle Kakuzu but Atusko hadn’t really had time to discern what was happening with that fight, too focused on the crazed man in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>Hidan swung his scythe in her direction, aiming for her legs. Atusko jumped backwards, narrowly avoiding the blades as she landed back on her feet, only for him to close the distance almost immediately. He swung the weapon again, this time backwards and up towards her torso, and she managed to deflect it with the ragged kunai she’d been desperately clutching since this fight began. The steel was chipped and worn from blocking too many of his overzealous swings.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a fucking firecracker, babe! Why don’t you just stop fighting and let me have what I want, eh?”</p><p> </p><p>Hidan grunted out as he slashed through the air in several, concise, strokes, steadily pushing forward with every swing. Atusko reeled backwards, finding a tree at her back and switching tactics immediately, placing her shoes on the bark and turning to run up of the length of the massive tree. Kakashi was waiting up top. She could feel him. He’d managed to break off, allowing her to be the bait for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you, Hidan. What is it exactly you <em>want </em>anyway? To fuck me-!”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko paused mid sentence, bringing her curled finger up to her lips and shooting a steady stream of fire down the tree at her pursuer. He jumped out of the way of the stream, but she managed to singe his ripped Akatsuki cloak slightly, a small flame licking up the material and burning his thigh. He only stopped for a moment, reaching down to slam his hand against the fire, dousing it immediately but leaving a nasty burn on the inside of his palm.</p><p> </p><p>“-or kill me?”</p><p>
  
</p><p>She finished as he ran after her again, leaping forward up the tree and swinging his scythe down at her. She dodged, avoiding the blow and causing him to lodge the bright red steel in the tree itself, the blade digging into the wood and stalling him there for a precious second.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t see why I can’t do both, babe. Doesn’t even have to be in that order!”</p><p> </p><p>He called back, grunting at the end of his sentence when he freed the blade from the wood. Atsuko’s face wrinkled involuntarily. He was suggesting necrophilia now? Gross. Still, she refocused. They were nearing the top of the tree. She could feel Kakashi’s Chidori buzzing up ahead. All she had to do was keep Hidan’s attention for a bit longer…</p><p> </p><p>“You’re really sick, ya know that? AND you’ve got a small dick to boot. What a shame.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko jeered, hoping the attempted blow to his ego would keep him focus on her. Not sensing for Kakashi’s chakra, but pissed and lunging towards her as the anger overwhelmed him. Hidan was always easy to manipulate, and he fell for the bait too easy. He growled, face screwing up in fury as he lunged towards her again. She barely had time to curl her back outwards, sucking in her stomach as his scythe whizzed past her torso.</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking bitch! You weren’t saying that when you were gaggi-!”</p><p> </p><p>Hidan was cut off mid-sentence as they rounded the top of the tree, Kakashi leaping out from behind a branch in a flash. Atsuko’s eyes strained as she made sure she was out of range, squinting against the sudden explosion of blinding light, the sound of squealing electricity filling her ears and deafening her temporarily. When her eyes adjusted, the image in front of her made a grin grow across her face. Kakashi was positioned behind Hidan, his arm having cut clean through the Akatsuki’s member’s torso. Hidan’s magenta eyes were wrenched wide in shock and the lightning in Kakashi’s palm flickered away. The Akatsuki member only let out a single cough, more blood splattering his chin, before Kakashi removed his arm from his chest, a sickening suction sound filling the air. Hidan collapse, immediately falling from his position on the tree and spiraling towards the ground like a sack of rocks. He landed on the desolate ground with a thud of dust, a sickening crunch, and Atsuko still maintained that smile as she peered over at Kakashi.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s got a filthy mouth… really, Atsuko? That guy of all people?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi lamented, turning to give her an exasperated expression. It was almost like he was joking with her… teasing her. It was unexpected, but not unwelcome.</p><p> </p><p>“In my defense, I was drunk and severely emotionally compromised.”</p><p> </p><p>She responded, eeking out the words and arching her eyebrows upward in apology, an awkward smile on her face. Kakashi only scoffed, shaking his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on. That won’t keep him down for long.”</p><p> </p><p>————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko was working to clean herself of the dirt, grime, and blood. Standing in the hot spray of the shower, she sighed as she worked the shampoo through her hair. Her body was sore and, occasionally, the water would hit a cut or a bruise the wrong way, causing her wince and sink her teeth into the meat of her bottom lip. It had been a long time since she’d been on a mission, let alone a mission that had been as physically and emotionally demanding as that one, and her body was screaming in protest of the over exertion. She and Kakashi had just returned home from filing their report with Lady Tsunade, ending in her giving everyone involved the command to take a couple days to rest.</p><p> </p><p>In the end, Naruto, Sakura, Sai, and Tenzo had shown up to lend a hand in the battle. Upon their arrival, Kakashi ordered Sakura, Sai, and herself to go assist Shikamaru. He’d managed to lure Hidan into the Nara woods and was currently fighting alone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Atsuko-sensei, are you sure you’re okay? I can heal your hands, ya know.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sakura offered as they jumped through tree tops, Atsuko leading the two younger Shinobi. She knew that she’d sustained a couple worrisome injuries. A few darkening bruises and deeper than surface levels cuts from her spar with Hidan. Then some nasty burns on her palms from an altercation with one of Kakuzu’s ‘hearts’. Each one had possessed a different chakra nature and she’d made the mistake of trying to return the Fire Heart’s Jutsu with a Water Style Jutsu of her own, hoping to push back and douse the flames. It had backfired and the steam from the two Jutsu’s combining had scorched the insides of her hands, leaving marred and bubbling flesh on her palms. Still, the adrenaline was pumping and the pain didn’t matter at this point. They had to reach Shikamaru and stopping to heal her injuries would just be a waste of time if she could power through. And she could.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No, Sakura. I’m fine. We just need to get to Shikamaru as quickly as possible.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko replied, doubling down her efforts and moving impossibly faster through the trees. Shikamaru was up ahead but she was having a difficult time determining exactly how far he was. That Shadow Possession Jutsu of his dispersed his chakra and if he was using it to ensnare Hidan, it would be troublesome to separate the two.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why did Shikamaru lure Hidan out here anyway? Away from the group? It doesn’t seem very strategic considering the Akatsuki members fighting style. A one-on-one fight would just give him the advantage.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sai questioned from behind Atsuko. She hummed in response, a smile creeping across her face. Was she worried about Shikamaru? Absolutely. Did she have complete faith that his plan would work? Definitely. The kid was so sharp it stunned her sometimes. When he’d explained the plan to get Hidan away from the group, she’d had the same thoughts as Sai at first. It felt like he was just doing it so he could have his final altercation with the man who killed Asuma. An emotionally biased decision. But the more she considered it, the more she saw the genius in the plan.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>If Shikamaru could lure Hidan into the trap he’d set up, it gave him the environmental advantage. Sure, Hidan’s abilities meant he was most effective in a one-on-one scenario. But Hidan was also stupid, loud mouthed, and overly cocky. He wouldn’t even consider that Shikamaru had guided him into the forrest for a reason. He would just see his battle type advantage and act before thinking. That would be his downfall. Shikamaru beat him in intelligence a thousand times over and this would absolutely end in his victory.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Don’t worry. He knows what he’s doing.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko confirmed, and no sooner than she’d said that, there was a massive explosion a couple miles ahead of them. The sound alone rattled the trees they were jumping across, sending massive flocks of birds into the sky. In the distance, Atsuko could see the flash of light from the detonation and the smoke began to rise, a signal of his direct location. Sakura and Sai seemed worried, shaken, but Atsuko only continued to smile. He’d done it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Still, they doubled their efforts in an attempt to reach him quicker, just in case something had gone wrong. After several more minutes of running, they came to a clearing and Atsuko held up a hand over her shoulder, a sign for the young Shinobi behind her to halt their movements as they came to rest on the grass. Across the clearing was the line of trees that Shikamaru had lead Hidan through and Atusko could feel the young boys chakra getting closer. There was rustling from the tree line and then Shikamaru stumbled into the field, worn and beaten, but alive.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko moved immediately, dashing across the field stopping in front of him in time to grab his shoulders and prevent him from falling. Her hands screamed at the weight of him and the texture of his vest scratching her wounds, but she was too busy searching his face. His normally sharp eyebrows were drawn down in exhaustion, dark circles already forming under his eyes as the fatigue kicked in. But when he realized someone had stopped him from falling, he turned his dark eyes up to meet Atsuko’s. A weary smile tugged at his lips.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s done. I got him.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Shikamaru rasped out, voice scratchy and worn, but full of so much pride. Atsuko’s face cracked into a cheek splitting grin, immediately wrapping her arms around Shikamaru’s shoulders and pulling him in for a tight hug. He groaned at the contact, but wrapped his lean arms around her waist anyway, weak and barely clinging to her with his head dropped against her shoulder, but there. The pride that overwhelmed her in that moment almost made her choke. Tears welling in her eyes and throat burning with the fight to keep them at bay.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m so proud of you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She whispered, and Shikamaru grunted in response before immediately hissing out in pain as she squeezed him a little too tightly. Atsuko pulled away with an apology, still grasping his shoulders and scanning his body for any visible injuries. Carefully, Sai assisted her in lowering him to the ground so Sakura could administer some light Medical-Ninjutsu.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Now, as Atsuko considered her students and the people they’d all grown up to be, she found tears rising in her eyes again. As they rolled down her cheeks, mingling with the water from the shower head, she sent a silent prayer to whoever might be listening. Thanking whatever higher power there was for their safety. The events of the last several days were so exhausting, she found it difficult to even think back and process all of it.</p><p> </p><p>Asuma’s death… everything Shikamaru had gone through… Kakashi finding out about Hidan. Killing two members of the Akatsuki. It was a lot and she definitely understood Lady Tsunade’s order to rest. Not just their bodies, but their minds and hearts as well. Though, surprisingly, the tears she shed were not out of sadness or grief. More so, they felt relieving. Like all the high strung tension in her body was finally releasing, shoulders sagging and body opening up again. Everyone was safe and Asuma had been avenged. She could rest somewhat easy tonight.</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru’s proud smile as she caught him flooded her mind again. That unmotivated little boy from all those years ago… the one with such a sharp wit and a lazy delivery. The one who bathed himself in an air of apathy but also had one of the strongest, most resilient, hearts of anyone she’d ever known. How he’d grown over the last 3 years and blossomed into the brightest young mind the Leaf had to offer. He was a young man now. The same young man who’d gotten drunk and spent the night drooling on her couch had organized a perfect mission and been integral to taking down two members of the Akatsuki.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart swelled with pride and love. Not just for Shikamaru but for all of the kids she’d watched over and assisted in growing up. She hadn’t seen it, but Naruto pushing his limits and landing that final blow on Kakazu. Ino and Choji’s impeccable teamwork and the honing of their clan specific skills. Sakura’s prowess in medical ninjutsu. Though, it was more than just their capabilities as Shinobi that amazed her. Their leaps and bounds as people drew her praise and attention as well. After spending so long trying to repair herself after the damage her youth had caused and then pouring her energy into uplifting the youth of the village… watching all of that care and handwork payoff was like finally getting her moment in the sun. The cloud breaking and the light pouring down to warm her bones. She found it hard to describe, so instead, she just stood under the spray of her shower head and wept.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe the people they lost could be the higher power she was seeking. The dead lighting the torch that those left behind would carry through the night. With that thought, she finally decided who she was praying to.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Asuma… You did an amazing job. I hope you saw what they did. What Shikamaru did. I know you would be so proud.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>A gentle knock on the bathroom door drew her attention and Atsuko sucked in a deep breath, stopping the tears with little effort. She knew it was Kakashi, waiting patiently for his turn in the shower.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I’ll hurry up.”</p><p> </p><p>She called back, already moving to start actually washing her body. Instead of a response, however, the bathroom door slowly creaked open and then shut again softly. She could see the shadow of Kakashi standing outside the curtain, already moving to undress himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Thought we could just shower together.”</p><p> </p><p>He answered and Atsuko hummed in response, continuing to soak her hair in the spray as he undressed. After a moment, the shower curtain peeled back slightly and Kakashi stepped into the tub, giving her a sweet smile that made her heart throb. They used to do this all of the time before Sasuke left. Nothing sexual, just showering together to save time and energy.</p><p> </p><p>He was covered in just as much dirt and dried blood as she had been when she’d first stepped into the shower. Thankfully, both of them had been patched up by the Medical Ninja at the hospital so all that remained of their injuries were same light scars and bruises, though she knew he had to be just as sore as she was. Atsuko moved to allow him to stand under the spray of warm water, shuffling to the far end of the tub and reaching across him for her shampoo.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi tilted his head back to allow the water to run through his own grimy hair and Atsuko stood for a moment, just admiring the way the droplets rolled down his pale neck and chest. The way his eyes shut in content, long lashes casting light shadows over his cheek bones. His silver hair darkened as the water took hold, slicking it back and down from its normally wild state. Atsuko felt that familiar tug in her chest again. The one that reminded her that this was exactly where she was supposed to be. Tears sprang in her eyes again and she had to look away from him to stop them from spilling over. She tried to refocus her efforts, clicking open the bottle of shampoo. But before she could pour any into her palm, Kakashi was reaching out and gripping her wrist.</p><p> </p><p>“Turn around, I’ll do it.”</p><p> </p><p>He instructed, lifting his head and allowing the spray to hit his back instead. Atsuko handed him the bottle and turned around as he’d instructed. She could hear him pouring the shampoo into his palm, slicking it between his hands, before he reached forward and massaged it into her scalp. The feeling of his blunt fingernails dragging gently across her scalp and working in the shampoo caused her eyes to drift shut immediately. This act was so caring and intimate and he’d done it before as a sign of affection, but this time it felt heavier. They’d both lost someone close to them and the resulting mission had been so physically and emotionally taxing.</p><p> </p><p>The tears she’d fought to keep at bay moments prior started to spill forth of their own volition. Rolling down her cheeks again as she unconsciously shifted closer to Kakashi, the hand in her hair continuing their motions as he dipped down to press a soft kiss to her wet shoulder. The action ripped a choked sob from her, and Kakashi only hummed in understanding. His hands left her hair, one coming around to tap her chin, signaling her to lean her head back. Atsuko followed the instruction with ease, tiny whimpers escaping her mouth as Kakashi cupped water in his large hands and used it to rinse the soap from her hair. All the while, pressing kisses to her wet forehead. Her eyelids. The tip of her nose. Anywhere he could reach.</p><p> </p><p>“M’sorry…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko mumbled out between choked whimpers, his gentle treatment only serving to make her more emotional. Kakashi hummed again, low in his throat and filling the room with the reassuring sound.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay. I’ve got you.”</p><p> </p><p>He replied, rinsing the last of the suds from her hair. He pulled his hands away from her for a moment, only to come back and begin working conditioner through her long strands. This too was patient, his fingers carefully untangling the knots that had formed throughout the day. Avoiding her roots and massaging the creme into the ends of her tresses with a few rolls of his fingers. Atsuko managed to calm down, the tears halting as she focused on the feeling of his hands working through her hair. The sound of his relaxed breathing behind her. When he was done, he pulled away from her and Atsuko turned immediately, offering him a sad smile.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi returned the expression, dipping down to press yet another kiss to her lips. Soft and slow and everything she would ever need. The memory of his lips against hers would keep her warm on cold nights. Could stave off pain and hunger and exhaustion. She could live for weeks on nothing but these memories. When he pulled away, she rested her hands on his shoulders, a gentle sign for him to sit. Kakashi did as she requested, carefully positioning himself in the large tub so that his legs were spread and she could stand comfortably between them. She wouldn’t have been able to reach his hair and throughly wash him if he had remained standing. But this way, his head was eye level with her navel.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko was set to begin the same treatment, reaching for the shampoo bottle. But before she could, Kakashi was wrapping his arms around her waist, burying his face against the soft skin of her stomach. The action was surprising, but she continued anyway, lathering the shampoo in her palm and reaching down to begin working the soap through his hair. She carefully raked her fingernails across his scalp, wiggling through his thick hair with both hands. Still, he gripped her like a lifeline, wet palms flattening against her upper back, just below her shoulders blades. If she felt him tremble against her or felt any of his tears trial down her already wet skin, she didn’t make mention of it. Simply continuing to wash his hair.</p><p> </p><p>She tilted the shower head slightly, allowing the water to rinse the suds from his hair as gently as possible. When she moved to apply the conditioner, a particularly strong tremble from him caught her attention. Then, she could hear the way his was sniffling, face still buried against her stomach. As she combed the conditioner through his hair, she shushed him. Her hands cupped the back of his neck, rubbed along his taut shoulders, gliding up the length of his arms until they disappeared behind her.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay… I’ve got you too.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i really cried a little writing that final bit. I hope I did Asuma's death justice. I just hate rehashing things we've already seen so I'm sorry if things jump around a little. I've also discovered I'm terrible at writing fight scenes but writing Hidan is ALWAYS fun. (also yeah she and kakashi will be addressing that development next chapter. It just didn't feel right to bog down their mourning of a friends loss by discussing something so... trivial?) Anyway, next chapter will be up next week! We are cracking in to the horrible stuff and uh.... yall do remember that Itachi and Jiraiya die at essentially the same time, right? yeah... not looking forward to these next couple chapters hahaha i will see everyone next week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Calm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs That Inspired This Chapter:</p><p>Sacrilege - Yeah Yeah Yeahs</p><p>Cornbread and Butterbeans - Carolina Chocolate Drops </p><p>Tom's Diner - Suzanne Vega</p><p>20 Something - SZA</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m taking Naruto out of the village for a bit.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya stated from his position at Atsuko’s kitchen table. It had been four days since she and Kakashi had been placed on mandatory leave and Tsunade had assured them that she’d call them when they were needed. The first day and half saw the both of them catching up on some much needed rest. Atsuko was enjoying her time off. Catching up on some light reading and working in the garden. But then the conversation they’d been needing to have reared its head after a rather rigorous session of possessive sex.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko’s head fell back to the pillow as the tension in her body gave way. Every muscle in her body had been pulled taut not a moment prior when her fifth orgasm had laid claim to her weakening form. Kakashi’s face was buried in her neck, panting against her sweat slicked skin as they both came down from their highs. His hold on the under side of her right thigh loosened and Atsuko let her twitching leg drop to the bed with a grateful sigh. His other, massive, hand released its grip from around her wrists where he had them pinned together above her head.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Though, Atsuko didn’t make any attempt to move her arms yet. That required effort, and her body was slowly sinking into the mattress, the post orgasm exhaustion kicking in tenfold because he hadn’t given her a break between rounds. Just continuing to do everything in his power to make her body sing for him over and over. She throbbed at the fresh memory of him hunched over her, caging her in and taking what he wanted. Kakashi was rarely rough during sex, typically erring on the side of intense passion and praises muttered against her skin. But this was one of those rare occasions where the jealousy got to him. The thought of her touching someone else. Making those sounds for someone else. Begging for something </em>
  <b>
    <em>he</em>
  </b>
  <em> should be giving her… it lit a fire in him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It had only happened twice before when they were together. Once, early in their relationship, when Genma had gotten a little too friendly with her during a night out with the other Jonin. The second time was when they’d been sent on a simple mission together and she’d had to flirt with the enemy to gain intel. That time he’d taken her against a tree on their way back to the village. The memory was so vivid she could still feel his fingers hooked in her mouth and the bark digging into her back if she focused. This time, she hadn’t had much time to think about what had spurred him on, but he’d clutched her flesh so tightly she was sure he left finger shaped bruises on her thighs. He’d buried his teeth into the soft skin of her neck, sucking dark, claiming, marks and demanding that she tell him how good she felt. How he was the only one who could make her feel this way. Growling out commands for her to say his name as he twisted her into different positions, delving deeper inside of her with every animalistic thrust. Atsuko shuddered slightly as she came down from her high.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He hissed when she involuntarily clenched around him where they were still connected, oversensitive after just meeting his own end. Kakashi removed himself from her heat with a shudder, immediately turning to flop down on his back beside her. For a moment, they both continued to lay in silence, catching their breath in short puffs of hot air. Then, he cut through the hazy fog of her mind with a simple word.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Sorry…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi apologized, his voice filling the room, now eerily quiet as all the sounds they were making before had come to a stop. Atsuko’s brow furrowed and she finally pulled her arms down to rest over her chest and stomach. Though she didn’t turn to look at him, still a little too focused on the budding soreness between her legs.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Huh? What could you possibly be sorry for?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She questioned, slightly annoyed that he was bringing down her post orgasm high with an apology. Atsuko hadn’t felt this good in years. Her legs were still trembling for fucks sake, and he was sorry?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“For being so… rough.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi explained, his voice gravely and raw from the exertion. Atsuko could only snort a weak chuckle in response, humming low in her throat as she forced herself to roll onto her side. She reached out a hand, placing her palm firmly on his chest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Kashi’… You didn’t hurt me if that’s what you’re worried about?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko responded, slowly running her hand up and down his chest, feeling the way the sweat dried against his skin. Kakashi sighed, scrunching his eyes shut as he shook his head.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I just feel like… like its disrespectful in someway. To treat you like that. I just get worked up and-“</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi started, but she cut him off as she pushed herself up and placed a kiss on his lips. When she pulled away, Atsuko rested her forehead against his, looking into his open eye.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I like it. I promise. In fact, if you wanted to manhandle me like that more often, I’d enthusiastically let you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She promised, chuckling softly when a light blush rose on his cheeks. Even still he filtered between cocky and smooth to stuttering and embarrassed. It was sweet.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s just… the idea of someone else…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi started, reaching up to cup the back of her neck, fingers threading through the hair stuck to her skin. He avoided her gaze, even when she was pressed this close to him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Was this about Hidan?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko asked, blunt and getting straight to the point. At mention of the name, all of the bashfulness left him in an instant. He wrapped an arm around her waist and yanked her so that she was landing on her back against the mattress with a soft gasp. Before Atsuko could even consider what was happening, he was towering over her again, forcing a strong thigh between her legs as he pinned her down, hands placed on either side of her head. He stared down at her for a moment before seeming to regain his composure slightly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kakashi pulled back, resting his weight on his knees where he straddled her thigh and he pushed his fingers back through his damp hair with a sigh. All she could was stare up at him while he began to speak.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeah. Yeah, it was. I mean, shit Atsuko. When you came back and said that you’d slept with someone else in the Akatsuki, I didn’t know what to think. My first thought was Itachi-“</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko’s face wrinkled up at that, disgust settling into her bones. Kakashi nodded, gesturing to her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Exactly. I knew you wouldn’t do something like that. He was your student. I just figured that if you were going to do that it’d be with someone you knew. Someone you trusted. But I mean, c’mon? That’s the guy you pick? When he was saying all of those disgusting things to you all I could remember were the marks on your body. The bruises, the blood, the fucking teeth marks…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He trailed off slightly, eyes filling with murderous intent as he stared at a spot above her head. His upper lip twitched, a barely concealed sneer, before he sighed again and shook his head.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I thought for a while that maybe you were just lonely. That you missed me or were looking for some kind of comfort. But I mean, I’m nothing like that guy, right?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi finally questioned, and Atsuko’s eyes wrenched wide with horror. She reached for him immediately, grasping one of his hands between her own.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“God no, of course not.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She answered, and he nodded, moving away from where he was straddling her leg to sit beside her again, propping himself up against the head board.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Then why did you really do it?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They’d spent the next 2 hours going over everything that had led her to that point several years ago. Her personal issues combined with the way she’d felt slighted by him. How she was angry with him for keeping things from her regarding Sasuke and how, in the grand scheme of things, Hidan didn’t matter. Anyone who’d approached her in that moment in that bar would’ve likely ended up getting her into bed. Kakashi understood, because he always did. He told her that he never really harbored any resentment towards her for what had happened. But the more he thought about it, the more confusing her motivation became.</p><p> </p><p>After that conversation, things started to truly fall back into place between them. He was clingier than he used to be, she realized. Always curling up against her no matter the time or place, wrapping his arms around her middle or burying his head in her lap. Kakashi would approach her while she was doing chores and either cling to her like a child or simply cart her away to the bedroom with no explanations. He’d even spent some time in the garden with her, which he’d never done before. Pulling weeds and watering flowers. It was cute. Until it wasn’t. Honestly, four days with him attached to her hip was a tad suffocating. And it felt so selfish to think that way when she’d <em>just </em>got him back but damn she needed her space.</p><p> </p><p>So, this morning, before he could even begin his normal shenanigans, she’d given him a lengthy to-do list. She’d needed him to run to the grocery, pick up their weekly needs and some sort of easy meal to take to Kurenai, then he had to go the Yamanaka Flower shop for some fertilizer, and finally she asked him to drop off her mission report to Tsunade. It was a few hours worth of errands at least and he’d seemed reluctant to do them without her, but she’d pushed him out the door stating she had her own things to take care of. That wasn’t a lie, either. She planned to go check on Shikamaru today and then she had plans to meet Tenzo for lunch. But Jiraiya turning up on her doorstep had put those plans on hold for the time being.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah? Gonna show him how to improve on that Rasen-shuriken move?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, scuttling around the kitchen to busy herself as she spoke to him. Atsuko loved talking with her father, but her mind was moving a mile a minute. Four straight days in the house had her stir crazy, ready to get out and socialize for a bit. She didn’t mean to seem disinterested in what Jiraiya was saying, but she was sure it was coming across that way.</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm. That’s the plan anyway. I just wanted to come and let you know that I won’t be around for a bit. Not like you’ve had me over recently anyway since Kakashi moved back in…”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya replied, large arms crossing over his chest as he leaned back in the kitchen chair that seemed comically small under his hulking frame.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, come on. Dad, that’s not fair. We just got back from a really rough mission and we’ve been enjoying the peace and each others company. But you could have stopped by any time. Don’t guilt trip me.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko huffed in reply, rolling her eyes for good measure. That stopped her piddling in its tracks, dropping the hand towel she’d been folding on the kitchen table with a pointed glare. Jiraiya scoffed in response, looking above and away from her, nose in the air.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah. I could’ve dropped by but I’m old enough to know when I’m not wanted.”</p><p> </p><p>He snipped back, causing Atsuko to bend over the table with a groan, burying her face in her arms.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not it at all, Dad. C’mon, I’ve had a really hard couple weeks. I’m trying my best here. I try to make time for everyone. It’s just <em>hard.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>She whined, sagging against the wood. Jiraiya let out a gentle sigh from across the table before she felt his massive hand petting the back of her head.</p><p> </p><p>“I was just joking around, kiddo. I know you’re young and you’ve got a lot of people depending on you. Don’t worry about me. I’ll always be here, so just fit me in whenever you can.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya comforted, causing Atsuko to turn her head up to peak at him over her arms. He was giving her the loving, relaxed, smile. The same one she’d seen herself wear in pictures with Sasuke. Patient and adoring. As all love was supposed to be.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, dad.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, sniffling as small tears began to prickle her eyes. Jiraiya jerked his hand away from her so fast she didn’t even see it, his eyes going wide in horror as panic filled him.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey, wait! Why’re you crying? I didn’t upset ya that much did I?”</p><p> </p><p>He all but shouted, leaning forward in his chair again with his hands moving erratically like he wasn’t sure what to do. A deep blush settled on his face and she swore she could see a large bead of sweat rolling down his forehead. Atsuko laughed, wiping her eyes with her forearm as she rose from her doubled over position.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, you didn’t upset me. I’m just a wimp is all.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, shaking her head as she chuckled. Jiraiya let out the loudest sigh of relief she’d ever heard, feeling the power of his breath against the hairs on her arm even from across the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Women… you’re all such fickle creatures.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya commented, earning a death glare from Atsuko, her eyes narrowing in threat. Then he was back to panicking again, waving his hands in front of him as a nervous smile overtook his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Beautiful, intelligent, and resilient creatures too! Especially you, my wonderful only daughter who would never hurt her father because he’s the only one she’s got! Ah-ha…”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya backpedaled, making Atsuko laugh again, this time with her whole chest. She turned her back to him for a moment before admitting defeat and pulling the kettle from an upper cabinet. Her errands could wait, she decided, as she filled the pot with water and placed it on the stove to heat.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, you can stay for a bit. My social calls can wait… I’ll make us some tea.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko conceded, turning around just in time to see the smug smile settling on Jiraiya’s features as he relaxed back against the chair.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, see. Humbleness and humor will get you everything you want in life.”</p><p> </p><p>He commented, flashing her a grin that was anything but humble. Atsuko chuckled, nodding slowly.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, sure. You don’t benefit at all from the fact that you’re my father. It’s just your stunning charm and intellect that makes me keep you around.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko responded, sarcasm clear in her voice. But Jiraiya just nodded in agreement, eyes shut and smiling like she was speaking the most profound words of wisdom he’d ever heard. It pulled a scoff from her chest and she turned to prepare their teacups.</p><p> </p><p>“Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you something. Did you ever get the chance to have ‘the talk’ with Kakashi?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, and she heard Jiraiya loudly clap his hands behind her, a single smacking sound that caused her to jump out of her skin momentarily.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I did! He didn’t tell you?”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya loudly boomed, pride filling his voice, before dropping the volume to ask his question. Atsuko managed to still her nerves after the intrusive sound, shaking her head with a light chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, well! I suppose that duty falls to me. It’s really a shame, ya know. It’s a tale full of drama and intrigue. Buckle in, kiddo. Because I’m about to knock your socks off with this one.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya knew Kakashi had been released from the hospital yesterday and that Atsuko was still gone on her mission with Naruto and the others. Now was the perfect opportunity to make that punk squirm. Honestly, he had no qualms with Kakashi. He was an extremely talented Shinobi, possibly even Hokage level if he worked a little harder. They’d discussed Naruto’s training at several points before he’d taken the young boy out of the village for nearly three years. He was the student of his student, Minato Namikaze, so by extension, Kakashi was like his grand-student. They had a good working relationship.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Then, he’d met Atsuko in that hotel hallway. He could remember that moment like it had just happened yesterday. Her shaking form, hunched over the young Uchiha boy, clutching him to her chest as she whimpered. He remembered how she’d only allowed herself a few moments of weakness before steeling her nerves and turning to introduce herself. She was pretty. Gorgeous, even. Reminding him of a woman he once knew. A woman he’d dedicated himself to in what felt like another life. A woman that had pushed him away and withdrawn herself from him in his time of need. Still, he’d never blamed her for those hurtful words. And he was older now. Much too old to be fretting over some lost love from his youth.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>That woman had pushed him away, and yet she was standing right in front of him. Extending a hand in greeting as she guarded the body of the child behind her. The look in her eyes was dangerous, he thought briefly. He wasn’t sure what she was capable of, but that look said that she’d tear through any number of people to keep the kid she guarded safe. There were few things that scared him in this world. But a woman protecting her child? That was a fearsome sight.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It took him a moment to realize that she’d said her name. Atsuko Kamiyama. And, when it registered, his heartbeat was in his ears, thumping a violent melody. His mouth moved without the assistance of his overworked brain, making some crude joke that he would come to regret. Naruto was talking to the woman like he knew her as well, calling her Sensei and providing her with words of encouragement when her fear for the boys safety overwhelmed her. But Jiraiya was too busy studying her to say anything. He watched the way she moved. That bright streak of white in her dark, wild, hair. The slant of her eyes and her full mouth. She looked tired by the end. Exhausted, even. The weariness of a hard life skewing her features slightly. But he knew. Before he even asked the question, he knew.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>After that interaction, Jiraiya realized that he’d found something else that terrified him to his very core. Fatherhood. Truly, he’d never felt insecure in his life. Not when he was a child, introducing himself to the girls in his class proudly, telling them they could send him the love letters later. Not when he was a young man, displaying his prowess on the battlefield. Certainly not in his older years, when he sauntered into those brothels with a full wallet and all the charming entitlement of a man with more than just wisdom to offer. But the idea of having a daughter that he’d never known… that made him feel like the smallest man in the world. Tiny and sniveling, full of regrets and a fear of rejection he didn’t even know he was capable of.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>When she’d pulled him aside in the hallway of the Hidden Leaf’s hospital, he was sure he was going to collapse under the pressure. He realized that he was so terrified because he wanted nothing more than to get to know her. To form a bond with the only flesh and blood he had left on this planet. The self-consciousness was born out of a fear that she would reject him. Hate him for never being around, even if he’d never really had the opportunity. But then, she’d clutched that wooden keepsake box in her hands like a lifeline. Eyes refusing to meet his, sweat beading on her forehead before she’d even said a word. Then, he realized, she was just as worried as he was.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Everything after that had been so easy. He found that he’d never connected with another person the way he did with her. Despite the fact that they’d never met, it was like he’d found his best friend. Their first true conversation in that restaurant that he used to frequent in his youth had put all of his concerns at ease. She was beautiful, intelligent, resilient, with a heart big enough to hold the entire world. That was clear when she’d talked about Sasuke and Kakashi. Her eyes shone in the light and she held that beaming smile the entire time. In that moment, he decided that meeting his daughter was the single best thing to ever happen to him. And that he would do everything in his power to make up for lost time.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>After that, he’d watched her fall apart when Sasuke left the village and, despite not knowing her for long, it had destroyed him to see the way her eyes dulled. Her entire face sunken in and pulled down by the weight of losing the boy she considered to be her son. He wondered why she’d given up looking for him, if he meant so much to her. Then, he’d heard her weary voice and saw the dark circles under her eyes. There was much more to that story than she’d ever divulge to him or anyone. So, he hadn’t offered to help find Sasuke. He’d only tried to make her current situation bearable. Then, he’d had to leave with Naruto. They exchanged letters weekly the entire time he was gone. And when he finally did return to the village, she’d welcomed him with open arms.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He found that she filled him with pride without even doing anything. When they’d trained together and she’d placed him under that terrifying Genjutsu, the fear had been washed away by an overwhelming sense of delight. On the couple occasions they’d gone out and partied together, he’d watch her outdrink grown men twice her size. He’d seen the way her students fawned over her and the way she returned the sentiment, caring for each one in a special way. Sometimes, he wished he could have seen the way she’d recovered after losing Sasuke and Kakashi. It felt wrong to leave her at her lowest and come back to reap the rewards of her pulling herself from the mud… Even if he hadn’t seen that journey, he thanked every star in heaven that she was able to share that smile with him again. That she was settling down with Kakashi and finding her happiness once more.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>All of that was the reason he had to put Kakashi through the wringer today. His daughter… she truly did deserve the best. Someone who could help her move forward when the situation with Sasuke finally came to a head. He knew, from his own experiences with Orochimaru, that it may not end well. He needed to be sure that, when he was gone, Kakashi would continue to be there for her. That he would treat her well and love her no matter the circumstances. He didn’t doubt these things, but he had to be sure. It also didn’t hurt that he’d get to the see the famously stoic man uncomfortable for once.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya lifted his fist as he stood on Atsuko’s front porch, knocking on the front door rather loudly so anyone inside could hear him. A muffled voice called out ‘Just a second!’ and he waited patiently, already gearing up what he was going to say before the man even came to the door. When Kakashi finally did pull the door open, Jiraiya relished in the way his carefully trained face went from neutral to apprehensive in less than a second. The masked man’s hand fell away from the door and he deflated slightly.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Atsuko’s not back from her mission yet.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi tried to deflect, but Jiraiya only let out a booming laugh, his hand coming down to clasp against the skinny man’s shoulder.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Oh, I’m well aware. You know why I’m here. Now, are you going to be a good son-in-law and invite me in? Or just stand there with that stupid look on your face?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya questioned, smirking when Kakashi straightened his back and trained his face again, giving a curt nod as he accepted the first portion of his ‘test’.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Come in. I’ll make us some tea.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He offered, before turning and leading the way back into the house. Jiraiya followed inside the familiar home with ease, toeing his shoes off at the door. Kakashi was dressed down, not wearing his Jonin vest or his headband, only a pair of loose black capris and a t-shirt. Jiraiya took notice of the caddy of cleaning supplies on the kitchen table and the discarded rag that lay on the counter tops. In fact, a lot of the furniture was moved around as well, the curtains drawn to let in natural light.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Cleaning day?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya asked as Kakashi cleared the table, allowing the older man to sit down.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeah. Figured I’d get the place cleaned before Atsuko got back so she didn’t have to worry about it…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi answered, his back to Jiraiya as he moved around the kitchen with practiced ease. He knew the exact cabinet to open to retrieve the tea kettle, the cups, the spoons, the tea itself. There wasn’t a single mis-step and, for some reason, Jiraiya felt himself relax slightly.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That’s nice of you. Plan on being a housewife, do ya?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya questioned, throwing Kakashi’s kindness back in his face. The silver haired man shook his head, not missing a beat as he filled the tea kettle with water.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No. I just like to contribute when I can. Do my fair share. Atsuko works and she keeps up with everything else on top of it. No reason why I can’t too.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi answered, placing the kettle on the stove top and clicking the burner on. Jiraiya nodded to himself. First test passed. He wouldn’t be the type to leave Atsuko to handle everything on her own. When Kakashi turned back around to face Jiraiya, his arms were folded over his chest as he leaned back against the countertop.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“So, I assume you’ve come here to give me the talk Atsuko was telling me about?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He questioned, and Jiraiya clicked his tongue, pointing a finger gun in the younger Shinobi’s direction.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You don’t miss much, Hatake. I just gotta do my due diligence. Make sure you’re good enough for my precious baby girl.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya confirmed, ending his statement with a shrug that was supposed to convey disinterest, but he knew it came across as arrogance.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m of the belief that she should make that decision for herself. But I understand the tradition.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi stated, noticeably more defensive than when he’d first opened the door. He was a well trained Shinobi and Jiraiya knew what he was doing immediately. Treating this conversation like a mission. Though, he didn’t really mind. If he took his relationship with Atsuko seriously, he would treat it like a mission. Failure was not an option.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Right. I know she cares for you deeply and holds you in high regard. But I need to make sure you return her feelings and that you’re prepared for what may lie ahead.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya postured, verbally ignoring his first statement. Though, it was another check in the positive in his book. He believed Atsuko was her own person, capable of making her own decisions. Not some item he owned. Another good sign.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I do. I am. Your daughter… Atsuko… she means the world to me. And I don’t say that lightly.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi answered, though the responses were getting a little too cookie-cutter for Jiraiya’s taste. If Kakashi was a trained Shinobi, he knew how to read a situation. He would know exactly what Jiraiya was looking for and would answer accordingly. He needed to ask something that would throw him off his game. Something that would warrant a longer response so he could gauge his reactions.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay, then tell me about her. Tell me what you like about her. About when you realized you wanted to marry her. Anything.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya proposed, gesturing to the younger man with a wave of his hand, moving for him to continue. He knew he’d asked the right thing when Kakashi’s open eye widened, a blush creeping up on his cheeks. As if on cue, the tea kettle whistled loudly, drawing Kakashi’s attention. He moved quickly, pouring the hot water into the waiting mugs as the silence drug on between them. Jiraiya waited patiently, knowing he was taking the time to collect his thoughts. When Kakashi settled his mug in front of him, there was a moment of eye contact, Jiraiya letting him know he wasn’t backing down from what he’d asked and he wouldn’t be leaving until he heard what he felt he needed. Kakashi let out a sigh, conceding as he took a seat across the table.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Alright… When I realized I wanted to marry Atsuko… It wasn’t a single big moment. There was just this natural build up of smaller moments. The way she was with Sasuke. She was so patient when she was training him, even if he flared up and got upset when he couldn’t get something right. The first night I met her, I walked her home from the bar, and she destroyed her front door to get inside just because she could hear him having a nightmare. She cared about him so fiercely… hell, I’ve seen her nearly get in fights just protecting his name as an Uchiha. Had to hold her back a couple times myself.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi chuckled slightly at that, slowly relaxing as he talked about his relationship with Atsuko. Jiraiya nodded in understanding, a sudden sadness tugging at his heart that he’d never really gotten to see her like that with Sasuke. He’d only ever seen her worried about him, crying over him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Outside of the way she defended him, the way they were with each other was just… you couldn’t help but be drawn in, ya know? Their banter and closeness… It was like some kind of exclusive club you wanted to be a part of. Then, after a year or so, I started to notice something else.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya nodded for Kakashi to continue, moving his hand in that same motion from earlier.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“People looked at our relationship that way too. Mine and Atsuko’s. From the beginning, I had always felt like she operated on the same wave length as me. As crazy as this sounds, that we shared the same thoughts. After a while, it just became normal. Her finishing my sentences before I even had a chance to vocalize my thoughts. Me handing her something she needed before she could tell me what it was. Silly stuff. A pen. A napkin. It just seemed like she always knew what I was thinking. I didn’t think much of it, until we went out with some friends one night. Our first night out as a couple, actually…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi adjusted himself in his chair, leaning forward to clasp his hands together on the table. His teacup sat untouched, steam rising from the mug as it cooled. Jiraiya just listened intently. Taking notice of how eerily similar his explanation of their relationship was to the one Atsuko had given him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Gai, Asuma, Kurenai… They made a big show out of it. But I was so nervous I couldn’t think straight. All the attention was on us that night and I desperately didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing. Atsuko, of course, took it all in stride. Laughing and joking. They were eating out of the palm of her hand and all I could do was stand by and watch her. She could tell I was nervous, and every opportunity she had, she was comforting me. But in subtle ways. A hand on my bouncing knee. Letting someone else take over the conversation, just so she could lock eyes with me and give me that patient smile. Eventually, after a couple drinks, I relaxed and things were going good.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi continued, the smile on his face clear despite the mask blocking Jiraiya’s vision.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“At one point, I remember we were having a conversation between ourselves. Though I can’t recall exactly what it was about. She was animated. I remember her laughing, cheeks red from the liquor. Then, she was bumming a cigarette from Asuma and stepping outside to smoke. After she left, all eyes were on me. I asked what the hell everyone was looking at. Kurenai was the first to say something. That I just seemed so happy. Asuma and Gai were quick to chime in too, but then Asuma asked what the hell we’d been talking about earlier. What I’d said that had made Atsuko laugh like that. We were all at the same table. I thought they could all hear what we were saying. But no. When I recapped the conversation, they all just shook their heads in shock, laughing. We hadn’t said more than a few stray words. To them, it was non-sense.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi let out a disbelieving scoff, shaking his head slightly as he took a deep breath. He finally turned his eyes back up to Jiraiya, holding eye contact as he said the next parts.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That’s when I realized that it wasn’t just my imagination. It’s like… she was made for me. I was made for her. The connection I feel with Atsuko feels… shit, it feels like something beyond me. Beyond us. She’s so caring and patient and funny and gorgeous and… everything she does only draws me further in. We had an issue and we were apart for a while but all that made me realize was that I cannot live without her. Even the things that aren’t easy to love… when she has bad days or panic attacks… the days she can’t get out of bed because it’s all just too much… the times when she’s trying to push me away because she’s struggling to hold herself together… her awful morning breath.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>That final one drew a soft chuckle from Jiraiya, his tense shoulders relaxing as he sat back in his chair. A knowing smile on his face.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“All of those things are why I love her. I can’t live without her and I don’t intend to. I will do anything I have to to keep her happy, healthy, and safe… Does that answer your question?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi finished, unclasping his hands and sitting back in his chair as well, arms folding over his chest. Jiraiya had watched his body language and face the entire time he’d spoken. There wasn’t a hint of posturing or exaggeration, just genuine love. He could feel it, hanging heavy in the air. Kakashi meant every word he said and Jiraiya couldn’t have written this love story any better himself. A love so deep and so strong it was beyond words and beyond comprehension. Now, where had he felt that before?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeah, it does… she’s really something, isn’t she? That smile of hers that makes you feel like the only person in the world… when she laughs its like you can never do anything wrong again, because at least you made her laugh. Got to be the cause of that beautiful sound.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jiraiya replied, and Kakashi hummed, nodding slowly. Jiraiya knew the younger Shinobi had been living with those feelings for a long time. That thought made him more regretful than ever that he hadn’t been around when she was younger. But, at the very least, Kakashi had been there for her through some of it. He would take solace in the fact that she was in, and would forever be in, good hands.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Do I have your blessing, then?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi finally asked, and Jiraiya nodded, reaching a hand across the table to shake Kakashi’s.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And then some.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya finished the story with a content smile, noticing the way Atsuko had gone from fidgeting and moving about the kitchen, to sitting in a chair across from him. She was resting her head on her hand, elbows on the table, with a dopey smile on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s really what you both think of me?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, more like a slip of the tongue than a question she meant to vocalize. Jiraiya scoffed, reaching out and flicking the tip of her nose with his middle finger. She jerked back, eyes going wide and loosing their glassiness in an instant.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! The hell was that for?”</p><p> </p><p>She shouted and Jiraiya laughed, deep from in his chest. Her face moved just like his sometimes. Over exaggerated with her eyebrows pulled into a deep furrow and her mouth hanging open in shock.</p><p> </p><p>“Just trying to humble you a little bit.”</p><p> </p><p>He answered, leaning back to cross his arms in his chair. Holier than thou despite the hypocrisy in his statement. She took the opportunity to turn his comment around him in an instant.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you’re one to talk about being humble! And I didn’t even mean it that way! It’s just nice to hear like people look at me the same way I look at them.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko defended, still rubbing the reddened tip of her nose with a soft scowl. Her statement pulling a smirk from Jiraiya. So she felt the same way about him, huh? Not that he’d ever really doubted it. She seemed to light up when he was around and they’d been pretty inseparable since he’d gotten back to the village with Naruto. Guess she was right. It was nice to hear that the people you loved, loved you back.</p><p> </p><p>“Besides, I told you there was nothing to worry about as far as Kakashi is concerned. Are you content now?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, standing back up from the table to place her empty teacup in the sink. Jiraiya hummed, thinking he could spend the rest of his days just like this. Joking around with her and just enjoying her company.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, he checks out. In fact, I may need to make sure <em>you’re </em>good enough for <em>him </em>now.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya replied, relishing in the way she laughed. The sound died out and she stared out the window for a moment as she considered what he’d said. It was supposed to be a joke, but it seemed like she was considering the truth behind the words.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’m sure as hell going to try to be. But even if I wasn’t, he’d probably try to keep me around anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated, a slight dreaminess in her tone. Jiraiya had seen a lot of romance in his life. Hell, he wrote about it for a living. But something about the way Kakashi and Atsuko regarded each other <em>was </em>different from anything he’d seen. They’d spent 5 years together and 3 apart, and yet they still talked about each other like they were in the honeymoon phase. It was sweet and he hoped it would stay that way for them for the rest of their lives.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmph, you better! Because if you hurt him, I might have to kill you.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya answered, standing from his chair and stretching. This drew a booming laugh from his daughter as she turned back around to face him.</p><p> </p><p>“Jeez. You switched sides quick, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>She teased, laughing deep from within her chest. Jiraiya pointed his fingers to his eyes, then turning them to point at her in the typical ‘I’m watching you’ sign. This only served to make her laugh harder, dropping her head back to bark those sweet sounds up towards the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you, dad.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated, suddenly and genuinely through her chuckles. Words he’d never thought he would hear, but they flowed off her tongue like she’d said them a million times. The drunk butterflies in his stomach were back with a vengeance, fluttering against his ribcage as he regarded her.</p><p> </p><p>Jiraiya’s strained grin fell into something more serious as she chuckled out the words. His smile was softer now and he could feel his eyelids grow heavy. Atsuko stood with her back to the kitchen window, bathed in a ring of warm light as she laughed at him. Her eyes scrunched shut with the force of it, salt and pepper hair bouncing against her shoulders. God, sometimes he swore he was talking to Akari. Then she would laugh or fix him with that challenging smirk and it was like looking in a funhouse mirror. The love he felt for her was impossible to describe in layman’s terms and he figured that he’d wasted a lot of time writing about romantic love. A feeling that could never compare to the warmth of standing in his daughter’s light. Every single time she flashed him that unfiltered smile and every time she called him ‘dad’, he felt like his chest might explode. Nothing he’d ever written could describe those moments. Transcendent. So, because he could never put words to those emotions, he did the best he could when he replied.</p><p> </p><p>“Love you too, kiddo.”</p><p> </p><p>——————————————</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko spent the rest of her day catching up with the people she’d planned to see. She’d made it to lunch with Tenzo on time. It was the first time they’d truly been able to sit down and talk since their ‘break up’. But he seemed good. Happy, even. They discussed Asuma and the fight with the Akatsuki rather seriously in the beginning. Then, by the end of their meal, Tenzo had bashfully admitted that he had a date that evening. With Hatsu, the young blonde woman from the hospital that had taken care of Kakashi and Sasuke all those years ago. The same woman who’d run her physical exam when she’d come back from searching for Sasuke. Tenzo seemed nervous to tell her this, but Atsuko swelled with delight for him. She was a good woman and if he was finally seeing other people, maybe he was ready to move on and put their past behind him.</p><p> </p><p>However, she also noticed that something was off between them now. Sitting across from him didn’t feel the same as it had when they were younger. Responses to each other came with a little more silence in between. And she found that he just didn’t fill her with that warm feeling like he used to. Maybe that feeling had always been born out of curiosity and now that she’d seen what it would be like to pursue something more with him, all of the secrets were out in the open. She couldn’t see him as her best friend anymore when she’d seen him as her boyfriend and lover. Something had just… fizzled out.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko didn’t fret over it too much. They were growing up and changing and of course their dynamic would change along with their feelings towards each other. But it did hurt to feel that connection grow weaker. Though, she supposed it was just another thing she had to let go of. Opening those emotional shutters and releasing the bird from her palm.</p><p> </p><p>After that interaction, she’d stopped by the store and grabbed a six pack of the coffee flavored energy drinks that Shikamaru loved. She wasn’t sure where he was, but she knew he was on the same mandatory leave they were all on after the fight with Hidan and Kakuzu. First she tried his house, his mother answering the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Yoshino. I came to check on Shikamaru… is he home?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, the paper bag with his drinks rolled up and clutched in her left hand. The dark haired woman shook her head, drying her hands with a small dish towel. Yoshino was a good woman. The type that didn’t let Shikamaru get away with his lazy, apathetic, attitude. She’d come down to the Academy on several occasions to attend the open office hours she and Iruka held to allow the parents in the village to address any concerns. Whether it be with the curriculum they taught or just general questions about their child’s development. It was usually a sparse turnout, but Yoshino was always there. Happily discussing Shikamaru’s strengths and weaknesses as she groomed him to be the head of the Nara Clan.</p><p> </p><p>“No. He left this morning and didn’t say when he’d be back. I wish the boy would at least let me know if he’s going to be home for dinner.”</p><p> </p><p>Yoshino sighed, shaking her head slightly. The pieces of stray hair that escaped her half up hairstyle fluttering with the action. Atsuko chuckled, nodding in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm. Boys. So one track minded that they don’t even consider how their actions affect others.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko agreed, causing the other woman to scoff in agreement. Yoshino was a fire cracker of a woman. She could be hard on Shikamaru, but it was always done out of love. But, she seemed to relax for the time being, leaning against the door frame for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re telling me. Though Sasuke always seemed rather polite. Or, at least well-mannered.”</p><p> </p><p>The other woman replied, and Atsuko’s heart thudded in her chest. She didn’t particularly spend time with the mothers of the children she’d taught, but she would consider them all friends. They’d all griped and gossiped about their children to one another from time to time and, for a short while, Atsuko felt like she was a part of some special club. Like they’d accepted her as a ‘mother’ despite having not given birth to Sasuke. Still, whenever she ran into them, the women would often bring up her son. Recalling a fun memory or his personality in a way that made Atsuko grateful that other people remembered him and still thought of him positive light. It also made her ache in a way she’d never thought possible.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, he was rough around the edges with an attitude from hell… but he always respected me and his elders.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, ducking her head in mild thanks for the compliment. Though, Sasuke had been like that before she’d taken him in, so she couldn’t take all of the credit for his manners.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmmm. I hope he is well… If you ever need someone to talk to or just some company, please let me know. Shikamaru respects you a great deal and I am grateful for all of the support you’ve provided him over the years. I assume that’s why you’re looking for him now? To see how he’s doing?”</p><p> </p><p>Yoshino asked, and Atsuko nodded softly.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. With everything involving Asuma and the mission… I’m sure he’s exhausted. But I just wanted to see how he’s holding up.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, and again Yoshino hummed, accepting the answer.</p><p> </p><p>“I believe he might be in his usual spot. A small hill on the far end of the village near the main gate.”</p><p> </p><p>Yoshino explained, and Atsuko nodded. She knew the location as well. Choji and Shikamaru had dragged her there on many occasions when they were younger.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course. I’ll try there. Thank you, Yoshino. Maybe we could get all of the mothers together one night for drinks some time soon.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko suggested, a throw away comment as she turned to descend down the stairs and back towards the streets. Yoshino actually chuckled at that.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, well, if we do, I know that you will be more than willing to take care of the ones of us who have too many drinks. Just like Shika, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>Yoshino commented back, causing a blush to rise on Atsuko’s cheeks. She’d nearly forgotten about that. So, she’d known the whole time… mothers.</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely. It’s my duty as a Shinobi, after all. To make sure the people I care about are safe and have a safe place to sober up when need be.”</p><p> </p><p>Again, Atsuko’s words drew a laugh from the older woman. As Atsuko stepped back onto the streets, Yoshino said her closing words.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, that’s a very noble cause. Thank you for all that you do, brave Kunoichi.”</p><p> </p><p>Yoshino teased back before turning to return to the chores she’d been completing before Atsuko interrupted her, shutting the front door softly. Turning heel, Atsuko set off in the direction of the hill Shikamaru frequented. It would require her to cross the village again, but the weather was mild so she didn’t particularly mind. When she finally did arrive, cutting through some trees and a couple narrow alleyways to get to the somewhat secluded spot, she was lucky to find him right where Yoshino had said he’d be.</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru was relaxing on the slant of the hill, laid back against the lush grass with his arms resting behind his head. From his position, she knew he’d been able to see every cloud that had passed by. Likely allowing the scenery and the distant sounds of the village to lull his overworked mind into a sense of calm. Tuning the channel to TV static and zoning out. That was the best vacation a person with an over exerted mind could have. But, somewhere in all of that, he’d fallen asleep. His breathing even, lithe chest rising and falling slowly as his leg dangled from its position crossed atop of the other one. Atsuko chuckled softly, using her the toe of her sandal to gently poke at his ribcage. It didn’t work the first time, so she dug the rubber in a little harder. Eventually, his eyes pulled open, squinting against the harsh light of the sun.</p><p> </p><p>“Who the hell…?”</p><p> </p><p>He muttered as Atsuko took a seat next to him and sat the bag of drinks between them.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s Atsuko, dummy.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, waiting for the hard sleeper to rouse from his nap. When Shikamaru finally did wrench his eyes open long enough to look at her and confirm her identity, he just allowed them to droop closed again.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Hey.”</p><p> </p><p>Came his curt reply. Atsuko furrowed her brow at the response and obvious disregard of her presence, but she tried to move past it quickly. Maybe he was just grumpy from his nap. She patted the paper bag between them, the rustling sound not drawing his attention the way she’d hoped.</p><p> </p><p>“I bought a six-pack of those coffee drinks you like. They were cold when I left the store, but I went to your house first and had to walk all the way back here so they’ve probably warmed up some.”</p><p> </p><p>She explained, unrolling the crumbled brown paper to fish out the drinks. She’d bought a single can for herself as well and she it cracked it open as she looked over at Shikamaru. He opened his eyes a sliver, glancing down at the cans, before shutting them again. It almost felt like defiance.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>He muttered, allowing the space to fill with an awkward silence yet again. Her face contorted as she looked out towards the vanishing point beyond the hill. A few houses sat in front of them, blocking her view of the street below. But she could see past the rooftops, towards the sun that was making its downward climb. So, Shikamaru was upset. Maybe he was still dealing with some of the anger and sorrow left over from Asuma’s death.</p><p> </p><p>“How’ve you been feeling?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, glancing over at him long enough to see him give a slight shrug in his laying down position.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>Came his short reply. She frowned again, turning to face him this time. He didn’t open his eyes at the sound of her rustling, so she leaned out and used the same dirty trick Jiraiya had used on her that morning. She flicked the tip of his nose with her middle finger, smirking when his hand flew up to soothe the sore spot, his eyes widening in shock.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong, huh? I know it’s been rough… more than rough. But why are you treating <em>me </em>like a second class citizen?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko questioned, tone a mix of serious and light. She needed to act like she was teasing him, with a bit of genuine concern mixed in. It always worked on Sasuke. Or Neji when he was being pouty. Shikamaru, however, was better at reigning in his emotions. He didn’t explode after something small set him off, like Sasuke. And he didn’t begrudgingly give in to his emotions, steadily becoming more upset as he talked, like Neji. No, instead, Shikamaru huffed, rubbing his nose with a furrowed brow.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you were the almighty mind reader, huh? Lady Tsunade’s little personal lie detector. Shouldn’t <em>you </em>be able to tell what’s wrong with me?”</p><p> </p><p>He responded, ire and sarcasm dripping from his tone like venom. Her eyes widened at that response. They’d joked around before, throwing humorous insults at one another. But he’d meant to offend her with what he’d said this time. Spitting out the words like he was just barely holding back all of the other hateful things he wanted to say to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Jeez, Shikamaru. If you don’t want me around right now, just say so. All I wanted to do was come check on you. See how you were doing.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, refraining herself from throwing a smart-ass comment back at him. If he was really upset with her, it would only serve to make things worse. But… why was he upset with her? She really couldn’t think of anything she’d done during or after the mission involving the Akatsuki that would have-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Well, as you can see, I was just fine until you came and woke me up from my nap. Thanks for the drinks, but I really don’t feel like talking about our ~feelings~ right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru spat out, jerking his hand away from his face to fold his arm back behind his head. Atsuko sat in silence for a moment more as it clicked what may have upset him. He wasn’t just upset in general, he was mad at her in particular, and the only thing she thought she could have done to earn that ire was not a conversation she wanted to have with her former student. Though, he’d been there when Hidan had hurled those disgusting words at her. He knew the dirty details already, so it wouldn’t be fair to treat him like a child in this instance.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you angry at me because of what Hidan said?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, the bluntness of the question putting a halt to all the sounds around them. It was eerily quiet as she avoided his line of sight, instead staring straight ahead again. Then, he broke the silence with another smart-ass comment.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, guess you really are a mind reader.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru quipped, and Atsuko sighed, the high-strung tension melting into something more familiar. Silence was nerve wracking. She felt much more comfortable when someone, anyone, was talking. Or yelling. Or laughing. Or doing anything she could read in to. She finally looked down at him again, exasperation clear in her face.</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon, Shikamaru. Don’t be an asshole. If you’re upset, tell me why. I don’t want you to hate me, so let’s hash it out.”</p><p> </p><p>She goaded, only for Shikamaru to immediately sit up, face screwed up in anger. Those sharp eyebrows only serving to further his judging expression as he turned to sit across from her, looking her straight in the eyes. It was a little unsettling, the sudden explosion of emotion from him, but she listened as he ranted.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine! You want me to tell you why I’m upset? Yeah, I’m upset about what Hidan said to you. But I’m more upset that you didn’t tell us your history with that asshole before we got there. It’s sickening to think you slept with a guy like that in the first place and the sheer idea of it made my skin crawl for days afterwards. But on top of the fact that you slept with the fucking criminal who killed Asuma, you didn’t even have the decency to tell us what we were walking in to!”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru snapped while Atsuko could only sit and listen. Honestly, it was a little scary to see him this way. He was furious, teeth clashing together in loud snaps as he hissed out his words. He obviously didn’t want to make a scene, so he kept his voice low, but the anger in his eyes was so real it threw her for a loop. Even in stressful situations, Shikamaru maintained his cool. But now she was getting to see those emotions he kept stowed away.</p><p> </p><p>“I understand. The moment I knew who we were up against, I should have said something to you. To everyone. I was just… I didn’t want to air my dirty laundry. That was selfish of me.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, trying to keep her tone measured and sincere. To be fair, at the time, she wasn’t really privy to any of Hidan’s previous crimes. Though, she didn’t really care back then either. He hadn’t killed Asuma yet, of course, but maybe if she’d done something differently… Even if there was no direct correlation to Asuma’s death, it still wasn’t a good look for her. She’d slept with the enemy, and now it was public knowledge. One of the lowest points in her life was logged in several mission reports. The thought almost made her let out a bitter scoff. No privacy.</p><p> </p><p>“I just don’t understand <em>why </em>you would do something like that? Were you with Kakashi-senseiwhen it happened?”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru questioned, angered confusion clear in his tone. <em>Ah… there it was</em>. She knew what this was about now. It wasn’t that her sleeping with Hidan had affected his strategy in any way. And he was smart enough to know that in the long run it really had nothing to do with Asuma dying. No… The pedestal Shikamaru had put her on was crumbling right before his eyes. She wasn’t perfect, sweet, angelic, Atsuko-sensei anymore. He was realizing that she’d done bad - no, horrible - things that directly challenged his idea of her. That’s why he was angry…</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I was.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, gauging his reaction. Shikamaru just shook his head, finally dropping that piercing gaze of his to stare down at his lap in disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>“Shikamaru… I don’t think this is about Asuma or the possibility of the mission going poorly because I withheld information-“</p><p> </p><p>He jerked his head back up, shooting her an accusatory glare. But before he could say anything, she continued.</p><p> </p><p>“I think this has something to do with the way you’ve seen me up until this point. You were pretty drunk, so I don’t know if you remember what you told me a few weeks ago…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko led, and his scoffed, dropping his head again.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I remember.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru grumbled, and she took this as her cue to continue.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright… I told you this at the time as well. Shikamaru, I’m not perfect. I never was. I’ve done a lot of things that I’m not proud of. Sleeping with Hidan was one of the worst things I’ve ever done. I think you’re so upset by that because your image of me is starting to finally merge with reality. And the reality is that I’m… well, I’m pretty screwed up.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished, realizing he didn’t need to hear the details. Hidan had shouted out plenty of those during the fight. His tense shoulders slowly started to relax and he let out a gentle sigh. It was so strange to see him this way. Not just emotional, but Shikamaru was what she would have called a ‘realist’. He was logical and calculating to a fault. She just couldn’t imagine that he’d ignored her true nature in favor of some fantasy in his head for all of these years. Maybe she’d just never given him a real opportunity to see her faults. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t… Tch. This is ridiculous.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru stated, sighing as he dropped back to lay down again with a soft thud. He stared up at the sky this time, not allowing his eyes to flutter shut again. He was still upset, but Atsuko could tell he’d found some truth in her words.</p><p><br/>“Shikamaru… I don’t want you to hate me. Or look at the things I did in my past and view me differently because of those things. But I know you will. That’s just part of growing up. The way we view the world changes. The way we view people does too. I know you’ve been through a lot these past few weeks and it’s hard, growing up so fast. But I meant what I said after your fight with Hidan. I’m so proud of you. And even if you do feel like you can never look at me the same way again, just know that doesn’t change the way <em>I </em>feel about <em>you. </em>Watching you grow and come into your own has been a blessing. I could say that for all of my former students… but you know that you were always my favorite, yeah?”<br/><br/>Atsuko said, smiling a little by the end of her speech. She reached a hand out to lightly poke his side and felt a wash of relief roll over her when he let out the softest chuckle, brushing her finger away with ease.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t hate you. And yeah, maybe I do see you differently now but… I’m sorry for blowing up on you earlier. I just <em>really </em>hate the way he talked to you. And to think… jeez, Atsuko, you really know how to pick em.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru sighed, pulling a breathy chuckle from Atsuko. She hummed, pressing her lips together in thought. There was a lot to pick apart about why Shikamaru had been so upset with her, but she knew how complicated feelings could be. Especially ones that involved grief and the smoldering embers of a young love. The confusing fire put out by a rush of cold water and the coals crushed under the boot of reality. Not to mention he’d lost his mentor, someone he respected and had learned so much from. Being young, it felt like the adults knew what they were doing. They all had it together and they were strong and invincible and they would always be around to do the right thing. But, getting older meant realizing that that wasn’t always the case. People died, leaving their loved ones behind. People did horrible things that couldn’t be explained. Loss of innocence was a hard thing to cope with. So, she just let him work through it in the way only he was capable of.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you’re telling me. I’m lucky Kakashi is such a good guy, or you see the caliber of person I might have ended up with.”</p><p> </p><p>She huffed, drawing another chuckle from the boy next to her. He reached out, fumbling around in the paper bag for one of his drinks. As he cracked the can open and took a careful sip in his lying down position, Atusko moved to mimic him, staring up at the sky.</p><p> </p><p>“Kakashi is a good guy. But he’s kind of weird.”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru stated after a few minutes of content silence. Atsuko furrowed her brow and gaped for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“People always say that! But I don’t thinks he’s weird at all!”</p><p> </p><p>She defended, relishing in the way Shikamaru’s voice lilted into a deep laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, because you’re kind of weird too if I’m being honest.”</p><p> </p><p>He retorted, listening as Atsuko smacked her lips together in shock, like a fish out of water. She attempted to defend herself, which only resulted in Shikamaru pointing out several of her weird habits in quick succession. As Atsuko tried to turn the conversation around and point out Shikamaru’s strange personality traits, he just devolved into a fit of laughter and she grinned as everything fell back into place, a sense of normalcy returning after an exhausting couple of weeks.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alright, if you guys remember where the story goes after this, you'll know this is the last time we're going to see Jiraiya... I wanted to kinda of kick off the Itachi/Sasuke fight this chapter, but I felt like I need to give Jiraiya and Atsuko just a tad more time together. And I figured Shikamaru would be struggling so I included that last bit as well... If you'll notice the chapter title. Calm. Before the Storm. See everyone next week for the beginning of all the drama and angst to come.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Storm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs That Inspired this Chapter:</p><p>What's Up Danger - Blackway ft. Black Caviar</p><p>Ghost Fight - Toby Fox (Undertale OST)</p><p>...And to Those I Love, Thanks for Sticking Around - $UICIDEBOY$</p><p>Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby - Cigarettes After Sex</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“We have all but confirmed that Sasuke Uchiha killed Orochimaru. His corpse was found in one of the hideouts we’ve been closing in on in recent months. Kabuto Yakushi was no where to be found and Sasuke had fled the scene by the time we arrived as well.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade stated, her hands clasped together in front of her, resting on top of the oak desk she was seated behind. All of Team Kakashi was present for this meeting, including Atsuko. She supposed she’d become an honorary member as well over the last several months. Even though everyone was reacting in their own way, Atsuko couldn’t bring herself to monitor their reactions or read the room at all. Her entire body felt like it was buzzing, her heart hammering in her chest as the excitement pumped through her veins.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry… Sasuke <em>killed </em>Orochimaru?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko questioned, her voice not feeling like it was coming from her body anymore. She just wanted to hear it again. Just one more time-</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade responded, and Atsuko couldn’t fight the smile that nearly wrenched her face in half. Lips pulling back to reveal her teeth as her stomach filled with butterflies. A mix of overwhelming pride and exhilarating delight flooded her system. She couldn’t contain the laugh that bubbled out of her chest if she’d tried. Atsuko pushed her fingers back through her hair, dropping her head back to stare at the ceiling as the laughter rolled out of her. Shoulders shaking with the force of them.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck… That feels good…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko breathed, relishing in the feeling of a weight lifting off her shoulders, even it was only temporary. Truly, the last couple weeks of sitting around and doing nothing had brought her concerns for Sasuke to the forefront. As the three year mark neared and the threat of Orochimaru possessing the boys body drew closer, she’d found herself hit by a truck of emotion. After her conversation with Shikamaru, she couldn’t help but play her interaction with Yoshino over and over in her head. How she’d talked about Sasuke like he was dead… in the past tense. The woman hadn’t meant anything by it, of course. She was just referring to when Sasuke was a child. When he was still in the village.</p><p> </p><p>Nevertheless, it had sent her into a downward spiral she hadn’t fallen victim to in at least a year and a half. It would have surprised her, if she’d had the energy to feel anything at all. But instead, she’d simply returned home and bypassed Kakashi completely in favor of crawling into bed. And that’s where she’d stayed for five days. Only getting up to use the restroom. It was one of the worst episodes she’d had since she’d reached adulthood. Kakashi had been a saint, being patient with her even when she refused to tell him what was wrong or talk to him at all. Even when he’d tried to encourage her to eat, only for her to turn away from the plate.</p><p> </p><p>On the sixth day, she finally pulled herself from the blankets to shower. Kakashi had stripped the bed quickly, throwing everything in the wash and not allowing her to go back to her room. He all but forced her to sit at the kitchen table and eat breakfast with him. As soon as the warm food had hit her stomach, Atsuko had broken down in a mess of tears. Then, she’d finally explained what had been bothering her so deeply. Every day since that had been difficult, but she thought she was managing well enough. Tsunade finally called them all back to work and off of R&amp;R. Getting back into the swing of things at Lady Fifth’s side seemed to help quite a bit. But she was still filled with that ever lingering dread. Growing angsty and agitated as more time passed with no updates from the team that had been sent to monitor one of Orochimaru’s nearby hideouts.</p><p> </p><p>All of the waiting was worth it in her opinion. The satisfaction Atsuko felt in this moment was unrivaled by anything she’d ever felt. No personal accomplishments could compare. Sasuke, her son, had grown powerful enough to strike down one of the Legendary Sanin. Not only was it a testament to his power, but Orochimaru’s death was long over-due. After all of the people he’d hurt and killed, it was about time for him to be put down. However, both of things paled in comparison to the true take-away from this revelation. The thing that lit a fire inside Atsuko and made her feel as if she’d been born again was the confirmation that Sasuke was still <em>Sasuke</em>.</p><p> </p><p>When he’d spouted all of that shit about allowing Orochimaru to take over his body if it meant he would be strong enough to take down Itachi… She knew it was bullshit. He was too proud to do something like that. And this was confirmation of that. He would find his own way, come hell or high water. Headstrong and determined. He was still the boy she’d helped raise. Then, with that thought, her light laughter morphed into something else as tears rose in her eyes. She sucked in a deep breath, dropping her head forward as she screwed her eyelids shut.</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi’s hand was on her back in an instant, warm and grounding after she’d been so lost in a tornado of emotion. After a few seconds, she drew in another deep breath and recalibrated, lifting her head with a nod to confirm she was okay. Tsunade locked eyes with her for a moment, and a brief pang of guilt rang in Atsuko’s chest. Orochimaru may have been an evil maniac, but he’d once served this village at Tsunade and Jiraiya’s side. And here Atsuko was, relishing in the news of his death.</p><p> </p><p>“Based on some other information we’ve received, we believe Sasuke is constructing some kind of team. Then, it’s safe to assume, he will be using the assistance of this team to track down Itachi Uchiha.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade continued, pulling her understanding gaze from Atsuko, eyes scanning the room again. Naruto, Sakura, Sai, and Tenzo were all listening on bated breath. That statement brought the reality of the situation back in. Sasuke was on his way to kill Itachi. He would be successful and she knew this, but she could feel the concern radiating off of everyone else at the news. It radiated off of her as well, but for an entirely different reason. Itachi…</p><p> </p><p>“So, if we can track down Itachi first, then we’d be able to lure Sasuke back to the village?”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto suddenly questioned, showing that rare perceptiveness that seemed to only rear its head when Sasuke was being discussed. Tsunade nodded in agreement, humming.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s the plan. But we would have to capture Itachi Uchiha alive. Killing him would just ensure we never locate Sasuke.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade agreed, turning her attention to Kakashi this time. Atsuko could feel the shift in the air. When Orochimaru’s death had been reported, she was too wrapped up in her own feelings to process everyone else’s reactions. But now, the entire room was brimming with nervous excitement. So many things could go wrong on a mission like this, but the mere thought of being within grasping range of Sasuke again had everyone feeling optimistic. Determined. Anxious. Though, this plan to capture Itachi… Atsuko found herself wondering if it was the best move considering what she knew.</p><p> </p><p>Capturing Itachi and holding him in order to lure Sasuke back home. That could work. But then what? Sasuke would still attempt to kill Itachi, even if he was in Hidden Leaf custody. It almost felt like baiting him into incriminating himself when they knew what his reaction would be. Maybe, if they could persuade Sasuke to allow them to handle Itachi via the Hidden Leaf’s judicial system, then things would go semi-smoothly. Itachi would definitely be sentenced to death, that wasn’t a question. But then he truly would be dying for nothing. Sasuke wouldn’t have gotten to enact his revenge or have his closure. And Itachi would just be dying at the hands of the village he’d killed his entire clan to protect. The situation left her with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, like it always did. Like it had done for 8 years.</p><p> </p><p>It shouldn’t be this difficult, she reminded herself. Support Sasuke. She’d already betrayed the village once by allowing him to escape with Orochimaru back at their base after the Tenchi Bridge incident. She’d just have to do it again by delaying the search parties attempts to locate Itachi.</p><p> </p><p>“Kakashi, this is your team. If you believe you will need additional support, it’s your duty to decide on who you’d like to take with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade stated, the first words exchanged that cut through Atsuko’s train of thought. She was sure she’d missed a couple things, but no matter. Kakashi was standing directly beside her, his hand having left her back a while ago.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes ma’am. I believe, if we are focusing on tracking, it would be best to include Team 8 as our support.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi responded, and Atsuko found herself nodding softly. Hinata, Kiba, and Shino. The Byakugan, Kiba and Akamaru’s sense of smell, and the Aburame clan’s use of their chakra seeking beetles. Those abilities would be perfect for tracking.</p><p> </p><p>“I can go inform them.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko offered, earning a nod in the affirmative from Kakashi and Tsunade.</p><p> </p><p>With that, they hammered out a few more details. They would be leaving at dawn tomorrow and the plan was to capture Itachi Uchiha alive and bring him back to the Hidden Leaf. To have him stand trail and lure Sasuke home. It sounded so simple on paper, but Atsuko knew it wouldn’t be easy and as Naruto and Sakura fell silent with determined grins on their faces, she wondered if the optimism was beating out reality. Capturing Itachi Uchiha was much like Kurenai using a Genjutsu against him several years ago. It just didn’t make sense.</p><p> </p><p>Additionally, she wasn’t sure they wouldn’t run into other Akatsuki members along the way. If those battles turned out to be anything like the one they’d just experienced with Hidan and Kakuzu, Atsuko shuddered to think of the outcome. Team Kakashi was strong enough, but if she was being honest in her assessment, Team 8 would <em>not </em>be the team she would have picked to help in a battle scenario. Gai’s Team would have been a good choice in her opinion. Neji was stronger than Hinata in his use of the Byakugan and Lee and Tenten were better fighters than Shino and Kiba. Then, they could supplement the loss of Shino’s bugs and Kiba’s nose with Kakashi’s ninja dogs.</p><p> </p><p>Nonetheless, she would gather Team 8 and inform them of the plan to leave in the morning. Thrumming with a combination of excitement and dread. Pride and regret. The internal conflictjust as never ending as the external.</p><p> </p><p>——————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>So much had happened in such a short period of time. After they’d left the village, the entire team had been split into small squads comprised of a Hidden Leaf Shinobi and two of Kakashi’s ninja dogs. Save for Naruto, who was also accompanied by Tenzo and Hinata since he was still currently being targeted by the Akatsuki. Kakashi and Atsuko also stayed together, since he was the team’s leader and she could provide him with additional directions as a sensory type. Then, as everyone had split up, things had started to move quickly.</p><p> </p><p>Initially, it felt like they were running in circles. Pakkun would pick up a scent, then it would fade. Atsuko would feel a familiar chakra signature, but before she could tell who it was, it too would disappear. The first major development in their pursuit came in the form of a massive explosion several miles west from her and Kakashi’s current position. Before they could even reach the location, they’d encountered several other members of the team, all heading towards the blast sight. The next development was Naruto informing the group that two of his shadow clones had been taken out by Sasuke and he relayed the location to them.</p><p> </p><p>They couldn’t determine if the explosion was a red herring or if it did have something to do with the larger picture, but they all opted to head in Sasuke’s direction. If Atsuko focused hard enough, she could feel his chakra, fading in and out of proximity. Just when it felt like they were making real progress, they’d entered a clearing. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the light, but when she did, she’d seen why her chakra sensory had been so thrown off. It wasn’t just one chakra signature in the area she was familiar with. Because, clearly, the Akatsuki were here as well. On a tree directly ahead of them stood Tobi, his bright orange mask sticking out like a sore thumb against the backdrop of greenery. Everyone stopped moving for a moment, gauging the situation. But Tobi was the first to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Ms. Atsuko! It’s been a while, but Tobi remembers you!”</p><p> </p><p>He shouted, still childlike and full of unsettling energy. Atsuko forced a smile, though. Wondering if he could be negotiated with. However, Naruto was the next to speak up.</p><p> </p><p>“Who the hell is this guy? An Akatsuki? Let’s just take him down and move on! Sasuke’s just up ahead!”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto growled from directly behind her, already moving to run and swing at Tobi. Atsuko raised an arm, a motion for him to remain still. She, Kakashi, and Hinata were leading the group, with everyone else having fallen in close behind. Atsuko turned her head to look at the angry blonde.</p><p> </p><p>“Easy. We might get out of this without a fight.”</p><p> </p><p>She instructed, low and under her breath, not missing the way the entire team watched her with concern and confusion. Again, she was being addressed by name. By an Akatsuki member they were not familiar with. The gaps in knowledge were frustrating, but she didn’t have time to fill everyone in on her relation to the Akatsuki. So, she turned back to face Tobi to see if she could sweet talk their way past this strange checkpoint.</p><p> </p><p>“I remember you too, Tobi. How is Deidara?”<br/><br/>Atsuko questioned, taking an easy step forward. Tobi gasped and dropped his head into his hands, overacting as he sniveled loudly, even letting out a sad whimper.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Ms. Atsuko! Poor Deidara… Deidara is dead! Killed by that awful Uchiha boy!”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi whimpered, shaking his head wildly as he cried. But it didn’t feel genuine. It was like he was playing a character and a chill ran up her spine at mention of Sasuke. In all honesty, it was kind of sad to hear that Deidara had died. The massive explosion from earlier… that had to have been him. He was just a kid, after all. And he’d been kind to her, even going so far as to stand up to Hidan for her. Still, she didn’t mourn too long. Atsuko glanced over her shoulder at Kakashi, who simply shrugged. One less Akatsuki they had to deal with. So, she kept going.</p><p> </p><p>“Tobi, I’m so sorry to hear that. Deidara was a nice boy and he seemed like a good friend to you…”</p><p> </p><p>She empathized, pulling from a somewhat real pot of emotions. Tobi nodded, sniffling loudly as he turned his masked face back up to look at her.</p><p> </p><p>“He was! Deidara was Tobi’s best friend! But he died using his ultimate art, so I think he was at least happy!”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi continued, drying up the alligator tears and acting as if Deidara dying in a massive explosion of his own creation was an honorable death of some kind. Maybe to him, it was. She took yet another step closer, slow and keeping her face trained to remain concerned.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, I’m sure he was very proud of his final work of art.”</p><p> </p><p>She coddled, trying to think of a way to goad him into standing down and letting them through without him seeing through her manipulation. Though, it seemed like he was going to handle her window of opportunity for her.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Ms. Atusko! You were so nice to Tobi back then and you’re even more nice now. And you’re still pretty too! Why did you leave so quickly? Without saying goodbye?”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi questioned, and Atsuko could feel the group behind her growing antsy. They were ready to move now. But Sasuke’s chakra signature was up ahead and it hadn’t moved for a while. She could also feel Itachi ahead, but his chakra was weaker than the last time she’d seen him. That explained why she was able to speak about the Akatsuki despite the curse mark on her tongue. She didn’t want the group to proceed forward and stop the fight from happening. Or did she? It was becoming more difficult to decide and keep her convictions. Sasuke wouldn’t die, she knew that. Even if the people behind her didn’t. But, was killing Itachi really what was best for him?</p><p> </p><p>Maybe not, but it was Itachi’s final wish. She didn’t have the right to take that from him. So, she would stall and try her best to make it seem like she wasn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Tobi. And I had to leave. I had to go back home. I was only there because I was injured, remember?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, watching Tobi nod thoughtfully and then he snapped his fingers like he’d remembered something.</p><p> </p><p>“Right! Tobi remembers you had a fiancé! Did you get married Ms. Atsuko?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, and honestly, if it weren’t for the more pressing matters at hand, she wouldn’t have minded talking to him. Tobi was strange, to say the least. But there was something about his chakra that was so very familiar. And that mask…</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t but yes, I had to get home to my fiancé. That’s actually him right there.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko gestured over her shoulder to where Kakashi was standing back. Tobi nodded wildly, clapping his hands together and jumping in place a little.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Tobi knows him too! The Copy-Cat Ninja!”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi replied, and Atsuko glanced behind her just enough to see Kakashi still fixing the childish Akatsuki member with a death glare. She gnawed on her bottom lip. Okay, so no one else was having fun playing catch up. Then, just as she was about to ask Tobi another question, Naruto had apparently decided he’d had enough. She could hear him behind her, the sound of wind chakra building in his palm quickly, then he was running and yelling.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, Atsuko-sensei, we tried it your way! But I’m tired of waiting around!”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto shouted, jumping clear over her head as he launched himself at Tobi. There was a resounding call from the group for Naruto to ‘Stop!’ and ‘We don’t know what he can do!’ but the stubborn blonde was already pummeling into Tobi’s chest with his Rasengan. But, he wasn’t. The Rasengan should have made contact, but it just passed right through Tobi, coming out the other side of his chest as Naruto plummeted towards the ground with a stunned expression. Atsuko’s brow furrowed, the words she was going to scream at Naruto dying in her throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Oop! Watch where you’re swinging that Jutsu! You almost hit Tobi with it!”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi shouted, still maintaining that childlike lilt, going so far as to throw in a giggle for good measure. Before they could properly formulate a plan, Kiba was charging as well with Akamaru in tow.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice going, Naruto! You missed, idiot! But we won’t! Akamaru, Fang Over Fang!”</p><p> </p><p>He yelled, and again, everyone left remaining on the ground let out resounding shouts. ‘Stop!’ and ‘Kiba, quit!’ ringing through the air as he and Akamaru attempted to pummel through Tobi. They launched into the air, spinning wildly and targeting the masked man’s exact location on the massive branch up ahead. When they converged on the point, the resulting dust cloud and sound of crashing lead Atsuko to believe, for a moment, that maybe they’d gotten him. But, when the dust died down it revealed Kiba and Akamaru alone on the branch, looking around confused. Atsuko’s eyes scanned the area quickly, only to see Tobi was now standing on a branch directly to her right, slightly higher up this time as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Looks like you missed Tobi too!”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi teased, and Atsuko could feel Sakura winding up behind her, preparing herself to launch an attack of brutal strength. But something wasn’t right. Both of those attacks should have at least grazed Tobi. Kiba and Akamaru were fast, and Atsuko had never seen Naruto miss an attack. Especially not with the Rasengan in hand. Both boys were regaining their footing, preparing to charge at Tobi again, but just throwing themselves at him over and over again would be pointless if they couldn’t land a blow. At nearly the same time, Atsuko and Kakashi shouted,</p><p> </p><p>“Everyone, stop!” </p><p> </p><p>Their voices overlapping. It seemed to draw the entire groups attention, but Kakashi was the first to elaborate.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re attacks aren’t going to land. Naruto, I saw your Rasengan. It should have hit him, but it just phased right through his body.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi advised, glancing over at where the boy was pulling himself from the dirt. Atsuko nodded in agreement. That had to be it. She hadn’t seen the angle Kakashi had, but that was the only explanation that made sense.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! You figured out Tobi’s trick! You can’t hit Tobi! Everything just goes right through!”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi goaded, reaching a hand down to demonstrate. He shoved his arm through his stomach, turning to the side to show that his hand was now sticking out of his back, wiggling his fingers and waving at the group. Well, shit. Back when she’d met Tobi at the Akatsuki hideout, she’d wondered what someone with such a childish personality had done to get into the criminal organization. Now, it was clear. If all of their attacks phased through him, they wouldn’t be able to injure or capture him. That might be the single most useful trick she’d ever seen. It also ensured that fighting him was pointless. It would just drain everyone’s chakra and they’d get no where. Maybe he couldn’t touch them either? No… He was standing on the tree branch just fine. He’d handled kitchen utensils when he’d helped her in the kitchen all those years ago. So that meant he could make parts of his body solid? Or it was the opposite and he could make parts of his body able to be phased through?</p><p> </p><p>“Fighting him is pointless…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko muttered under her breath, hearing a grunt of affirmation from Kakashi behind her. She took another step towards Tobi, raising her hands in a show of peace.</p><p> </p><p>“Tobi, we didn’t come here to fight you. Is there any way you could let us pass through? We are trying to capture the boy who killed Deidara… He’s wanted in our village as well and he’s just up ahead. We don’t have any qualms with you. In all honesty, we don’t even know <em>who you are</em>. We just need to pass through here without issue.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko tried to negotiate, lying through her teeth about Sasuke. He wasn’t a wanted criminal, of course. But she wasn’t lying when she said they didn’t know who he was. That part was true and she hoped it would appeal to his self preservation instinct as a criminal. He could stay here and fight and risk having his identity revealed, or let them through and keep his secret.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, Ms. Atsuko. No can do! Tobi was given orders to not let <em>any </em>Hidden Leaf ninja through! And Tobi has to follow his orders, or Leader will be upset with Tobi!”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi replied, attempting to sound apologetic but more so just coming off as mocking. She sighed, knowing what would come next now that the negotiation route was truly blocked off. As if on cue, every single person in their party launched themselves at the Akatsuki member. Guess she didn’t really have to make the choice on whether or not to stall them here. They would do it themselves.</p><p> </p><p>——————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>When the group returned to Lady Tsunade with news of another failure to capture Sasuke, the morale was so low Atsuko could feel everyone’s disappointment like a heavy weight resting on her shoulders. Tobi had managed to keep them busy just long enough for the fight between Itachi and Sasuke to come to a conclusion. In fact, they had been on the verge of figuring out how to combat his phasing ability when the tides of battle had changed abruptly.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko was trying to catch her breath along with the rest of the group. They’d launched Jutsu after Jutsu at Tobi, only for all of them to pass right through him. Though, it seemed like he had to materialize his body at some points in order to attack or stick a landing if he moved to another area. She’d considered the idea that attacking him all at once would work, but he was able to dodge multiple blows by phasing the through the ground beneath him, only to reappear in a different location. Maybe if they were fast enough, one person could charge at him and distract him while another went for a part of his body that had to be materialized. Like his feet…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She turned her head just in time to see Kakashi turning to look at her as well. They’d had the same idea. After a moment of locking eyes, they nodded at each other and moved into action. The sound of the earth settling and the people around them drawing in ragged breaths was drowned out in an instant but the ear splitting squeal of Kakashi’s Chidori roaring to life. He gathered the lightning chakra in the palm of his hand and everything moved in slow motion for a split second. She could see the determination in his eyes, the Sharingan in his left eye was spinning, shining bright red against the blue lighting sparking in his hand. Atusko noticed the way his arm flexed, fingers twitching with the effort it took to contain and channel his chakra in such a way. The hair at the top of his head was effected as well, several silver strands standing at attention as the air filled with static energy. In that split second, she had a brief thought that he was the most beautiful thing she’d ever laid her eyes on.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Then, the moment was over. He was running so fast she could hardly see him, feet kicking up an angry trail of dirt behind him as he headed straight for Tobi’s position on a high up branch. That was her cue to move as well. Atsuko formed a sign with her hand, quickly changing positions so that she was on a branch behind and slightly higher up from Tobi. She focused all of her chakra to her fingertips, deploying the Chakra Strands as Kakashi continued his forward assault. He was aiming for Tobi’s chest and if their enemy pulled the same move from before, Kakashi’s arm would simply phase right through his torso. But that meant his feet would have to remain corporeal to maintain his standing position on the branch. That’s where she would aim.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>With a few twitches of her fingertips, she managed to land the chakra threads on the heels of Tobi’s feet just as Kakashi’s Chidori should have come into contact with the man’s body. Like they’d thought, he just passed right through, redirecting his trajectory to bury the Jutsu in the ground beneath her position. But, despite the destruction that caused and the shaking of her own tree, Atsuko focused on that all too familiar tug. Her chakra had connected! Now, all she had to do was push it through his chakra network.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tobi seemed to notice the change as well, immediately craning his head behind him to look up at her. That’s when she saw it. It was difficult to see with the mask in the way in broad daylight. But here, in the shade of the forrest, it stuck out like a sore thumb. A neon light. Bright red and flaring against the shadow the eyehole in his mask created against his face. The Sharingan. Confusion filled her and she felt something she’d never experienced before. Backlash from her Jutsu. His body was rejecting her chakra, flaring up and returning the treatment. She could feel his chakra, quickly encompassing her threads and barreling back to where the strings were connected to her own network. With a gasp, she severed the threads, preventing what she would have assumed was </em>
  <b>
    <em>his </em>
  </b>
  <em>chakra attempting to infect </em>
  <b>
    <em>her </em>
  </b>
  <em>network.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Still completely stunned, she didn’t notice when he launched a paper bomb attached to a kunai in her direction. The blade buried in the wood between her feet and she barely had time to look down at the sparking paper before she was being lifted off of her feet and carried to safety. Kakashi jumped through a few branches with her in his arms, the paper bomb exploding behind them and completely demolishing the tree branch she’d been standing on. He landed back on the ground they’d been previously occupying with the rest of the team, sparing her a glance to confirm she was okay. Atsuko managed a nod, and he placed her on her feet as everyone’s attention turned back to Tobi. No… not Tobi…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Oh! Ms. Atsuko that was a dirty trick!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tobi shouted, an exaggerated shiver running through his body as his gloved hands came up to wrap around himself, rubbing his upper arms like he was experiencing chills.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Your chakra is soooo ~scary~! Tobi can still feel it in his toes!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He gasped, tapping his feet against the tree bark in rapid succession as he danced the ‘chills’ away. Her eyes were still wrenched wide in confusion and mild horror. How was his chakra strong enough to drown her’s out? The feeling of it wrapping around her threads and attempting to latch onto her own chakra network was one of the most chilling things she’d ever experienced in her life… On top of that, he had a Sharingan. She’d seen it! Who the hell was this guy? The shock of the situation and the adrenaline still pumping through her veins glued her tongue to the roof of her mouth, preventing her from speaking. Though it probably wasn’t the best idea to blurt out what she’d seen in front of Tobi. There was no telling who he really was and what he was really capable of when backed into a corner. But, suddenly, there was tingling in her mouth and her hand flew up to grasp her throat as the feeling spread.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Atsuko? Are you okay?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tenzo was beside her now, grabbing her shoulder as he looked her over for injuries. Atusko tried to swallow against the strange sensation, noticing that her throat felt tight and her breathing was becoming ragged. The tingling morphed into a pain, and she realized that it centralized on her tongue, so she opened her mouth in an attempt to get more air. Kakashi was standing in front of her now too, and she could vaguely hear Naruto shouting something. Asking what Tobi had done but no… she knew this wasn’t Tobi’s work. The feeling on her tongue, the distant rumbles and faint smell of smoke.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Can you breathe?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi asked, and Atsuko nodded, the tightness in her throat loosening slightly. Then Tenzo’s eyes went wide as she fought to suck in another deep breath through her open mouth. His hand was on her chin immediately, gently coaxing her to open her jaw further.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Open your mouth a little wider for me, Atsuko…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He encouraged, and Atsuko complied, sticking out her tongue. Kakashi’s eyes widened slightly as well and the two men shared a knowing looking. She knew what they had seen before either of them said anything.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“The curse mark is gone.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi finally stated, just in time for Atsuko to see something materialize out of the branch behind them that Tobi was still standing on. She smacked Tenzo’s hand away from her mouth, pointing as the tingling pain faded, and everyone’s attention was turned to a green plant rising out of the tree branch. It looked like… a giant venus flytrap? Then, it peeled open, revealing a man inside. Half of him was stark white, and the other half pitch black. Zetsu… the one Jiraiya had spoken about. Kakashi confirmed this, referencing the Akatsuki roster that had been given to Naruto by Kabuto Yakushi when the mission had first began. Naruto was voicing his displeasure, yelling about there being too much interference. But the hairs on the back of Atsuko’s neck were standing at attention. She knew what was coming.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Sasuke triumphed in the battle. Itachi Uchiha is dead.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Zetsu stated, speaking directly to Tobi in a calm voice. And her heart sank to the pit of her stomach. Her entire body went cold and she was sure all color had drained from her face. She thought she’d prepared herself for this moment, but clearly it wasn’t enough. Pulse hammering in her ears and a few stray tears building on her lash line, she reached out and gripped Kakashi’s cloak for balance as the entire group stared on in shock.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What?! I don’t believe it!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tobi exclaimed, maintaining that childlike lilt before immediately turning to the group of Shinobi standing at the foot of the tree.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Kidding!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He jeered. Then, as he stated his next line, his voice dropped several octaves.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s just as I expected.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>After that, Tobi and Zetsu had disappeared, stating that Sasuke was gravely injured and they they planned to take him with them. The entire team had rushed towards a cloud of smoke in the distance, only to discover the destroyed remains of the Uchiha hideout surrounded by a wall of black flames. The Amaterasu. Itachi had said he wouldn’t kill Sasuke, but just the sheer amount of damage combined with the never ending black flames… he certainly hadn’t pulled any punches. They searched the ruins only to turn up empty handed. Tobi and Zetsu must have gotten there before them and taken Sasuke along with Itachi’s body.</p><p> </p><p>The smoke from the flames had caused a storm to form above them, rain pouring down. When Naruto collapsed to his knees out of frustration, Atsuko had done her best to comfort him. Honestly, she couldn’t really remember those last few moments clearly. Everything had seemed to shut off in an instant. Maybe her brain trying to protect her from the trauma? Maybe her old war instincts kicking in, helping her hold it together in the moment. The next thing she remembered clearly was returning to the village.</p><p> </p><p>Now, as Kakashi provided the overall report for the mission to Tsunade, Atsuko found the weight of the situation sinking into her body with frightening speed. Her bones felt heavy and her chest felt like it was on fire. Throat raw and burning with the effort it was taking to hold back the onslaught of tears. Itachi was dead. Sasuke had been taken in by the Akatsuki. And, suddenly, everything she’d done up until this point was <em>wrong.</em></p><p> </p><p>She’d been wrong to lie to Sasuke all of those years.</p><p> </p><p>She’d been wrong to let Itachi shape his reality.</p><p> </p><p>She’d been wrong when she decided to stop looking for Sasuke.</p><p> </p><p>She’d been wrong when she actively stopped Team Kakashi from attempting to return him to the Hidden Leaf several months ago.</p><p> </p><p>All of it was wrong and now Itachi was <em>dead</em> and there was nothing she could do to fix any of it. She’d gone with the path of least resistance by not working harder to bring Sasuke back to the village. By not telling him the truth when he was younger. In the end, everything she’d done had been cowardly. An attempt to maintain her comfort by not straining her relationship with the village that had raised her. She had all of the information she needed to fix this back then. If she’d just said something. Taken some kind of stand. Refused to allow Itachi to remain in the shadows.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko’s chest tightened impossibly so, to the point where she was only able to suck in short breaths of air. Her vision was blurring, but not from tears. It was darkening around the edges and her knees were shaking, smacking together as her muscles weakened under the weight of her body. The last thing she heard before she collapsed was Sakura’s concerned voice.</p><p> </p><p>‘<em>Atsuko-sensei?!’</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>——————————————-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She’d come to about 10 minutes later, waking up and lying flat on her back with everyone huddled around her wearing nervous expressions. They’d told Atsuko that her entire body had been engulfed in a cloak of her purple chakra and that they’d been afraid to touch her at first. But, the cloak had faded away just before she’d woken up. Honestly, she didn’t have time to consider what that meant. She knew her chakra flared up when she was upset or angry, so maybe it was just an extension of that. Kakashi had taken her home shortly after, but she remained silent for the majority of the walk back.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko forced herself to maintain her daily responsibilities in the coming days, trying her hardest to avoid any thoughts about Itachi or Sasuke. She knew there was nothing she could do to change the situation and the boat for a time when she could have helped had sailed. Instead, she’d been a coward. Fearful of retribution from the Hidden Leaf. Fearful of upsetting Itachi or Sasuke. As the days turned into a week, she could hardly look in a mirror without feeling the bile rise in her stomach.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t have the right to be upset about Itachi’s death, when she’d helped facilitate it. She didn’t have the right to miss Sasuke, to agonize over the loss he’d experienced, when she’d let him leave and pursue this path in the first place. No, she chose to spend her time fretting over men and ‘uplifting the youth of the village’. What a fucking joke. They didn’t need her. Just like Sasuke didn’t. Like Itachi didn’t. She’d effectively done nothing meaningful in the last 10 years. Too busy being pathetic and acting like a mother to a boy she’d lied to for 5 years. A boy who wasn’t her own. A boy she couldn’t protect from anything or anyone. He might as well have grown up alone for all the good she did him.</p><p> </p><p>Despite the inner turmoil, she tried to act unfazed by Itachi’s death. The Itachi Pursuit team got a day off to recover this time around and Tsunade had tried to order Atsuko to take longer after her fainting spell. But Atsuko had declined, repeatedly advising the older woman that she was fine, that it was just fatigue from the mission. With reservations, Tsunade had allowed her to return to work. Atsuko resumed her normal desk duties, filing paperwork and sitting in on a couple meetings, but the majority of her week had been spent working community outreach.</p><p> </p><p>Some local shopkeepers were complaining about a rise in petty thievery and vandalism, so she’d been sent to quell the anger and ensure that they would be providing the shops with security in the form of Genin and Chunin for the time being. The next day, she’d been sent to the Jonin barracks in place of Shikaku, who was out of the village on a mission. Some of the Jonin staying there had been experiencing issues with the sinks and drains in the showers backing up and flooding the communal bathrooms. Atsuko was in charge of getting a plumber to handle the issue while interviewing the Jonin to see if there were any further complaints about the living quarters.</p><p>Some of the female Jonin had reported a ‘peeping tom’ that apparently had been running rampant in the barracks for months. They’d all caught him at some point, but only glimpses. So, she’d spent her whole day interviewing others and tracking down the pervert. Eventually, the investigation had devolved into an all out manhunt. When the culprit was finally found, he’d confessed immediately and had swiftly received a decent beating from a group of Kunoichi that had followed her through the whole process. Atsuko chalked it up as inner-community policing and, after the street justice had been served, she’d placed the peeping tom on toilet duty for a month. That situation had resulted in a ton of paperwork.</p><p> </p><p>Then, there was an issue at the hospital. An increase in injuries among Shinobi on recent missions had caused a shortage of bandages and standard antiseptic, so Atsuko had gone to broker a deal between the hospital and some local grocery stores to assist in filling the gap until the next shipment came in. While speaking with the Matron, she’d seen Tenzo dropping off Hatsu for her shift. They’d shared a brief kiss and Atsuko found herself filling with some form of contempt. Immediately after the feeling washed through her, she’d felt embarrassed. She wasn’t upset that Tenzo had moved on, she realized. She was just upset that he was <em>happy</em>. That Hatsu was <em>happy. </em>And that realization scared her. Had she become so bitter in such a short time? Angered by other people’s happiness because she could never seem to find her own? She’d managed to brush the feeling off in a single smoke break, pouring herself back into her work.</p><p> </p><p>She thought she’d been doing a good job at maintaining her normal personality. Caring and welcoming. However, on Thursday night, Kakashi had stopped her on her way to shower, a single hand wrapped tightly around her elbow as she attempted to bustle past him in the tight hallway.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You know it’s not your fault, don’t you?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He asked her, tone low and hushed as if there was someone else in the house that might overhear them. Atsuko immediately jerked her head in his direction, eyebrows drawn down in anger and confusion, but he didn’t even spare her a glance. Instead, he’d released her arm and continued to walk down the dark hall as if he’d never said anything at all. The hairs on the beck of her neck stood at attention as she fought the initial urge to lash out at him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>How could he say something like that to her and then just walk away? He had no idea what she was going through. No idea what it was like to carry the weight that she could have done anything and the current situation would be different. If she had just…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A sigh escaped her as the realization sunk in. He may not know her specific circumstances, but that wasn’t his fault. She couldn’t tell him. Especially not now. But he was familiar with what she was </em>
  <b>
    <em>feeling</em>
  </b>
  <em>. In fact, if there was anyone on this planet who truly understood the regret and shame she was experiencing right now, it was Kakashi. He’d spent his entire youth blaming himself for Obito and Rin’s deaths.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She turned heel as she followed him down the hallway, only to find him already seated on the couch in the living room, one leg crossed casually over the other as he prepared to thumb to the page he’d left off on in his book. Before he could peel the pages open, he’d looked up at her with a question expression, waiting for her to speak first.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry if I’ve been… distant this past week. You’re right. I am taking Itachi’s death harder than I should or thought I would. And Sasuke being with the Akatsuki… I feel like there are so many things I could have done to change this outcome and I just-“</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko started out strong, but she was beginning to ramble by the end. So, Kakashi cut her off.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You did everything you could for both of them. The path Sasuke is on now… it’s his to follow. You didn’t push him towards it and he’s smart and strong enough to make his own decisions. But you can’t punish yourself for something you had no control over.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He stated, calmly laying his book down in his lap. That was ironic, coming from him. But she supposed he understood it just as well as she did. He also didn’t know the full story… still, what he said was right. Even if she did have some control at one point, that was gone now. It was well and truly out of her hands. Atusko sighed, crossing the living room to sit down beside him, resting her head against his arm. He moved easily to accommodate her, wrapping the arm around her shoulders and allowing her to rest against his chest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Thank you. It’s easier said than done, I’m sure you know that… But hearing that from someone else makes me feel a little better.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She sighed, and he squeezed her shoulders in response, pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head. It was funny, she thought, how broken they both were. But how those jagged edges seemed to fit together perfectly. He made up for her shortcomings and vice versa.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And I’ll always be here to tell you things that make you feel better.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi promised, causing her to chuckle softly against his chest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Even if it’s all lies?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, and he hummed, running his thumb in soothing circles around her shoulder.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’ll fill you with delusions of grandeur until we’re old and grey, dear.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>After that short conversation, Atsuko found that she calmed down slightly. It didn’t get rid of that self-doubt and regret entirely, but it made her reflection bearable again. There was still time. Sasuke was alive and she would see him again, she just prayed he didn’t get too deeply involved with the Akatsuki in the meantime. And Itachi was finally at peace, released from his burden and pain at long last. Jiraiya had been sent on a mission to investigate the Akatsuki leader, so when he got back, maybe he would have some information that would lead to Sasuke. For the next several days, she tried to focus on work and taking everything one day at a time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>——————————————-</em>
</p><p> </p><p><em>“</em>Atsuko. Hey, wake up. We need to go see Lady Tsunade.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi encouraged, shaking her shoulder slightly as he roused her from her sleep. Atsuko managed to pull her eyes open a bit before rolling away from him to look at the clock on her bedside table.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s five in the morning. What could she possibly want so early?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned, a slight groan in her voice because she knew it didn’t matter what was needed. The Hokage had called them to her office and they were expected to be there, no matter the circumstances.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure. But according to Shizune, it’s urgent. So, come on.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi replied, pulling the blanket from her sleeping form, releasing all the pleasant warmth she’d built up over the night. Atsuko sighed, sitting up without another thought or protest. Her body moved to get ready while her mind struggled to catch up. Though, as she began pulling on her typical outfit, a faint dread settled in the base of her stomach, her insides churning uncomfortably. She really couldn’t imagine what was so urgent that it had to be discussed at five in the morning on a Tuesday, but her body seemed to sense a change in the atmosphere as she dressed in her dark room.</p><p> </p><p>Everything felt off. The hairs on the back of her neck stood at attention and her head felt like she was swimming. Underwater. Her room didn’t feel like her room. The way the singular bedside lamp cast shadows against the walls, tinged a soft blue by dawn creeping in through her window, made the space feel distant. Atsuko was still too hazy to put a finger on what was wrong, but the anxiety in her chest was building rapidly and her stomach was crawling up her throat. She rushed to put her clothes on as she tried to fight the feeling of a cold sweat breaking out on her palms.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry… I feel like I’m going to be sick all of the sudden.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko mumbled, just as she managed to pull her shirt on over her shoulders. Her skin felt cold, clammy, and her mouth filled with saliva as she pushed past Kakashi to exit the bedroom. He was quick on her heels, but she darted for the bathroom, immediately dropping to her knees and emptying the sparse contents of her stomach into the toilet. A hand wrapped around her hair as she wretched, holding it back out of her face. When it felt like the wave of sickness had passed, Atsuko pulled herself away from the toilet bowl with a shocked expression, eyes wide and watery.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned, his hand releasing its hold on her hair in favor of rubbing soothing circles on her upper back. Atsuko shook her head, hands trembling slightly where she gripped the toilet bowl.</p><p> </p><p>“Something’s wrong…”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, spitting into the toilet with a frustrated expression. Kakashi fell silent for a moment, before the soothing hand on her back turned a firm one, encouraging her to stand.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure everything is okay. Maybe you just ate something bad.”</p><p> </p><p>He replied, filling the cup they used for mouth wash with water from the tap. When Atsuko stood on slightly shaky legs, he offered it to her and she gratefully downed the entire cup, water spilling down the sides of her mouth and slicking her chin. Kakashi reached up to wipe the water away with his thumbs, cradling the underside of her jaw with his other fingers. She knew he could tell she was still worried, eyebrows drawn down as she tried to fight the dread.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, it’ll be okay. But we should probably go, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi encouraged, and she nodded slowly against his loose grip on her jaw. Morning sickness… maybe nothing was wrong at all. Maybe he was right. Maybe all of the constant sex had caught up with them. That thought actually didn’t scare her like it would have a few years ago. It eased the concern for the time being and she let out a sigh of relief.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah… yeah, okay. Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko confirmed, and with that, they left to head for the Hokage Tower. Shizune escorted them, but she refused to say anything about what Lady Tsunade wanted. That anxious feeling felt like it was a gnawing a hole in Atsuko’s stomach, burning and painful. Kakashi tried to provide her support in the best way he could, holding her sweaty hand for the entire walk. It took a few minutes, but half way through their walk, the sun started to peak over the horizon.</p><p> </p><p>The cloudless, blue, sky should have calmed her nerves somewhat. However, Atsuko found the calm of the early morning unsettling. She’d taken this walk every day for the last 3 years but she couldn’t help the unfamiliar, disconnected, feeling that overwhelmed her. It felt like she’d woken up in a different reality. The small sounds of the village rousing that used to comfort her only put her further on edge. Pots clanging together made her eyebrow twitch. Soft voices overlapping combined into a larger, discordant, roar that made her teeth grind together. Her body felt hyper tuned. She could count the ridges on Kakashi’s palm if she wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>The last time she’d been to the Hokage’s office this early, she’d left with a child, a heart full of grief, and the weight of knowledge she’d never be able to rid herself of. Kakashi had been there too, she realized. It felt like Déjà vu and, suddenly, she knew why everything felt different. Like a bell ringing in her brain. Her life was about to change in a major way, just like it had that early morning all of those years ago. She could <em>feel </em>it. Like all of the energy in the universe was converging right in front of her, opening a door and ushering her through. Her hand tightened around Kakashi’s and she did her best to tamper down her high-strung senses.</p><p> </p><p>When they reached the Hokage tower, ascending the stairs took all the effort her body could produce. Her feet feeling like they were growing heavier with each step. There was no telling what they were walking in to, but she didn’t entertain a single prediction. It wasn’t productive and it would only make her fear worse. Shizune led them down the long hallway, and even pushed the door to Tsunade’s office open for them, gesturing for them to walk in ahead of her. The sight in the room sent an immediate chill down Atsuko’s spine. She knew exactly why she was here just based on the look on Tsunade’s face and the other guest in the room. A toad.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko… you may want to have a seat.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade stated softly, but the weariness in her voice was hard to miss. The red puffiness under her eyes, glaring against her fair skin, read like warning labels to Atsuko. She knew what this was about, but she couldn’t bring herself to even think the words. It was more like an understanding that her brain refused to acknowledge. Kakashi’s hand released her own and he guided her to a single chair in the middle of the room with a hand on her back, directly in front of Tsunade and the toad with grey eyebrows and a tiny cloak wrapped around his shoulders. Her heart was pounding in her ears, so she didn’t even hear her own voice when she asked,</p><p> </p><p>“Tsunade… What happened?”</p><p> </p><p>There was a long pause after that. Or, at least, it felt long. That single moment stretched on for an eternity. Tsunade seemed like she wasn’t able to answer. Atsuko could almost imagine the same burning pain in her throat was affecting the woman across from her as well. A shared agony.</p><p> </p><p>“You are Jiraiya-boy’s daughter? Atsuko?”</p><p> </p><p>The toad suddenly questioned, drawing Atsuko’s attention away from Tsunade. When she turned her eyes towards him, she nodded slowly, swallowing harshly against the boulder in her throat.</p><p> </p><p>“We never had the chance to meet. I am Fukasaku. One of the Great Toad Sage’s from Mount Myōboku. Jiraiya was my student when he was younger.”</p><p> </p><p>Fukasaku introduced himself, and Atsuko nodded again, managing to sputter out.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nice to meet you.”</p><p> </p><p>But her voice wavered, cracking as she attempted to get through the introduction. It was an honor to meet him, but the reason for him being here was more important. The weight of that was not lost on her. Fukasaku and Tsunade exchanged a look that made her heart sink further into the pit of her stomach and she drew in a shaky inhale through her nose.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko… as you know, Jiraiya left on a mission a little over a week ago to investigate the head of the Akatsuki.”</p><p> </p><p>Tsunade began, and Atsuko’s eyes scrunched shut in preparation for the blow that was coming. Tears welled in her eyes immediately and she sunk her teeth into her bottom lip to keep her mouth pinched shut. Despite this, an audible whimper rose from her throat, escaping through her nose.</p><p> </p><p>“Dear… I’m sorry to meet you under such circumstances, but… Jiraiya was killed in battle.”</p><p> </p><p>Fukasaku stated, and Atsuko immediately doubled over, burying her face in her knees. It felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. No. Worse than that. Like someone was cutting her open and pulling her heart out of her chest. Gutting her alive. She tried her hardest not to cause a scene, but the second she felt Kakashi’s comforting hand petting her hair, she drew in a sharp gasp and began sobbing openly into her knees. She wrapped her arms around her legs, curled up as small as she possibly could in the chair, fighting back the scream her throat wanted to release.</p><p> </p><p>There were words of condolences being thrown around. She could barely hear them in her grief, blood rushing to her head and causing all of the words to morph into one, unintelligible, mess. Atsuko was sure she’d never felt like this before. It was the single most painful thing she’d ever experienced. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. She felt like she was emptying the contents of her soul into her knees, sobbing so harshly that her throat couldn’t produce anymore sound. Just choked silence as she gasped for air. And, in that moment, the only coherent thought she had was a looping soundbite of one of the last things her father had said to her. She could see his face, bright and smiling. Hear his voice, ringing in her ears like some twisted joke.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Don’t worry about me. I’ll always be here, so just fit me in whenever you can.”</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please, y'all. The final part of this chapter was so difficult to write for me. Like I spent a whole day agonizing over it and crying it was a mess! I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter and just because misery loves company I hope some of you cried like I did. Next chapter, we see the fallout of Jiraiya's death and the first rumblings of the Pain Attack. Again, Kakashi briefly dies in this arc so!!! Just gonna keep putting Atsuko through so much pain. Wonder how she's going to change... because she will. See everyone next week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Transmutation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs That Inspired This Chapter: </p><p>Drunk Walk Home - Mitski</p><p>I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace</p><p>Last Words of a Shooting Star- Mitski (sorry can you tell i like mitski)</p><p>Merry Go 'Round - Kacey Musgraves</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Atsuko often wondered how her life could have been different. If she hadn’t committed to being a Shinobi. If her mother hadn’t died. If she’d never met Itachi or Sasuke or Tenzo or Kakashi. If the people she credited with saving her life had never come around or crossed her path. Her life could have taken so many different paths had just a few things changed. Had she just made a single, different, decision. Leaving the village instead of taking up the task of caring for Sasuke. Staying with the Akatsuki after Sasuke left. Not breaking things off with Tenzo, or picking him in the first place all those years ago. A single moment could have changed all of it.</p><p> </p><p>However, there was one thing she never thought about changing. She never considered a life <em>without </em>Jiraiya. Ever since she met him, it felt like he always belonged there. A puzzle piece that had been missing from the big picture. Quickly, she’d found that it was almost like he’d always been there. Maybe it was some childlike naïveté, thinking her father would always be around. That he was indestructible. Never once thinking that there would be a time he’d be taken from her again. She knew she couldn’t hide behind the excuse of blissful ignorance forever, though. In reality, she felt like she’d taken him for granted.</p><p> </p><p>Now, he was gone. And all of the moments she spent with him felt small and insignificant in comparison to the ones she was spending <em>without </em>him. Somehow, it was a struggle to recall specific details now. It was like her brain was locking all of the good memories away to keep her from hurting more than necessary. Only two weeks had gone by since his death and she already couldn’t remember his voice. If it weren’t for the few pictures she had of him, she was sure she would have already forgotten his face too. The only thing she could remember him saying word for word was the same quote she’d heard on repeat that day in Tsunade’s office. The memories that used to feel so crisp faded into nothing more than a vague recollection. Like a scene she’d read in a book years ago. The details were fuzzy and she found herself wondering if it was a trauma response or if she’d just never deemed any of the moments important enough to remember.</p><p> </p><p>That thought only fed the fire inside her. Burning with a need to place blame somewhere. She blamed herself for not spending more time with Jiraiya. For never being there when the people she loved needed her the most. She blamed Tsunade for letting him go on that mission alone in the first place. This village had taken <em>everything </em>from her and she found her anger growing with every passing day. It had taken Itachi and, by extension, Sasuke. Her mothers position at the hospital had run her ragged. Until she was ill and dying. The village took Jiraiya from her by not sending him with back up. By letting him go and investigate the leader of the Akatsuki in the first place without a solid plan. The village had taken her youth and innocence, crushing her spirit over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>But it was bigger than that. It wasn’t <em>just </em>the village. It was the Shinobi world as a whole. The never ending fighting and cyclical hatred had been the direct cause for all of those horrible things. If the clans had never started fighting and the villages had never been created, Hashirama Senju wouldn’t have doled out the Tailed Beasts like bargaining chips to other villages. The Akatsuki wouldn’t be hunting down Jinchūriki and Jiraiya wouldn’t have had to investigate them. In fact, if the fighting had never started and the wars never declared, he could have been around for her childhood. If the clans had brokered peace long before the creation of the village, the Uchiha wouldn’t have been so distrusted and disliked. There were so many things that led to where they were today as a society that directly effected <em>her </em>and the people she cared about. Despite the first domino being knocked down several generations ago. The <em>world </em>was to blame for all of her heartache and anguish. Every time she felt like things were going well, the ground dropped out from under her, sending her plummeting back to the starting point.</p><p> </p><p>In all honesty, she’d moved past the depression stage of grief fairly quickly. Now, all she could feel was anger. Bubbling deep inside her stomach and threatening to tear her apart at any given moment. It had boiled over a week ago but she couldn’t even really bring herself to care about the fall out.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Atsuko. Will you please talk to me? I know this is hard, but completely shutting down isn’t-“</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi started, following behind her worriedly as she marched ahead of him. He’d come to collect her from the bar she’d been frequenting since Jiraiya’s death. She sat at the booth they’d had their first real conversation at every night since she’d received the news of his passing. At first, she’d defended it by saying she wanted to feel close to him again. But that excuse had fallen to the wayside when she decided she didn’t care why people thought she was there. The real answer was simple enough. To drink until she could forget.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Oh, the poster boy for PTSD is going to tell </em>
  <b>
    <em>me </em>
  </b>
  <em>how I should handle something? Please. Just leave me alone, Kakashi.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko replied, sarcasm dripping off of her tongue like acid. The words oozing past her teeth and leaving a trail of burn holes in her wake. There was a sigh from behind her, but she just continued to walk forward.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re hammered.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi observed, going from pleading to standoffish in a single moment. Atsuko scoffed, stuffing her hands in her pockets.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Not nearly enough to deal with you right now. Why did you come get me anyway? Think you could wrap me up in your arms and make it all better? Oh poor, broken, Atsuko. So damaged and sad. She needs a big, strong, man to come take care of her.~”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She cooed, tone sickly sweet and mocking. He really was getting on her last nerve. Begging her to talk to him like that would fucking fix anything. Like it would bring Jiraiya back. Like it would bring Itachi back. They could talk until they were blue in the face, but the outcome remained the same.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That’s not what I’m saying. At all. And you know it.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi responded, clipped and angry. For some reason, the bite in his voice only spurred her on. Maybe she could actually get a rise out of him for once. Make him feel as angry as she did right now. All that sugar coated bullshit about soulmates and love was starting to turn sour in her eyes. How long would it be before he grew tired of her? Or before the world decided it would take him from her as well? Her jaw clenched tightly, the sound of her teeth clacking together rattling around in her skull.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Whatever you say. I shouldn’t even have to say anything at all. We’re ~soulmates~. Remember? Shouldn’t you know what I’m thinking?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko asked, but it wasn’t a genuine question. She was throwing their connection back in his face. All of those whispered confessions he’d made to her in the early hours of the morning. The sentiments she’d returned. She remembered how he’d choked on his words, stuttering out a censored version he thought wouldn’t make him sound pathetic. She’d encouraged him to say what he meant with no filters. Now, she was using it to illicit some kind of reaction. Misery did, indeed, love company.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Are you serious right now?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi questioned, low and almost threatening. She couldn’t see his face, but she imagined he was wearing that dark look. The one that was supposed to scare the bad guys. Eyes narrowed and brows drawn down.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“As a heart attack. You think I’m your soulmate? Think we share the same feelings and thoughts? Then tell me what I’m thinking right now.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko responded, stopping dead in her tracks and turning heel to directly challenge him. She had been right about the look he was fixing her with and the fire in her stomach burned even hotter. Her heart pounding against her chest. The thrill of an actual fight causing adrenaline to rub up against her drunken nerves. Invincible. Ten foot tall and bullet proof. Combined with the fury she was already harboring, she was sure she was quite the sight as well.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There were several beats of silence as the tension between them grew. The street was empty save for a few moths fluttering towards the street lamps, the sound of their heavy bodies hitting the bulbs over and over. It was cool out and the air was filled with electricity. Something heavy and indescribable. She had a hard time discerning if a storm was blowing in or if it was their standoff producing the energy. Kakashi’s eyes never left hers, narrowed into dark slits as he tried to determine the best course of action. But he never came to a conclusion. Atsuko gave up, throwing her hands up in the air and taking his silence as an answer.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That’s what I thought. You haven’t got a fucking clue. Soulmates my fucking ass. We were both just desperate for a connection. Now, here we are. Too scared to be with anyone else because that means having to be vulnerable again.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko ranted, turning her back on him to keep walking. She knew he would follow, hearing the soft thud of his feet in the dirt. At this point, she wasn’t sure what point she was trying to make. Or if she was trying to make one at all. Just yelling for the sake of yelling. Letting out any tiny insecurity she’d ever had involving him. Distracting from the real issues. The ones she wasn’t ready to talk about.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Fuck, why don’t you just leave me so we can put an end to this, huh? It’s never going to get better, ya know. I’m always going to be this fucked up. I’m always going to keep secrets from you. Things might be okay for a while, sure. But it’ll all drop out from under us eventually. Just like it always fucking does. Fucking doomed. Thats the only thing we have in common, you know. We’re both just doo-“</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko was raving endlessly now, the alcohol taking over as her emotions flared. Every dark thought she’d ever had about their relationship pouring from her mouth as she rambled. She wanted him to fight back. Yell at her. Give her what she wanted. So, she just kept going. Saying any hurtful thing she could to push him to snap. Because if she had to see his calm and measured face one more time while she was burning from the inside out… she’d lose her fucking mind.</em>
</p><p>
  <em><br/>
Then, she’d been stopped mid-sentence. A hand clamping down tightly on her shoulder. So tightly, in fact, she hissed at the pain. Kakashi spun her around so fast it took her eyes a moment to catch up, blurs of color from the streetlights and buildings swirling together. When she managed to refocus, all of those hateful words died in her throat. Rotting away in an instant and sinking back into the fiery pit in her stomach. Returning to the hell they’d risen from.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He was not fixing her with that calm and calculating stare this time. No. Kakashi’s eyes were wrenched wide open, eyebrows drawn down in absolute devastation. Honestly, he looked like he was about to cry. But before she could get used to the expression, he was closing the distance between them, a hand on her chin holding her head steady as he forced the eye contact. Atsuko’s stomach churned at the hurt written on his face, but she still held a reserve of strength purely based on the idea that she didn’t want to be wrong. She didn’t want to apologize.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I know exactly what you’re thinking right now. You’re pissed off at the world for taking Jiraiya from you. You want to burn it all down and spit on the ashes. Maybe then, everything will look how you </em>
  <b>
    <em>feel.</em>
  </b>
  <em> You’re looking for someone to blame but the only answer that feels right is that it’s everyones fault.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi spoke, voice cracking slightly as he struggled to keep his volume low. Just barely above a rasped whisper. Atsuko’s eyes were welling with hot tears already, bottom lip trembling as his grip on her chin tightened.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You think you’re destined to lose everyone you’ve ever loved. You think I’ll be gone eventually too, so might as well push me away while you can. So you can pretend it was your choice. But I’m not going anywhere.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He continued, and Atsuko tried to pull away from him at that. Tried to turn her head to break the eye contact that was burning her alive. The rotten words she’d been spewing at him moments prior were replaced with the metallic taste of blood as she bit into the meat of her cheek in an attempt to keep herself from sobbing. However, he didn’t allow her to turn away. His grip on her chin tightened and, he reached up with his other hand to lower his mask. Then, he was wrapping that arm around her waist, pulling her closer despite the tension in her muscles.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m not going anywhere, Atsuko. You can say whatever you want to me, but I’m not leaving you. Never. Do you understand that? Do you want to know why?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi asked, and she found that he’d lowered his mask specifically so she could read his lips. So she could really feel what he was getting ready to say. She stopped struggling against his grasp as the tears spilled over, going limp in his arms. Her face fell and there was a rumbling of thunder in the distance.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Because I love you. This is it for me. So, no matter how hard you push. No matter how difficult things get. I’m sticking it out with you until the end. And, despite what you say, I know you would do the same for me. You already have.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He finished, the devastated look on his face morphing into something more confident and rigid over the course of his confession. Honestly, it was a little scary. The determination in his eyes. Dark and deep. Atsuko couldn’t think of a single thing to say. All of her wild bravado had been sucked out of her. Now, all she was left with was an aching sadness and a body full of liquor.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Her throat felt like it was going to swell shut from the effort it was taking to hold back the sobs. But then, he leaned forward. Pressing a soft kiss to her slightly agape lips. The hand holding her chin moved upwards, his palm cupping her jaw as his fingers slid behind her ear, coaxing her closer. Drawing her in. That’s when the levy broke. She sobbed into his mouth, her hands coming up to grab fistfuls of his shirt. Kakashi only hummed in understanding, pulling away from the kiss to hold her against his chest as she cried.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Despite the fact that he’d broken through her defenses at the end, Atsuko had continued to distance herself from Kakashi in the following days. She was furious and embarrassed. So sick and tired of him having to pick up her pieces over and over again. So, instead of giving him the opportunity to coddle her anymore, she stayed out of the house as much as possible. Coming home late into the night and leaving the house early in the morning so she wouldn’t have to see him.</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, it wasn’t just Kakashi she was avoiding. It was everyone. Her relationship with Tsunade had crumbled under the weight of their shared grief. Neither woman discussed much of anything anymore and Shizune was handling all of the community outreach for the time being. Atsuko having been sidelined and stuck with desk duty. Tenzo had tried to come and speak to her at one point as well, but she’d coldly turned him away despite his offer of condolences. Neji, Shikamaru, and Sakura had all attempted to speak to her over the course of the last two weeks as well. But everyone was met with the same, distant, standoffish response. A muttered ‘Thanks’ or ‘I’m fine’ from Atsuko.</p><p> </p><p>The mere idea of people trying to connect with her. Relate to her. Offer her sympathy. It infuriated her to no end and she didn’t have the energy to consider why that was. The only person who may slightly understand her predicament was Naruto. But she hadn’t bothered to seek him out after she knew he’d been given the news and now he was gone. Off training with the toads at Mount Myōboku. Even if he could understand the way she was feeling, the mere idea of talking to him or <em>anyone </em>made her sick to her stomach. In reality, the only person she actually wanted to see was someone she couldn’t contact.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke was on her mind constantly now. The parental part of her heart aching after losing her own parent. Combined with the idea that this was how Sasuke felt all of the time. Every day after the Uchiha Massacre. She’d tried her best to get him to open up and release some of that anger, but now she truly understood why he’d left the village. Why tracking down Itachi was his singular goal. If what she was currently feeling was even a fraction of what he had to deal with as a child… She was surprised he didn’t snap sooner. In fact, the actions he’d taken thus far were mild in comparison to what she felt she was capable of in her current state. The only emotion that was more prevalent in her than anger was the desperate need to speak with Sasuke again. To see him and support him again. To tell him the truth about Itachi if he hadn’t already found out.</p><p> </p><p>There was so much she’d missed out on with Jiraiya not being a part of her childhood. When they finally did discover the connection, however, he’d done everything he could to be a good father. Now that he was dead, she ached with the things left unsaid and with the weight of the wasted time. She didn’t want to leave Sasuke with that feeling when she died. The same feeling he’d already experienced once when his biological mother had died. She wanted to do everything in her power to create more memories. To draw the line in the sand and be in his corner undeniably. In her opinion, too much time had been wasted already.</p><p> </p><p>The fact that she couldn’t reach him or even begin to go about contacting him only added to her restless fury. Yet again unable to do anything that mattered.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>———————————————</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko carefully opened the front door, slow and deliberate as not to make any unnecessary noise. It was 3 in the morning and Kakashi would be in bed by now. Which meant she could shower and lay down without having to speak with him. After work, she’d done what she’d done every night since he’d picked her up from the bar. Gone to the training grounds and trained until her body ached. Her chakra spent. It helped get rid of that unspent energy and anger without starting a bar fight. But the fix was only temporary. Tomorrow morning, she’d wake up furious and sick. For now, though, she’d take advantage of the empty feeling in her skull. Body and mind too worn to worry any more.</p><p> </p><p>She crept into the house, toeing off her sandals by the doorway. However, as she rounded the corner into the living room, she noticed that the lamp was on a little too late. Kakashi was awake, sitting on the couch with a book in hand. When she entered the room, he raised his head like a dog on high alert, peering at her in mild shock before relaxing and turning back to his book.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s late. Didn’t know if you were coming home.”</p><p> </p><p>He stated, quiet and monotone. Atsuko sighed, setting her purse on the table. She wanted to end this interaction as soon as possible. Her stomach churning and teeth grinding at the idea of having to talk to him after what had happened the night he brought her home from the bar.</p><p> </p><p>“I always come home… But I’m tired… So, I’m going to shower and go to bed.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied, already quickly walking towards the hallway.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko. Wait.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi suddenly called out, and she let out another sigh, stopping dead in her tracks but not turning to face him.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you… are you having an affair?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, voice barely above a whisper. <em>That </em>drew her attention. Her brow furrowed and she finally turned to face him. What the fuck? An affair? Did he think she was spending all of her time out of the house right after her father died because she was <em>cheating </em>on him?</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>Was all Atsuko could manage to ask, her voice just as confused and offended as she was sure her face looked. Kakashi shut the book he was reading, setting it down on the couch beside him before clasping his hands together and settling them in his lap.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re staying out late every night and you’re already gone when I get up in the morning. I haven’t seen you in <em>weeks</em>. And for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. So, the only thing that makes sense, is that you’re seeing someone else.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi answered, voice calm and measured. Like he’d been thinking about exactly what to say for quite some time. Atsuko’s head was spinning. This was the last thing she wanted to talk about right now. Logically, she could understand why her actions lead him to believe that upon first glance. But, her emotions were not following logic currently and the anger that had been exorcised at the training grounds was slowly building back up.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been <em>training </em>after work, Kakashi. Honestly, why would you even think something like that?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko managed, barely concealing the rage the single question had filled her with. How dare he accuse her of something like that? He really thought she was capable of having an affair when he father had just died a few weeks ago?</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it’s not like I’ve had the opportunity to ask you about where you’ve been. Why you’ve been gone. And I remember what it was like after Sasuke…”</p><p> </p><p>He defended, stating the last part a little softer than the rest as he backed down on his statement rather quickly. She could tell he was regretting even asking the question, but he was trying to explain his thought process. That final line though was like being punched in the gut. It was ignorant to assume that just because he’d forgiven her for the infidelity that he would trust her completely. Of course her actions would have lasting effects on how he saw her, but it still didn’t feel good.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not having an affair. I just don’t want to see you right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, stunned and voice far away as the words tumbled past her lips before she could stop them. It was the truth, but she couldn’t bring herself to explain. That would defeat the purpose. Her eyes fell to the floor as the confusing mix of emotion ran through her. Anger and regret running side by side. Mixing in her chest and leaving her feeling hollow and weightless.</p><p> </p><p>“Because of the secrets you’re keeping from me?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi asked, pulling her attention back up to him. Secrets? Then, she remembered what she’d said to him in her drunken state on their walk home.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I’m always going to be this fucked up. I’m always going to keep secrets from you.”</em></p><p> </p><p>Her heart sank at the realization, a cold sweat breaking out across her arms and chest. He’d been thinking about those words over and over for nearly two weeks, and she’d been avoiding him. No wonder he thought she was having an affair. But that wasn’t the secret she was talking about. Not even close. She was so angry at the village for what they’d done to Itachi and Jiraiya and it had bubbled to the surface in her drunken rant. Panic rose in her chest, but she wasn’t sure what the point of hiding the truth was anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“Kakashi… I really don’t want to-.”</p><p> </p><p>She started, but he cut her off quickly.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me, Atsuko.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi interrupted, and when her eyes met his, she felt all of the energy and strength sapped out of her in an instant. Her resolve quaked and shattered like china in an earthquake. In the end, it would always be Kakashi who broke her. After years of treading lightly, Jiraiya’s death had been the crack on the frozen lake she’d been skating across. Now, Kakashi would pull her into the freezing water. His serious but understanding gaze making it impossible to lie to him. Maybe it was time to let someone else in.</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t help me. Not with what I know and what needs to be done.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, sighing in defeat as she trudged over to the couch. She collapsed in the spot next to him, her head tilted back as she stared up at the ceiling. Spilling her guts would be easier this way. Focusing on the yellow light from the table lamp, filling the dark room with an eerie glow.</p><p> </p><p>“What needs to be done?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi questioned from beside her, shifting so that he could look at her profile. Atsuko hummed, nodding softly as she tried to work past the knot in her throat. For the first time in a long time, she felt nothing. Too exhausted and drained to muster even the slightest emotion.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not even sure if anything can be done if we’re being honest. It’s beyond me.”</p><p> </p><p>She replied softly, pondering that question. If the truth were known, would anything really change? Maybe not. But at this point, it was selfishness that lead her to telling Kakashi what happened. Just so she could share the burden of the knowledge with someone else.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko, what are you talking about?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, reaching across the couch to grab her chin, turning her head to face him. Atsuko allowed her gaze to linger for a moment. He was so beautiful… maybe it wasn’t fair to burden him just so she had someone to share the weight with her. But he had said he wanted to help and she was just so tired…</p><p> </p><p>“The village. Jiraiya. Itachi. It’s the village’s fault that they’re dead. It’s the village’s fault Sasuke is gone.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, unsure of how to begin to unpack all of this for him. Kakashi’s brow furrowed and the hand on her chin moved to wrap around her fingers, giving an encouraging squeeze. Maybe it was just best to start from the beginning.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>———————————————</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi had gotten up to prepare a pot of coffee for them at Atsuko’s request. She was tired in a spiritual sense, yes, but her body was run down as well. If she wanted to tell the story properly, she needed caffeine. When both of their cups had been filled, she started to tell him Itachi’s story. About how Lord Third and Danzo had directed him to slaughter the Uchiha Clan in order to prevent an uprising. How they had told her this information the day she’d been ordered to care for Sasuke. She told him about her conversations with Itachi during her time with the Akatsuki, and why she’d come to the conclusion to not tell Sasuke the truth. She even admitted to sabotaging the mission to retrieve Sasuke a few months ago.</p><p> </p><p>Then, she explained her anger at the village as a whole. How the system was backwards and the Shinobi world had taken everything she’d ever loved. Jiraiya being allowed to go on an extremely dangerous mission with no backup had just further solidified her anger. That’s why she was bringing all of this up now. For the most part, Kakashi sat in stunned silence as she spoke. In the end, the sun had risen and she was sitting on the living room floor, legs crossed under the coffee table as he sat on the couch, leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve been living with all of that for 8 years? You never told anyone?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi asked, voice low and disbelieving. Atsuko nodded, sipping her fifth cup of coffee. She wasn’t even tired anymore. Nerves jittery from too much caffeine and a lack of sleep.</p><p> </p><p>“No. The only person I ever discussed any of this with was Itachi. Very briefly.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, smoothing her hands down her pants and picking at a frayed string. Sharing all of that with him did make her feel a little better. But, she worried he would take issue with her views on the village. Her anger.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, Atsuko… So that’s why you never tried to talk Sasuke down from his revenge plot. You thought that it was what Itachi wanted all along.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi stated, more so like he was talking himself through the realization. Atsuko nodded, staring down at the coffee cup in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do… So, I did what I thought Itachi wanted. But I’ve started to realize, after Itachi’s death, that… really, all I did was pick the path of least resistance. It made it so I didn’t have to fight with Sasuke or tell him the truth and risk whatever fallout might have come from that.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko started, brows furrowed in concentration as she tried to translate her feelings into words. All of her thoughts and feelings felt like a tangled mess and she had no idea where to begin untangling them. Or if there was even a point in doing so.</p><p> </p><p>“I was already struggling with that. Then Jiraiya died and I-.”</p><p> </p><p>She stopped for a minute as her throat constricted and tears immediately welled in her eyes. In that moment, after all of this weight was lifted off of her shoulders, she realized that she’d been so angry that she’d never even taken the time to truly mourn him. Atsuko blinked away the tears, letting out a shaky breath before continuing.</p><p> </p><p>“Then Jiraiya died… and all of that anger I thought I’d made sense of just came hurdling back to the surface. Tsunade… she let him go on that mission by himself. If he’d had back up, maybe he would have at least made it back to the village. I started to think about it and… she was the one who sent a team of <em>Genin </em>to retrieve Sasuke from Orochimaru. Children, Kakashi. No wonder the mission failed. All of these slights combined with what I already knew about Lord Third and Danzo and Lord Second… I’ve just been so angry I can’t fucking think straight.”</p><p> </p><p>She huffed, words running together slightly at the end as she dropped her head forward, shoulders sagging. Kakashi was still quiet, allowing her to talk as she needed. Atsuko drew in a gasp of air as another wave of fury raced through her veins, jerking her head back up to look at him. His dark eyes were narrowed in concern, and she could see the faint dark circles developing from a sleepless night. But she felt like she could tell him anything in that moment. That he understood everything she was feeling.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, for fucks sake Kakashi, this village sent us to war when we were 9 years old. Obito. Rin. Our classmates and friends. All dead before they even hit puberty. All because of some petty power struggle between villages. I thought the point of the villages was to <em>prevent </em>wars. To stop the fighting. It’s just… fuck.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stopped, dropping her head into her hands with a sigh. Talking about it helped, but she still wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do about any of it. She just felt like she’d be stuck with these feelings forever. No action to correct the injustices. She would die with this burden and nothing would change.</p><p> </p><p>She heard Kakashi move from the couch, his sweatpants rustling against the fabric on the cushions. Then, the soft sound of his feet against the rug. He sat down on the floor next to her, carefully wrapping an arm around her shoulders and guiding her closer to him. Eventually, it ended with him cradling her against his chest, her seated between his crossed legs with his arms wrapped around her torso, hands clasped together over her stomach. Atsuko relaxed, dropping her head back to rest on the space under his chin.</p><p> </p><p>“You know… I think you did the best you could with the information you had. You did what you thought would be best for Sasuke and Itachi in the long run. And, you did it all while keeping that secret for years. So, don’t blame yourself. I know thats easier said than done… but it’s not your fault.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi started, his voice low as his warm breath fanned across the top of her head. Atsuko screwed her eyes shut, gripping his hands where they pressed against her stomach.</p><p> </p><p>“And… as far as the village goes… yeah, you’re right. It’s hard not to be angry after everything you and I have been through. And maybe there isn’t a real answer on how things should be handled. But I do know one thing.”</p><p> </p><p>He continued, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head when he paused. Hot tears welled in her eyes again as he held her, the words ringing true and cutting her to her core after years of keeping these walls erected.</p><p> </p><p>“Things can and will change. You helped raise the next generation of leaders and the future is in their very capable hands… We can’t change what has already happened. But we can change the future. Maybe, some day, some form of justice can be served. But until then, it would be best for you. For us. To reconcile within ourselves and do what we can and take it one day at a time.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi finished, voice soft and steady as he coaxed her through those complicated emotions. It sounded good. Letting it all go and living in bliss with him. Though, there was a question that had been nagging at her recently as well.</p><p> </p><p>“How do you… how did you move on from what happened? I didn’t know you when things were at their worst but everyone always talked about how much you’d changed. I don’t like the idea of you taking care of me when… when I know you’ve been through just as much as I have.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, words sounding a little wet as she spoke through the tears steadily coating her lips. Kakashi hummed, low in his throat while his hand moved to press against her stomach. The other one trailing upwards to press against her chest, right over her steadily beating heart.</p><p> </p><p>“I met you. Before that, I was a mess. I couldn’t sleep or eat. Didn’t have the motivation do much of anything other than just barely exist… But when I met you and we started to talk about some of the stuff from our past… the way you viewed things helped me.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi answered, cradling her close to his chest as he pressed another fleeting kiss to her scalp. Atsuko sniffled slightly, reaching down to hold his hands where they were pressed against her body. It was pathetic, but she felt so safe like this. Wanting nothing more than to stay in his embrace for the rest of her life. His touch made her mind slow, her body calm. Like administering a painkiller. It didn’t fix the root of the problem, but it sure as hell helped with the side effects.</p><p> </p><p>“You remember the first night I stayed here?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked quietly, and Atsuko found herself nodding at the memory.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko giggled under her breath as Kakashi trailed his fingers over her bare stomach, teasing and dipping to tickle her side. She smacked his hand away with a soft gasp, the grin never leaving her face as she rolled over on her side to face him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Quit. You’ll make me laugh and we’ll wake Sasuke.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She scolded, stomach full of butterflies at the way he grinned at her. Smug and teasing, lips pulled back to reveal the tips of his sharp canines.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Tch. If we didn’t wake him up a few minutes ago, I’m sure a few laughs aren’t going to wake him now.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi quipped, reaching out again to wiggle his fingers against the soft spot on her waist. Atsuko gripped his wrist as a soft laugh bubbled up from her chest. She floundered against his attack, trying to peel away as he pulled her closer to him, her feet lashing against the bed as the giggles brought tears to her eyes.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“ ‘Kashi! Stop it!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She pleaded, only for him to release his grip on her side with a laugh. But he didn’t let her go. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her naked body and adjusted so that she was laying against his chest, a leg curled up and thrown over his thigh. Their giggles died down, leaving them only with the sound of crickets and birds outside her bedroom window. The cool night air blew in, further drying the sweat on their bodies, and Atsuko found she’d never been more comfortable in her life. They’d been seeing each other for a couple months and this would be the first time either one of them was actually spending the night. Sleeping next to each other. Just the thought filled her with elation, her heart stuttering in her chest. However, she still needed to clean herself off before she could sleep, so she regretfully pulled herself from his grasp, sliding off of the bed.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m gonna go wash off… Be right back.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko told him, grabbing a robe and her sleeping clothes from a small chair in the room. She crept down the hallway with the robe tugged tightly around her middle and quickly wiped off in the bathroom. After she’d tugged her sleeping clothes on, she tiptoed back down the hallway, stopping for a brief moment to peak her head into Sasuke’s room. He was sleeping soundly, turned towards the door with his little legs curled up to his torso. In fact, he might have been drooling as well. A long day of training must have worn him out. She smiled to herself, pulling away and gently shutting the door behind her before heading back to her bedroom.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>When she entered the room, Kakashi had pulled his underwear and t-shirt back on and he was sitting with his back against the headboard, hands firmly planted in his lap as he looked around at her decorations. Atsuko smiled, going to collect the clothes she’d been wearing before he’d tugged them off of her, dumping them into the hamper.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You okay? Seem a little nervous.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko commented, joining him on the bed and flicking on a bedside lamp in the process. The wash of warm light highlighted his features just perfectly. The yellow bulb mixing with the blue hues from outside casting him in shadows and colors that caused her chest to tighten. His dark eye fluttered shut in mild embarrassment, a faint blush tinting his cheeks.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ah. I guess so. I’ve never stayed the night with anyone before.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi commented, visibly putting in the effort to relax his shoulders as he settled back against the headboard. Atsuko chuckled, crossing her legs and turning to face him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Never? Not even when you were a kid with friends or family?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, reaching out and taking one of his massive hands in her own. She absentmindedly studied his fingers, turning them around and taking notice of the blue veins against pale skin. The muscle and tendons. He allowed it, gaze falling to where she was toying with him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No. I didn’t have many friends growing up. No family either. Not my age, anyway… Did you have sleepovers?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi returned the question, Atsuko tracing lines against the sensitive skin on the inside of his fingers. His palm. Watching the way he twitched when she brushed over a sensitive spot.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hm. A couple times during my first year at the Academy. The girls mother’s kind of… made us? They were like group babysitting sessions really. But it was fun.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko responded, seemingly content with the information she’d gathered from his hands. Instead, her focus moved up to his forearm, tracing the protruding veins and silvery hairs.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“So what do people do? At sleepovers, I mean.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi asked, tongue caught in his throat at the way she was paying such close attention to his body. Atsuko smirked, pulling her head up for to lock eyes with him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, we certainly weren’t doing what you and I just did.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She joked, drawing a soft chuckle from Kakashi. She released his hand, allowing it to fall back to his lap as she reclined back against the bed, propping her feet up against the headboard. Kakashi seemed to see this as his opportunity, grabbing her ankles and pulling her feet over until she was laying diagonally across the bed. His hands moved quickly, rubbing soft circles against the tired muscles on her feet as Atsuko let out a gentle sigh.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ah, Kakashi, you don’t have to…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She started to say, moving to sit up and stop him from giving her the massage. He waved a dismissive hand before going back to his ministrations, pulling a soft moan from her throat. He chuckled again.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I want to. Seems like you like it, anyway. Now, what do people do at sleepovers?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He repeated his question, Atsuko laying back again with her hair dangling off the side of the mattress. She relished in the feeling of her tense muscles soothing at his touch, searching for an answer.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I mean, we were just kids. We talked about our crushes and people we didn’t like…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She started, only for him to pipe up.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, I would hope that I am your only crush presently. And we already talk about the people we don’t like.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi pointed out, rubbing a particularly sore spot on her foot. Atusko giggled as all of the nerves in her body tingled with the tension release. Both at his response and at the feeling of his hands massaging her feet.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You are my only crush at the time being, yes. That can change if you ever stop rubbing my feet, though.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko quipped, earning her a harsh pinch to the back of her calf. She jerked her leg away for a moment with a laugh, pulling her head up in time to see Kakashi’s disapproving scowl. When she dropped her head back down he let out a soft, ‘Watch it…’ before going back to his self imposed job.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m kidding… but seriously, thats all we did. Ate junk food and talked. Is there anything you want to talk about?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, letting out another sigh as his thumbs worked on the arch of her foot. He really was entirely too good with his hands. In more ways than one. Kakashi hummed in response, clearly thinking over the question, so Atsuko took the opportunity to look over him again. She tilted her head to the side until he was in her field of vision, smiling as she watched his face screw up in determination. Just like her, he’d never really been in a relationship before this. So it surprised her when he picked up on all of these sweet little nuances. Rubbing her feet. Washing the dishes after she’d made dinner with no prompting. Ordering for both of them when they went on their dates. Offering his arm to her for support when she was struggling to walk in a pair of heels. Small things that showed he paid attention and genuinely cared about her. It was like second nature to him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, what do people normally talk about?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi asked after a moment of concentrating and clearly coming up with nothing. Atsuko giggled at that, rolling her head back to stare at the ceiling again.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You ask that like you’re some kind of alien from another planet. Trying to learn how to be human.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She teased, immediately realizing how that could have hit a little closer to home than intended. Kakashi spent a large portion of his childhood standoffish and closed off from others. Then Obito and Rin had died and he’d only further secluded himself. Maybe he really was trying to learn how to be human.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay, here’s a good one. An icebreaker. What do you think the meaning of life is?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko asked, trying to steer the conversation away from her observation. She tilted her head again and Kakashi switched his ministrations to her other foot, again striking a nerve and sending a shiver through her body. But it didn’t phase him. He just focused on the task at hand as he turned the question over in his head.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I guess… I don’t really know. I’ve never really thought about it. I guess to just do as much good as you can. Be a good person. Protect innocents. Help when you can. Make the world a little bit better than it was when you were born into it. In some way. Even if it’s small.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi answered, finding his answer as he rambled. Atsuko hummed in agreement, taking in his expression as he said these things. It was a pretty standard answer, but she couldn’t really disagree.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why, what do you think the meaning of life is?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He asked, picking his head up from staring at her foot to meet her line of sight, his dark gaze relaxed and calming. Atsuko let out a sigh, shrugging the best she could in her current position.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Like you said. Making the world a better place than it was before you were born. Even if it’s just the tiniest bit… but, honestly, when I think about the meaning of life, I consider my actions. I try to do my best, but I’m not a humanitarian by any means. I’ve hurt and killed people just because they were deemed my ‘enemy’. Maybe inadvertently making the world a slightly worse place by cutting the life of someone important short. So, when I consider the meaning of life, I more so look at it as asking myself the reason I’m still </em>
  <b>
    <em>alive</em>
  </b>
  <em>.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko replied, eyes filtering away from him to look at the streetlamp across the street from her bedroom window. This question was a decent ice breaker and it opened the door for other existential topics. But it always reminded her of Itachi. The way he’d literally changed her world view.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What do you do when the meaning’s gone?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“So, for me… the reason I’m still alive when I could be dead. When I could’ve given up a long time ago… it’s because of love. Whether that’s selfish or not, I’m not sure. But the only reason I’m still alive is because of the people I love. I don’t want them to hurt when I’m gone. I don’t want to leave them behind. But it’s different for everyone, I think. The meaning of life is based on personal experience, so I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She continued, turning back to look at him again. His hands had moved in favor of massaging her calf now. Though, massaging was a loose term. More so, he was just running his hands over her smooth skin, listening intently.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“When I was younger and it felt like this was all going to be too much for me. Life, that is… I had a conversation like this once. Someone asked me what it meant to live. And I answered similar to the way you did. That my life had meaning because I was trying to protect the people close to me. But, at that point, there really wasn’t anyone left. So, I had lost my meaning. I didn’t want to die. Not really, anyway. But what was the point in being alive if there was no purpose? That’s when I decided to just… find a new meaning. Anything that filled me with the passion to keep going. So, maybe, that’s what it’s all about. Finding your passion and building your life around that passion.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko sighed, shrugging at the end.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say… I just think the meaning of life is ambiguous. There’s no definitive answer. Focusing on being a good person is kind of pointless when the definition of ‘good’ is subjective. Even people who do bad things can believe they’re doing them for the right cause.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She finished, not realizing she’d looked away from him while she was rambling. When she turned her eyes back to Kakashi, he was staring at her with reverence, his dark eye opened fairly wide and shining slightly. He was stiff, tilted forward like he was literally hanging on her every word.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“So your meaning… it’s love?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He asked, voice low and barely above a whisper. Atsuko shrugged again, a faint blush pooling on her cheeks.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I suppose. Like I said, I just look at everything I do and </em>
  <b>
    <em>why </em>
  </b>
  <em>I do it. I just figure all of my actions are based in love for the people around me. So that’s my meaning for now.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She answered, and he seemed a bit taken aback by her answer. His hands never stopped their warm trails up and down her legs as he stared at her in awe. All of the cogs in his head turning as he processed her words. He was extremely intelligent, but she felt like she may have actually stumped him this time. Or presented him with something he’d never considered.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Suddenly, he leaned forward and pulled his legs underneath him, stretching down to where her head laid at the foot of the bed. His hands ran up her legs, warm and smooth until they stopped their ascent at her hips and he was positioned lingering on top of her. Their noses touching and never losing eye contact. Until he decided to dip down and press one of those painful kisses to her lips. Slow and passionate, resonating with the deepest part of her soul. It only lasted for a few seconds, but when he pulled away Atsuko blinked up at him in a daze as a stupefied smile stretched across her face.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What was that for?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, and Kakashi returned the smile, leaning in to peck her lips again before pulling away fully and sitting back up on his knees above her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Just never thought of it like that before. Thank you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi hummed when he knew she’d recalled the scene. His hands were back on her stomach now, pressing her back to his chest as her held her in this warm embrace.</p><p> </p><p>“The meaning of life is ambiguous. When you said that… it really started to change the way I viewed the world. I always thought there was a right and a wrong way to do things. And that I’d always done the wrong thing… but I started to realize that there was more grey in the world. Things weren’t black and white and all we can do is work with the hand we’re dealt. You may not have known it at the time because I never told you, but you helped me forgive myself. That’s why I want to be here for you now.”</p><p> </p><p>He answered her question with finality, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. It sent a shiver down Atsuko’s spine, and she felt the tears welling in her eyes again.</p><p> </p><p>“What you said the other night… about things not getting better and asking me if I thought holding you would make it better… do you really think that way?”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi asked, resting his chin on her shoulder. Atsuko let out a shuddering breath, sighing against tear soaked lips. It took all of her effort to admit the weight she’d been carrying around for the last several weeks.</p><p> </p><p>“I… I just hate that you always have to pick up my pieces. I don’t know why I cant handle things with more grace. Why I’m so weak… But I feel like I’m always such a wreck.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, voice cracking as she tried to help him understand. Kakashi simply shook his head where it was lowered against her own, his hair brushing against hers.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t <em>have </em>to pick up your pieces. I want to be there for you when it gets to be too much. Because I love you. You’re not weak. You’ve been carrying around a lot for the last several years and I understand when you say everything keeps falling out from under you. But I won’t. So, please, let it out. Don’t shy away from me or your pain because you feel like you need to be stronger.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi encouraged, the simple words ‘let it out’ causing her to release a choked sob. Her throat burned from the effort of holding it all in. But those few words were all the permission she needed. Immediately she doubled over in agony, her sobs coming out choked and near silent due to the strain her body was suddenly put under. The muscles in her stomach <em>ached </em>and she knew the sounds she let out were pathetic. Kakashi cooed softly, turning her so she was facing him now, her legs wrapped around his back and her face buried his chest as they sat on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>After weeks of being angry about Jiraiya’s death. After <em>years </em>of hiding the truth about Itachi and then suffering through his death alone. Everything bubbled to the surface and she clutched his shirt with tight fists as she cried. She didn’t even realize she’d been fighting off the pain until it hit her like this. Until she fully gave into it and let the weight of everything sink in. Jiraiya was gone and no amount of anger would bring him back. Itachi was dead and no amount of regret would change that either. All she could think about in this moment were their smiling faces. The way they’d made her feel. All of those memories she thought were blurry and lost were coming back in crystal clear quality.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko wasn’t sure how long they stayed like this. Him allowing her to clutch onto the only person she had left in the world like he might slip through her fingers at any moment. But even when her throat was raw and her eyes incapable of producing anymore tears, he simply lifted her in his arms and carried her weakened body back to their bedroom. Laying down and drawing her into his embrace yet again. When she finally drifted off to sleep, her heart and head were empty. The contents laying in her living room floor and on the front of Kakashi’s shirt.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>———————————————</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Another week went by without much issue. Every day got a little easier as Atsuko forced herself to maintain her day to day activities. She managed to apologize to Tsunade for her standoffish behavior over the past weeks but the older woman had let her know it wasn’t necessary. She understood Atsuko’s pain. They’d even talked about Jiraiya for a while. Tsunade telling her stories from their Sanin days and Atsuko recounting a night out at the bar with her father that had gotten out of hand. It felt good to speak about him in the positive sense.<br/>
<br/>
Kakashi had been a saint. Helping her around the house and preparing dinner for them so she wouldn’t have to worry about it. They also talked about Itachi. He would tell her about his time on Team Ro and she would tell him about their training sessions. The words passed between them like soft secrets because no one else knew the truth about Itachi. They had discussed that as well, but Kakashi had helped her come to a temporary conclusion that didn’t make her sick every time she considered it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Let’s take it one day at a time. There is nothing that can be done right now and you really need to consider the repercussions of letting anyone else know this information… When Naruto gets back from training, we should focus on locating Sasuke. Then go from there.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She understood his position and the logic behind what he’d said. Changes needed to made to the system as a whole, but maybe letting out the information about Itachi wasn’t the best way to insure that. He was at peace now… so, for the time being, she was free to mourn in private while trying to focus on the people who were still alive.</p><p> </p><p>When Atsuko woke up the morning of her day off, she nursed a mild wine hangover. Though those tended to be the worst kind. She sighed when she realized Kakashi was not in bed with her, a note on his night stand that read he’d had to leave to handle something for Tsunade. Her nose wrinkled in disbelief. He’d had more to drink than she had last night and he wasn’t out of commission? Lucky bastard.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko’s head throbbed slightly as she clambered from the bed in desperate need of water and painkillers. When they’d both returned from work yesterday, Kakashi had talked her into opening a bottle of red wine that she’d been saving for a special occasion. Claiming that a Thursday evening was special enough. They’d spent the night preparing dinner, drinking, and reminiscing. For a moment, it had felt like it used to. Back when Sasuke was young and everyone was still alive. She remembered the very rare occasions where she and Kakashi had drank in mild excess while Sasuke was in the home. How she’d wrapped his squirming form up in her arms and drunkenly fawned over him until the stoic boy was blushing and embarrassed.</p><p> </p><p>But as she entered the kitchen and viewed the debris left behind by their drunken whirlwind, Atsuko sighed with the knowledge that reality was the present. And she was going to have to clean up all of this mess on her own. Before she could fool with the skillets covered in food and the pictures scattered across the living room floor, she made herself a cup of coffee and swallowed down a few painkillers. Then, she set to work slowly. Picking up the pace as her headache faded and the coffee began to work its magic. After an hour, she’d managed to clean up all of the leftover mess from their night in.</p><p> </p><p>Though, just as she was about to get in the shower and ready herself for the remainder of the day, her body tensed in alarm. The hairs on her arms rising at attention as a chill worked through her. It felt like every nerve ending she had was on edge. A <em>massive </em>chakra presence had just appeared in the village. She could feel it without even trying and that fact alone had her heart racing. The chakra was dense and finely tuned and one that she was not at all familiar with. As Atsuko stood in her bathroom, clutching a towel to her chest, all she could feel was that presence. It was close. Near the center of the village. Then, suddenly, it divided and dispersed in several different directions. There were a few brief moments of eerie calm, the only sounds being the pounding of her heart in her ears and the faint tweeting of birds outside her bathroom window…</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko’s floor rumbled harshly and the sound of breaking glass broke through the strange haze. A gasp tore its way up her throat and when she ran out of the bathroom into the hall, she saw exactly what was causing the noise and the tremors. Standing in her living room was the giant paw of an animal. Her roof was demolished, and as she peered upwards, she realized that the paw was attached to a massive dog. Immediately, she turned to run towards the back of the house. The sound of distant screams flooded in and her house was rocked by several more tremors as she attempted to at least clothe herself before she left. Brain silent as her body worked in over drive. What the fuck was happening?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am so sorry if this is hard to follow or doesn't make a whole lot of sense guys. Grief is so complicated and something I struggled with myself when my own father died and I STILL don't know 100% on how to or how I did process it. I just did my best to explain what the early days felt like? Either way, I like this chapter a lot and now Kakashi knows the truth!! But, I didn't think a big reaction from his part was warranted. Considering I'm not really sure if he cares much? He cares because of how it affects Atsuko and Sasuke to a degree. But his loyalty has always lied with the Village first and foremost. Logical to a fault. ANYWAY IM RAMBLING. I WANTED TO ASK YOU ALL SOMETHING. </p><p>Sometimes when this story gets too heavy or I feel like I've hit a roadblock, I hop over and write some lighter AU stuff just to kind of give a different perspective/cleanse my palette. Would you guys be interested in me uploading those little one-shots in another work? Currently, I have a Comic Book Shop AU and an AU where Atsuko stayed with the Akatsuki after Itachi picked her up in part one. Let me know if ya'll are interested and I'll post what I have next week! Thank you for the continued support!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Below</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs that Inspired this Chapter: </p><p>Uprising - Muse</p><p>Roslyn - Bon Iver and St. Vincent</p><p>A Case of You - Joni Mitchell</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Atsuko had managed to tug on just barely enough clothing to cover her body. A t-shirt and a pair of shorts she’d found laying on the floor near her hamper. The rumbling of the earth beneath her never stopped for a moment and as things began to crash to the floor, light bulbs shattering and knick knacks exploding into shards of porcelain, she knew she had to get out of the house as fast as possible. To determine what the hell was going on in the village and to save herself from the debris falling from the ceiling. Suddenly, the house shifted in a violent way, the ceiling groaning and the floorboards cracking. The massive paw in her living room had been lifted… which meant-</p><p> </p><p>A massive cloud of dust exploded into the room as a new hole was breached in the ceiling. Splintering wood flew in all directions, the sound of snapping joists causing Atsuko to shriek and throw herself across the room, towards the bed and away from the damage. She protected the back of her neck with her arms as she ducked down, face screwing up in preparation for a blow that would never land. There was another eerie silence after the calamity ceased, and she peaked her head up to see the back of yet another paw, planted firmly in her hallway and into what used to be Sasuke’s room. She only had a moment to stare in shock and pain before the screaming from people outside of her home drew her attention again. Right. She had to get out of here.</p><p> </p><p>In a hurry, she glanced around her room for anything she could carry with her and save from the wreckage. Her bed was littered with splintered wood and glass, but the mess she’d picked up from the living room after her and Kakashi’s night of reminiscing was still sitting on her bed. In the form of scattered photos and letters. It wasn’t convenient in the slightest, but the idea of leaving them here to be destroyed almost crippled her. She grabbed what she could, shoving soft paper and thick photo stock into the front of her bra under her shirt. Then, she snatched the chain that held her chakra rings from the floor, the commotion having knocked her jewelry stand to the floor a long time ago. With the chain haphazardly tossed around her neck, she was climbing from her bedroom window and onto what remained of her roof.</p><p> </p><p>Shingles slid beneath her feet, nails ripping from the wood and sending her careening down the slope and towards the street. She thanked her Shinobi training when she managed to land on her feet instead of face planting into the ground. But she cursed her forgetfulness when she realized she wasn’t wearing shoes.</p><p> </p><p>Either way, she was finally able to see the beast that had been trampling on her house. Loomingabove her and casting a massive shadow was a giant, multi-headed, dog. There were at least eight heads, all identical with almost pit-bull like features. The heads all jerked and trashed, gnashing sharp teeth together and laving long, forked, tongues over their fangs. It dwarfed the homes and buildings in the residential area and Atsuko was only afforded a moment to observe before she heard a shrill scream from her right. Her head jerked in the direction of the noise, only to find a familiar scene.</p><p> </p><p>One of the dog’s paws had crashed into the house of her neighbor, the front portion of the house obscured by the massive appendage. The scream came again. A plea for ‘Help!’ and Atsuko realized that the young mother who lived next door to her was trapped inside her home. There was split second of decision making on her part before she was running towards the wreckage, bare feet stinging against the debris and broken glass on the dirt road. When she reached the home, she stopped for a moment to plan. She could see her neighbor through the hole in the living room wall just past the heel of the massive paw. She was huddled in a far corner of her kitchen with her baby clutched to her chest. The child was screaming as well, wailing and red faced as his mother stared at the ruined parts of the house surrounding her. One of the dogs sharp nails rested only a foot away from the mother, and she stared at it with wide eyed horror. Too shocked to move and too scared to take her eyes away from it. She’d just barely missed being crushed or skewered.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko pulled closer to the house when it seemed like the dog wasn’t moving for a second. Just standing with its feet planted inside several homes. There was a window above the counter to the right of the mother, just above her head and further away from the paw.</p><p> </p><p>“Ma’am! I need you to listen to me!”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko called, nerves buzzing as she drew the woman’s attention. Her neighbors dark eyes lifted to meet Atsuko’s, still panicked and filtering back to the paw every so often.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s a window to your right. I’m going to come around and help you and your baby out, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko instructed again, waiting for the woman to glance up above where she was huddled against the cabinets. Her eyes landed on the window and she turned briefly to give Atsuko a worried nod. Then, she moved into action. Running to the side of the house to prepare to assist the woman. The mother was desperately cradling her child against her chest with one arm, trying in vain to lift the window to escape through, but it wouldn’t budge.</p><p> </p><p>“It won’t open!”</p><p> </p><p>The mother panicked and Atsuko nodded, holding a hand up and telling her to ‘duck down’. When the woman complied, Atsuko realized she couldn’t use a Jutsu to smash the window. That would risk hurting the woman or her child. Or worse, blowing a shard of glass into the foot of that massive beast, causing it to rampage. The best way to smash the window would be the way that would result in the least amount of wild destruction. She sighed, steeling her nerves and turning off her brain before smashing her elbow against the glass. It gave way instantly, and Atsuko felt pain shoot up her arm. But she ignored it for the time being, reaching out to loosen and break any more jagged pieces in the frame.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, come on!”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko called, waiting for the mother rise up again. She crawled onto the counter top, handing Atsuko the screaming baby through the window before scrambling out herself. Immediately, she grabbed the mothers hand and ran in the opposite direction of the dog, just trying to put some distance between them before she figured out where to direct the woman for safety. They’d managed to make it to the end of the street before Atsuko stopped just ahead a crowd of panicking people. Droves of them ran in a single direction on a connecting street, some screaming and some Jonin trying in vain to direct the crowd to an evacuation point. Atsuko’s eyes searched the crowd and above, trying to find a familiar face to find out what the hell was going on. Standing on top of a stack of boxes on the other side of the sea of people was Genma and her eyes widened. She turned back to the mother and handed her the baby she’d been cradling since their escape.</p><p> </p><p>“Please, listen to the Jonin and follow the crowd to the evacuation point, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko instructed, unsure of where this ‘evacuation point’ even was. But that would be everyones best chance. The mother took back her child with teary eyes, nodding and muttering ‘Thank you. Thank you so much.’ under her breath, gentle sobs escaping her as Atsuko nodded, patting her arm and guiding her toward the crowds. When the mother had disappeared into the sea of people, Atsuko forced her way across the crowd, trying to get to Genma. When she stood at the foot of his small box tower, the brown haired man was still shouting instructions to the crowd. Pointing down the road and directing them towards the edge of the village. Away from the plumes of smoke and ruckus she could hear coming from the center.</p><p> </p><p>“Genma!”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko called, grabbing his pant leg for extra measure. He looked down at her immediately, the senbon nestled between his lips shifting as he smirked at her.</p><p> </p><p>‘Well, hey, Atsuko. Long time no see.”</p><p> </p><p>He commented, and she rolled her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Cut the shit. What the hell is going on?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, having to yell above the sounds of the crowd rushing past her. He quirked a brow in response, like he didn’t expect her to be out of the loop. But then his eyes wandered to her clothes. The blood dripping down her arm. She’d been caught way off guard.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, that’s a lot of blood-“</p><p> </p><p>Genma started, reaching a hand down to offer her assistance. But she smacked his hand away with her good arm. She couldn’t even feel the injury from busting the window, so it couldn’t have been that bad. Besides, he still wasn’t answering her fucking question.</p><p> </p><p>“Genma! Answer me. What is happening?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko demanded, staring up at him with blind determination and wild fire in her eyes. He looked at her arm worriedly for a moment before glancing back at the crowd, the typically teasing smirk falling to something more serious.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s been an attack. We were expecting a single person… but there’s more than one. I don’t know much other than that. Several of the Jonin and Chunin have been tasked with getting people away from the center of the village and towards the outskirts. Tsunade has summoned Katsuyu to help with the injured but… it’s a shit show.”</p><p> </p><p>Genma answered frankly, leaning down a little to keep his voice low as not to panic the people that were still bustling past them. Bumping into Atsuko every so often. She nodded as she took in the information. The Akatsuki, maybe?</p><p> </p><p>“Most of the action is happening in the center, towards the Academy and the Hokage Tower but-“</p><p> </p><p>He started to explain, but Atsuko was already turning heel to head in that direction. Kakashi’s note had said he was handling some thing for Tsunade this morning. That meant he was probably in the middle of the attack. Her heart was pounding in her ears, but before she could take a single step against the wave of civilians, a hand was wrapping around her uninjured forearm in a bruising grip. She turned back towards Genma, glaring daggers at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t even think about it. You have to get out of here too. Look, you were obviously caught off guard. You don’t have any of your gear. You’re hurt. Hell, Atsuko, you’re not even wearing shoes! You can’t help with what’s going on in there like this.”</p><p> </p><p>He tried to instruct, only for her to jerk her arm from his grip with a huff. Logically, he was right. She was in nothing but her sleeping clothes, and even if the pain wasn’t present, she could feel the warm trickle of blood on her arm. Her feet stung a little from what she assumed was glass and other debris. But she couldn’t leave Kakashi. Not after… It wasn’t an option.</p><p> </p><p>“You know as well as I do that I can’t just evacuate, Genma. I’m going to find Kakashi.”</p><p> </p><p>She answered, only for the man to fix her with a worried expression. But Atusko didn’t back down, not entirely sure why she felt like she had to stand here and defend her decision. To get his approval before she left. It felt silly, but maybe she just needed the instruction to know she was making the right call. Eventually, Genma let out a deep sigh and conceded.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. Hey, rookie!”</p><p> </p><p>Genma stated, raising from their hunched over conversation to direct his attention to a young boy standing on the ground behind him. He couldn’t have been older than 13, all mousy hair and wide eyed panic as he tried to keep his composure while assisting in directing traffic and uttering words of reassurance to panicking civilians while they passed by him. A Genin who’d never seen any action. When Genma yelled at him, he jerked his head up to look at his superior, standing at attention with his arms stiff and glued to his sides.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes sir?”</p><p> </p><p>He questioned, ready to jump into action at any time. Genma nodded in Atsuko’s direction.</p><p> </p><p>“Give this nice lady your shoes.”</p><p> </p><p>He ordered, and the Genin furrowed his brow in question. Eeking out a quiet…</p><p> </p><p>“My-my shoes, sir?”</p><p> </p><p>And Genma nodded in the affirmative, that default teasing smirk of his coming back full force.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. You’re probably the same size. Plus, she’s your superior.”</p><p> </p><p>Genma instructed, causing the boys eyes to wrench wide open as he looked at Atsuko again. He hurried out a soft bow, muttering apologies as he immediately stooped to unlace his sandals. If it weren’t for all the commotion and the village being attacked and her house being destroyed, Atsuko might have chuckled at the situation. Instead, she just gave Genma an appreciative look as the boy handed her his sandals. Huh… they were the same size. How had he known…</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko said, giving the young man an encouraging smile as she moved to tug the shoes on. Then, Genma gave the boy instructions to join the evacuation effort. When the Genin acted like he wanted to stay and assist, Genma just gestured to his feet.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, you could stay and fight. But you’re not wearing any shoes.”</p><p> </p><p>——————————————-</p><p> </p><p>By the time Atsuko arrived, the scene was one of massive destruction. The buildings in the center of the village were demolished. The ground was torn up, jagged slates of concrete rising up like waves. She’d seen Choji running away from the center of the chaos, but she could feel Kakashi’s chakra just up ahead. Along with the chakra of something much larger. But both of them were weak.</p><p> </p><p>On her way towards Kakashi, she had done her best to help the people she could. Pulling civilians from burning buildings and using jutsu to destroy large pieces of rubble that were blocking traffic. But Kakashi’s chakra signature had gradually gotten weaker, and she found herself pushing ahead and ignoring her original duties when that realization hit her. It felt wrong. Selfish. The solider in the back of her mind screaming at her just as loud as the people around her were. Telling her to turn back and help. To fight. To ignore her personal attachments and serve this village to her dying breath.</p><p> </p><p>But she couldn’t lose him too. Not after everything. Not after Jiraiya. Itachi. Sasuke. If Kakashi was gone, she would truly have nothing left. In fact, a small part of her was grateful she was dressed in civilian clothes and not her regular Jonin gear. People didn’t ask her for help as often. She looked like any other person running for their own benefit. Not like a solider abandoning the people they’d sworn to protect.</p><p> </p><p>The scene in front of her as she crested the wall of debris was a chilling one. And she found she’d been right to leave people behind. Kakashi was wedged between several slabs of concrete, stuck with his arms pinned to his sides and his head poking out above the rock. He was weak, but alive. The other chakra signature had all but faded, and she knew he’d won the battle. In fact, this was her first time actually <em>seeing </em>one of the people behind the attack. Maybe people wasn’t the right word. It seemed more like a machine than a man. Bald and crumpled against the ground several feet away from where Kakashi was trapped. He had several black piercings scattered over his face. His nose. Mouth. Ears. And his eyes were… purple? She couldn’t tell from this distance and they were half closed anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“Kashi!”</p><p> </p><p>She called out, not paying much mind to the defeated enemy when the man she’d been searching for was right in front of her. She drew closer, noticing the blood streaking his face and the tired look in his eyes when he lulled his head over to look at her. A brief look of relief crossedover his features and he sighed out her name.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko…”</p><p> </p><p>The next moment felt like slow motion. His eyes wrenched wide open, the Mangekyo Sharingan flaring in bright red neon. He jerked his head back to look in the direction of the crumpled enemy on the ground. There was a sound of something whizzing through the air, and Atsuko watched as the previously out of commission attacker fired off one final round at Kakashi. A piercing nail flying through the air so fast she almost couldn’t read it. It was heading straight for Kakashi, but before she could so much as yell or run towards him, he was activating his Kamui and suckingthe projectile into the void. The automaton collapsed shortly after, muttering something about an ‘Ocular Jutsu’ before finally succumbing to its injuries.</p><p> </p><p>To anyone else, it would have seemed like Kakashi had just literally dodged a bullet. But Atsuko could feel it. The way that last effort drained his chakra down to absolute zero. Her eyes were wrenched wide at the realization that she couldn’t <em>feel </em>his chakra any more. Her feet were moving before she had time to process anything else, rushing to where he was buried and already moving to dig him out of the concrete… coffin…</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko…”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi breathed, ragged and wet sounding. Her eyes were filling with hot tears as she continued to clear the rubble, chucking massive pieces of concrete aside.</p><p> </p><p>“I can give you some of my chakra. Just be still-“</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stuttered, panic clear in her voice. She could use her chakra to revive his network… right? It could work that way… It could because she would make it happen. Kakashi coughed, and her hands froze for a terrifying moment when she felt droplets of warm blood splatter across her cheek. <br/><br/>“Atsuko… look at me… it’s not just my chakra. My body its…”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi wheezed, clearly using the last of his energy to speak to her. She didn’t know medical ninjutsu. But the way he was talking…. he was too far gone even for that. With horror in her eyes she slowed her movements, finally turning her eyes up to meet his. They were already loosing their color. Growing pale alongside his skin. The blood from his fight drying against his near translucent skin in some places.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko’s heart was pounding so loudly against her ribcage she felt like it might burst clean through her chest. She’d never seen him so weak… So injured. The urge to vomit claimed her, but she swallowed the bile to focus on him. One of her trembling hands came up to press against his bloody cheek. He was cold to the touch, but he pressed his skin against her hand anyway, a weak smile gracing his features. Barely visible under his mask, but more than obvious in the crinkling of his closed eyes. She choked on her breath, unsure if any of this was even real. It couldn’t be real… He’d just said he wouldn’t leave her…</p><p> </p><p>“S’okay… You’ll be okay… You gotta get outta here, ‘kay? Get out. Find Tenzo.”</p><p> </p><p>He instructed, using his last, shallow, breaths to let her know she needed to get to safety. Atusko shook her head in defiance, ripping her hand away from his face to continue peeling away at the concrete cocoon.</p><p> </p><p>“No. I’m not leaving you, Kakashi. Save your strength. I’m gonna get you out of here and then Katsuyu will-“</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko babbled, hot tears running down her cheeks in fat streaks as she struggled to break the concrete away from his body. A combination of her blood and his staining her hands and the grey rock as she panicked. Kakashi cut her off again.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko… I love you, okay? More than anything. You have to know that…”</p><p> </p><p>He continued, finding some strength to push out those words with conviction. Atsuko tried to say something else, anything. Tell him to shut up. To quit talking like he was dying for fucks sake because <em>he wasn’t going to die here. </em>But the words failed her. Choked in her throat as he continued to mutter out the same phrase over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you. Love you so much. Don’t forget that.”</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi stated, voice just barely above a whisper. His head lolled backwards and Atsuko moved immediately, jumping up from her knees to grab his face in her hands. He was completely limp and cold, but still, she shook him.</p><p> </p><p>“Kakashi….? Kakashi! Hey, come on! Wake up! Please…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko begged, mumbling ‘please’ over and over under her breath. Like a prayer. Like it would wake him up or bring him back… When he didn’t move, she pulled back and used an Earth Style Jutsu to free him from the concrete. The ground beneath them rose and shifted until he was lying flat on his back on a stretch of rock. Atsuko scrambled towards him on her hands and knees, effectively slicing her shins and palms on the debris. But when she reached him, she pressed her ear to his chest. Listening… Waiting…</p><p> </p><p><em>Goddammit.</em> She couldn’t tell if that was his heartbeat or her own banging against her eardrums.It didn’t matter. He was NOT going to die here. With trembling hands, she unzipped his vest, allowing the bloody material to pool against his sides when it fell open. Immediately, she began to administer the only first aid she could. Pressing her palms flat against his chest and putting all of her strength into starting chest compressions. Even in her panic, she managed to count them. Stopping after a few pumps to yank his mask down and tilt his head back. Two bloody fingers pinched his nose shut as she dipped down to breathe fresh air into his lungs.</p><p> </p><p>His lips were cold against hers, the sensation causing her to let out a sob into his open mouth. Blood slicked fingers slipping from their grip on his nose as she went back to preforming CPR. She wasn’t sure how long she was here. How many compressions she’d done at this point. She’d felt his sternum break under her hands a long time ago… but maybe if she could just keep going for a little longer…</p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko…”</p><p> </p><p>There was a soft voice behind her. Ethereal. Familiar. Atsuko jerked away from Kakashi with a gasp, turning around to look at the intruder with pleading eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Katsuyu! Please, you have to help. Kakashi… he’s- please just help! I’ve been doing my best by giving him CPR but I don’t-“</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko begged, being cut off as the human sized, teal, slug made her way towards her fiancé. Her slimy body slid across Kakashi’s chest, a green glow covering her for a moment before it stopped. Silence. Atsuko felt a smile pull at her lips, nodding.</p><p> </p><p>“That was quick! He’s okay now, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked after a beat of silence, moving to cradle his head in her lap. Fingers pulling through his silver hair as she tried her best to wipe some of the blood from his forehead and cheeks. But it seemed to be a moot effort as she just managed to smear it. Her fingers didn’t stop though. Gracing over his high cheekbones. The slope of his nose. Drawing along the sharp cut of his jaw…</p><p> </p><p>His jaw…</p><p> </p><p>Her fingers dipped down, pressing against a pulse point. On bated breath, she waited for the inevitable thud of his heart. Steady and ever present. The same beat that lulled her to sleep every night. An ear pressed against his warm chest as he drew non-sensical patterns across her back with his long fingers. Waiting for her favorite song to come on the radio.</p><p> </p><p>But it never came. There was no dull thud against her fingertips. So she dug a little harder, pressing into the skin of his neck with desperation, changing her position. Maybe if she just moved her fingers to a different point… But he was still so cold. She just needed to warm him up a little, rubbing her hands against his skin in a panic. </p><p> </p><p>“Atsuko… I’m sorry, but… I cannot help him at this point. He has moved on.”</p><p> </p><p>Katsuyu stated, breaking the silence. No, not silence. People were still screaming in the distance. The earth was still rumbling beneath them. Atsuko was still gasping out ragged breaths. Kakashi’s heart was still-!</p><p> </p><p>Silent.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko ripped her hands away from him with a horrified gasp. Covering her mouth with a bloody palm as a scream tore its way up her throat. The tears that had been spilling down her cheeks all along were coming in waves now, rolling and soaking her hand. Not a single thought ran through her head in this moment. Just the overwhelming feeling of fear. Shock. Pain. Her body went numb before her vision darkened around the edges. It was cold.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Here. This is for you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi said, sliding a napkin across the table. She’d noticed that the entire time they were talking, he’d been scribbling something with his pen, gentle strokes against the thin paper as he stared down in concentration. It was a busy day, but both of their schedules had allowed for them to get lunch together. And for Atsuko to shake her gaggle of pint-sized groupies for a while. Iruka had let her know it was okay if her lunch ran a little longer than usual today and she was going to take advantage of the opportunity.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>When the napkin came to rest in front of her and his fingers withdrew, she turned it around so she could see what he’d drawn. Scratched against the surface in black ink was a drawing of a dog. A border collie she thought. Wild haired and wearing a sweet smile. For the time he had and the medium he was working with, the drawing was fairly realistic and she found herself a little taken aback by the talent he’d never exhibited before.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“This is really good, ‘Kashi… I didn’t know you could draw?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko stated, still staring down at the scribble shading, running her fingers over the places where the heavy ink almost tore through the paper.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ah, it’s not that good… I just drew it because it reminds me of you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He replied, soft and thoughtful, but not bashful in the slightest. She quirked a brow and peered up at him, a teasing smile tugging at her lips.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You saying I look like a dog, Hatake?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, the teasing tone clear in her voice. Nevertheless, his eye widened in shock, waving his hands in front of him wildly.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No! Not at all! I just mean that breed of dog reminds me of you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He defended, a hot blush dusting across his cheeks and visible under the top of his mask. Atsuko chuckled, looking back down at the drawing and cocking her head.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“A border collie, right? What about it reminds you of me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko questioned, wondering if she could see the resemblance if she stared at the drawing long enough. Maybe the eyes?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s actually a rough collie. They’re a little different. More fur… but, it’s their personality. They’re really loyal and intelligent dogs… Surprisingly gentle. I don’t know. They just remind me of your… energy, I guess.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi stated, falling a little self conscious as he explained the connection. But Atsuko only nodded, smiling down at the drawing. Intelligent. Gentle. Sounded like a nice comparison. And it was a gorgeous dog. She gave a hum of affirmation, turning her head back up to look at him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I love it. That something you do often? Assign dog breeds to the people you know?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, heart stuttering at the way his gaze turned to the table. Embarrassment and bashfulness clear in the way his hand came up to rub the back of his neck.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ah… well, yeah, I guess. Dogs are just… easier to understand.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi answered, and Atsuko found herself falling in love all over again. A tugging in her heart that made it difficult to breathe. Such an imposing man on the battle field. A Shinobi who’d made a name for himself based on his ruthlessness. His skill. And he’d drawn a dog on a napkin for her because it reminded him of her. Dogs were easier to understand because he’d spent his whole life around them. They listened to him. They were loyal to him with no question. His family.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Fuck. Every little thing he did was just so goddamn endearing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, who else? Like Gai. What kind of dog is he?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atusko questioned, trying to show she was interested in this topic of conversation. In him. In the way his mind worked. It seemed to perk him up a little, a smile visible under his mask as he turned his head back up to look at her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That’s easy. Golden retriever. High energy, always happy go lucky.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi stated with confidence, and Atsuko found herself nodding in agreement. Yeah, that one was too easy.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay. What about Tenzo?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She posed and Kakashi had to think that one over for a moment, feigning deep thought with a hand stroking his chin. Atsuko chuckled at the gesture, physically able to feel the love pooling in her chest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I would say… A greyhound. Quiet, fast, mild tempered.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi answered, nodding to himself as the pieces came together. Atsuko felt her cheeks start to ache from the force of her grin. Without much thought, she rose in her seat, leaning across the table and grabbing the front of his vest with a tight grip. He leaned towards her with practiced ease as she pressed a soft kiss to his mask covered lips. When she released his vest and settled back into her side of the booth he gave her a dopey smile.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What was the for? Talking about Tenzo get you all riled up?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He teased. And just like that, he was an asshole again. But the laugh that bubble up from her chest was genuine. Atsuko was shaking her head as her stomach filled with butterflies.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No. I just love you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>——————————————-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Seriously, Kakashi? This is supposed to be a party! And you’re just sitting at the bar with your nose in a book?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Anko asked incredulously, going so far as to jam her elbow into his upper arm. It jostled him slightly and he was forced to pull his attention away from the paragraph he was reading with a sigh. This party to celebrate Genma’s birthday had only started an hour ago and Anko was already pretty drunk. Louder than usual, bothering him when all he wanted to do was be left alone.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m not really the ‘partying’ type, Anko.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi stated, tone bored as ever. In all honesty, he would consider everyone here a friend. But the idea of getting hammered and dancing and mingling… it exhausted him to his very core.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Then why’d you even come?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Anko asked, throwing her hands up in the air and bringing them down to smack against her thighs for dramatics. She rolled her eyes and shook her head, but still leaned forward onto the bar after her little show. Anko was a crass woman. Strong willed, smart mouthed. A fighter before a lover. But, she cared in her own way. As much as she was capable of. He supposed they were similar that regard.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Behind her, the party was truly in full swing and he found his eyes crawling across the crowd for the umpteenth time that evening. Gai was well on his way to being drunk as well, a strong arm wrapped around Genma’s lithe shoulders as he belted out some tone deaf rendition of the ‘Happy Birthday’ song. Of course, everyone else was singing along. Though none of them could ever hope to match his enthusiasm. Asuma watched from the sidelines with an amused smile as Kurenai tried to coax Gai to release his near chokehold on their childhood friend. Everyone was having a wonderful time, but Kakashi had found himself unable to engage. Just like every get together. He came to say he was there. To watch the theatrics. Make a showing so people couldn’t say he was being a hermit anymore. He cared about his friends, of course. But these things always made him uncomfortable. Until…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Because I’m waiting for Atsuko.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He answered, the truth slipping out before he could come up with some smart-assed reply. Anko made an ‘o’ shape with her lips, nodding in understanding. She caught the bartenders attention quickly, holding up two fingers to let him know she wanted two more of whatever it was she’d been drinking throughout the night. He nodded, and she turned her attention back to Kakashi, elbows on the bar top as she propped her head up with her hands, a smirk on her face.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ah, yeah. How is your keeper, hm?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, clearly making a joke at his expense. Though, he was sure she didn’t mean much by it. Just trying to elicit a reaction from him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Tch. She’s not my ‘keeper’.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi stated, trying to go back to his book in the hopes that she would give up and leave him alone. Instead, Anko let out a barking laugh, dropping her head back as the volume of her voice rivaled even the speakers blasting rock music into the venue.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That’s a good one, Kakashi. Tell another!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Anko encouraged, goading and mocking. But Kakashi didn’t feed into her antics, trying in vain to drown her out and continue from the paragraph he’d left off on. It seemed he would be getting his wish when the bartender finally came back and provided Anko with the two drinks she’d ordered. She slid one of the glasses in front of him and patted his back with a heavy hand.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You know I’m just fucking with you, Hatake. Here, give this to Atsuko when she shows up. Tell her it’s from Anko, to the hardest working woman in the village.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She stated, before snatching up her glass and turning heel to head back towards their group of friends. Kakashi stared at the fruity drink for a moment… hardest working woman in the village…? Ah… her job as his ‘keeper’. Right. He let out another unimpressed sigh before turning his attention fully back to his book.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maybe Atsuko was his keeper. He tried his hardest not to rely on her too heavily, but she made it difficult. Offering constant support. Encouraging him to talk and listening intently when he did. She made it difficult just by being </em>
  <b>
    <em>her. </em>
  </b>
  <em>Welcoming and loving and understanding. There was nothing he could say that would throw her off. No dark thought that upset or scared her. And she made these functions so much easier. Atsuko was a people person and she made the rounds flawlessly. Purposefully engaging him in group conversations and laughing at his jokes. So, maybe she was his keeper. But how was he supposed to </em>
  <b>
    <em>not </em>
  </b>
  <em>rely on her?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just as he was about to restart the page he was on the 10th time, the door to the bar opened and his head picked up immediately. There she was. Entering the bar with a smile, pushing the door open and peaking around it like she didn’t want to interrupt, even in this public space. At a party she was invited too. She carefully shut the door behind her, grinning and watching for a moment as Gai gave some impassioned speech about ‘surviving and thriving for another year’, his loud voice booming. It was moments like these that he found himself falling in love with her all over again. Where he could watch her just </em>
  <b>
    <em>exist</em>
  </b>
  <em> when she thought no one was watching her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko pushed some of her curly hair out of her face, the grin never faltering as she listened to Gai’s speech. Those cute little dimples of hers that dug into her cheeks when she smiled. The way her warm eyes caught the light and her pink lips pulled back to show her tongue caught between her teeth. She’d always been beautiful. But now that he truly knew her. Now that he loved every part of her. She stopped his heart and made him choke on his own breath. Atsuko was gorgeous in his eyes. Inside and out. And she was his. Devoted to him, of all people. But he had to maintain his cool. Slowly, he slid from the stool and slipped his book into the pocket on his vest. Creeping up to the back of the crowd where she was standing. When he drew close enough, he curled a long arm around her soft shoulders. Relishing in the way she immediately burrowed closer to his side, her head resting against his chest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hey… sorry I’m so late.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She whispered, the sound of her familiar voice lulling him into a state of calm. Just seconds ago he’d been miserable. Well, maybe miserable was an exaggeration. But he certainly hadn’t been comfortable. Now? He felt the bud of acceptance blossoming in his chest. His person was here and that made this situation infinitely more enjoyable.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s okay. I forgot that you and Iruka had tests to grade.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He stated, and she hummed against him, the small vibrations like frequencies specifically tuned to center his mind and body.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“How’s the night been going so far?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, and Kakashi shrugged, gesturing loosely to where Gai was currently standing on a table, his arm draped around Genma’s shoulders again. The brown haired Jonin was struggling to stay upright as Gai gripped him tightly, jostling him against his side and grabbing the back of his head in a friendly but overly rough gesture.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re looking at it.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He returned, feeling the way she chuckled against him, her hand moving to slide into his back pocket as she settled in.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hmmm… Birthdays excite him.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She defended, and Kakashi let out a light hearted scoff.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Everything excites him.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He retorted, and again, she was laughing against him. The sound floated up to his ears and made a home in his head. Like the sweetest song he’d ever heard.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Eventually, Gai finished his long winded birthday speech and released Genma. The party continued but, now, Kakashi was making his presence known. Not through any conscious decision of his own. But because he hovered near Atsuko for the remainder of the night. Standing just behind her shoulder with his hands planted in his pockets, listening to her talk as she made the rounds. The specific jokes and conversations didn’t matter much. Unless she craned her head backwards to look at him and ask his opinion. Other than that, he just enjoyed listening to her laugh. Watching the way other people interacted with her. He wondered if they thought the same things he did. How her eyes shone beautifully in the low bar lights. How the wrinkles around her mouth and eyes when she laughed were the cutest thing he’d ever seen. If they were as mesmerized by her as he was.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He got his answer a couple hours after she arrived. At this point, most people had more than a few too many drinks in their system. Atusko was tipsy, clear by the blush on her cheeks and nose. But she was pacing herself and Kakashi was practically sober. However, Genma was not pacing himself. By the looks of things, someone would have to carry him out of this bar and back home. It was his birthday, after all. So he’d earned the right to get shit-faced.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi was standing near the bar, waiting for her to return when he noticed Genma was had accosted some poor young woman against the wall next to the hallway that lead to the restrooms. He had a hand planted flat on the wall behind her and above her head, effectively trapping her as he ducked his head down to mutter what was likely some stupid pick up line. He only passively watched the scene until he saw a peak of salt and pepper hair under Genma’s arm. Immediately, he felt a twinge of fire in his gut, his pulse hammering behind the eye containing his Sharingan. Before he could even fully process the situation, his feet were carrying him across the room.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Atsuko… I’ve missed you, baby…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Genma slurred as Kakashi drew near, the brown haired Shinobi leaning his head down a little and inhaling her scent. Atsuko cringed slightly, but tried to maintain a polite smile, placing a hand on his chest to try and put some space between them. Genma staggered a little, his body swaying at the slightest push.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Aw. That’s sweet, Genma… but I’m with Kakashi now, remember?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She replied, still trying to stay polite and keep from offending him. Kakashi understood Genma was drunk and not thinking clearly. But that didn’t excuse his actions. For some reason, however, he found himself lingering just out of sight. Waiting to see if it was necessary for him to step in and handle the situation. It was rare for him to get truly angry, and even now he could feel the initial rage subsiding in favor of watching and waiting.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeah, yeah… I know. Stupid Kakashi… We had fun though, right? Could have fun again…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He muttered, slurring his words heavily, trying to dip his head down again and close the distance between them. Kakashi’s fingers twitched of their own accord. He wanted nothing morethan to move from his vantage point and snatch Genma up by his neck. But a morbid curiosity kept him in place. He wanted to see how Atsuko would respond.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Sure. We had fun. But that was a long time ago and it won’t be happening again. I love Kakashi and I would never do anything to jeopardize that.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atusko stated, the agitation clear in her tone as she attempted to slip away from him, only for Genma to cage her in with the other arm.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What’s Kakashi got that I don’t, huh?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He asked, a little more aggressive than previously. Kakashi knew Genma wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt a woman. Even if he was drunk and aggravated. But he felt like it was time to step in anyway. He’d gotten the bit of validation he needed by seeing her reject Genma and defend her relationship with him. However, before he could move, Atsuko was scoffing and shoving Genma’s chest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, for starters, a bigger di-!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko started, but she was cut off when Kakashi made his move to prevent her from saying something she might regret. Or something that he didn’t exactly want the whole world to know. He broke through the crowd and breached past Genma’s caging arms to grab Atsuko. Genma took a reeling step backwards, releasing Atsuko from her prison as Kakashi grabbed her upper arm and pulled her away. A smash and grab. The perfect tactic for dealing with a drunk idiot. Move quickly and leave them confused and stunned. He walked fast, tugging Atsuko behind him through the crowd and towards the corner of the room. He’d really had enough of people tonight, but she was giggling softly behind him, following along easily.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>When he got to the corner he had in mind, at the back of the bar and away from the crowded main floor, he stopped. Turning heel to look at her as he dropped her arm. She was still laughing, the blush on her cheeks darker in the low lighting.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why are you laughing?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi asked incredulously, unsure himself why he’d dragged her so far away from everyone else. Why he hadn’t just made his presence known instead of snatching her up and running away with her. Atsuko shook her head, leaning back against the wall as the giggles died down and she quickly caught her breath.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Nothing. I’m just a little tipsy and that was fun. You pulling me like that. It was like we were running away together.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She giggled, bringing a hand up to press against her chest as if to ease her fluttering heart. He smirked softly, chest tightening impossibly as her eyelashes casted a dark shadow across her cheeks. He really was tired of all the people. The drunk idiots and the socialization. He wanted nothing more than to get her out of here and have her to himself for the evening. To show her how he felt. But he honestly couldn’t wait that long. Not when she looked so sweet like this. Not when he’d just pulled her from the clutches of another man.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>…Well, maybe that was dramatic. And she hadn’t even considered Genma’s advances. But it still lit some kind of fire in him. The embers left smoldering as the excitement from his smash and grab died down and the present caught up with their quick steps.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>So he moved to cage her against the corner in a similar fashion to Genma. But instead of planting his arms next to her head, he dipped down to wrap his long fingers around her waist and press his forehead against hers. He relished in the way her eyes widened and her head tilted up to look at him, easily following his lead as she reached up to lower his mask just below his lips.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Did you mean what you said back there? To Genma?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He asked, voice low and quiet. When he was this close to her, it didn’t matter where they were. It felt like they were the only people in the room. All of the sounds of the party dying down to background noise. A barely there hum of overlapping voices. Atsuko smirked at his question, the hands previously fiddling with his mask soon traveling to run under his vest, trailing against his lower abdomen. The touch so faint and and teasing it cause his muscles to twitch under her fingertips.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What? That your dick is bigger? Because it is. By a lot.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko answered, causing Kakashi’s domineering performance to crumble as a blush erupted across his cheeks. He wouldn’t have considered himself competitive with other men in that department. But for some reason, when she said that, he felt a wave of arousal run through him and he let out a groan, dropping his head to bury it in the crook of her neck. Atsuko giggled, her exploratory fingers going a step further by digging underneath his shirt as well. Then past the waist band of his low hanging pants, ghosting over the sensitive skin just above his groin. That drew another twitch from him, but a little further south.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No… That’s good to know… But, I was talking about the other thing.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He asked, unsure of why it even mattered. Why he needed her to confirm what she’d said. They said they loved each other all of the time. In the privacy of these tender moments. Whenever they would part. But it sounded more… real, when she said it to other people.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That I love you? Of course I meant that, idiot. I’ve told you that. In fact, I’m sure it was the first thing I said to you this morning.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko responded, confusion in her tone. He was trying to keep his train of thought, but the way her hands were still ghosting over everywhere except where he wanted her was distracting. The heat between their bodies building up and the soft skin of her neck near his lips too tempting to ignore. Atsuko’s fingers dipped lower, barely sliding over where he was concealed in his underwear and he turned to plant several fleeting kisses to her neck. If only to keep himself quiet. Normally… he wouldn’t be into doing something like this. In a public place. But all he could see, feel, and hear was her. And after watching her pay attention to other people all night, he was relishing in having her to himself.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Then, she delivered a sharp pinch to a piece of sensitive skin above his groin. Kakashi hissed, jerking away from her out of instinct. Only to see she was fixing him with a rather serious expression.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why would you ask if I mean that? Do you not believe me when I say I love you?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She questioned when she knew she had his attention. Kakashi’s eyes were still wrenched wide, the pulse in his ears dying down as he tried to refocus on her words, the pain from her pinch soothing slowly. When her question registered, he shook his head, eyebrows furrowing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No. No, of course I believe you. It’s just… I don’t know. Hearing you say it to other people when I’m not around… it feels good.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kakashi answered, struggling to get the words out through the hazy lust currently clouding his mind. He really didn’t even know why it felt good to hear her say that to Genma. But he was sure she would understand. She always did. He watched her expression turn from offended to soft in the blink of an eye, a gentle smile curving upwards. Then, her hands were back on him again. Impossibly soft and coming up this time to cradle his jaw. He felt his eye flutter shut before she even pulled him closer to her, moving on muscle memory to place his lips against hers.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>God, he always wanted to savor this. The feeling of her mouth moving against his. Her fingers slowly sliding into his hair, nails scraping gently against his scalp. She’d told him once that kissing him was like the best kind of torture. Slow and deep, until she didn’t know which way was up anymore. And he’d responded by saying that kissing her was like having his soul sucked out of his body. He always pulled away feeling like he’d left a piece of himself inside her. After a moment, she pulled back, her lips just barely ghosting over his as she spoke.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, I do love you. And I take every opportunity to tell people that when you’re not around. Do you mean it when you say you love me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She asked, her voice lowering an octave after the passionate kiss. The question was meant to be teasing. He knew that. But it still caused him to double down, the desperate need to prove himself rearing its head as he pressed her tighter against the wall, a leg coming up to press gently between her thighs.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why don’t we get out of here so I can </em>
  <b>
    <em>show </em>
  </b>
  <em>you how much I mean it?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>——————————————-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko woke up with a gasp, her heart hammering in her chest as she struggled to catch her breath. She was covered in a thick sheen of sweat, her body trembling as she panicked. Her hands immediately flew to her lap, feeling around for something that was no longer there. Kakashi’s head. When she didn’t feel him, she turned her head downwards, only to realize she couldn’t <em>see. </em>Everything was dark and her hand flew to her face, shaking fingers feeling over her eyes and noticing the fabric tired around her head. She gripped the blindfold and yanked it up so she could see.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t help much. It was still dark in the room she was in. Room? Cave? Her eyes took a moment to adjust, but when they did, she realized she was definitely in a cave. With nothing more than a candle light to fill the space. How the hell had she gotten here? Where was <em>here?</em> Where was Kakashi? The speed of her heart never slowed down as she tried to get up from her seated position, taking notice of the thin blanket pooled around her waist.</p><p> </p><p>Just as she was about to stand, a voice rang out from the darkness to her left.</p><p> </p><p>“Easy. You lost a lot of blood.”</p><p> </p><p>It stated, and an immediate chill ran up her spine. That voice. She <em>knew </em>that voice. Her head turned in the direction of it, slowly as if she was afraid to confirm her suspicions. Emerging from the darkness was a cloaked figure. The first thing she took notice of was the bright orange mask with a single eye hole and swirling lines. When he stepped into the light, Tobi uttered his introduction.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, Atsuko.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>UH PLEASE DONT KILL ME. </p><p>First off, sorry for the late upload! Second off, we are not done with the pain yet folks! Buckle in, because shits about to get BUCK WILD. Also, I hope everyone is sufficiently hurt by Kakashi's 'last words' to Atsuko because I'm DESTROYED. This story is really taking it out of me here recently. And in regards to the AU stuff, I need a lil more time to tweak it and I will be uploading the first part of each one next week. The comic book shop AU and the Akatsuki AU. Let me know your thoughts on the chapter and I will see everyone next Friday!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Confrontation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs That Inspired this Chapter:</p><p>Blackhole Sun - Soundgarden</p><p>Coming Undone - Korn</p><p>Change (In the House of Flies) - Deftones</p><p>(Gonna be a lot of rock and grunge from here on out ya'll)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Atsuko’s head felt like it was full of water. The weight shifting to pool in different parts of her skull, making it difficult for her neck to hold her upright. It almost felt like being blackout drunk, but she was completely cognizant and able to take in her surroundings. She understood the situation she was in the moment Tobi had emerged from the shadows, filling the space with the sound of his smooth-as-velvet voice. The attack on the village <em>had </em>happened and she had been there. Kakashi… Kakashi was dead. That thought caused her stomach to cramp painfully as a cold sweat broke out across her body. And, for some reason, she’d been spared. Well, that was yet to be seen. Death may definitely be preferable to whatever Tobi had planned for her.</p><p> </p><p>She must have been quiet for too long. Hunched over with her head directed towards her lap as the water pooled behind her forehead and eyes. Atsuko was hyper aware of the sound of her own breathing. Of her heart rapping out a surprisingly slow song. Tobi was speaking to her again, drawing closer. She didn’t have the energy or concern to shift away from him or to flinch when a gloved hand came to push some of her wild hair back before resting on her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you hear me? Can you speak?”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi asked in quick succession, almost like he was trying to <em>care </em>for her. But she knew better. That was a tactic to get her to let her guard down. To make him seem like her savior so she would trust him. Be indebted to him for rescuing her. Still, she played along, nodding.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes… Water?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked in a gravely voice, realizing that her throat was unbearably dry. Raw. Probably from all the screaming. Tobi let out a hum of approval before removing his hand from her shoulder and turning to the side. Atsuko finally rose her head again, feeling the water in her skull slosh and settle at the base, trickling down her throat and into her stomach. Nauseating.</p><p> </p><p>The lone candlestick that was providing this cave with a source of light was standing on a wooden crate to the left of her, pushed up against the rock wall next to a simple wooden chair. Tobi took a few steps and retrieved a glass of water from the makeshift bedside table before returning it to her waiting hands. She cradled the glass in both palms, bringing it to her lips and draining the entire cup in three, painful, gulps. Conscious of the way some of the water collected in the corners of her lips, running down her chin. Even draining a cup of water felt like raw desperation.</p><p> </p><p>“You seem surprisingly calm…”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi began, taking the glass from her hands and setting it back on the crate. He helped himself to the lone chair in the room as Atsuko hurriedly wiped the spilled water from her mouth and chin. It was then she realized she was seated on a makeshift cot. A pilling of thick blankets and sleeping bags to keep the heat in and soften the ragged floor. Tobi’s chair was slightly behind her, so she forced her aching body to turn towards him and rest her back against the rock wall.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, opting to avoid his observation. She was calm because this entire situation felt like she was watching it from outside her body. From the perspective of someone who wasn’t experiencing these things. The only connection she still had to her physical form at this time was just that. Physical.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you remember?”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi questioned, and Atsuko’s brow furrowed at that. He wanted to know what she remembered so it would be easier for him to lie to her. Though, it didn’t matter much. She probably wouldn’t be able to tell <em>what </em>he was lying about if it was mixed in with truths. Still, there was one thing she needed to know before any of this continued. Her heart rate picked up again, thudding in her ears.</p><p> </p><p>“There was an attack on the Hidden Leaf… the last thing I remember was Kakashi… he was…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko started, finding herself unable to say the words even if she knew it was the truth. The image of his head in her lap. Silver hair stained with blood, face completely lax. She could still feel his cold skin under her fingertips.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes… he was there when I stepped in to rescue you… I am sorry for your loss.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi answered her question and she immediately screwed her eyes shut, teeth digging into her bottom lip to prevent a whimper from escaping. The tears were falling already, rinsing away some of the grime from her face. Cleansing. There was a certain acceptance from her in this moment. No, acceptance wasn’t the right word… that held a positive implication. Maybe the correct term was apathy. Numbness. She’d lost so much she couldn’t even bring herself to be angry or distraught. Now, it felt commonplace. Everyone she loved would leave her or die. This was a fact of life.</p><p> </p><p>With that final thought, her tears dried and exhaustion settled into her bones. She just didn’t have the energy to cry or care any more. Her head dropped back against the rock wall and there was a long silence as she tried to think of what to say. Why did it matter? As soon as this was over and she was able to, Atsuko would take her own life. That was the resolution to this entire situation. She wouldn’t have to fight or worry any more. She could join Kakashi and Itachi and Jiraiya… then, something gripped her heart with such force she thought she might have been going into cardiac arrest. Without much thought, her hand rose to press against her chest as the pain radiated through her body. She was forgetting someone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke.</em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>“Why did you rescue me?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, slowly turning her head to look at the orange masked man. There was a point to all of this. She had to make it through this alive for Sasuke’s sake. Even if it was just so she could speak with him again. Giving up wasn’t an option as long as he was still alive.</p><p> </p><p>“It was a request from Sasuke.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi answered, all of his responses were measured and well thought out. Like he’d considered every question she would ask him beforehand. His words caused her ears to perk up, the water slowly draining from her head as the situation came into focus.</p><p> </p><p>“Why comply with a request from a child?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko probed, skepticism in her voice. Tobi had taken Sasuke after the fight with Itachi… which meant he was being held by the Akatsuki. However, if her rescue had indeed been a request from Sasuke, there was only one option that made sense. She was a bargaining chip in some kind of budding business deal. Tobi wanted something from Sasuke, and Sasuke refused to comply until she’d been brought to him.</p><p> </p><p>“But he’s not a child anymore, is he? Sasuke has decided to assist our organization on a few conditions. One of those being you. I also have a… professional interest in your abilities.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi admitted, and Atsuko nodded slowly. So, Sasuke wanted her to be here and Tobi wanted Sasuke to assist the Akatsuki. Just like she’d thought. Though, his statement about his interest in her abilities concerned her. Tobi was not ‘Tobi’. He was someone else entirely. A man with the Sharingan and clearly the mastermind behind the entire organization. She had plenty of questions, she just had to figure out <em>how </em>to ask them.</p><p> </p><p>There was also the concern of Sasuke agreeing to work with the Akatsuki. A small part of her wondered why he would do such a thing. Itachi was dead. So what was his goal now? The Akatsuki were the enemy. Well, to her they were. Their goal was still hazy, but she knew they were attempting to capture all of the Jinchūriki and extract their Tailed Beasts. That was an obvious grab for power… but what would they do once all of that power was obtained? Without knowing their true intentions, it was hard for Atsuko to determine <em>why </em>Sasuke agreed to join them. Conditions or not.</p><p> </p><p>“And you think that I would be willing to lend you my abilities? The organization that has killed many people I hold dear? Your ‘professional interest’ will get you no where if I refuse to assist.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko responded, locking gazes with Tobi for a moment. That mask meant to hide his face actually did a very poor job of hiding his visible eye. The swirling black lines that focused in on the hole he used for vision was like a target, drawing attention directly to the only visible part of his face. She saw it again. The Sharingan, bright red like a beacon in the dark. It was a warning, she thought idly. But she didn’t care much at this point. Would he kill her for speaking out of turn? Unlikely, considering he wanted to use her to his benefit. He was posturing.</p><p> </p><p>“That is a rather small minded way to view things, don’t you think?”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi stated, leaning forward in his chair as his legs spread, his forearms coming to rest on his thighs.</p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t even told you our plans yet. And you are ready to disregard everything I say simply because you have lost loved ones. In the grand scheme of things… it’s selfish.”</p><p> </p><p>He continued, and Atsuko sighed. The game he was playing was annoying and she still didn’t have any more information than when they’d started this. She didn’t have time or concern for philosophical questions in this moment.</p><p> </p><p>“What exactly do you want from me?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, blowing right past his comments. She could agree to his terms for the time being and see Sasuke… they could figure it out from there. She was cognizant, yes. But her mind was still a little fuzzy. From grief. From her injuries. From the sheer confusion of her current situation.</p><p> </p><p>“Your assistance. I believe that you will be… sympathetic to our efforts. And your dense chakra combined with your clan specific techniques… it would put us closer to our goal. Sasuke’s cooperation also hinges upon you being here.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi answered, and Atsuko nodded, dropping her head back to rest against the rock wall. At this point, she would say whatever he wanted to hear. He had to know that. So, this became a game of chicken. Who would get the drop on the other first. Or, he truly believed she would agree with whatever this ‘goal’ was. Either way, she had one more question.</p><p> </p><p>“What is your ‘goal’ anyway?”</p><p> </p><p>She questioned lolling her head to the side to look at him again. Tobi cocked his head to the side and she could imagine that whoever was hidden behind that mask was smiling.</p><p> </p><p>“World peace.”</p><p> </p><p>————————————————————</p><p> </p><p>Tobi had refused to tell her anything more after that point. Simply stating that he would explain soon, but that for the time being, he would guide her to a place where she could clean up. As it turned out, this ‘cave’ was more like an underground base. There was the room she woke up in, which she now assumed was some holding cell. He’d lead her through several rocky passageways. Passing what appeared to be a conference room of some sort and some other small rooms. At the end of a rather large hallway he’d opened a door to reveal a washroom.</p><p> </p><p>There was a simple vanity with nothing more than a basin to hold water and an old clawfoot tub. Neither of them had proper running water hook ups, but that issue was solved when Tobi simply crossed the room and used a Water Style Jutsu to fill both. She noticed this room was also lit in the same manner as the previous one and the halls he’d lead her through. Just a few candles scattered around the rock floor, melted wax pooled at the bottoms as the flames burned.</p><p> </p><p>“You can clean yourself here. I’ll wait outside until you’re done.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi stated, gesturing to a small wooden chair that held a towel, a change of simply clothing, and a rag. When he left the room, pulling a misshapen wooden door closed behind him, Atsuko was met with the image of something else. An Akatsuki robe, hanging from a hook on the back of the door. The red clouds almost mocked her. Swirling and numerous. Daring her to put the robe on and feel the sins of everyone who’d worn one before her crawl across her skin. This was a test as well, she decided.</p><p> </p><p>Either way, she stripped herself out of the clothes she’d been wearing. Still her sleep clothes from this morning. Now stained with blood and reeking of sweat and iron. They landed in a crumpled pile on the floor, her fingers moving without any assistance from her brain as she continued to disrobe. As she removed her bra, however, several pieces of crumpled paper fell to the floor, landing haphazardly around her feet. In confusion, she turned her head down to inspect the mess, only to be met with a heart-wrenching sight. The photos and letters she’d grabbed on her way out of her home…</p><p> </p><p>The only one she could see from this position was a photo that happened to land upright, the picture glaring up at her. She remembered the exact day it had been taken.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“This is ridiculous.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke stated, mouth pressed into a tight line and a glare in his dark eyes as Atsuko straitened his Shinobi headband around his forehead. His face was one of clear annoyance, but he still allowed her to do this, his arms crossed defiantly over his chest. She believe he secretly adored being fawned over. At least if she was the one doing the fawning.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“C’mon badass. I really don’t ask for much. I just want to get a picture of us to celebrate your graduation. It’ll take two seconds and, at the very least, I didn’t force you into some monkey suit.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko defended, smiling when the boy grumbled out something along the lines of ‘Would like to see you </em>
  <b>
    <em>try </em>
  </b>
  <em>to get me into a suit anyway…’ She reached up, pulling the sleeve of her shirt down over the palm of her hand so she could polish the metal on his forehead. Then, she rose back to full height to make sure his hair looked decent. Smoothing down strays and tucking stands away from his face. Still, he allowed her to continue her primping and preening.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Then what’s </em>
  <b>
    <em>he </em>
  </b>
  <em>doing here?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke asked, jamming his thumb over his shoulder to where Kakashi was standing, leaned against a tree with a book in his hand. He barely lifted his head to meet Atsuko’s eye before returning back to his reading material.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I wanted him to be here. And, in case you’ve forgotten, he helped with your training too. So play nice.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko instructed, licking her thumb and using the digit to wipe a little dirt from the boys forehead. He cringed slightly at the touch, but still allowed her to clean him. When she was content with her work, she pulled back and rested her hands on his shoulders, giving him another oncer over before nodding to herself with a smile.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Perfect. Handsomest boy in the Leaf.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She commented, watching the way Sasuke’s eyes widened and the scowl fell from his face in favor of a more stunned expression. A blush coated his cheeks and he directed his gaze to the ground, pulling a chuckle from Atsuko as she dipped in to press a kiss to the top of his head. She noticed that he didn’t seem to care if the girls in his class were complimenting or praising him. But every time she called him ‘cute’ or ‘handsome’ he blushed like crazy and clammed up.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>By the time she raised back up, the man with the camera had announced that he was ready. She locked eyes with Kakashi as he pushed himself away from the tree, strolling over leisurely while he stuffed the book he’d been reading back into his pants pocket. When he got close enough, he leaned over Sasuke to press a quick kiss to Atsuko’s lips, drawing a gagging noise from the boy stuck between them. Finally, in between giggles, they all got into position.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko and Kakashi were standing behind Sasuke. The masked man’s arm wrapped around her shoulders while Atsuko’s hand rested on Sasuke’s shoulder. Surprisingly, they were all smiling. Atsuko bright and blindly, Kakashi with his eyes crinkled shut, and Sasuke with the slightest smirk on his face.</p><p> </p><p>As Atsuko stared down at the photo in her hands, blood stained fingernails framing the memory, her heart fell to the pit of her stomach. Suddenly, the cold rock beneath her feet was unbearable and her entire body began to ache. All of the emotion catching up with her in an instant. She tried her hardest to stave off the need to cry, her throat burning from the effort. But it was all too much. Kakashi was dead and she would never get to see his smiling face again. She’d never feel him lingering over her shoulder at a party again. Never wake up to his soft snores or listen to him rant about the plot of a book again.</p><p> </p><p>It felt like a piece of her was missing. Like she couldn’t move her legs. Atsuko sank to her knees as the tears came, the emotion overwhelming her and causing her to double over. Her chest <em>ached </em>and she found she’d never felt pain like this. It was all encompassing. The world falling out from under her as she sank into a void. The only tether to reality being the sound of her heart pounding in her ears and her pathetic sobs. She clutched the photo to the base of her throat, desperately trying to feel close to him again. If she focused hard enough, maybe she could feel him holding her again. The confines of his arms holding her pieces together as she threatened to shatter in his grasp.</p><p> </p><p>She screwed her eyes shut in defiance of reality, the tears hot against her cheeks. Trying in vain to find some comfort. To feel something other than this devastation. But all she could see was his head cradled in her lap. Pale eyed and ghostly. Her blood soaked hands shaking against his skin, pressing at his throat in search of a long lost heart beat. Atsuko wrapped her own arms around herself in an attempt to feel some kind of comfort. Some pressure that would prevent her from crumbling to dust on this rock floor. A last ditch effort at reviving her resolve.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke was in that picture as well, she reminded herself. She had to be strong for him before. And she would need to do it again. There was no telling what the rest of her stay here would entail and what exactly his plan was. But he was her future. There was nothing for her back in the village now. Not a single connection that truly mattered.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What do you do when the meaning is gone?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Find a new meaning.</p><p> </p><p>She’d spent the last 3 years working on herself. Trying to get a handle on her ever turbulent emotions. Building a connection with Jiraiya. Reuniting with Kakashi. Focusing on her career. And, despite the amount of time it had taken to build all of those things up, it had all been taken from her in a few short weeks. Maybe that was some kind of sign. That she’d been focusing on the wrong thing all along. It had to <em>mean </em>something. That she lost everything… Her home, her family, her friends… and now, she was here. Brought back to Sasuke’s side after all of that time apart. It almost felt like these last three years had meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. That she would always be brought back to Sasuke. And in this scenario, the only way she could end up here, was by burning everything else to ash. Her former life scattering in the wind and blowing past the horizon.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko wasn’t shattering. She was being stripped down to her bare bones. Exposed and raw. Now, she couldn’t rely on the people around her to hold her together. To keep her skin in place when her body desperately wanted to shed it. All she was left with now was what was <em>under</em> her skin. The core of who she was. Her strength and resolve. The things that had gotten her this far despite all of the hardship. Her desire to live and march onwards. It was time to find a new meaning again. She’d failed in protecting the people she loved… so now, there was only one singular goal.</p><p> </p><p>Support Sasuke. No matter what.</p><p> </p><p>————————————-</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko cleaned herself fairly well. Scrubbing the dried blood from under her nails and rinsing the sweat and dirt from her body. She took a moment to look at herself in the mirror, noticing the long scar on the underside of her upper arm. Likely where she’d sliced herself open busting the window to help her neighbor escape. Someone had taken the time to heal the wound with Medical Ninjutsu… the same treatment had been given to the bottoms of her feet. Littered in tiny scars from glass and debris that she’d run across before Genma had forced that Genin to give her his shoes.</p><p> </p><p>She pulled on the plain clothes that Tobi had left for her. A pair of black pants and a black long sleeve shirt. For several moments, she stared at the Akatsuki robe hanging on the back of the door. This was a test… but she wasn’t sure what the right answer was. Put the robe on and accept Tobi’s offer without knowing much of anything about his goals? That would seem presumptuous and could come across as offensive. Or don’t wear the robe and show him that she will not just blindly follow. This could be offensive as well if he wanted her to put the robe on all along. With a sigh, she decided to leave the cloak where it was for the time being. Exiting the bathroom and immediately being met with the sight of that orange mask.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Did you really stand out here the entire time?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, eyes a little wide at the unexpected presence. She’d emptied her soul on that bathroom floor. Screaming and sobbing until her throat was raw. Honestly, the whole experience had left her worn and tired. Her eyes red and puffy despite having reeled in the emotions 20 minutes ago. Her throat raw and voice scratchy. And he’d heard all of it. That realization made her skin crawl.</p><p> </p><p>“I did say I would stand and wait for you to clean yourself. But don’t concern yourself with what I overhead. We all have our crosses to bear.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi answered, completely blowing off the fact that he’d just listened to her wail like she was dying for at least 15 minutes straight. Atsuko couldn’t tell if he was offering some kind of strange sympathy or if it was just another tactic to get her to let her guard down. At this point, however, she was really too tired to care.</p><p> </p><p>“You said Sasuke requested that I be brought here… where is he?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko questioned, following Tobi down the corridor as he turned to walk away. The masked man peered over his shoulder for a moment, the Sharingan catching the candlelight.</p><p> </p><p>“He is in the conference hall. That’s where I’m taking you now.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi responded, clearly watching for her reaction for a moment. Atsuko trained her face, giving a curt nod. But her heart was rapidly pounding against her ribcage. Rattling her bones with the sheer force. She could hardly wait to see him again. But after Itachi… she wondered how he’d changed. Still, she wondered if it would be the right thing to tell him the truth. Now that the irreversible damage had been done. Was it selfishness pushing her towards telling him about Itachi’s orders? Simply just wanting the burden to be off of her shoulders. Not wanting to lie to him anymore because it made <em>her </em>feel bad.</p><p> </p><p>She decided they would cross that bridge when they got to it. Steeling her nerves and focusing on just being able to see him again. Tobi lead her back through those rocky hallways, finally coming to stand in the large doorway of what she assumed was the conference hall. He stood to the side, gesturing with his head for her to round the frame into the room as well. Atsuko sucked in a sharp breath, continuing forward until she was peering into the hall. Her eyes focused on the table in the center first. A large slab of rock surrounded by several rather ornate looking stone chairs. Sitting at the head of the table, presumably awaiting her entrance, was Sasuke.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko’s throat tightened as she moved to stand in the doorway, her eyes wide as she tried to take in every detail. He didn’t look much different from the last time she’d seen him at Orochimaru’s hideout. Though, he was wearing more clothing this go around. An Akatsuki robe draped over his lithe frame. He was leaned forward, arms resting on the table in front of him and hands clasped together as he stared down at them. When he heard their footsteps, he slowly pulled his head up to look at her. Locking eyes with him again was unlike anything she’d ever felt in her life. She thought she’d experienced love before. But not like this. It felt like her heart was breaking and healing itself all at the same time. It was easy to tell that his fight with Itachi had changed him.</p><p> </p><p>Those wide, dark, eyes of his were devoid of the light she’d come accustomed to in his childhood. That challenging glint was gone. Replaced by the budding of dark circles forming under his lash-line. He was still so angular and gorgeous, having grown into his Uchiha features. But she could see the anger and sadness etched into those features. In fact, it was so recognizable because she’d the same look on her face just moments ago in the bathroom mirror.</p><p> </p><p>Despite all of the heartache that hung heavy in the room, Atsuko felt herself smiling. Though, she figured that expression would look different to him as well. It wasn’t the same cheek splitting grin she’d given him in his youth. Even a positive expression wore a thin veil of hardship.</p><p> </p><p>“Sasuke…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko breathed, unsure of what to say now that he was right in front of her. Now that she’d decided to dedicate her life to him. Now that he was all she truly had left.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll allow you to handle this.”</p><p> </p><p>Tobi state from beside her, before turning heel and retreating down the hallway. The sound of his sandals clicking against the rock echoing through the caverns. But she never turned her attention away from Sasuke. She still couldn’t believe how much he’d grown. He was probably even taller than her now… no more kissing the top of his head or ruffling his hair.</p><p> </p><p>The doors shut behind her, leaving just the two of them in the room, and there was a long stretch of silence as they regarded each other. Eventually, she decided it was her job to break the silence. She moved from the doorway, approaching a chair to Sasuke’s right and slowly sitting down. His calculating gaze never left her and she placed her hands on the table as well, turning again to stare at him with a soft smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry… We didn’t get to talk much last time. I’m just so surprised by how much you’ve grown.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated, attempting to apologize if her staring made him uncomfortable in any way. But she really couldn’t help herself. Her boy… all grown up. It didn’t matter what he’d done or was going to do. She just wanted to look at him a little longer.</p><p> </p><p>“People grow and change. You look older, yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke commented, a surprising coldness to his tone. The comment caused her brow to furrow for a moment and for her eyes to rip away from his face. He’d been blunt as a child, but never outright rude. Though, she supposed he was right. In fact, she looked like hell. After the past several weeks and the attack on the village.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m mostly speaking about your eyes. You look like you’ve seen a lifetimes worth of horrors. I supposed life hasn’t been kind to either of us in recent years.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, pulling her gaze back up to meet his. Sasuke’s eyes narrowed slightly before he sat back in his chair, hands coming to rest in his lap. A chill ran through her at the familiarity of the image. The older he got, the more he started to look like Itachi. In a more sharp and severe way… but the similarities were uncanny.</p><p> </p><p>“Sasuke, why did you bring me here?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, weary and tired. She was so exhausted and she wanted nothing more than to speak with him candidly. To hug him again and apologize for anything she’d ever done wrong in raising him. To let him know that she had mourned Itachi as well. But the connection they’d once shared felt so far from who they were now. Like there were literal mountains and valleys between them. Even when they were sitting in the same room at the same table.</p><p> </p><p>“I have questions and you are the only one who can answer them. That’s it.”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke stated, jaw clenching as he recited the words. The meaning of which struck fear into her heart. Fear, worry, sadness. Did he already know about Itachi? Still, Atsuko took a steadying breath and nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay… what questions?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, moving to mirror his position in hopes that it would make him feel more comfortable. Relaxed. The energy in the room, currently, was unsettling at the very least. His chakra was still as menacing and large as she remembered from Orochimaru’s hideout. The mix of pride and anxiety that currently had her heart in a vice grip was the most confusing thing she’d ever felt.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you know? The truth about Itachi?”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke asked, leaving little room for interpretation. But no amount of psychological knowledge had prepared her for that. There was no hiding the way her expression changed. The upward flash of her eyebrows. The sadness and shock in her eyes. He knew immediately, and she could see his demeanor change in an instant. From in control and calculating to livid and betrayed. His eyes wrenched wide and his shoulders tensed as he moved from his leaned back sitting position to hunch over the table again. Though his gaze never left hers. Unsettling and eerie.</p><p> </p><p>There was no going back at this point. Silently, she apologized to Itachi. Answering Sasuke’s question would be disrespecting his final wishes. Though, she still wasn’t sure what the correct path would have been. Sasuke never knowing the truth or finding out… at this point, after Itachi was already killed, it felt like throwing salt in an open wound. But he seemed to have figured it out on his own. Or someone else she wasn’t aware of had told him. It was too late to go back now and all she could do was be forthcoming with him.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I knew.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, holding his gaze and trying to stand firm in her confirmation. His upper lip twitched into a barely visible snarl. Disgust etching into his previously cold face. There was a brief moment where she could see all of the emotion he was feeling presently. Betrayal being the easiest one to decipher.</p><p> </p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me…?”</p><p> </p><p>He started, quietly. The hurt clear in his tone as he breathed out the words. Just barely audible. Then, he was standing from his chair in a flourish, all angry energy and snarls. Atsuko suddenly found the sharp tip of his sword pressed against her jugular. The cool metal bobbing against her skin with every swallow and harsh heartbeat. It was surprising, but she wasn’t scared. Not when it was Sasuke. Even if he did take her life, then that would simply be her purpose to serve. A body on his way to his final destination. She could still support him, even it she was only a corpse for him to step over. But the hurt in his voice spoke to her. Inside of that cold, scary, exterior was a scared little boy. One she hadn’t prepared for this world because she had never been prepared herself.</p><p> </p><p>“How long have you known?”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke continued, growling out the words. Atsuko never tore her eyes away from him. Not for a second. Not even when the sharp blade nicked her skin, a warm trickle of blood rolling down and collecting in the hallow space at the base of her throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Since you were sent to live with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko said, eyes fluttering shut when he let out the most pathetic sound she’d ever heard. A mix between a whimper and snarl, pressing the tip of the blade more harshly against her skin. This very well may be the moment when her life ended. At the hands of the boy she loved more than life itself. That would be fitting… Not only from a narrative perspective, but also because she felt like she deserved it.</p><p> </p><p>“<b><em>Why? </em></b>Why didn’t you <em>tell </em>me?! Why would you spend all of that time supporting my desire for revenge? You let me kill Itachi, knowing that it wasn’t his fault!”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke began, screaming the words in clear desperation. Angry tears already starting to roll down his cheeks. Atsuko knew that once that dam within him broke, there would be no holding back the raging flood waters.</p><p> </p><p>“You lied to me! You hid the truth from me and continued to serve the Village that put Itachi in that position! You said you loved us!”</p><p> </p><p>He continued, teeth gnashing as he stepped closer, angling the sword now so that the blade was horizontal against her throat, no longer just the pointed tip. Atsuko’s heart shattered for what felt like the millionth time. If there was anything even left to break. The way he was looking at her, the hurt and anger in his eyes. Like he desperately didn’t want any of this to be true. But he knew it was and it was tearing him apart. She’d never been the lightning rod for his rage before, though she’d seen it. Bubbling just beneath the surface of his skin and barely contained at times. Now it was springing forth, directed at her. She wondered if this is what he’d been like when he left the village. When she hadn’t been there to see him.</p><p> </p><p>There was a long silence, filled only by his ragged breathing as he towered over her. Teeth grinding together as he either tried to restrain himself or work up the nerve to kill her. She couldn’t tell which one it was at this point. But even if he did decide to slit her throat right here, she had to tell him a few final things.</p><p> </p><p>“Sasuke… I <em>do </em>love you. I love Itachi. What I did… I didn’t know what to do. It was all so beyond me. Above my head. I just wanted to keep you <em>safe</em>. And along the way, I did what I thought Itachi would want me to do but… I’m sorry, Sasuke. I do love you. I always will. And I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, starting off calm and strong, but voice cracking slightly towards the end. She just needed to apologize to him for the lies she’d let him believe. The feelings she’d allowed him harbor. The acts she’d allowed him to commit. Though, that final one was thinking pretty highly of herself. She’d looked for him for a month after he’d left and hadn’t been able to find him. As much as she liked to tell herself that was her decision, it was starting to feel more like incompetence.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t forgive you!”</p><p> </p><p>He roared back, the furrow in his brow giving away that it hurt him to say that. It felt like someone was sticking an iron fire poker through her chest. Or like her son was holding a sword to her throat. But what he said was fair. So she nodded, being reminded of the blade’s sharpness again when she swallowed against it.</p><p> </p><p>“I understand. You don’t have to forgive me. In fact, you can kill me right here. At this point, I believe I deserve it. And if it will help you get closure… Then go ahead. But I won’t die without letting you know that I love you. That, in my heart, you will always be my son… That I’m<em> sorry</em>. More than sorry. There aren’t words…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished, dropping her gaze from his at the end to stare at the glinting steel pressed to her neck. There really was no way to describe the regret she felt. The task of making amends seeming near impossible when she considered the magnitude of her sins. And, if the task was impossible, was there any point in even <em>trying? </em>She’d done nothing to better his life. Not that she could see. Even if he’d grown up alone like Naruto, he would have ended up here. Frustrated and confused. Angry. Hurt.</p><p> </p><p>“Then <em>why </em>did you do it? Why did you lie to me?”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke asked, the yelling from earlier dying down to a desperate plea as his voice cracked around the words. Atsuko forced her eyes back up to meet his, taking a brief moment to drink in his features in case this was the last time she’d ever see him. His dark eyes, wrinkled with confusion and glistening with tears. His dainty features. He was still so beautiful and, after trying to remain calm for so long, her bottom lip trembled at the thought of him being so grown up. So much older and full of so much pain that he would press a sword to her throat in some desperate attempt to seize control over a situation he’d never been in control of.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know what to do. When the council and Lord Third told me the truth I… All I knew was that I had to get you out of there. Away from all that horror. Then, as time went on, I tried to consider what I thought Itachi wanted. Why he agreed to those demands to stop the coup… Only to leave you as the sole survivor. I wondered why he left you alive, just to torture you…”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stared, and Sasuke’s face wrinkled up at that. Cringing at the memory of his brother terrorizing him and placing him under those horrible Genjutsu’s where he was forced to relive the moment his parents died. Over and over, for 72 hours.</p><p> </p><p>“The only thing I could think was that… he wanted to leave you with a goal. He didn’t want you to resent the Village for a choice he considered to be his own. So he took on the role of the villain himself… then, when I went looking for you after you left the Village… I spoke to him about these things.”</p><p> </p><p>She admitted, throat constricting when he lifted his head a little, eyebrows drawn downwards like the realization that dawned on him was bringing him pain.</p><p> </p><p>“And that’s exactly what he told me. I asked him what I supposed to do. If I’d done the right thing by not telling you the truth… Even then… when he was in the Akatsuki and everyone he’d ever known or loved despised him. He was still loyal to the village. He wanted to die by your hand so that, maybe, you’d be able to live a normal life afterwards. That was his final request to me. To let you continue on your path without interference. To allow you to kill him.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko finished, meeting eyes with the young boy again. That raw emotion from before was gone. Now, he just looked exhausted. Eyelids drooping low and taught lips sagging into a frown. Atsuko reached out a tentative hand, carefully wrapping her fingers around where he gripped the sword, knuckles white. As soon as her hand came into contact with his, she felt the blade begin to tremble against her throat. Slowly, she guided his hand down to his side, pulling the steel away from her neck. His eyes locked on her hand gripping his own, but the only thing she could read in his gaze at this point was sorrow. Defeat. Devastation.</p><p> </p><p>“Sasuke… I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for lying to you. Or the Village for what they did to Itachi. But, I knew there was a chance you would be devastated by killing him… Even if you’d never learned the truth. I couldn’t tell you that back then… but I can tell you this now. I think you would regret killing me. I don’t say that to save my life. At this point I don’t care if I live or die… But I don’t want to be the cause of any more of your pain. Even in death.”</p><p> </p><p>She added, trying to remain soft and calm despite the tear drops rolling down her face. Sasuke’s hand was still trembling in her grasp, the other one hanging by his side was curled into a tight fist. He gritted his teeth, upper lip snarling slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“They have to… pay for what they did to Itachi. The Leaf. I’m going to make them pay for what they did to my brother. My clan. My <em>family.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke hissed out those words. It wasn’t like it was painful for him to say them. There was conviction in his tone. But it was becoming painful for him to try and remain composed in her presence. To not break down and cry against her like he wanted to. To chase and accept the smallest comfort. He was trying his hardest to be what he considered strong and she could see it written all over his face. His body. The way he held himself and the way he refused to meet her gaze now that he realized he couldn’t kill her. That his body and mind wouldn’t allow it.</p><p> </p><p>“I know… I… I understand. I spent years so angry I couldn’t think straight. But I wasn’t sure what to do. I can help you now, though. If you’ll let me.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko responded, carefully trying to get him to loosen his grip on the sword. Wiggling her fingers underneath his until she was holding the hilt with his fingers wrapped around her fist. She withdrew from him, slowly placing the weapon on the table in front of them. Finally, he lifted his head to look at her. The angry tears in his eyes from before had melted into sad ones, his eyebrows curled upwards in silent question.</p><p> </p><p>“Sasuke. I know you don’t forgive me. But I really want to hug you again.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko stated, voice cracking. That seemed to be all of the encouragement he needed. Sasuke moved so quickly she had a hard time registering his movements until he doubled over with his head buried in her shoulder. Atsuko stood carefully to make it more comfortable and his arms wrapped around her waist loosely, fists pressed against the small of her back. When she returned the treatment and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, bringing a hand up to carefully smooth over his hair, Sasuke let out a choked sob, tears dropping against her collarbone. That was when the real dam broke.</p><p> </p><p>————————————-</p><p> </p><p>They spent the next several hours talking. Most of it just catching each other up on what had happened over the last several years. Atsuko found that Sasuke was moderately more talkative than he’d been as a child. Perhaps it was because he didn’t care what people thought of him anymore because he had the power to back up his words. Or maybe he’d been holding all of these thoughts inside himself for years and now that he was in the presence of someone who he felt comfortable around, he couldn’t stop himself from talking. Either way, she listened to every word he had to offer.</p><p> </p><p>First, he’d asked her about the conversation she’d had with Itachi. When they’d had it. What his brother had said. After she’d told him the story, he sat in silence for a long time. Staring down at his hands clasped in his lap as he considered everything. His brothers last wishes now nothing more than an old pipe dream. Then, they’d discussed the specifics of what Itachi was asked to do by the village. Atsuko tried her best to explain all of the information she had. But Sasuke seemed to know about all of it. By the end of their discussion surrounding that topic, both of them were sick. Sasuke fuming and barely containing his anger while Atsuko attempted to be the voice of reason. Or, at least, the voice of calm.</p><p> </p><p>She’d told him about the attack on the village. Kakashi’s death. But he’d seemed indifferent at the time. Only letting out a brief sigh and nodding in understanding. Atsuko was still majorly in the dark about what had happened. She’d never even seen the attackers until the man at the very end. Even then, she didn’t remember much about him now. Sasuke had filled her in, under his breath and barely audible. That attack on the village had been planned by the Akatsuki. He didn’t know much more than that. But he did inform her that ‘Tobi’ claimed his true identity was Madara Uchiha.</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko had almost had to stifle a disbelieving laugh at that. No fucking way. She could feel Tobi’s chakra. He was strong and she’d never met Madara herself, but there was no way he was the former leader of the Uchiha clan and one of the strongest Shinobi in <em>history. </em>Tobi’s chakra was familiar as well. Something she’d felt before which didn’t add up to this Madara theory. Additionally, she’d heard stories about Madara. Read about his final fight with Lord First, Hashirama Senju. A man with that much pride, arrogance, and power would have no reason to hide behind a mask. Not now that his ‘true’ identity was out. The very idea was ridiculous.</p><p> </p><p>When Atsuko had asked why he’d joined this organization in the first place, Sasuke had peered over her shoulder, looking for anyone who might walk in.</p><p> </p><p>“Resources. Assistance.”</p><p> </p><p>Was all he’d stated before changing the topic entirely. Apparently he and his team were scheduled to go on a mission starting tomorrow. The goal was to obtain the 8-Tails Jinchuriki and bring him back for extraction. He didn’t directly state this, but Atsuko understood from Sasuke’s tone and word choice that he was only doing this to appease ‘Madara’. So he could continue using these hideouts and the information the man provided.</p><p> </p><p>Either way, he’d told her she should join them when they left in the morning. Even if Sasuke didn’t intend on following through with the attack in a real way, Atsuko knew this would be drawing a line in the sand. She’d sat in on meetings between Tsunade and the Raikage. She knew how short tempered the man was and that an attack on Killer B, the man he considered his brother, would not result in anything good. Even if the attack was nothing more than a theatrical show put on for Sasuke’s benefit. Still, she’d said she would support him. So, she agreed. Asking who this ‘team’ of his was. Sasuke had simply addressed them as Taka. A team he’d gotten together to assist him in tracking down Itachi. Now, reborn with a new goal. Destroying the Hidden Leaf.</p><p> </p><p>After their conversation, Madara had come back to the conference hall to ask to speak with Atsuko. Telling Sasuke that someone by the name of Jugo was looking for him to confirm details for tomorrows mission. Sasuke had excused himself, giving Atsuko one final warning look, before disappearing through the massive doorway.</p><p> </p><p>“So, he didn’t kill you after all. My money was on having to clean up a dead body.”</p><p> </p><p>Madara stated, closing the wooden doors behind him again as he entered the room. Atsuko scoffed, crossing her arms under her chest as she remained seated on the stone throne. The masked man walked around the table, taking a seat directly across from her.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you may still have to do that sometime in the near future. So don’t put away the rags and mop bucket just yet.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko replied, more so a sarcastic retort than an actual threat. Madara, surprisingly, let out a deep chuckle, leaning forward to prop his head up on the palm of his hand. The mannerism reminded her of his other personality. Tobi. The one she’d met in the Akatsuki compound.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve darkened significantly since the last time we spoke. I recall when you were offering to make lunch for a group of S-Ranked criminals.”</p><p> </p><p>Madara said, the deep voice curling around the teasing words like a haunting melody. Like he was actively enjoying the idea that she’d been full corrupted by this world. That her heart had been ripped out so many times she wasn’t even sure what her convictions were any more. He was the type of man that preyed on weakness to get what he wanted. Evident in the way he’d taken in Sasuke immediately after he’d killed Itachi. Telling him the truth and watching the boy fall to pieces, like a shattering teacup. Only to pick the shards back up and offer him a bottle of superglue. But Sasuke was smarter than that. He was angry now, and rightfully so. But he wouldn’t willingly be a pawn in this mans game. And neither would Atsuko.</p><p> </p><p>“And I recall when you prattled on like a man with the intellect of a toddler. I suppose we both did some changing. But don’t assume that you know me in any way. I may be polite, but I’m not ignorant. I know you wouldn’t have saved me and brought me here just to satiate Sasuke. Not unless there was something in it for you. So, Madara… what do you want from me?”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko asked, not moving an inch from her leaned back position. One leg cross over the other with her hands folded in her lap. She wondered, briefly, if it was difficult for him to take her seriously when she looked like this. A webbing of dried blood staining her throat. The circles under her eyes so dark she wondered how long they’d been forming without her attention. After he’d heard her breakdown in the bathroom earlier. Honestly, though, it didn’t matter if he took her seriously. She would find the information she wanted either way. The words Shikamaru had spat at her in anger several weeks ago coming forward to ring in her ears.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Lady Tsunade’s little personal lie detector.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Though that skill wasn’t under Lady Fifth’s direction anymore. Atsuko owned that ability. It was hers and hers alone. And it would only be a matter of time before she put all of these misshaped pieces together. Madara’s actions were so <em>obvious </em>in her eyes. He used people freely. Calling the shots from shadows. Again, she wondered why a man of his stature would ever have the need to hide. It’s almost like he wanted to make sure that he blended in up until this point. Like he didn’t exist…</p><p> </p><p>“Straight to the point. No need to reminisce. I like that in a woman-“</p><p> </p><p>Madara started, drawing an eye-roll from Atsuko. There was nothing to reminisce <em>about.</em></p><p> </p><p>“I see the distrust in your eyes. It’s understandable, considering we hardly know each other. But, I think we could assist each other in the long run. I have a goal that I believe you will be sympathetic to. One where everyone gets what they want.”</p><p> </p><p>He continued, the lines starting to sound a little less cold and a little more dreamy. So it was something he truly believed in. Again, Atsuko could only roll her eyes. There was no reality where she got <em>everything </em>she wanted. Kakashi, Jiraiya, Itachi… all of them, alive and well. Her friends not forced to fight wars when they were children. No more suffering and hatred. The Uchiha Clan, alive and prospering. No battles between villages. No children doing the jobs of adults.</p><p> </p><p>“I also believe that what we want… is the same thing. The Shinobi world… it’s broken. It’s always been <em>broken</em>. Children giving their lives in battle. Endless fighting and hatred that only gets passed down, generation to generation. It will never end. But the plan I have in place… The one I want your assistance on… that plan will allow everyone to live in their ideal reality. A world of peace and fortune where we can be reunited with our lost loved ones. That is what you want… isn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>Madara finished, seemingly reading her mind. This time, Atsuko did not roll her eyes. Instead, she looked him over with a scrutinizing glare. It was what everyone wanted, wasn’t it? To see people they’d lost. To live in a world that was peaceful. But it just wasn’t feasible…</p><p> </p><p>“How? How would you make this come to pass?”</p><p> </p><p>She asked, finding herself speaking before she’d decided to do so. Madara let out a pleased sound from behind his mask. Like a self-satisfied hum.</p><p> </p><p>“The Infinite Tsukuyomi.”</p><p> </p><p>He answered, and Atsuko’s eyes widened in response.</p><p> </p><p>“A Genjutsu?”</p><p> </p><p>She replied. Though she knew it was more than just that. The Tsukuyomi that Itachi had possessed was one of the most powerful Genjutsu moves a Sharingan user could master. The effects of it had left Kakashi and Sasuke in a coma for several weeks. They’d only been woken up because Tsunade was able to heal them…</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Using the power of the moon. It would place the entire world under a Genjutsu. There would be no fighting. No wars. No untimely deaths. Just peace. This is what I would like your assistance with. There is no future for this world. They will never find peace on their own. <em>We </em>have to do it for them. To put an end to the Shinobi world.”</p><p> </p><p>Madara explained, though the logistics still didn’t quiet make sense to her. Perhaps if the moon was a giant Sharingan she could see that-</p><p> </p><p>Ah. Now she understood. If someone could manage to reflect a high level Sharingan off of the surface of the moon, the effects and range of the Tsukuyomi would be large enough to capture everyone in its trance. At first, the idea sounded nice. An ideal world where nothing bad every happened and all of their loved ones were returned to them. But Atsuko lived in the grey. She always had. Seeing both sides of the coin at all times and never being able to commit herself to singular idea or belief because of that. On the other side of that beautiful plan, there was the fact that none of it would be real. Nothing more than illusion of peace. No one had to work to get there. No on had to acknowledge the corruption and evil this world was filled with. There was no redemption arc. Thus, no humanity.</p><p> </p><p>Still, she needed to remain on Madara’s good side for the time being. Even if she didn’t fully agree with his plan. Or this organization, considering all they’d done. It was her only way to stay close to Sasuke now. So, she nodded slowly.</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds… beautiful.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsuko answered, sigh wistfully and relaxing her shoulders to give the image of letting her guard down. Madara made that humming sound again. Low in his throat. Approval.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you would be willing to work with me? To bring this plan to fruition?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, the question hanging heavy in the air for a moment. Atsuko nodded slowly.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Of course.”</p><p> </p><p>Madara stood from his seat, nodding in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“Perfect. Go with Sasuke and Team Taka tomorrow. Assist them with capturing the 8-Tails. When you return, I will have more information for you.”</p><p> </p><p>He directed, and Atsuko stood as well, turning to watch him as he walked around the table and towards the door. He stopped just short of pushing it open, turning around like he’d forgotten something.</p><p> </p><p>“You can sleep in the last room on the left for tonight…. and, Atsuko?”</p><p> </p><p>Madara asked, Atsuko raising her eyebrows in silent question.</p><p> </p><p>“Welcome to the Akatsuki.”</p><p> </p><p>He finished. She could hear the smile on his face and when he directed his gaze at her again, his Sharingan caught the light. This room was better lit than everywhere else. And that allowed her to see that he’d activated the Mangekyō Sharingan. It was supposed to be another threat, but when she saw the pattern in his eye, her heart lodged in her throat. Shisui had told her a little bit about this phenomena when he’d unlocked his. The Mangekyō Sharingan was so rare that only a handful of Uchiha had ever managed to awaken it. Because of this, every single person had a unique pattern that went beyond the standard three tomoe. For Shisui, it was a four-point pinwheel. Kakashi’s had three points that trailed back to form a circle around the border. It almost looked like a three pointed shuriken in mid-flight.</p><p> </p><p>And it was staring at her right now. The same pattern. Clear as a bell. She fought the urge to show any hint of recognition or understanding. Simply nodding at his words and trying to keep her heart from thudding out of her chest. Madara turned away from her with finality, seeming pleased with his final show of strength and words. Once he’d exited the room, the sound of his footsteps retreating down the hallway turning to nothing more than echoes, Atsuko gasped for air, her hand coming up to press against her chest in shock.</p><p> </p><p>That man was not Madara Uchiha.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ugh. Stupid…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko muttered to herself as she crawled around on her hands and knees, dirt sticking to her sweaty skin as she chased after stray papers. The over the shoulder bag she carried all of her school papers in had ripped on her walk home. The bottom splitting apart and releasing all of her haphazardly placed papers onto the ground and into the wind. She was trying her best to collect each loose leaf, dusting the orange dirt off of them in the process, but the wind would just pick up more sheets and send them further away from her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It wasn’t like all of these papers were necessary. Most kids didn’t take notes in class because Ninjutsu was all about learning the basics and applying those basics in practice. But Genjutsu was more difficult. She had to actively craft the images from memory. So, a lot of days, she would spend writing things down she noticed about the classroom. About her fellow students or teachers. Just to keep her mind in the habit of taking notice of small details. The notes currently blowing across the ground in an alley a few blocks from her house were months worth of descriptions. She treated them like scripts, using the information gathered to attempt to craft her Genjutsu’s when her mother had her practice on her. So she couldn’t afford to lose them.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just as she was about to reach out for another slip of paper, the wind picked it up and blew it in the direction of several others. She groaned, scooting her knees across the ground to the little pile. Then, a figure appeared in front of her. Stepping into the alley and casting a shadow. Atsuko squinted at the way the persons body was framed in sunlight, her eyes taking a moment to adjust.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hey! Ya need some help?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The figure asked, chipper and sounding like he was talking around something in his mouth. When the image focused, Atsuko blushed slightly as she realized who the boy in front of her was. Obito Uchiha. He was a year older than her. A Genin, even. And he was grinning down at her with the white stick of a lollipop hanging from his bottom lip. His orange tinted goggles covering his eyes and those covers secured over his ears. The Shinobi headband he wore caught the light, flashing for a brief moment before he squatted down to grab the small pile of papers at his feet. He took the time to straighten them out and dust the dirt from them.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Thank you, Obito…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko said, clumsily pushing the hair out of her face as she watched him. He was a year older than her, but she always saw him around the village. Helping anyone who needed it with a smile. In fact, Atsuko thought he was kind of cute and she may have had the tiniest crush on him. Not that he’d ever look her way!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s no problem. Here ya go!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He turned his grinning face up to look at her, an arm outstretched to hand Atsuko the papers he’d collected. His eyes scrunched shut with the smile. So cute and nice. She felt her face heat up at that thought, reaching out a tentative hand to take the neatly stacked papers from his hand.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ya didn’t drop anything else did ya? Looks like your bag ripped. Need me to help you carry your books and stuff back home?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Obito asked, peering over her shoulder to make sure she hadn’t dropped anything else. Atsuko giggled, shaking her head quickly.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No. I’m okay. Thank you though…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She replied softly. Obito gave a nod in the affirmative, standing back to full height and offering her a hand to haul her to her feet as well. Atsuko took it gratefully, stumbling a little with the force of his pull.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hey. Your name… it’s Atsuko, right? You’re a year below me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Obito suddenly asked as Atsuko dusted off her pants. She turned her wide eyes up to look at him again, shocked he even knew her name. Still, she nodded. Tiny heart fluttering in her chest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeah… I didn’t think you knew my name.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko answered to which Obito grinned, letting out a breathy laugh as his hand came up to rub the back of his neck.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, yeah! I have to know everyones name if I’m gonna be Hokage one day… So, I make sure to try and learn them all.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Obito explained, chuckling softly as he gave her that mildly embarrassed grin. Well, if someone as nice at Obito was Hokage one day… she’d be happy to work under him. Atsuko nodded in agreement.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I think you’d be a nice Hokage, Obito…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko muttered, watching as the smile fell from his face in favor of a more shocked one. His eyes wrenched wide and mouth hanging slightly agape. The expression caused her to chuckle as well, adjusting the papers in her arms.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I have to go… I have after school training… but thank you again!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Atsuko added, quickly shuffling past him in the alley way and continuing her trek home. Stomach full of butterflies.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>A silly childhood crush. She’d only directly spoken to him a few times when they were kids. Most of the time, she just noticed him from afar. Helping people. Running through the village with a piece of toast hanging from his mouth as he rushed to button his jacket. Practicing Jutsu at the training grounds. But she wouldn’t forget his chakra. Not as long as she lived. It had been soft and energetic. Something she often saw in Naruto when he wasn’t tapping in to the Nine-Tails Chakra… That’s why Tobi had felt so familiar. Why ‘Madara’ felt like someone she’d known once. Different and older… But still him.</p><p> </p><p>No… the masked man was <em>not </em>Madara.</p><p> </p><p>He was Obito Uchiha.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>AH! I know some of you thought Atsuko was going to find out about Kakashi being alive but... nah, i think i like some more pain for a while thanks! Also, her reunion with Sasuke RUINED me and we are going to see more of that next chapter (Team Taka bonding exercise uwu) AND SHE KNOWS. Bc its kind of really fucking obvious obito cmon now hahaha</p><p>ANYWAY see everyone next week and enjoy the early upload! </p><p>OH and turn my notifications on. I will be posting the first AU piece tomorrow evening :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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